Ellen DeGeneres Reportedly Leaves Wife Portia de Rossi For A Man

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LOS ANGELES, California –

In an extremely shocking move, daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, one of the most ‘celebrated’ members of the LGBQT community in Hollywood, has announced publicly that she is leaving wife of 8 years Portia de Rossi. The shocking information comes hot on the heels of leaked photos of the public figure out and about in Hollywood with a new beau who, curiously, is a man.

“It is true that Portia and I are parting ways, although we remain extremely close friends,” said Ellen on her talk show last week. “I would love to keep my private life, well, private, as I did for many years, but I know that will not happen, because people are obsessed with the love lives of people they don’t know. Especially if that love life involves hot lesbian action.”

As for the man who paparazzi have photographed on multiple situations with DeGeneres, so far the star has remained mum on who it is.

“He is not a celebrity or anyone of note, and he is someone with whom I have been friends with for a long time,” said DeGeneres. “While this is all very new as far as a relationship is concerned, our love is definitely not new. He’s always been there for me, and I for him, even while I was with Portia. Now we are just taking that friendship to a new level. I mean, I have to see what all this penis fuss is all about, don’t I?”

Portia Rossi Admits She is “Probably Too Hot” for Ellen

Portia Rossi Admits She is “Probably Too Hot” for Ellen

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Confirming what many have long suspected, Portia de Rossi has confessed that she is “probably too hot” for wife Ellen DeGeneres. The couple have been together for over ten years, but the former Ally McBeal star says that throughout most of the time, she has been way out of Ellen’s league.

“Ellen has a great personality and she’s constantly making me laugh,” de Rossi, who was once named in People Magazine’s ‘100 most beautiful’ list. “I love her to death, and without her support I’d probably be dead. But let’s be honest, I’m a 10 and she’s at best a 7.”

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Ellen, far from being upset by the admission, agreed completely with her wife’s sentiments.

“When we first started dating I’d constantly think, ‘how the hell did I land that?’ For at least the first three years, I thought it certainly wouldn’t last – people as beautiful as Portia generally end up with someone in their league. Ten years later and it’s refreshing to know that her loyalty has nothing to do with some sort of non-recognition of the disparity.”

Public opinion has been hugely positive towards the announcement, with many saying that the actor’s candidness has given a huge boost to the less attractive portion of the population, proving that similar hotness levels are unnecessary for love to succeed.

“It’s a triumph of true love,” said sentimentalist Jenna McCarthy. “Those two, who no one in their right mind would have paired, have made it against the odds. They’ve been together for longer than most mutually attractive celebrities are, and they’re still going strong to this day.”

Rumors are emerging of other celebrities who are probably too hot for their partners. Top of that list are Beyonce (partner: Jay-Z), Sofia Vergara (Joe Manganiello), and Jennifer Lawrence (Chris Martin).

You Won’t Believe the Reactions to Ellen DeGeneres’s Latest TV Prank

You Won't Believe the Reactions to Ellen DeGeneres's Latest TV Prank

 

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

Ellen DeGeneres has not shied from edgy pranks in the past. From fake failed proposals, to her and Justin Bieber scaring people in bathrooms, her practical jokes have become the gold standard of celebrity misbehavior.

Her latest stunt involved showing up on unsuspecting people’s doorsteps and, after they recovered from the excitement of the celebrity’s appearance, solemnly informing them that a loved one has been killed and eaten by Bob, an escaped gorilla.

The responses to this prank may be the best yet. Unfortunately, she has been prevented by the sulky victims from showing their reactions on her show. Here are some of the best, described by the lovable star.

“The first one was quite a hoot. It was a twenty five year old newlywed. When I told her her husband was dead, she literally collapsed. It took ten minutes to revive her, and then when I revealed that it was a hoax, she fainted again!”

DeGeneres says that normally she is more for the “light-hearted” types of pranks, but she thought that no one would really fall for the joke when she said they’d been eaten by a gorilla.

“The next could not have been scripted. I told this thirty-something male that his wife and baby daughter had been eaten by Bob, he burst into tears and ran to the kitchen. I chased after him with my film crew, just in time to catch him sticking a kitchen knife into his stomach. Wow, he almost bled to death, but he was such a sweetie that he had no idea how to murderously use a knife.”

A production assistant on the show, who was on-location as Ellen performed her pranks, says that they had so much fun filming, they nearly stretched the bit to fill an entire hour-long episode.

“One of my favorites was the old lady who thought she’d lost her entire extended family,” said Mary Clarke, production assistant. “Poor woman was in a retirement village, and when Ellen told her the news, she was so distraught that she actually gouged her eyes out. I’ve never seen anything like it. To add to the fun, when I told her the truth, she threw her eyeballs at me. Oh my God, what a day!”

DeGeneres says that she will be paying for all medical bills for the people who appeared in her prank, as well as giving them all paid vacations to anywhere in the world. “I just want to be the next Oprah,” said DeGeneres. “You get a hospital bill, and you get a hospital bill, and you get a hospital bill!”

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