Live Sex Show Pulled From NBC After Accidentally Broadcasting Necrophilia

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Live Sex Show Pulled From NBC After Accidentally Broadcasting Necrophilia

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

NBC have given up on their controversial ‘Live Sex Project’, just three days into airing. The 24 hour reality series, which broadcast live from a gritty motel room, showed everyday people who had been screened by the network having raunchy sex. But the project hit a hitch when, unbeknownst to the other fornicator, a woman died in the middle of coitus.

“The poor guy had no idea, and just kept on fucking her,” reported Ellen Degeneres, one of the producers of the show. “All of a sudden, he realizes he’s committing necrophilia on live television. Afterwards I saw him compulsively washing his dick, as if that could remove the everlasting taint of dead pussy.”

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church have announced that they plan to attend the funeral, protesting any further broadcasts of this sort.

“She got what she deserved!” spat a crazy woman at our reporter. “The whore! Fucking on live television like there was no tomorrow. Well guess what? There is no tomorrow! God has shown his vengeance against immoral sluts.”

Dead rights group, The Dead Have Feelings Too (TDHFT), have however responded with condemnation of the media’s handling of the event.

“Everything is permissible these days,” said headless head of the organization, Lord Jackson. “Sex before marriage, homosexuality, in front of people – but dead people aren’t allowed to have sex. No, if the person is dead, it’s ‘sick’. It’s time we took a stand, and asserted our right to have intercourse, whether or not it’s broadcast on those fancy boxes.”

NBC executives are reportedly planning a new 24 hour show to replace the botched experiment. Anonymous sources say they have drawn inspiration from the proverbial cock up, and plan to start production on live visuals from a mausoleum, in which the doings of dead people will be broadcast.

“People want to see what goes on in deadville,” said one source. “They don’t know what it’s like to be locked up in that place. We think it’ll be quite a thriller.”

2-Year-Old Who Shot Mother In Walmart To Be Tried For Crime As An Adult

HAYDEN, Idaho – toddler shooting

Police and local investigators say that the 2-year-old toddler that fired a gun in an Idaho Walmart store, killing his mother, will be tried as an adult.

On December 30th, police say that a young mother, who was shopping with her children, was killed when her 2-year-old son reached into her purse, and discharged a small-caliber pistol that she had concealed inside. In what police originally considered a tragic accident, the woman died before paramedics could arrive.

Upon further investigation into the shooting, police have decided to arrest the 2-year-old and charge him with first-degree murder, a capital offense in Idaho.

“We strongly believe that this child knew precisely what he was doing when he reached into his mother’s purse and fired that weapon,” said Deputy Chief Joseph Goldsmith. “At this time we will not being discussing what evidence has mounted to lead us to this decision, as a trial will be pending.”

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“It’s just awful that this is happening,” said Shaniqu’a Brooks, an employee at the Walmart who witnessed the events. “I saw the entire thing happen, and after she fell to the floor, her son – well, let me just say that the look on his face scared the Hell out of me.”

“If only the woman had not been carrying a concealed weapon, then this never would have happened,” said liberal talk-radio host Gerry Jones. “Only a damn fool carries a loaded weapon into a store, around children and other customers. Was there no safety on her gun? She was quoted as being a ‘responsible gun owner,’ but did she think that in an Idaho Walmart in the middle of the day she might need to shoot someone? Moreover, had her son ever touched it before? Fired it? Is this his first time killing? There are so many questions that need answers. I just hope that during the trial, we see the truth come out.”

Currently, the toddler is being held in an Idaho maximum security facility without bail, but there is reportedly a wonderful playroom with toys and cartoons. A trial date has not yet been set.

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