Suge Knight Continues Faking Illnesses To Gain Sympathy, Get Jail Time Lowered

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Suge Knight Continues Faking Illnesses To Gain Sympathy, Get Jail Time Lowered

LOS ANGELES, California – 

After Suge Knight collapsed in court on Tuesday, reports suggest that the rapper is to continue faking illness until he either receives a light sentence or total reprieve. Knight is on trial for armed robbery, as well as the more recent alleged murder of two rivals. If found guilty, he may spend the rest of his life behind bars, bringing to an end the career of a man who has been a continual threat to the safety of important players in the rap industry.

“Fainting was quite the move – I think he got that one from Oscar Pistorius,” said attorney, Theo Groenwalt. “Next, he’s going to do the puking, maybe pull out clumps of hair. Who knows? He might even expose himself to toxic levels of radiation and contract cancer. That would get him sympathy at least.”

Knight already spent 5 years in jail which ended in 2001, for an assault he committed with compatriot Tupac Shakur, shortly before Shakur’s still unsolved murder. Speculation further suggests that Knight may have had a role to play in the rap legend’s death. He was in the same car at the time of the fatal drive-by shooting.

“I’m glad he’s going to rot in prison,” said rap fan, Michael Trent. “I’m sure he killed 2Pac, and with him the heart and soul of the music industry. I can’t forgive him for that.”

But Knight is already well on his way to a reduced sentence. Associates say that it is unlikely that the badass rapper is really going to be felled by some minor illness, and that he must have a plan in place.

“My man Suge knows hot to deal,” said one friend. “He got a brilliant plan goin. Get publicity, get a court date, then get the fuck outta there.”

The office of the public prosecutor has, however, assured the public that Knight will not get off scot-free. They promised that the only way he gets let out because of illness, is if he dies from it. Then, they said, they’ll “be proved wrong. But we’re willing to take the chance.”

Suge Knight Shot At Party, Witnesses Say Assailant Resembled Tupac Shakur

HOLLYWOOD, California – Suge Knight Shot By Man Resembling Tupac Shakur According To Witness Reports

Early Sunday morning rap mogul and former Death Row Records CEO Suge Knight was shot several times at a party hosted by Chris Brown. Hundreds of witnesses have been interviewed by the Los Angeles Police Department and one odd thing kept arising in multiple interviews; several witnesses say a man who looked just like legendary deceased rapper Tupac Shakur had been spotted leading up to the incident, and several of those witnesses claim that this man is the one who shot Knight.

According to LAPD spokesperson Clifford Winston, witnesses assume that the assailant was either Tupac himself, or possibly even the ghost of Tupac, who had come back to avenge his own death.

“Several witnesses were very adamant that it was Tupac Shakur who shot Suge Knight. One witness, who seemed to be in shock, said it was definitely Shakur, and that he had to be alive. Others said there was no way he was alive, and that his spirit was the one who committed the crime. Either way you lean, these witnesses are all sure that it was Tupac himself.”

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Several people believe that the assassination attempt on Knight was retaliation for the shooting death of Shakur eighteen years ago. Shakur was riding with Knight in Knight’s car on September 7, 1996 when he was shot multiple times in a Las Vegas, Nevada drive-by shooting. Shakur died six days later on September 13th. Several theories suggest that Knight set Shakur up for the shooting.

Former bodyguard of Tupac Shakur, Isaac “Big Slick” Johnson, told Empire News that Knight wanted Shakur dead, “Pac was scared and he even told me just the night before it happened that he was involved in some hardcore shit and something was gonna go down. He told me that he might have to disappear for a while if he lives, and told me if he lives, it was gonna take a long time to deal with the matter. I didn’t know what he meant and he told me not to repeat what he told me, he made me promise,” Johnson said. “Personally I think he is alive and I think he had something to do with the shooting of Suge Knight. He didn’t want to be with Suge that night, you can see it in his eyes in the last picture taken of him. Look at that picture, Pac looks nervous and Suge looks like he is up to no good.” Johnson added.

Winston also told the press that several of the witnesses thought that the the man looked just like Shakur, albeit with a full beard.

“While many witnesses say the man looked like Shakur, we believe it is a coincidence. That being said, there are an astounding number of people on the scene who actually believe that it was really was Shakur. As you can imagine, this throws quite a mysterious wrench into the pending investigation. We are surely re-launching the shooting investigation of Tupac Shakur from way back in 1996 to make sure we have all the information necessary in this shooting. We have our hands full and we ask that anyone with information, to please come forward. They could definitely do the community some good,” Winston said.

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