This past Friday, a new city ordinance in Fort Lauderdale took effect, causing the public handouts of food to homeless to become a crime, punishable by fines and jail time.
No sooner had the ordinance become law than city police found it compulsory to cite three men for handing out food to the homeless, including 2 church pastors. All three men, including a 90-year-old Arnold Abbot – who has been feeding the homeless for over 20 years – could face fines of up to $500 each, and 60 days in jail.
“They don’t understand why this law was created, and why we’re just trying to do our jobs,” said Officer Joe Goldsmith of the Fort Lauderdale Police Department. “See, we have a severe homeless population here, and when you feed them, they just keep coming back. Homeless people aren’t any different from feral cats. Once you give them food, more come around, and they never leave. We’ve got to nip that problem in the bud.”
Fort Lauderdale officials say that they created the ordinance specifically to eradicate the homeless problem ‘plaguing’ their city.
“It’s disgusting. I hate homeless people,” said one city council member. “I mean, my God – get a job for crying out loud. The fact that we have so many homeless people here, it’s just mind-boggling. This new ordinance is perfect. Once we start fining these damn do-gooder types who feed the homeless, they’ll stop helping. Once the homeless can’t get food, they’ll either move on to other towns, or they’ll just die off. Either way, problem solved.”
“These people are just down on their luck, and they need a bite to eat and a friendly face,” said Mark Stuart, a resident of Fort Lauderdale who has often brought food to homeless shelters around the city. “This ordinance spits in the face of what everyone knows is right, and that’s helping your fellow-man. No one wants these people, who just need some help, to die.”
“Actually, that’s exactly what we want to happen,” said Goldsmith. “I mean, come on, they’re homeless. A lot of them even have mental illnesses or diseases, for crying out loud. We don’t need that kind of shit ‘uglying up’ our city. Let’s get rid of them, and we can become a nice, happy place once more. This law will just bring more pain to the homeless, and they’ll suffer. It’s great!”