Jim Henson, Sesame Street To Release Books About Homosexuality For Children


LOS ANGELES, California – 

Jim Henson Productions, the company behind the long-running TV series Sesame Street, as well as the current popular sitcom The Muppets, is reportedly releasing a line of books aimed at children that will help them to better understand sexuality, gender, and bodily functions. The books will feature characters from Sesame Street, as well as other well-known Henson creations.

“We really think that kids should learn at a young age that it’s okay to be gay, and it’s okay to be different,” said Henson company spokesman Mary Clarke. “There’s nothing wrong with experimenting with your friends when your young, so we wrote a book about that, called Elmo Experiments, and its about Elmo learning about homosexuality while touching other Sesame characters. It’s all very normal.”

Normalcy is exactly what these books hope to explain, and that even “being different” in a current society is also a way of being normal.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. There’s nothing wrong with being transgender. There’s nothing wrong with you no matter what you’re like,” said Clarke. “We want children to know that, and we want them to learn that the things they’re feeling and the things happening to their bodies, those are normal things.”

Other titles in the series will include Elmo Discovers His Anus, Bert and Ernie Take A Bath Together, Big Bird Wears A Dress, and Oscar The Grouch Gets An Old Fashioned From a Hooker. 

“We also hope to release a series of books about bodily functions, such as Elmo Takes a Dump and That’s Okay; Big Bird Has To Piss; and Grover Grows Hair Down There,” said Clarke. “We think kids, and parents, will love them all.”

Feminist Groups Cause Kermit The Frog To Check Into Hospital For Depression


LOS ANGELES, California – 

After pictures surfaced recently of Kermit The Frog with his apparent new girlfriend, a pig named Denise, feminists and feminist groups took to the internet, like they always do, outraged that the frog would leave his partner of almost 40 years, Ms. Piggy, for a “younger and hotter” pig.

“It’s disgusting that Kermit would begin to date so soon, and not only that – he chose another pig who is younger, thinner, and ‘hotter’ than Ms. Piggy,” said Twitter users DumbFeministBitch202. “It’s nasty, and I hope Kermit kills himself.”

“No one should have to see their longtime love, the father of their little pig and frog children, move on so fast, to someone so much more attractive,” said feminist blogger Susan DeTwat. “What Kermit the Frog is doing is more proof that men only care about one thing, and that’s sexualizing women, and always keeping their eye on a better prize. Kermit the Frog should kill himself for being so disgusting.”

According to his agent, Kermit The Frog is “resting” at an undisclosed location after becoming “stressed and depressed” over the internet-fueled hatred.

“Kermit is a genuine and good-hearted frog, and he doesn’t deserve this kind of backlash over living his life,” said Kermit supporter Jeanne Curtis, an anti-feminist blogger who uses her brain instead of her emotions when writing. “Kermit was in an abusive relationship for almost forty years with Ms. Piggy. Yes, he loved her. They had children together, at least in a Muppet Christmas Carol,  which is canon so it counts.”

“He loved her, but she abused him. Ms. Piggy is clearly a controlling bitch,” continued Curtis. “Anyone with eyes can see that. She hits people, she has hit Kermit, in public. She is loud and abrasive, and a bully. She’s piggish, if you’ll pardon the pun. She screams at poor Kermit when things don’t go her way. It’s no wonder they finally separated, and it’s no wonder Kermit found a new pig who was more kind and gentle. Only a really dumb, feminist bitch would focus on Denise’s looks, and not how much kinder and sweeter she is to poor old Kermit.”

A spokesman for Kermit says that he should be out within the next week or two, in time to film more of the new Muppets TV series.

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