Jim Henson, Sesame Street To Release Books About Homosexuality For Children

Posted on November 27, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

Jim Henson Productions, the company behind the long-running TV series Sesame Street, as well as the current popular sitcom The Muppets, is reportedly releasing a line of books aimed at children that will help them to better understand sexuality, gender, and bodily functions. The books will feature characters from Sesame Street, as well as other well-known Henson creations.

“We really think that kids should learn at a young age that it’s okay to be gay, and it’s okay to be different,” said Henson company spokesman Mary Clarke. “There’s nothing wrong with experimenting with your friends when your young, so we wrote a book about that, called Elmo Experiments, and its about Elmo learning about homosexuality while touching other Sesame characters. It’s all very normal.”

Normalcy is exactly what these books hope to explain, and that even “being different” in a current society is also a way of being normal.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. There’s nothing wrong with being transgender. There’s nothing wrong with you no matter what you’re like,” said Clarke. “We want children to know that, and we want them to learn that the things they’re feeling and the things happening to their bodies, those are normal things.”

Other titles in the series will include Elmo Discovers His Anus, Bert and Ernie Take A Bath Together, Big Bird Wears A Dress, and Oscar The Grouch Gets An Old Fashioned From a Hooker.

“We also hope to release a series of books about bodily functions, such as Elmo Takes a Dump and That’s Okay; Big Bird Has To Piss; and Grover Grows Hair Down There,” said Clarke. “We think kids, and parents, will love them all.”

Feminist Groups Cause Kermit The Frog To Check Into Hospital For Depression

Posted on September 5, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

After pictures surfaced recently of Kermit The Frog with his apparent new girlfriend, a pig named Denise, feminists and feminist groups took to the internet, like they always do, outraged that the frog would leave his partner of almost 40 years, Ms. Piggy, for a “younger and hotter” pig.

“It’s disgusting that Kermit would begin to date so soon, and not only that – he chose another pig who is younger, thinner, and ‘hotter’ than Ms. Piggy,” said Twitter users DumbFeministBitch202. “It’s nasty, and I hope Kermit kills himself.”

“No one should have to see their longtime love, the father of their little pig and frog children, move on so fast, to someone so much more attractive,” said feminist blogger Susan DeTwat. “What Kermit the Frog is doing is more proof that men only care about one thing, and that’s sexualizing women, and always keeping their eye on a better prize. Kermit the Frog should kill himself for being so disgusting.”

According to his agent, Kermit The Frog is “resting” at an undisclosed location after becoming “stressed and depressed” over the internet-fueled hatred.

“Kermit is a genuine and good-hearted frog, and he doesn’t deserve this kind of backlash over living his life,” said Kermit supporter Jeanne Curtis, an anti-feminist blogger who uses her brain instead of her emotions when writing. “Kermit was in an abusive relationship for almost forty years with Ms. Piggy. Yes, he loved her. They had children together, at least in a Muppet Christmas Carol, which is canon so it counts.”

“He loved her, but she abused him. Ms. Piggy is clearly a controlling bitch,” continued Curtis. “Anyone with eyes can see that. She hits people, she has hit Kermit, in public. She is loud and abrasive, and a bully. She’s piggish, if you’ll pardon the pun. She screams at poor Kermit when things don’t go her way. It’s no wonder they finally separated, and it’s no wonder Kermit found a new pig who was more kind and gentle. Only a really dumb, feminist bitch would focus on Denise’s looks, and not how much kinder and sweeter she is to poor old Kermit.”

A spokesman for Kermit says that he should be out within the next week or two, in time to film more of the new Muppets TV series.

Disney To Release R-Rated ‘Muppets Gone Wild’ Film Geared Strictly Toward Adults

Posted on January 31, 2015 by Raoul Stockton

BURBANK, California –

Chairman and CEO of the world-famous Walt Disney Company Bob Iger announced earlier today that the franchise will go forward with plans to release an “Adults Only” film, portraying the famous Muppet characters, sometime in late 2015.

The R-Rated film, titled Muppets Gone Wild, will show the fun, loving characters in wildly awkward adult situations, according to Iger. “Over the past fifteen years or so, more and more adults, now primarily ranging from ages thirty to forty-five years old, have shown their love and appreciation and vivid youthful memories of the days of the Muppet Show. With that in the back of our collective and pioneering minds here at Disney, we decided to go forward with a wild idea that has never been done before. Create a film using the famous Muppet characters for adult eyes and ears only,” Iger explained.

The Walt Disney Company purchased The Muppets intellectual properties from Jim Henson Productions on February 17, 2004, which consisted of all rights and branded trademarks of The Muppet Show.

Iger said that some of the adult situations featured in the one-of-a-kind film would deal with casual sex, drug use, addiction, homosexuality, and a vast array of infidelity between lovers.

“This is a very special project for us, and we want to tackle the issues of the children who are now grown up and still having difficulties with the cards dealt to them in life. For instance, it will be revealed in the film that Bert and Ernie are indeed a homosexual couple, and Kermit the Frog, a womanizing, drug-addled sex fiend,” Iger shockingly announced.

The film is scheduled to be released in the fall of 2015.