Philanthropist Offers ‘Apple Picking’ To Local School Kids; Puts Macbooks In Trees

BANGOR, Maine – 

A wealthy philanthropist has opened up his apple farm to a group of local school children, but there is a twist to this day of apple picking – Bangor businessman Joe Goldsmith has had over 2,000 Apple Macbook Pro computers put into the trees around his property, letting the children ‘pick’ as many as they would like.

“I like to give back to the community once in a while,” said Goldsmith, who in past years has donated more than $2 million dollars to local schools, churches, and charities. “This year, I wanted it to be something fun. Cost me about $4 million or so to do this, but shit, kids need computers, and so I put some in the Apple trees. Made me laugh, and pretty much everything I do in life is to amuse myself, really.”

Goldsmith says that along with each computer, the children are certainly allowed to fill up as many bags of actual, edible apples as they would like.

“Oh, yeah, they can eat those, whatever,” said Goldsmith. “I think they’re too busy trying to grab as many computers as they can, though.”

Goldsmith reportedly made his money over a very long career of drug dealing, money laundering, and prostitution, before turning to real estate – a fact that seems to not bother any of the parents who brought their children “Apple picking.”

“Oh, I don’t care where the money came from, all I care about is getting a free computer or two,” said father Marc Jones, whose son, Kenny, had already picked 9 computers from the trees. “This is the most fun Kenny has had in ages. I’m hoping he gets at least another 4 or 5 computers down – we can sell them and make a killing!”


Government Secretly Installing Adware On New Computer Hard Drives



One retired IT expert from New York revealed a shocking truth that the United States has quietly feared since the advent of the personal computer: our hard drives are infected with government adware.

While not functionally dangerous, adware is an intrusive and annoying invasion of privacy. The man, 67, who chooses to remain anonymous, discovered adware on a newly purchased computer while investigating its contents. Experts have since become involved, and say that this adware is a very recent trend that may have started as early as this year. The anonymous IT expert shared his findings with Empire News exclusively.

“The adware is designed to do very subtle things. It hijacks your browser when you search for certain terms, for example redirecting you to government propaganda websites when you Google the question ‘is America at war?’. The worst I found so far is a popup advertisement asking for donations, and a backdoor that is capable of installing election campaign propaganda on one’s machine.”

To address the matter immediately before it spread, President Obama commented directly on the man’s findings, stating that “it’s not that bad.”

“It really doesn’t hurt anything,” President Obama said. “There is no damage being done to your hardware. We have things we want to show to people on a private basis, and this is the most effective way.”

Since the secret has been leaked, an official government statement has been released detailing a ten-year slow integration of government control into personal computers via adware and other so-called “malicious” software. According to the U.S. Government, the general reception has been overwhelmingly positive. The original finder of the adware has since gone silent on the matter.

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