Man Commits Suicide After Losing Wi-Fi Connection For 25 Minutes

 Man Commits Suicide After Losing Wi-Fi Connection For 25 Minutes

LAREDO, Texas – 

A Laredo family is in mourning today after a young man took his life late Friday evening. Tom Brink, 24, hung himself from the rafters of his home, leaving behind a note for his loved ones detailing his spiral into depression.

“I can’t believe this I spend so much money on my internet and it goes down all the time. I can’t take it anymore, it has been about 25 minutes now, and still no connection. I lived a great life, but I don’t want to live in a world were I can’t come home and watch my favorite TV shows on Netflix, or check my Facebook feed and just unwind a bit. I just got to the end of Breaking Bad and my connection kicked off right during the cliffhanger. I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”

Brink’s mother Mary remembers Tom as an easy going person who never let drama get into his life. She told us that she was completely blind-sided by his death and would never expect her son to do such a thing because he had a lot of things going his way.

“He just got a new job, and he was going to be making over 6-figures,” said Mary. “He had the whole world at his fingertips. His girlfriend was beautiful and smart, he had a new puppy named Gremlin, and he even was looking into buying a home. I cannot believe that he’s gone. The internet is a foul, evil place, but not having it is even worse.”

Mary Bring is urging parents to make sure their children are raised with strong Wi-Fi connections, and to make sure that their kids know that there are more options in life than just watching videos on the internet, such as TV on DVD or even old VHS tapes.

Representatives for Brink’s internet service say that there was no issue with the service on their end, and Brink more than likely would have been able to reset his connection by unplugging his router, waiting 30 seconds, and plugging it back in.


All Wi-Fi in The United States to Be Shut Off For Maintenance December 22nd

WASHINGTON, D.C. –  All Wi-Fi in The United States to Be Shut Off For Maintenance August 2nd

On December 22nd, all internet-connected Wi-Fi devices in the United States will be temporarily disabled for routine maintenance. The announcement was made today from the White House, and the government is making it clear that you should ‘get the things you need done online,’ before the shut down happens.

The necessary upgrades to the Wi-Fi network has arisen due to several reasons, chief among them being the amount of people using the internet at any given time. The heavy use is making servers at all major internet providers weakened by the strain of carrying that many loads of information at once, which makes it easy for outside sources to hack into both public and private computers. This would give certain individuals the ability to get into your private accounts, making it possible for identity theft, stolen banking information or, on a government scale, stolen classified materials.

While the shut off it happening, it will be nearly impossible for anyone to access the internet throughout the entire country, which mean business emails, selfies, and Facebook statuses about how hard you’re hitting the gym should be prepared accordingly.

“It isn’t the option we wanted to proceed with, but it has to be done,” said Verizon CEO Daniel S. Mead. ” My company will be losing a lot of business, but when the people above you say it has to be done it has to be done. This shut off comes straight from the top, the Secretary of Internet Regulations in the White House.”

The plan for the operation is to set up unbreakable security walls, edit existing coding, and make the internet and Wi-Fi even faster when it returns.

As of this time, the agencies involved in the shut off have not said when they will be re-enabling full access to Wi-Fi, but they claim that the updates should take ‘less than week.’

Because many people have not spend any part of their lives without internet access, the US government has prepared a list of other activities that can be performed during the outage, including going for a walk, reading a book, or staring blankly at a wall.


Ceiling Fans Can Cause Wi-Fi Particles To ‘Break Down’, Slow Down Home Internet

TALLAHASSE, Florida – Ceiling Fans Can Cause Wi-Fi Particles To 'Break Down', Slow Down Home Internet

If you have been noticing some troubles with your Wi-Fi connection, your signal may not be at fault this time.

A recent study has shown that ceiling fans are the number one cause of slow internet or having no internet connection in homes. The study was performed after several major router and modem companies banded together to find new issues that can arise in home use of their products.

“I had a guy that wrote the company a letter claiming he would kill all of my family if I didn’t resolve his internet connection,” said the CEO of Belkin Routers, Joe Goldsmith. “He was upset because he was attempting to stream a Gilmore Girls episode on Netflix and from what he wrote, it cut off right before the good part.”

The report shows that not only will a ceiling fan in your own home disrupt your Wi-Fi, but even a close neighbor with a ceiling fan can be affecting it.

What happens, according to researchers, is the movement of a ceiling fan sucks in the Wi-Fi particles that are floating through the air, making your ‘network’ stuck in a type of internet tornado.

Major companies are attempting to find a way to stop this slow-down from happening in homes. Home Depot, one of the largest retailers of ceiling fans in the United States, as well as several other companies in the home-building and internet markets, are attempting to create a new Wi-Fi friendly ceiling fan, or a ceiling fan-friendly router. Prototypes for both designs have been created, but they say that the technology may be years away from being developed to permanently prevent issues.

In the mean time, they suggest that if you want to assure that you have the best possible internet connection, it is recommended that shut off or stay away from all ceiling fans while surfing the web.



Doctors & FCC Conclude WiFi Networks Cause Migraine Headaches

BALTIMORE, Maryland – Doctors & FCC Conclude WiFi Networks Cause Migraine Headaches

The ‘tin foil hat crowd’ may not be so crazy after all. Doctors at Baltimore’s Johns Hopkins School of Medicine have announced today a link between the most common high-speed Wi-Fi bandwidth frequencies and the increase of migraine headaches in people who connect wirelessly.

Researchers from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), working alongside doctors, scientists, and migraine headache specialists, announced the results of a two-year study in which test subjects, 50% of whom were predisposed to migraine headaches, were fitted with portable wireless routers and asked to visit heavily trafficked areas of several metropolitan centers.

Half of the participants, or “Human Hot Spots” (HHSs), were sent to coffee shops, public parks, and other venues where Wi-Fi users congregate.  The other half were set up in more conventional Wi-Fi settings, designed to mimic average residential homes and apartments in cities and suburbs.

For the public participants, tiny sensors were used to measure electrical changes in the brain and were attached to baseball caps and bandanas.  The head coverings were used to hide the brain monitoring wires so as not to draw unnecessary attention to the HHSs, thus skewing the results.

“The most severe triggers occurred at trendy, neighborhood cafes, with Starbucks coffee shop locations throughout the country triggering the most severe headaches within the test group,” reported study coordinator Dr. Frank Muller of Johns Hopkins.

“Some of our most sensitive subjects would report splitting headaches instantly upon entering these establishments.  The volunteers would record pain thresholds on a 1 to 10 scale, by inputting data on an iPad tablet, given to them as payment for their participation and at the completion of the research project. Starbucks and other hip locales of that nature almost always registered between a 7 and a 10 with the participants.”

The data entered by the test subjects would then be compared to the corresponding electroencephalographic (EEG) data recorded by the modified headgear attached to their scalps.

A control group of patients, also fitted with the same headgear, were placed in assorted settings more resembling a typical household or apartment.  These patients reported a next to normal ratio of headache/migraine instances as compared to the publicly exposed test subjects sent to cafes, coffee shops and various artisanal establishments.

“The results of our findings are very new, and warrant further study,” cautioned Dr. Muller.  “I don’t think people should throw out their routers and modems just yet,” he added.  “There is some credence to the wavelength barriers that some people have used.  A lot of people who walked around with tin foil in their hats or colanders on their heads may very well have been protecting themselves from certain harmful bandwidths.”

Whether a new metallic fashion trend is in the making is up for debate.  Further evaluation of the Johns Hopkins study by the American Medical Association (AMA) has begun, with the hope that relief can be offered to the 12% of the nation’s population affected by migraine headaches.

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