Oprah Bashes Donald Trump After He Offers Her Vice President Spot


If Donald Trump wants to make America great again, he definitely won’t be doing it with Oprah Winfrey. The presumptive Republican presidential nominee has made no secret of Winfrey as a dream running mate, even going so far as to tell ABC’s George Stephanopoulos that if they ran together, they would “win easily.”

Winfrey however, thoroughly quashed any hopes that Donald Trump had that she would join his ticket when she told Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live! that her response to a formal offer would be, “Donald, I’m with her!” Her response came after she endorsed presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton in an interview with ET, telling them that “it’s a seminal moment for women.”

What this says is, there is no ceiling, that ceiling just went boom!” Winfrey said. “It says anything is possible when you can be leader of the free world. I’m with her.”

Winfrey also addressed rumors that she might be headed to the Oval Office in the future, telling Kimmel that she “would never run for office.” She did however, concede that this year’s election reassured her that if she were to run, she would be more than qualified.

For many years, I used to think — until this election year, I thought — ‘Wow, I have no… Why do people say that? I have no qualifications to run.’ I’m feeling pretty qualified. After this year, I’m feeling really qualified.”

Via enVolve

BFFs Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King Not Speaking Over ‘Underwear Dispute’

BFFs Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King Not Speaking Over 'Underwear Dispute'

MAUI, Hawaii – 

Long time best friends Oprah Winfrey and Gayle are officially on the outs, and Oprah says she will not get over the betrayal.

“All those times she screwed Stedman. I got over it – But stealing my most personal things is something I will not tolerate,” said the billionaire TV personality.

King has apparently admitted to secretly stealing and selling granny panties from Oprah’s underwear drawer for years.

“So here and there I slipped some drawers into my purse? She’s one of the richest women in the word, and the tightwad won’t even consider loaning me a few thousand. So, I found a harmless, quick way to make a grand. I’m sure most people would do the same.”

King says that she has been selling the panties as “worn by Oprah” or “moistened by Oprah” for several years on different websites, sometimes fetching up to $5,000 for a single pair of panties.

“I don’t even want to think about what became of my personals. It’s downright disgusting. Of course, I’m just a little flattered, but it’s also insulting they didn’t go for more than a measly few grand.”

Sources say that Oprah has considered selling her own underwear and bras online to supplement her income now that she has learned of their possible value.

Oprah Winfrey Files For Bankruptcy

CHICAGO, Illinois – Oprah Winfrey Files For Bankruptcy

One of the most powerful women in show business has reportedly filed for bankruptcy. Oprah Winfrey – who just two years ago was worth an estimated $2.9 billion dollars – is now almost penniless, according to insiders.

“Poor financial decisions, poor political decisions, and now she’s just poor,” said Financial guru Max Manel. ”Her biggest downfall by far is her O Network. Ever since its conception, it’s been a giant money pit. Instead of just admitting failure and moving on, Oprah has been pouring millions more of her own money back in just to keep it on the air.”

“She also has made, multiple times, the poor decision of thinking she could be a political-backing powerhouse,” said analyst Connie Murphy. “Oprah has been wasting millions backing democrats on everything from small, local elections, to almost single-handedly funding both of Barack Obama’s campaigns.”

“She, like many people, really feels a need to be loved by everyone,” said Oprah’s close friend, Mary Williams. “Her self-esteem is horrible. All the expensive gifts she gave away on her talk show were just to get people to like her. Oprah buys people’s love with cash and presents. Until the O Network launched, and immediately bottomed out, she could afford to give out lavish gifts. But because of the complete failure of the network, plus the millions of dollars in cars, boats, trips, and every other ridiculous thing she gave away on TV, she’s just left broke.”

“It’s sad, so sad to watch,” said an anonymous intern at the O Network. “All she does is eat Bon-Bon’s and ice cream. Now that she’s broke, no one returns her phone calls. She watches E! News and sees Beyoncé and Jay-Z at parties with President Obama, and cries because she wasn’t invited, too. So, so sad.”

Oprah reportedly had no public comment on her bankruptcy.


Daytime TV Mogul Oprah Winfrey, 60, Confirms Pregnancy

LOS ANGELES, California – Daytime TV Mogul Oprah Winfrey, 60, Confirms Pregnancy

Amid speculation that Oprah Winfrey is sporting a conspicuous baby bump, the queen of media announced this morning that she will be giving birth to a baby girl. Winfrey turned 60 years old this year.

Sources close to Winfrey say she is thrilled, and can’t wait for the surgery to have the bundle of joy excised in a minimally invasive surgery to take place in February. “I wish I could move the appointment to tomorrow, but I’m afraid she’ll show up without taste buds and eyelashes, or missing several fingers or something,” The Big O gushed in a recent interview.

Stedman Graham, Oprah’s boyfriend since 1986, is reportedly not the father, as the pair were way too old to get pregnant naturally. Curiously, instead of the couple claiming the baby together as parents, Oprah has decided instead to name life-long best friend Gayle King as the baby’s father for ‘public purposes.’ On being a new father, King reportedly stated, “I never wanted children myself, but if it makes Oprah happy, it’s all worth it! And being baby-daddy to a billionaire’s kid doesn’t hurt either!”

As excited as she is to become a parent and have someone to pass her extreme wealth onto after she passes, it’s well-documented that at Oprah’s advanced age, risks of possible complications for both the mother and unborn child are significant.

According to Dr. Jan Foster, M.D., an obstetrician who did not treat Oprah; “I personally would advise her that she is exceptionally vulnerable to complications that can lead to preeclampsia, a potentially fatal condition. Plus the child could develop a learning disability, blindness, or worse.”

But the once daytime TV giant’s determination is unshakable.

“I look better than I did in the 80s, and I’m pretty sure my uterus does too. I may be 60, but I feel like a million dollars. Hell, I feel like 3 billion dollars – and I would know exactly what that feels like, too! Now –  you get a car, and you get a car, and you get a car!” Said Oprah, casually handing away Lexus sedans to anyone standing near her. “This is just the happiest I’ve ever been in my life!”

When asked if a name had been chosen, Winfrey replied, beaming, “I’ll either name her after my Grandmother Hattie Mae, or Harpo after my production company. Hattie Mae is a little old-fashioned, so I think Harpo might be the way to go!”

We reached out to Oprah’s long-time friend and mentor, writer Maya Angelou for comment, but a rep for the author stated that she was ‘dead,’ and as such was unavailable.

Crazy DNA Test Results Reveal Maury Povich Is The Father Of His Adopted Son

NEW YORK CITY, New York – Crazy DNA Test Results Reveal Maury Povich Is The Father Of His Adopted Son

Since 1991, daytime talk show host Maury Povich has shocked hundreds of young men and changed the lives of an equal number of young women by revealing DNA paternity test results on The Maury Povich Show, later renamed Maury.

Povich’s dramatic declaration of You are NOT the father! is typically followed by exuberant dancing and somersaults from recently ruled-out fathers, to humiliated screams of desperate, truth-seeking mothers who run offstage, often followed by cameras recording every anguished scream and tear.

During a show taping last week, the tables were turned on Povich himself, when he volunteered to undergo a DNA test after being issued a challenge from an angry viewer.

In an email laced with obscenities, ‘professional blogger’ Mark Satterfield accused the show of staging its paternity show results.  “I emailed them and said I know for a fact that you ass—– fake all those shows just to get the ratings.  All there [sic] shows are crap and so then I said listen up you motherf——, I’m going public with what I know.  I said I dare you to print this, and then that ass—- Maury Povich emailed me in person to invite me to be on the f—— show.”

“I believe in the integrity of the Maury show, so what better way to put my credibility and professional honor on the line?” asked Povich.  “I personally invited Mr. Satterfield to be a part of the studio audience, and I wanted him to read the test results himself.  I asked my adopted son if he would volunteer a sample of his DNA, which he agreed to do.  “It was a hole-in-one,” remarked Povich, an avid golfer.

The day of the taping arrived.  The audience was told why Povich was seated on the guest’s couch rather than in the host’s chair.  Taping began.  Satterfield was handed the now familiar manila envelope.  He opened it and announced to Povich and the audience:  “In the case of your adopted son, … Maury, … You … ARE the father!”

The studio audience erupted in wild screams and chants of “Aw, Snap!” “Damn Mo Po!” “What the F—?” “For real?” and “Wait…what?”  Several audience members, including Povich’s wife, journalist and former CBS News co-host Connie Chung, remained frozen in their seats — too stunned to react.

“I was like, ‘well this s— has gotta be fake, too,’” said Satterfield.  “I know for a fact that your adopted son can’t turn out to be your natural son, because he’s adopted! Heck, I’m adopted, and my adopted father was more of a real father to me than my natural father, that rat b—— who I never even met once!” he explained.

“But then,” continued Satterfield, “I saw the audience screaming and pointing at Maury and jumping up and down, so it hit me me what was going on, so I said ‘Oh, s***!  I threw the envelope down and did my own f****** dance.”

Povich ran off the stage covering his mouth and threatening his camera crew.  “Do NOT follow me backstage, do you understand? DO NOT follow me with that damn camera!” he demanded.

Several television show hosts were quick to offer reaction to the news, which sent ripples throughout the television hosting community.

“The test result was the most shocking event that I’ve ever witnessed in the history of my entire journey,” commented Oprah Winfrey, from her OWN Studio Headquarters.  “My best friend Gayle and I were watching the show, and Steadman too, and the DNA result was even more shocking and unbelievable than what I used to do on my show back in the day!  It was shocking!  We were shocked!  So was Steadman.  He was there!”

Judith Sheindlin, outspoken host of the nationally syndicated program Judge Judy remarked, “That’s outrageous! Case dismissed!”

Povich initially said he had no explanation for the 99.99 per cent probability that he and his son were directly related, but later, when interviewed for a segment yet to be aired, Povich admitted that he donated sperm several years ago when he needed quick cash during a ratings slump.

“This revelation has strengthened the relationship between my son and me, which has always been strong,” said Povich.  “I’ve said from the moment [Connie and] I saw him, that he’s always felt like my own son, and as it turns out, he is.”  When asked if he was aware of any other children he has fathered, Povich chuckled, “Not as far as I know, but maybe we’ll find out a different truth on a future episode.”

Povich announced he would devote the next several shows to determining the identity of the mother.

Calls to Connie Chung were not immediately answered.

Oprah Posts Bail For ‘Sexy Felon’ Jeremy Meeks

STOCKTON, California – Empire-News-Oprah-Pails-Bail-For-Sexy-Felon-Jeremy-Meeks

The internet was abuzz this past week when a mug shot of accused arms dealer Jeremy Meeks hit the web, making women swoon and men jealous over his movie-star good looks.

Apparently all the attention Meeks has gotten since being arrested has only helped him, as billionaire actress and media mogul Oprah Winfrey has reportedly agreed to pay Meeks’ $900,000 bail, with the intent of giving him a job as a talk show host on her OWN Network.

“Jeremy is so beautiful. He’s really one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen.” Said Winfrey. “I saw his picture while I was checking my Twitter, and my heart skipped a beat. He is practically the definition of the word ‘sexy’.”

Meeks has said he will gladly take the offer of hosting his own program, as it has always been his dream to get out of arms dealing and move into the entertainment world. He is reportedly working with Winfrey, her producers, and a group of writers to determine the best kind of show for his ‘style.’

“I am not a doctor, so I guess I can’t really be Dr. Phil or anything.” Said Meeks. “What I’ve suggested is a milder version of a Jerry Springer, where my guests are mostly cons and criminals like me, and I can maybe help them get or stay on the straight-and-narrow.”

Winfrey may not be looking just to have a new face for her network, though. Possible troubled waters with Winfrey and longtime partner Stedman Graham mean that it’s always possible that Winfrey is looking towards a future with a younger, more handsome beau.

“Oh gosh, that’s just not true.” Said Winfrey, giggling like a school girl. “I really just want for Jeremy to find a better life. He’s got a beautiful girl and a family already. He certainly doesn’t need me or my billions of dollars to hang onto.”

For now, Meeks has said he just wants to get his life back on track, and is extremely thankful that he is being given this opportunity.

“I never thought that becoming an internet meme would parlay into a career.” Said Meeks. “This is truly the best thing I could have ever hoped for.”

Meeks is scheduled to be back in court next week.

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.