Bruce Jenner Knew He was a Woman Ever Since He Discovered He Had a Vagina

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Bruce Jenner Knew He was a Woman Ever Since He Discovered He Had a Vagina

LOS ANGELES, California –

The entertainment industry is still getting used to Bruce Jenner’s recent revelation that he is transitioning, but Jenner today said in an interview with TMZ that he’s known he was a woman ever since the age of five, when he realized he had a vagina.

“I was always told I was a boy,” the transexual said in the close-up and personal discussion. “But very early on – even before kindergarten – I knew. The epiphany came when I discovered I had a vagina, and since then it’s been a long struggle to work up the courage to admit it to the world.”

Jenner said that his parents insistence that he participate in track and field sports was perhaps the most difficult challenge against his identity in early childhood.

“I had to participate with all the boys. I might have seemed perfectly normal to them, but I knew I was different. Somehow, I managed to compete at the highest level, in the men’s races, but my womanhood was always there, accompanying my vagina every step of the way.”

Later on, Jenner faced the new challenge of living as a family man, fathering 6 children, along with being the stepfather of the Kardashian siblings.

“I was always anxious that someone would find out. It was especially hard being intimate with [ex-wives] Chrystie, Linda, and Kris. Have you ever tried hiding a vagina during sex? No, didn’t think so. Also, it often bothered her that I dind’t have a penis. That created a major challenge, especially since they all wanted to have children with me. We beat the odds, and I’m glad to have all 6 biological children, but even for the kids it was hard growing up with a dickless dad.”

Bruce acknowledged that his female genitalia will help ease the transition to becoming a woman.

“Of course, it has great practical advantages now that I’m open about it. Surgery and treatments will be easier, and I’m really excited that my vagina can finally take its rightful place in my life – as the centerpiece of my womanhood.”

NASCAR Driver Falls Asleep at Wheel, 22 Injured

DAYTONA BEACH, Florida – NASCAR Driver Falls Asleep at Wheel, 22 Injured

During a NASCAR race in Daytona on Friday afternoon, 22 people were injured after new driver Mark Hardy fell asleep and crashed during a straightaway. Reports say the people who were injured consisted mostly of employees of the track.

Hardy walked away with no serious injuries, but says the situation is bitter-sweet.

“I am happy to be alive, of course but I feel terrible that others got hurt,” said Hardy. “It’s also hard, because I was in second place. I could have won the whole thing if I had just gotten some sleep the night before.”

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Hardy says the crash was caused because he fell asleep at the wheel. He claimed that he didn’t sleep well because he was too nervous and excited about his first ‘big’ race, and that after driving left in a circle for so many miles during the race, it was a wonder he even stayed awake as long as he did.

“Anyone who is driving that long, going nowhere, you could tend to get drowsy,” said Hardy. “Think of it from a fan’s perspective. If you’re watching at home, there’s no way you’re not taking a nap midway through the event, right? It’s not any different for a driver.”

Strangely enough, it appears from video reviewed after the accident that Hardy was asleep for two laps before crashing.

“I remember my eyes getting really heavy, and then nothing for a bit, but I could still hear the noise of the other racers whizzing past me. I must have been driving on auto-pilot, basically. I remember being almost startled awake, and when I jumped, my leg hit the steering wheel and launched me off the track,” said Hardy.

According to hospital reports, all 22 people were, amazingly, treated and released, suffering minor injuries, with the biggest being a broken wrist. Hardy will be fined for racing in a state that NASCAR ‘unfit’ for driving.

 

NASCAR Driver Wins Race While Driving in Reverse

ATLANTA, Georgia – NASCAR Driver Wins Race in Reverse

A non-televised stock car race held in Atlanta this past week would have definitely brought in viewers like NASCAR had never seen before. With only two laps left in the race, a driver who was holding steady at second place lost control on a turn, his car spinning all over the track. Although that in itself is not newsworthy, what the driver did next brought crowds to their feet.

After the crash left him facing the wrong way on the track, but knowing that turning around would take too much time that he didn’t have to spare, the driver threw the car in reverse and continued to race around the track backwards.

People in the crowds were surprised, and a few even wondered aloud if it was against the rules to drive that way. Most people immediately rose to their feet and began to cheer as they watched this racer take top speed completely in reverse. In less than one lap, the driver took his spot back at second place, never stopping to spin the car around.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life, and I’ve been a NASCAR and racing fan since before I could walk,” Said Bill Pooler, a spectator at the race. “It’s the best damn driving that I’ve ever seen.”

The driver continued to gain on the car in first, and actually ended up passing him right before crossing the line, checkered flag waiving.

“I was completely confused, and was barely paying attention,” Said Mark Hill, the driver who was leading the race. “I actually almost hit the wall when I saw him coming up on me in reverse. It was surely incredible.”

The name of the driver was not released to the press, as officials are still checking their rulebooks to see whether or not the win would count if the car didn’t cross the line nose-first.

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