Channing Tatum Says He Still Has To Sleep With Pacifer

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Channing Tatum, everyone's favorite middle-of-the-road actor, proves that you can work in Hollywood no matter what you look like, as long the right roles come along
Channing Tatum, everyone’s favorite middle-of-the-road actor, proves that you can work in Hollywood no matter what you look like, as long the right roles come along

LOS ANGELES, California – 

One of the manliest hunks in Hollywood today, Channing Tatum, says that he still sleeps with the pacifier that he has had since he was a baby, and that it’s the “only way” he can fall asleep at night.

“Honestly, I have tried ditching the thing a million times, but I just can’t get use to sleeping with my little binky,” said Tatum. “I wish that I could. It’s really embarrassing that I have to deal with it, but at this point, I’m just too old to call it quits.”

Tatum says that over the years, he’s had to have orthodontic surgery at least a dozen times to correct the overbite that the pacifier causes.

“Sucking your thumb, or a pacifier, or anything, over long periods of time, causes your mouth to change shape, and I’ve had to have surgery to fix my jaw and upper plate several times,” said Tatum. “I don’t want my face to change too much. The dentists see dollar signs when I walk in. But it’s worth it, honestly. I love my bink, and my wife is used to it. I just really hope that my kids don’t take on the same habits that I have.”

Channing Tatum’s Wife ‘Wanted Pet Goat To Die’

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Channing Tatum fans mourned with the actor at the loss of his daughter’s pet goat, Heather, earlier in the week. As the issue circled social media, some commented with “who cares about a celebrity’s livestock?”, but outraged goat-lovers felt for Tatum and his family, saying goats are lovable pets. One who apparently never found the goat lovable was Jenna Dewan Tatum who is said to have been grossed out by the goat and wanted it dead.

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Hired stable hand to the stars, and former Tatum goat boy, Jesus Martinez, says Jenna always hated the goat. “She always complain of the smell. And said the goat would give her daughter worms. Heather was stubborn old goat who would’ve refused to die another five years. Mrs. Tatum threatened to poison her all the time. Maybe this time she did. Who to say? I am not animal doctor. I just know that death come too soon for poor Heather.”

Jealous women everywhere are calling for Channing to divorce Jenna, saying any one of them would be a better mommy to their child, Everly Tatum. “She aint no kind of woman if she wanted that sweet little goat to die. I would clean up the goat poop myself if it meant I got to lay my head on Channing’s sweet rippled chest at night,” says hopeful next-in-line Mia Kelly, superfan. “Goat poop, kid poop, whatever poop – who cares? Have you seen Channing with his clothes off? Mmm, mmm.”

California Woman Shocked After Waking Up With A Drunk Channing Tatum In Her Bed

California Woman Shocked After Waking Up With A Drunk Channing Tatum In Her Bed

HOLLYWOOD, California

It’s happened to all of us. After a night of alcohol and debauchery, we face the next day with terrible regrets. At some point, every one of us has woken up next to a drunk Channing Tatum, and that is exactly what happened to Mary Shelly Wood of California.

“I knew I had a bit too much to drink, but I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she mumbled to a close friend through the haze of a harsh hangover. “This has never happened to me. I mean, I’ve woken up next to hunky men before, but usually I remember how they got there.”

Although Wood acknowledges having had sexual fantasies of the Magic Mike star, this situation was something she’d never had in mind.

“I’ve been warned by so many friends that I don’t want to end up like they did – in bed with the totally wasted man of my dreams. But I was naive. I thought that sort of thing couldn’t happen to me.”

Mary’s sister Lucy says her sibling has a lot to learn.

“Of course, she’s going through what all of us have been through,” said Lucy. “She’ll carry her regrets throughout the day, mingled with the hope that Channing will decide that she’s “the one” and make her the happiest girl in the world. Then, at some point over the next week, he’ll wake up, put on his underwear, make himself breakfast and walk through the door, never to return. I’ve been there. We all have, and I realize now that it’s time to warn our little brother, Jeff.”

Trainee journalist, Michael Mahone, adorably thought he could get a statement out of the 21 Jump Street actor. He too experienced the same terrible regrets we all have – of finding ourselves interviewing a grunting, unconscious Channing Tatum in someone else’s bed.

Channing Tatum To Get Breast Implants For Upcoming Movie Role

HOLLYWOOD, California – Channing Tatum To Get Breast Implants For Upcoming Movie Role

Actors immerse themselves in roles to varying degrees; some of the lesser or tired actors “phone it in,” while others go to extremes to create realistic portrayals.

Celebrity heartthrob Channing Tatum (22 Jump Street) definitely falls into the latter category, as he has announced today that he will be undergoing breast augmentation surgery for his role in Magic Mike XXL.

Tatum jumped at the chance to take on the challenge. “I didn’t hesitate for a second when my manager told me the storyline for the sequel. I didn’t read the script first, I didn’t even ask what the terms were for my salary. I just said ‘yes’ when I heard about the breasts. I can’t wait to start working on this new role. I want big ones, as big as possible! I asked the doctor to ‘Pam Anderson’ me,” said Tatum.

According to studio executives, Magic Mike XXL follows the continuing story of the character from the first film, Magic Mike, as he goes from being a sexy male stud stripper to a femme-fatale exotic dancer. The first film, which also starred Matthew McConaughey, made almost $114 million dollars back on its small, $7 million budget.

Tatum’s Hollywood star has risen in recent years, and this role undoubtedly will cement his status as a solid dramatic actor. “I remember when Robert De Niro gained all that weight for that boxing movie,” said Tatum, and “Tyler Perry literally transforms himself into that big, scary, fat old African-American lady, but I decided to have my physical body altered on the inside, which I think will be great for my career.”

Tatum’s new breasts will be implanted in February 2015, and the surgeon performing the augmentation has agreed to donate the proceeds to the Susan B. Komen For The Cure breast cancer awareness foundation. Breast cancer is suffered by both women and men.

“My fans seem to be pretty accepting,” said the actor. “Thousands of brand new fans can’t wait to see the results, and they’re literally begging me to send them photos! Did you know I have a fan club at San Quentin? I didn’t, but in any case, I’m really stoked to get stacked!”

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