Celine Dion To Start Cancer Foundation, Wants Your Money

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HALIFX, Nova Scotia, Canada – 

Within two days of each other last month, Celine Dion’s husband and brother died in battles with cancer. Throngs of fans were gathered outside of the funeral homes during each funeral, and security guards doubled as donation collectors passing around a hat so they could show their support. Dion says the money she has collected and future donations will go towards cancer research in Canada.

Dion reportedly came up with the idea while she was performing “My Heart Will Go On” as a tribute to her brother during a drunken karaoke session after he passed. “The song made me think of Titanic, which always makes me think of the boatload of money I made from that song. It also makes me think of how all our ships are going down in the long run, and I wanted to leave a legacy behind. Something my family could be proud of.”

The Daniel Dion Foundation will be based in Celine’s hometown of Charlemagne, Quebec. Dion says she hopes fans will redirect their fan mail there, and remember to include a check or money order.

“I had the choice between paying my rent, or sending Celine Dion a check, and I went with Dion,” said superfan Jamal Francis. “I have been in love with that woman’s voice since I could remember, and this is a good cause. I know she could give her own money, but my money is just as good.”

Hulk Hogan Wears Blackface In Public To Prove He’s ‘Not Racist’

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Former professional wrestler Terry Bollea, better known as Hulk Hogan, was recently spotted in Los Angeles wearing his trademark Hulkamania tee-shirt and bandana, but also sporting something a little more out of the ordinary for the 62-year-old.

“I saw Hogan walking through the mall, headed into a JC Penney, and his entire face was painted black. For a minute, I didn’t even recognize him. But on second glance, those 24-inch pythons gave him away,” said Jerry Miller, who was shopping in the Los Angeles City Mall. “Hogan was wearing blackface! I am a longtime fan, but even I was too embarrassed to walk over and ask for a picture.”

According to Hogan, he decided to paint his face fully black just to prove that he’s “not a racist.”

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“You see brother, I may have said some racist things, brother. But that was years ago, brother, and I tell you, brother, I am definitely not a racist, brother,” said Hogan to a fan who was bold enough to ask about the blackface. “The thing is brother, I painted my face so that all the little Hulkamaniacs out there could see that the real Hogan isn’t a racist, brother. Sometimes, brother, you just say a racist-sounding thing, brother, but that doesn’t mean that what’s in your heart, brother, is really wrong, brother.”

Hogan has reportedly also tried to clear his image in other ways. He recently appeared on morning television, sans blackface, asking for forgiveness from the American public.

“I’m also gonna try, brother, hanging around with some more brothers, brother,” said Hogan. “I feel like the only way to really get forgiveness, brother, is if all the brothers out there can forgive me, brother. I just want everyone to know that I am still a real American, brother. I’ll fight for the rights of every man, brother. I’ll fight for what’s right, brother. Fight for your lives, brother. Brother.”

The WWE, the company that made Hogan a household name in the 80s, has all but erased his name from their website, including removing him from their Hall of Fame listings, after it was discovered recently that Hogan made racially insensitive comments several years ago.

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