Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson
Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings
Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston
Trump To Host Massive ‘I Beat Impeachment’ Party at White House This Weekend
Michelle Obama Files For Divorce After Shocking Revelation; Barack Obama Admits: ‘I’m Gay!’
Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson
Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings
Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston
Trump To Host Massive ‘I Beat Impeachment’ Party at White House This Weekend
Michelle Obama Files For Divorce After Shocking Revelation; Barack Obama Admits: ‘I’m Gay!’
Azealia Banks Playboy Spread Proves No One Actually Reads Articles
March 23, 2015
LOS ANGELES, California - With the recent appearance of Azealia Banks posing nude in an edition of Playboy, the magazine’s editors still seem to be unaware that no one actually reads the magazine. When asked about Banks ...
Dentists Retract Years Of Research, Now Say Candy Helps Teeth Stay Strong
March 22, 2015
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Warnings of rotting teeth and early dentures immediately spring to mind for many who grew up with health-conscious parents, but a recent trend among dentists may mean that is all about to change. Dentists ...
Man Arrested For Killing Neighbor Tells Police ‘He Had A Bigger TV’
March 22, 2015
FAIRFIELD, New Hampshire - Envy rears its ugly head yet again as a family is briefly left in tears over the death of James Moore, 29 - father, husband, and owner of a huge TV. Police arrested Darnell ...
Museum Says Shootings In Tunisia ‘Good For Publicity’
March 22, 2015
OAKLAND, California - With the recent museum shooting in Tunisia, many museums stateside are seeing increased traffic. The Oakland Museum of California in particular came forth to talk about the shooting and its hopes for the ...
Adding Cheese To All Foods In Your Diet Could Be Great Way To Die Young
March 22, 2015
CARSONVILLE, Iowa - With retirement funds disappearing, job security becoming a myth, debilitating diseases running rampant, and old age divorces at an all time high, early deaths are becoming an attractive prospect for many resourceful men ...
Israel Does More Stuff That Americans Pretend To Care About
March 22, 2015
JERUSALEM, Israel - BREAKING NEWS: leaders in Israel are currently doing stuff, things, and other stuff. As news of this reaches the United States, many citizens are shocked, outraged, proud, happy, and unsurprised. Empire News took to ...
Texas Family Fined For Not Removing Christmas Lights From Outside Home
March 22, 2015
SAN ANTONIO, Texas – In a monumental decision by the State of Texas, a new law has been enacted that resulted in one family being fined $12,000 for leaving their Christmas lights up too long. The Sorenson ...
U.S. To Replace St. Patrick’s Day With More Diverse ‘National Drunk Day’ In 2016
March 22, 2015
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following years of racial inequality, the United States is finally making the right move: in 2016, the previously Irish-centric holiday St. Patrick’s Day will be replaced with the more diversity-friendly and honestly titled ...