[NSFW] ‘Paper’ Magazine Releases Untouched Pictures From Kim Kardashian’s Photo Shoot

LONDON, England –

Earlier this week, Paper Magazine published an article featuring Kim Kardashain, a woman who has become famous for being famous, completely nude. The article was titled, conveniently, Break the Internet, and has unironically showed up in everyone’s Facebook feed ever since.

Today, Paper released one of the unedited photos from Kardashian’s shoot, much to the chagrin of both the star, and the photographer.

“I took the photos at the right angle and with the best lighting possible to really make Kim shine,” said photographer Gett N. Noshous. “Unfortunately, not even the best photographer in the world could get it right in the studio every single time, especially with what we were working with this time around, so we had to do some touch-ups in Photoshop. It’s a fairly common thing these days, whether it be for print of a mega publication, or even someone’s Facebook profile. Though as a professional, I really hate it when the untouched photos make it to the public view.”

“I look just dreadful. Truly, dreadful,” said Kardashian. “The photos that they published, they were perfect. I’ve never been ashamed of my body, but when I saw the original, unedited photos, it made me wonder what Kanye would even want with me. I don’t want that to be my public persona.”

“Personally, I have no problems with the original images getting out there,” said Charles Gerd, the photo editor hired to make the pictures more appealing. “I mean, all that really does for me is get me more work. The better job we do making someone look beautiful, the better my paychecks look.”

“I think the retouching goes too far these days,” said the editor of a major U.S. fashion magazine, who spoke under anonymity. “We pay photographers thousands to get the shots we want, and then we pay graphic designers thousands more to take those shots and make them more perfect. But who is to say what’s perfect? Why is one body better than another? Why is okay for Kim Kardashian’s ass to appear on the cover of a magazine and all over social media, but it’s not okay for a woman to breast feed in public? Why is it not okay to wear a two-piece bikini at the beach unless you’re a size zero? Breast feeding is natural. Having curves and being okay with that is natural. Kim’s bare butt on the cover of a magazine? Well, it’s not natural.”

What do you think? Would you rather see original, unedited images published in magazines, or do you think retouching and Photoshopping images is okay? Sound off in the comments!

SALINA, Kansas –

First-grader Timothy Barton enjoys things that typical youngsters enjoy — playing with action figures, spending time with his older brother Tucker, and running around the house. When asked to name his favorite food, he enthusiastically replies “pizza!”

“He loves jumping,” says the six-year-old’s mother, Judy. He jumps on everything.” Barton, the mother of two young sons, is now confined to a hospital bed, recuperating from a spinal fracture suffered as a result of Timothy’s high-spiritedness. “He’s very energetic.”

Judy was practicing yoga when Timothy, just up from an afternoon nap, dashed from his bedroom to the kitchen for a snack. “I was on the living room floor and he ran right over my butt, and I heard a ‘pop.’ I knew something was wrong. I crawled to the phone and called 911.”

While Timothy was enjoying his snack, unaware that he had seriously injured his mother, EMT crews worked to stabilize Judy, who complained of dizziness and numbness in her legs and feet.

“She was going into shock,” said Midge Wood, emergency responder first to arrive on the scene. “I kept telling her to breathe. I kept telling her to stay alert. She did pretty well, considering.”

Fortunately for Judy, doctors say her back injury will not result in permanent damage.

“She got lucky,” said Dr. Heather Hammond, of the Salina Regional Health Center. “We took a series of x-rays, and did an MRI scan which revealed no permanent damage. She dislocated the LI vertebra in her lower back. There may be some temporary nerve damage and she’s going to need rest, and then physical therapy, but we’re confident she’ll be back on her feet very soon.”

Barton’s architect husband, Scott, rushed to his wife’s bedside upon hearing the news. “Judy called me and told me she was at the hospital and immediately I thought Timmy or our other son Tucker had hurt himself or banged his head or something. I didn’t expect this. He’s at that age you know, where he bangs into everything, he jumps off the bed pretending to be Superman, knocks things over – you know how kids are.”

“Mommy’s going to be in the hospital,” said Timothy. “Daddy’s going to stay home to take care of me and Tucker so Mommy can get better again and come home later. I got sad when she had to go to the hospital.”

“It’s just one of those things,” said Judy, as Timothy and brother Tucker jumped on the empty bed on the opposite side of the room. I’m pretty tough and I’ll bounce back from this like everything else,” she added. “Timmy-boy feels pretty bad, but I told him Mommy’s going to be all right, it was just an accident. The staff here has been super. They brought Timmy some pizza and gave the boys some hospital gowns and masks to wear, so we’ll be all right.”