WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Donald Trump has said that he has finally secured full financing for the wall that he plans to build between Mexico and the United States.
According to a Trump campaign staffer, Donald has been meeting with “powerful” people on both sides of the border, and he has finally managed to get everyone together to pitch in to what all parties seem to think is a “worthwhile idea.”
The total cost for the wall is estimated to be somewhere in the nature of $650 billion dollars, making it one of the most expensive projects ever undertaken by either country. Donald Trump himself has promised to put in almost $1 billion of his own money to make sure that the wall is built.
“I have yuge respect for the Mexicans, and the people of Mexico, and for Mexican food,” said Trump. “What I don’t have yuge respect for is illegal Mexicans skipping across our borders, coming into this country, and stealing job from hard working Americans. That’s not the kind of country I want to live in, and that’s not making America great. This wall, this yuge wall, that is what will make America great again.”
NOGALEZ, Arizona –
Presidential candidate Donald Trump has said that if he is elected president, he will force Mexico to build a wall between the countries to keep immigrants out, but apparently he is starting earlier than expected. According to land-purchase agreements, Trump has reportedly begun buying massive amounts of land throughout Texas and Arizona, with teams hired to begin building the wall – on his own dime.
“Mr. Trump hired my firm to begin building a wall out of hardened concrete, which he has specified will need to be at least 20 feet wide and at least 75 feet tall,” said Carl Groves, owner of Groves Construction and Concrete in Nogalez, Arizona. “He’s asked us not to disclose the amount he’s paying, but it is a fairly large figure, I will confirm that.”
So far, according to paperwork filed with the towns, Trump has purchased over 200,000 acres of bare farmland directly on the border of Mexico, and according to insiders in his campaign, he plans to purchase at least another million acres over the remainder of the year.
“Mr. Trump wants to get a jump start on this process, so that when he is elected, the wall is already being worked on to completion,” said Rebecca Heartwell, who works on the Trump campaign. “Although he was planning on making Mexico pay for it, he realized that having a significant portion worked on would help to entice both the US and Mexican governments to pick up the slack when he becomes Commander in Chief.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Donald Trump has been asked multiple times in the course of running for president how he plans on building a wall around Mexico to keep immigrants out of the United States. Normally, he says that he’ll “Make the Mexicans pay for it,” but in keeping with his long list of horrendous ideas, today he announced his official plan for making sure that we have secure borders.
“The only way that we can pay for something that will give us the safety and security we need, as well as keep jobs in this country, is by cutting spending somewhere else,” said Trump. “The biggest cuts we need to make are on the freeloaders and the scum in this country, so cut number one will be to the food stamp program. No more free handouts.”
According to Trump, he doesn’t just plan to make budget cuts to the program if elected, he plans to discontinue it all together.
“There’s no reason that people need these handouts from the government, and when I’m elected, they won’t be getting them anymore,” said Trump. “We need this money for other things. Better things. Bigger things. Solid walls need solid cash to be built. Instead of handouts, we get these people a job building the wall, and pay them for their time. No more handouts necessary.”
Trump is currently leading the Republican race, a highly disturbing fact that any conscious, thinking person should be terrified to hear.