LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – 

An unidentified 32-year-old man was rushed to the emergency room in Louisville yesterday after his Apple smart watch exploded, removing most of his arm in the blast.

“This is the first time I’ve ever seen anything like this, but it’s definitely a good warning to not wear stupid Apple products,” said Dr. Charles LeMar of the Louisville Regional Hospital. “According to bystanders, the man began to scream in pain, as if his arm was burning, and then a loud explosion blew 90% of his arm clean off. It’s crazy. He’s lucky he survived.”

This is the 3rd incident in as many months of smart watches exploding, although this was the first time it happened while the owner was wearing it. The previous times, the watches were charging when they overheated, causing them to blow.

“I think this provides enough proof to show how dangerous smart watches are,” said anti-technology advocate Mark Churn. “Wearable technology is highly volatile, and things like this could happen more and more as we begin to wear stupid, electronic things. This man should be glad he wasn’t wearing Google Glasses, or he’d have lost his eyes. iPhones are stupid enough – do you really need to wear an iPhone on your wrist, too, you pretentious bastard?”

Apple representatives could not be reached for comment.