Mountain Dew To No Longer Sponsor Auto Racing After Multiple Teen Deaths


PURCHASE, New York –

After two teen deaths due to ingestion of Mountain Dew mixed with racing fluid, Pepsi-Co will be pulling all racing sponsorships. Cars affected will include Dale Earnhardt Jr, Kasey Kahne, and rookie Chase Elliot.

Racing fluid, used in drag racing, is made up of almost 100% methanol, a non-drinkable form of alcohol used for industrial and automotive purposes. Teens drink it to get an alcohol buzz, and initially, methanol can give the same effects as ethanol. This progresses to symptoms ranging from blurred vision, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea to seizures, blindness, coma and death, depending on the amount and concentration of the methanol that was consumed.

Hendrick Motorsports recently announced a three-year extension of PepsiCo’s longstanding partnership with the organization. They have agreed to rebrand the cars with Pepsi Max logos, which because of the artificial sugar, does not taste good with racing fuel.

Pepsi-Co warns kids not go to the measures of desperate alcoholics to get drunk. Racing fluid, antifreeze, and windshield wiper fluid should never be consumed.

“I thought most teens just stole booze from their parents or got someone’s older brother to buy beer – I mean hell, that’s what we did in my day,” said Pepsico spokesman Joe Goldsmith. “Or you know what they could do instead? They could just drink Pepsi brand soft drinks. There’s nothing cooler than hanging out with friends and enjoying a tall glass of refreshing Pepsi Cola or Mountain Dew.”

NASCAR Fans Disappointed That No Drivers Have Been Killed Recently

NASCAR Fans Disappointed That No Drivers Have Been Killed Recently

MIAMI, Florida – 

It’s been a quiet few months for NASCAR, and fans are beginning to grumble. Since August 2014, not a single driver has been killed, meaning the sport is nothing more than grown men playing racing cars. Kevin Ward Jr. was the flavor of the month when Tony Stewart seemed to accelerate into him, killing him and ending his short career.

“It’s no fun anymore, since Kevin’s death,” said long time fan, Huxley Turncroft. “They’ve increased safety regulations, and I can’t imagine we’ll see any further accidents of the kind in the near future. Drivers are just too scared to be reckless right now.”

NASCAR driver Jamie Dick has been hospitalized in the last few days, but apparently it’s because of health issues unrelated to driving. He certainly wasn’t hit in the head by debris on exiting his car after a crash.

“Dick is in our thoughts,” said NASCAR spokesperson Reynold Howards. “Dick is in the hands of gentle and caring nurses. But he has a boring illness, and no signs of having hit his head on the steering wheel.”

Stefan Howitzer, an analyst of sports injuries and deaths, says the world is going through an unusual dry spell.

“A couple of weeks ago, a footballer in England collapsed due to minor issues. Basically, he fainted. Nothing exciting. At the Cricket World Cup in Australia a batsman went to the doctor for a common cold, but no one has been killed by having a cricket ball hit them in the back of the neck. And NASCAR has been even worse. Drivers have been escaping serious injury by either not crashing or by having excellent safety equipment built into their cars. New technology is destroying the world of sport.”

A representative of the NASCAR Drivers Association hit back at reports, saying “we’re trying really hard to cause injuries and death. However, it is getting harder to do so without having legal recourse taken against us. Our experts are working hard on coming up with new strategies.”

New Eco-Friendly Laws Could Force NASCAR To Race Solely With Electric Vehicles

DAYTONA BEACH, Florida – New Eco-Friendly Laws Could Force NASCAR To Race Solely With Electric Vehicles

Die hard NASCAR fans are not going to happy with a new eco-friendly law that is circulating in congress. The new law, House Act E.205, states that any car being used for entertainment purposes would have to be electrical. This means that NASCAR, monster trucks, demolition derbies, and others, would all have to switch to electric vehicles.

The NASCAR organization has taken steps over the last several years into researching and building their own electric cars, which would make them set and ready to race eco-friendly if the law passes. Regardless of the law and its outcome, though, NASCAR insiders say it’s very possible that fans could start seeing all-electric, eco-friendly cars being raced, at least in minor circuits.

“It’s fun to see cars that go 200 mph around a track in a circle for hours and hours, but that takes a lot of fuel,” said NASCAR pit-crew leader Joe Goldsmith. “The new electric cars, they’ll be going maybe 60 to 75 mph, so the thrill won’t be there, but we’ll be saving the environment, and that’s a wonderful thing, or at least that’s what they’re telling me to say.”

NASCAR fans are naturally outraged by the news or such a major impending change to their beloved sport, and many have been taking to social media, leaving heated comments on the NASCAR Facebook and Twitter pages.

“This is America! We like to waste as many natural resources as possible for the good of entertainment!” Posted Aaron Silver, of Atlanta, to the NASCAR Facebook page. “Next you’ll be telling me what I can and can’t eat during the races. F— that, I’ll eat all the damn Doritos I want, and ya’ll won’t stop me!”

“It’s shifting gears, and drinking beers! Not pushing a button, and hoping for something,” said Jeff Lorde, of Topeka. His comment on the NASCAR Twitter page had over 600 retweets.

NASCAR representatives say that even if the changes are inevitable, the sport would not suffer entirely.

“In the end we’ll still be serving beer at all our events, so whether the cars race at 70 mph or at 200 mph, you’ll still be able to get just as drunk as always,” said Goldsmith. “If that isn’t what racing is all about, then I don’t know what is.”

NASCAR Driver Falls Asleep at Wheel, 22 Injured

DAYTONA BEACH, Florida – NASCAR Driver Falls Asleep at Wheel, 22 Injured

During a NASCAR race in Daytona on Friday afternoon, 22 people were injured after new driver Mark Hardy fell asleep and crashed during a straightaway. Reports say the people who were injured consisted mostly of employees of the track.

Hardy walked away with no serious injuries, but says the situation is bitter-sweet.

“I am happy to be alive, of course but I feel terrible that others got hurt,” said Hardy. “It’s also hard, because I was in second place. I could have won the whole thing if I had just gotten some sleep the night before.”

Hardy says the crash was caused because he fell asleep at the wheel. He claimed that he didn’t sleep well because he was too nervous and excited about his first ‘big’ race, and that after driving left in a circle for so many miles during the race, it was a wonder he even stayed awake as long as he did.

“Anyone who is driving that long, going nowhere, you could tend to get drowsy,” said Hardy. “Think of it from a fan’s perspective. If you’re watching at home, there’s no way you’re not taking a nap midway through the event, right? It’s not any different for a driver.”

Strangely enough, it appears from video reviewed after the accident that Hardy was asleep for two laps before crashing.

“I remember my eyes getting really heavy, and then nothing for a bit, but I could still hear the noise of the other racers whizzing past me. I must have been driving on auto-pilot, basically. I remember being almost startled awake, and when I jumped, my leg hit the steering wheel and launched me off the track,” said Hardy.

According to hospital reports, all 22 people were, amazingly, treated and released, suffering minor injuries, with the biggest being a broken wrist. Hardy will be fined for racing in a state that NASCAR ‘unfit’ for driving.


NASCAR Driver Wins Race While Driving in Reverse

ATLANTA, Georgia – NASCAR Driver Wins Race in Reverse

A non-televised stock car race held in Atlanta this past week would have definitely brought in viewers like NASCAR had never seen before. With only two laps left in the race, a driver who was holding steady at second place lost control on a turn, his car spinning all over the track. Although that in itself is not newsworthy, what the driver did next brought crowds to their feet.

After the crash left him facing the wrong way on the track, but knowing that turning around would take too much time that he didn’t have to spare, the driver threw the car in reverse and continued to race around the track backwards.

People in the crowds were surprised, and a few even wondered aloud if it was against the rules to drive that way. Most people immediately rose to their feet and began to cheer as they watched this racer take top speed completely in reverse. In less than one lap, the driver took his spot back at second place, never stopping to spin the car around.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life, and I’ve been a NASCAR and racing fan since before I could walk,” Said Bill Pooler, a spectator at the race. “It’s the best damn driving that I’ve ever seen.”

The driver continued to gain on the car in first, and actually ended up passing him right before crossing the line, checkered flag waiving.

“I was completely confused, and was barely paying attention,” Said Mark Hill, the driver who was leading the race. “I actually almost hit the wall when I saw him coming up on me in reverse. It was surely incredible.”

The name of the driver was not released to the press, as officials are still checking their rulebooks to see whether or not the win would count if the car didn’t cross the line nose-first.

NASCAR: Tony Stewart To Announce Retirement From Auto Racing After Accident That Kills Competing Driver

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – NASCAR- Tony Stewart To Announce Retirement From Auto Racing After Accident That Kills Competing Driver

NASCAR Insiders Rusty Wallace and Darrell Waltrip have informed the Associated Press that three-time Sprint Cup Champion Tony Stewart will hold a press conference in the coming days, and is expected to announce his retirement from all auto racing activities, as well as announcing the sale of his half of his ownership of Stewart-Haas Racing. The announcement comes after Stewart tragically struck and killed fellow sprint car driver Kevin Ward, Jr.

“This was a tragic accident, one he just can’t get over. I talked with Tony yesterday and he made it clear, he is done with racing. I tried to suggest to him to take time off and think it over for a few months, he told me he has made up his mind and will announce soon. I hope he changes his mind, but it sure sounded like he meant it,” said former NASCAR champion and Hall of Fame member Rusty Wallace.

According to Waltrip, he talked to Stewart for hours the night after the accident and again two days ago, and he says Stewart has been grieving more and more after the initiative shock.

“The man hasn’t slept for days, this has rocked his world harder than anything he has ever had to deal with. He told me he could never effectively get back in a race car and drive. He can barely bring himself to drive his Ford Taurus to the supermarket and back without cringing. I expect an announcement in the next few days, he is just working on what he is going to say to the fans and most importantly the father of the victim, Kevin Ward, Sr.,” Waltrip told NASCAR reporter Nicole Briscoe via telephone interview last night.

Ward, 20, had climbed out of his Sprint car during a dirt race in Canadaigua, N.Y., and he walked toward Stewart’s car during a caution, and while gesturing to him was struck and killed by the car Stewart was driving. Ward was pronounced dead on his way to the hospital.

Several race fans who have watched the horrific video believe that Stewart’s aggressive racing nature caused the death of Ward, including Ward’s father.

“Tony Stewart was the best damn driver by far on the track that night. Why he had to go up as high as he did and hog my son, there’s no reason for it,” Ward Sr. told the Syracuse Post-Standard. “Apparently, he was the only driver on the track who didn’t see [my son.] The one person that knows what happened that night could possibly be facing 10 years in prison. Is he going to say what he’s done?”

Speaking to the Associated Press, Corey Rayburn Yung, a law professor, said that under New York State law, Stewart could very possibly be charged with manslaughter, even if there was no intent to strike Ward. 

“The question over whether someone was reckless is a factual one, and one a prosecutor might let a jury decide,” Yung said. “So far, from what I’ve read, Stewart has cooperated with police. That does not mean that once this is all said and done, that they won’t find him at fault one way or the other.”

On whether Stewart will retire from racing, all signs point to yes given the sources. “There will for sure be a press conference in which Tony speaks for himself, I think he sees no other way around this,” said Waltrip. “It will indeed be a sad day for NASCAR.”

Stewart-Haas Racing has not commented on the rumor, and a representative for the team could neither confirm nor deny Stewart’s intentions.

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