Angry Mob Burns Down Denny’s Restaurant After Finding It Closed

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BANGOR, Maine – 

If there’s one thing that everyone knows about Denny’s Resturants, it’s that they’re always open, and that their food always gives you the blow shits.

One group of people who were hungry for a late night meal were enraged to find that their local restaurant was closed last Tuesday evening, and instead of finding a new place to eat, opted to burn the place to the ground.

“Denny’s is supposed to always be open, and it was bullshit that they weren’t!” said Jordan Scott, 20. “We drove 40 minutes, which is like 3 days of driving when you’re as high as we were, and when we got there, they weren’t even open. What the fuck is that? Denny’s doesn’t close! We were pissed.”

According to police, Scott and four of his friends arrived at a Denny’s location in Bangor, Maine at around 3am Tuesday morning, and when they found that it was closed for cleaning, they set the building on fire.

“Thankfully, the employees inside working were able to make it out unharmed,” said Police Chief Joe Goldsmith. “Unfortunately for the arsonists, the Denny’s they burned down was directly across the street from a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts, and that place was open. It was also filled with police officers.”

The group of delinquents were arrested, and charged with arson. The group say, though, that they plan to sue Denny’s for false advertising, and will use the money won to pay their own court costs.

Man Sets Fire To Restaurant After Ordering Pepsi, Receiving Coca-Cola

NORFOLK, Virginia – Man Sets Fire To Restaurant After Ordering Pepsi, Receiving Coca-Cola

Gary Bonner, 47, is under arrest this afternoon for charges of arson, after police say he set fire to a local restaurant after an altercation with a waitress over a drink order. According to police, Bonner has already admitted to setting the blaze.

Police reports say Bonner, who ate lunch at the Millstone Cafe every Friday afternoon, went in as normal yesterday around 3PM, but unfortunately for the restaurant employees and other patrons who were dining, something about the Cafe had changed.

“For the past 3 years or so, Mr. Bonner has been coming in here, and always orders the same thing: Turkey club on whole wheat with no mayo and an extra slice of cheese, and a large fountain Pepsi,” said Amy Fray, a server at the Cafe. “Unfortunately though, during this past week we had switched from Pepsi to Coca-Cola, because they had cheaper syrup. Anyway, it didn’t even dawn on me that when Mr. Bonner ordered his Pepsi that I should have told him that’s not what we carried anymore, and that it would be a Coke instead.”

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During the week, installers from Coca-Cola had come in and replaced all the equipment in the restaurant and provided their products, but the Cafe had not had a chance to remove Pepsi cola signs, or to amend the menus to show Coke products in place of Pepsi.

“So Mr. Bonner came in, and ordered his usual, and when I gave it to him, I had only walked away a couple of feet when I heard a kind of spraying noise,” said Fray. “I turned around, and he was spitting the soda out of his mouth, like he was choking on it. I asked him what was wrong, and he said ‘I ordered a Pepsi, damn it!’ I told him it was a Pepsi, only because I didn’t want to start a scene, but I agreed to grab him a fresh one. I told him maybe there was something wrong with the fountain and apologized. When I gave him the second drink, he immediately exploded in anger.”

Fray says that it was at that point she explained that they no longer served Pepsi products, and that she had forgotten to tell him when he ordered. Bonner then reportedly stood up, violently flipped his table over, and stormed out of the restaurant. Minutes later, employees began smelling smoke, and the restaurant was evacuated for a fire. Within an hour, the entire restaurant had burned to the ground.

Bonner curiously stayed around the entire time as the restaurant was burning, later admitting that he had set the fire out of anger over receiving the wrong drink. He was immediately arrested for arson and reckless endangerment, as well as possible attempted murder charges, as he knew the restaurant was full when he set the blaze. Bonner said that although he is aware he may be spending many years in jail, he is planning a countersuit over the ‘false advertising’ of the Cafe.

“They still had their Pepsi signs everywhere, yet they gave me a Coke. Don’t they realize they could have killed me? They’ll be seeing me in court as soon as they’re done seeing me in court, if you know what I mean,” said Bonner. His trial date is still pending.

Kim Kardashian Sues Owner of Roadside Diner Over ‘Fatback’ Sandwich

SANTA MONICA, California – Kim Kardashian Sues Owner of Roadside Diner Over 'Fatback' Sandwich

Sandwich shops and delis across the nation are known to name popular items after famous celebrities.  It’s a trend made popular by New York’s Carnegie Deli, which boasts among other items, the “Woody Allen” – made with corned beef and pastrami, and familiar to fans of Allen’s 1984 film Broadway Danny Rose.

Many would say to be immortalized in food would be a badge of honor, but reality star and social media personality Kim Kardashian disagrees.  She has taken legal steps to disassociate her name from one menu item she finds distasteful.

Kardashian filed suit against “Baggazi’s” a small Santa Monica roadside diner, over her novelty sandwich made up of “a generous portion of fatback, topped with 2 steaming poached eggs.”  “Fatback” is a layer of fat and skin cut from the back of a domestic pig.

“It’s just going too far,” said a weeping Kardashian during a press conference attended by Kardashian family members including mother Kim, sisters Kourtney and Khloé, and half-sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner, also weeping.  Kardashian’s husband Kanye, who was not present, was busy preparing for an upcoming concert in Kyoto, Japan.

“I’m having trouble taking off the last few pounds of my baby weight,” Kardashian explained through sobs, “and this sandwich is mean spirited, insensitive and just not fair.  I work hard at things and this isn’t something I endorse for my public image and it also invades my family’s privacy and our good name.”

Proprietor Joe Baggazi doesn’t get what the fuss is all about.  “It’s a sandwich for Christ sake, like ham and eggs, just with a famous name is all,” said Baggazi from behind the counter of his small shop.  “What am I supposed to do, name a skinny sandwich now after somebody skinny?  The skinny people would be complaining I guess about that then.”

The attention brought by the lawsuit has been good for business, admits Baggazi.  “I got lines out the door and around the corner,” he said.  “If I have to change the name of the sandwich I guess I will, ‘cause I don’t have that kind of money if they sue me, but everyone’s gonna know which sandwich it is anyway, so I’ll call it the ‘You-Know-Who’ sandwich instead if I have to,” he added with a wink.

Baggazi then excused himself to tend to waiting customers who were beginning to form a long line.

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