MIAMI, Florida –
America is mourning the passing of the first man on the moon, Neil Armstrong, at the age of 82. The famous and pioneering astronaut died from health complications brought on by his 2012 death, bringing an end to the celebrated life of this true American pioneer.
His family released a statement, describing Armstrong as a reluctant American hero [who had] served his nation proudly, as a navy fighter pilot, test pilot, and astronaut.
“While we mourn the loss of a very good man, we also celebrate his remarkable life and hope that it serves as an example to young people around the world to work hard to make their dreams come true, to be willing to explore and push the limits, and to selflessly serve a cause greater than themselves.”
The news triggered an outpouring of tributes to the man who took the first “small step” on the Earth’s lunar luminary.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” tweeted fellow astronaut Buzz Aldrin. “In his 85 years on this planet, he managed to live 82 solar cycles, which is more than 96% of that time. That’s pretty darn good. Better than most at least.”
The interstellar traveller, who celebrated his 82nd birthday in August 2012, had previously stated that he intended to live forever, even if he did not manage any more years in that time. But friends say they saw his demise coming.
“When he died in 2012, we knew he wouldn’t last that much longer,” said old school friend Randy Haywood. “I mean, the projected life span after dying is usually six months to a year. He fought on for almost three years. That’s a darn good achievement, but like all men, his death finally killed him.”
An anonymous source informed news outlets that Armstrong’s family were to sue doctors treating him for negligence.
“You have to be very cautious when treating a dead man,” said the source. “These doctors weren’t. Although he lasted a remarkably long time, he could’ve lived for years longer, if not for his physician and surgeon’s inconsideration of his ailing condition.”
A trainee, who had regular contact with the lunar lander, was overheard saying that he was never the same after his body stopped working anyway.