USPS To Begin Offering E-Mail Services This Summer

USPS To Begin Offering E-Mail Services This Summer


An announcement from the United States Postal Service (USPS), stating that the long-running industry will begin delivering emails this summer, has been greeted with approval and enthusiasm. Pundits say that it’s about time the USPS catches up with the rest of the world, and fans of the public service are overjoyed that it has found a way to stay relevant.

“It’s fantastic that the Postal Service will remain with us for eons to come,” said Martha McConaughey, user of the post for over eight decades. “Frankly, I think the new-fangled email post is far too complicated and unnecessary – after all, we’ve used post for centuries. But it’s being embraced by young generations, and we oldies worried that our favorite means of communication would be discontinued. This way, it remains working with the email post service a sideshow.”

Google chairman, Eric Schmidt, has expressed his effusive acknowledgement of the next chapter in US postal history.

“We have been looking for a new carrier of emails and the USPS is better than we could have imagined,” he wrote in a pop-up note to Gmail users. “The load that Gmail processes is becoming too much for our current contractors to deliver, and we trust that the country’s faithful servant will find a way to deliver emails in the fastest, most efficient way possible.”

There have been other reasons that Google have been looking for a new delivery system. According to, over 2% of emails get delivered to the wrong people, and online vouchers get lost in the post. Sometimes the email will arrive with the voucher having fallen out. Martha McConaughey shared her shock story with us.

“I sent my grandson an email with a voucher for the iTunes for $20. Two months passed without it arriving, and I had to send him a new one! I couldn’t believe the negligence which it was treated with, and Google weren’t sympathetic at all to my concerns. They called young Harry a liar! Can you believe that?”

Kim Jong Un Admits He Loved ‘The Interview,’ Plans To Show The Film To North Korean People

PYONGANG, North Korea – Kim Jong Un Admits He Loved 'The Interview,' Plans To Show The Film To North Korean People

Continuing with the controversy surrounding the new release of the movie The Interview, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has said that he was wrong to have publicly debased the film, and that after watching the movie, found it to be “hysterical.”

Sony had initially pulled the movie from theatres after backing down due to terrorist threats, and the world let out a collective angry scream as they wouldn’t get a glimpse at why this movie was considered to be too dangerous to show. Shortly afterwards, though, the company reversed their decision, and allowed the film to be screened at any theatre wishing to show it, as well as releasing it through streaming media services such as YouTube and XBox Media Center.

“Having now been able to actually see the movie, his supreme ruler Kim Jong un has reversed his previous statements about it, and now deems it to be something the world should see, as he believes it makes him look very human,” said a publicist for Jong un. “The movie will even be shown in North Korea, albeit cut to promote our Supreme Leader as the hero and God that he is.”

Kim Jong un claims that the only reason he ever denounced the film was that he was angry that producers had never sent him a copy for review, and he had never even been given the chance to see it. Once the movie was made available publicly, he made time to watch and review the movie.

“Supreme Leader has said that he is glad that someone made him a bootleg copy of the film for him to see,” said the publicist. “Kim Jong un is an avid movie fan, and loves Hollywood cinema. He also wishes to be able to receive further screener copies of movies so as he can begin work on his new movie review website for the North Korean people, ‘'”


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