Elusive Woolly Pig Found Living in Serbia, Plan to Fight for Their Survival

Elusive Woolly Pig Found Living in Serbia, Plan to Fight for Their Survival

SUBOTICA, Serbia –

The Mangalitsa has long been considered a poor attempt at a hoax, with pictures of the strange “woolly pigs” dismissed by zoologists as poor manipulations of photographs. But the existence of the rare breed has been confirmed by hikers in Serbia, having accidentally stumbled upon a large community of the species living peacefully in the country’s mountainous terrain.

“We were very surprised – pleasantly surprised – to find these strange creatures,” said expedition leader Harriet McCormack. “When we came across a high rise fence surrounding an arbitrary area close to our hiking route, we thought that previous hikers must have built a colony for themselves. Turns out, these reclusive animals constructed it in an attempt to keep out of the public eye.”

Reclusive is indeed the word for these majestic mammals. Reporters entered the Mangalitsa colony only to find the members unwilling to talk, only looking at them suspiciously.

“They had a resigned look on their fluffy faces,” said Jina Louisia. “Almost as if they knew this day would come. They stopped what they were doing and went into their houses, probably to spend some time with their families before we massacre them and eat their bacon.”

Late on Tuesday the leader of the settlement, Peggy McGee, released a statement to the press.

“We consider this invasion as an act of war,” it read. “We will do whatever it takes to fight further the human enemy, even if it anyway leads to our deaths. We will die heroically, rather than by the whims of your hateful species.”

The release ended on a positive note, however, saying that although the pigs “are wary of being betrayed as were the now extinct Mouflon sheep in the 1800s, we will welcome a peace deal. There must at least be measures in place so as not to find ourselves on the plates of obese American children.”

At press time, members of the colony were being docilely led en masse into a slaughterhouse, having been told they were simply to receive a haircut and shower.

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