Facebook Releasing Option To Block Foreigners From Friend Requesting You

Posted on June 29, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

SILICON VALLEY, California –

People should be careful about unusual friend requests on Facebook because most of them are scams, according to an expert. University of South Florida information systems professor Brandon Gill said that people should be cautious when getting requests from others they don’t know.

“In many cases, the reason these persons are friend requesting people are scams, including trying to steal people’s identities. Often though, they are just foreigners who want to practice their English, and that can be even worse.”

Although Facebook has options in the privacy settings to block people from friend requesting a user, many want to make new friends, but not filter through people with names like Миша Петров, Arablife Mike, and Sarkar Deepankar.

Facebook user Jessie Rose is excited about the new options. “I used a picture of a hot chick as my profile pic so I get a lot of friend requests. I am so tired of weeding through the Sayeeds and Aashrafs. Sometimes I accidentally click accept, and it’s annoying to have to go through and delete these guys. I only want to get hit on by people in the United States.”

Florida Gators To Change Name Following Alligator Attack That Killed Two-Year-Old

Posted on June 29, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

MIAMI, Florida –

College football team The Florida Gators has announced it will be changing its name following the death of a two-year-old boy who was grabbed and drowned by an alligator while vacationing with his family at the Disney World Resort in Florida.

The alligator snatched the toddler as he played at the edge of the Seven Seas Lagoon, a manmade lake at the Walt Disney resort.The boy’s parents, who were relaxing on the white sand shore nearby, sprang into action in a failed attempt to pry their child from the predator’s grip. A lifeguard who was on duty was unable to reach the boy before the alligator swam away with him.

Although the parents did not request the SEC Eastern Division champions change their name, the athletics department at the State University System of Florida says they have received a lot of public pressure. Coach Jim McElwain says he fears it may affect the team. “Personally, I think alligators get a bad rap. I’m worried a name change this close to start of the season is unrealistic and may affect team moral.”

The team has not settled on a new name, but the Raging Retires and Orange Crushers has been proposed.

Government Puts Price On Freedom, Plans To Sell ‘Freedom Shares’ To Citizens

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Freedom is not free. In fact, it is quite expensive, and some are proposing the sale of “freedom shares” to help pay for it. It costs nearly $700 billion a year to keep America in the freedom to which it is accustomed. That is $5,600 paid in for every household in America to pay for military expenses, and obviously this does not began to cover all the other expenses of running the federal government.

The freedom shares program would allow the average citizen to donate extra money towards keeping America free, and in return they would be allowed additional freedoms. These special privileges would include getting out of speeding tickets and even free passes to cheat on one’s spouse. If one bought enough freedom shares they may even be able to commit one free homicide.

The program has been criticized as unfair, as the rich would be proportionately more free. Supporter, John Seebode says, “Well, I reckon that may be true, but ain’t that how things are anyway? I support freedom shares, because it’s not a tax so I can chose to donate. And what better cause than keeping America free?”

Congress To Vote On Bill To Require Background Checks Before Purchasing Fireworks

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In the wake of the horrific Orlando club shooting, focus has turned once again to the issue of gun control. After democrats unsuccessfully attempted to filibuster and sit-in for tougher gun control laws, they have decided to try another angle. They hope to require background checks before people buy fireworks, in states where they are legal, and ban terrorists from buying fireworks.

A person will also be denied sale if they are a felon, fugitive, domestic abuser, undocumented immigrant, or have a legally declared mental health issue. This bill would also disallow fireworks being kept with in reach of customers.

Recently in Phoenix Arizona, Walmart customer recorded a giant burning fireworks display in an aisle. Apparently, a small group of people decided to light part of the fireworks display aflame, causing a crackling, cacophonous inferno.

“Somebody could have been killed inside that store with that fire growing as fast as it did and as bad as it could have gotten,” said Phoenix fire captain Larry Subervi.

Although fireworks are not the preferred method of terrorists, police have had fireworks shot at them, including incidents in East London, Dallas, TX and Greenville, SC. “We need to keep explosives out of the hands of terrorists. It’s as simple as that,” says one of the bill’s sponsors, Senator Patty Murray.

Smoke From Wildfires Expected To Cause Thick Haze Across Entire Country

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CALIFORNIA –

Scorching heat and tinder-dry conditions across the west have contributed to massive wildfires in the past week that have destroyed properties and sent residents to seek shelter and hope for the best. Even those who do not live in areas affected by wildfires will likely still be impacted as the smoke disperses and causes record levels of haze across the United States.

Several large wildfires in the United States are producing smoke that is being transported for hundreds of miles. The National Weather service has posted Red Flag Warnings for areas in California and Wyoming, saying the smoke may be so bad it blocks out the sun in some areas. Residents as far as Utah have seen thick black smoke traveling from California.

According to Bill Gabbert of Wildfire Today, the real problem is the pollution. “Wildfire smoke tends to bind with other smog particles like sulfur oxides, car exhaust, and ozone. This weights the smoke down, making it a slow moving menace.”

Although the haze will be significant, it will be high enough in the atmosphere that people will notice the obscured sun, but not be affected by the pollution.

Government Plans To End ‘War On Drugs’ By 2018

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

People of all stripes are asking a question, “Should all drugs be legalized?” For many people, the answer is yes, traditional, younger liberals are not the only ones who agree.

“There are many academic and anecdotal reasons to support the belief that all drugs should be legalized and the money spent for incarcerating those convicted of possession or even low-level dealing should be spent on rehabilitation and jobs training instead,” says Republican Senator Roy Blunt. “We are working on a bill that will end the war on drugs, so we can focus on more important things like the war on terror. If there are less drug offenders in our overcrowded prisons, there will be more room to incarcerate suspected terrorists.”

This attitude is representative of most Americans, as attitudes about drugs have changed drastically over the last 15 years. According to a Pew report, in 2001, 47% of all Americans supported the notion that states might eliminate mandatory sentences for drug users. At the time, the news was full of drive-by shootings and turf wars all over the nation and the citizenry as a whole was tired of violence. By 2014, 67% of Americans believed that mandatory sentencing was wrong for lower level possession and dealing of drugs. People believed it was more important to focus on treating drug users, and this included people caught with cocaine and heroin.

Water May Become As Expensive As Oil Soon In Some Parts Of The World

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

The average person does not think twice when he turns on the water for a shower, a drink or to clean his hands. We have all enjoyed access to clean, fresh water for years without a single worry. Unfortunately, this is likely to change in the future. Already in parts of the world like the Middle East and Africa, clean water can be harder to get than oil.

One proposed solution is to mine ice from the icecaps, since they are melting into the oceans anyway, and ship them to places like Saudi Arabia in exchange for it.

This is only going to get worse across the globe, as ecologist Bridget Bishop explains, “If humanity fails to limit population growth, wars will inevitably be fought for access to fresh water just like they were fought over oil in the 20th century. It is not prudent use of massive amounts of water to maintain lush green golf courses throughout the year. If we continue our wasteful ways, water could eventually become even more valuable than oil.”

Politicians, economists, demographers and just about anyone else “in the know” agrees that access to clean and fresh water will soon become humanity’s most important challenge. This is precisely why water will be treated like oil was in the 20th century.

Irate Americans Demand That Country Also Leave The EU

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Britain’s stunning vote to leave the European Union is both historic and world-changing, but what does it really mean for Americans living on the other side of the Atlantic? Potentially, everything — the economy, national security, even the race for president will be affected.

Some Americans are now demanding that the United States follow suit and leave the EU.

Long distance trucker and self-proclaimed patriot, George Holt, says that Americans need to be independent from the rest of the world. “I been driving back and forth cross America for nearly 20 years, and I’m telling you things have changed. We need to be our own nation and stop all these damn Mexicans and Muslims from coming here to live off my tax dollars. If we leave the EU, our borders will be secure and our land will be ours again.”

Disability recipient, Janet Hagelund says America should leave the EU immediately. “Did you know the United States is required to pay a tax to them? And they want to control everything. More people should educate themselves about what really is going on…Plus they’re a bunch of socialists.”

When Hagelund was asked if she meant the UN, not the European Union, she admitted she had been mistaken. “Yeah, them guys,” said Hagelund.

Obama Increase Importation Of Immigrants Following Orlando Shooting

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

Obama Confesses Dirty Secret: 'I Had Sex With Michelle'

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In the days following the Orlando terror attack, the Obama administration has sped up the process of importing Syrian refugees in the U.S. despite the fact that experts have now admitted that terrorists could hide among migrants.

Since Omar Mateen, the Islamic radical, and closeted homosexual, murdered 49 people at an Orlando gay bar, the Obama Administration has admitted hundreds more Syrian refugees to the United States, including placing dozens in Florida.According to State Department data, since June 12, 441 Syrian refugees have been resettled in communities across the U.S.

A janitor that works in the Whitehouse has released a statement saying, “We’ve got to get these Muslim brothers in before it is too late. After Trump is elected, which he will be judging by the amount of bigots we have in this great country, the rest of the world can f-off, as far as the US is concerned. No more aid. No more immigration. No more Mr. Nice President.”

Cher Says She Will ‘Blow Her Brains Out’ If Trump Is Elected

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

The singer made the comment Monday evening at a star-studded fundraiser for Hillary Clinton at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles, less than 24 hours before California holds its primaries.

“When I watch Trump I just want to blow my brains out,” Cher told crowd at the sold-out venue. Sons Elijah Blue Allman and Chaz Bono are begging the public to take their mother’s threat seriously.

“You wouldn’t know it to look at her but Mom is like 70, “said Elijah. “And she is getting a little kooky in her advancing years. She is dead serious about her threat to blow her brains out. When we were kids she’d say, “if you bastards don’t stop yelling I’m going to blow my brains out. Then she would put the glock to her head, and the look in her eye- Well, you could just tell Mom really meant it.”

Cher’s other son Chaz says he will join his mother in blowing his brains out if Trump gets elected president. “What do you want to bet in between all those new tax credits for the rich, he reverses Obama’s transgender bathroom decision? Of course I’m rich so rules like that don’t apply, but you better believe I will blow my brains out in solidarity.”