President Obama Invites Seth Rogen To White House To Be Fill-In President For A Week

Posted on February 24, 2015 by Raoul Stockton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Barack Obama has invited actor and comedian Seth Rogen to the White House to fill in for him as President of the United States for a week so that he can vacation with his family according to a statement released by White House press secretary Josh Earnest.

“The President and his administration has decided that he is in dire need of a family vacation,” Earnest said this morning. “There was a meeting of White House staff early yesterday in which a short-list was discussed for suitable fill-ins for the job for a week.” the press secretary added. “It was decided early on in the meeting that the Vice President was unable to fulfill the needs due to his commitment to a bowling tournament, ultimately it was determined that actor Seth Rogen was a great choice since he was an actor.”

Rogen accepted the role with honor and told Entertainment Today reporter Jasmine Archibald that he was excited to sit at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and make decisions on the Presidents behalf for a week. “Yeah I mean how hard can it be? All you have to do is sit back that and sign stuff all day and look good doing it, I’m sure I can smoke a couple joints and pull that off, let’s get real.” Rogen said.

Obama did admit that he personally chose the actor for the sole reason of upsetting North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. “I knew it would piss him (Jong-un) off, so I said lets do it, lets put Rogen in the chair,” Obama said.

Sequel to ‘The Interview’ Green-Lit, Film To Mock Vladimir Putin

Posted on January 28, 2015 by thebluntman

CULVER CITY, California –

One thing that’s always been a given in Hollywood is that studio executives love controversy, money, and pissing off world leaders. A decision by Sony Pictures on Monday confirmed what many had worried – a sequel to The Interview will be made, with a slated release date of October, 2016.

Blandly called The Interview 2, the likely-to-be-controversial film will feature the same cast, including Seth Rogen and James Franco. The plot of the film is reported to be based on the duo gaining an interview with Russian President Vladimir Putin, with shenanigan-filled attempts to end his life. The upcoming movie is already being referred to as a “ballsy move,” from competitors like Universal Studios, and “extremely stupid” by Lionsgate Films.

The new movie’s screenwriter, Mitchell Greenberg, believes his idea is just what America needs for moving into 2016. “The world is just getting crazier and crazier, with more secret threats from rival countries every day,” Greenberg said. “Why not poke fun at Putin before he blows us up? It’s going to happen sometime anyway. Who knows, maybe I’ll be known as the man who made Vladimir Putin laugh.”

Many people, although annoyed that America is trying to re-live a threat, think that perhaps the movie is needed to assert the power of the United States. Mathias Perry, an opinion columnist from Arkansas said, “We need to show those foreign bastards that we as Americans have power, and we are not afraid to use it. Above all, it’s just a movie and isn’t meant to be taken seriously. If this thing starts World War III, then at least it was started before the number and power of nuclear weapons increased anymore.”

Carla Bronson of New York City highly opposes the creation of the sequel. “Letting stupid people like these screenwriters run free is what will destroy our country, and potentially destroy the world! If there’s nothing good to say, don’t say it at all.”

Neither Russian president Putin, nor anyone on his staff, had a comment on Sony’s announcement of the new film.

Kim Jong Un Admits He Loved ‘The Interview,’ Plans To Show The Film To North Korean People

Posted on January 9, 2015 by JP

PYONGANG, North Korea –

Continuing with the controversy surrounding the new release of the movie The Interview, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has said that he was wrong to have publicly debased the film, and that after watching the movie, found it to be “hysterical.”

Sony had initially pulled the movie from theatres after backing down due to terrorist threats, and the world let out a collective angry scream as they wouldn’t get a glimpse at why this movie was considered to be too dangerous to show. Shortly afterwards, though, the company reversed their decision, and allowed the film to be screened at any theatre wishing to show it, as well as releasing it through streaming media services such as YouTube and XBox Media Center.

“Having now been able to actually see the movie, his supreme ruler Kim Jong un has reversed his previous statements about it, and now deems it to be something the world should see, as he believes it makes him look very human,” said a publicist for Jong un. “The movie will even be shown in North Korea, albeit cut to promote our Supreme Leader as the hero and God that he is.”

Kim Jong un claims that the only reason he ever denounced the film was that he was angry that producers had never sent him a copy for review, and he had never even been given the chance to see it. Once the movie was made available publicly, he made time to watch and review the movie.

“Supreme Leader has said that he is glad that someone made him a bootleg copy of the film for him to see,” said the publicist. “Kim Jong un is an avid movie fan, and loves Hollywood cinema. He also wishes to be able to receive further screener copies of movies so as he can begin work on his new movie review website for the North Korean people, ‘SupremeLeaderWatchesMoviesBecauseYouCannot.com'”

Eminem Says Coming Out As Gay In ‘The Interview’ Was Not An Act

Posted on December 28, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

BARTON HILLS, Michigan –

Marshall Mathers, also known by his stage name Eminem, one of the most successful rappers of all time, made a cameo in the highly controversial comedy film The Interview, in which he plays himself, announcing during an interview that he is gay. In the movie, James Franco plays the part of Dave Skylark, who has a very successful syndicated television show which gets candid interviews with such superstars as Eminem, Rob Lowe, and eventually North Korea supreme leader Kim Jong-un.

According to Eminem, when asked about the movie and its dialogue, in which he nonchalantly proclaimed to be a gay man, the rapper said that he ad-libbed that whole scene himself, and that although in the film it was played like a joke, it was his way of discussing his true opinion on the matters of sex and celebrities.

“Personally I don’t think a person’s sexuality is anybody’s business. I’ve rapped about sex, I’ve rapped about being gay. I’ve also written songs about shooting people. Sometimes, it’s fantasy. Other times, maybe it’s not,” Eminem said during a recent interview. “It doesn’t matter. That scene in the movie, it was originally planned as a more subtle gag, something about me being an illuminati ruler or something. I asked if I could just do my own thing with it, and Seth [Rogen, director and star] said ‘go ahead.’ He gave me the green light to come out in the movie. Maybe it was real, maybe it wasn’t. Does it matter? Should it matter?”

The rapper, who has been intensely scrutinized throughout his career for using homophobic slurs, said that he just used derogatory terms to be ironic, and that his sex life is private, and that everyone’s sex life should be as public or as private as they want it to be.

“After putting a lot of thought into it, I came to the ultimate conclusion that there are probably thousands, if not millions of fans of mine that are gay and living a lie. This was my way of supporting them in a way that could make people laugh, and feel good. Maybe it was my way of telling the world something that they’ve always been wondering. Maybe it was my way of telling people to go fuck themselves. Maybe it was just a movie, and people shouldn’t be questioning it in the first place. I’ve always been true to myself, and everyone else should worry about doing the same.”

Two Arrested In Thwarted Attack On Movie Theatre Playing ‘The Interview’

Posted on December 26, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

DULUTH, Minnesota –

Authorities in Duluth, Minnesota have arrested two men in connection with an attempted attack on a movie theatre playing controversial Seth Rogen film The Interview on Christmas day.

The men, whose names have not been released publicly, are thought by police to possibly be terrorists from North Korea, who had plans on detonating explosives during the showing of the film at a small art house movie theatre. According to reports, quick action from a theatre employee ‘saved the day.’

“A theatre usher, whose job it was to tear the tickets of patrons going in to see the films, thwarted what could have been a real disaster,” said Duluth police chief Joe Goldsmith. “His dedication to his job, and to performing his duties, has saved lives today.”

“It wasn’t really that big of a deal,” said Adam Scott, theatre usher. “These two guys came in to see The Interview, and they were carrying bags from the grocery store across the street. We don’t allow outside food into the theatre, so I told them they’d have to go leave it in their car, just like I’ve told hundreds of other people in the 2 years I’ve worked here.”

According to Chief Goldsmith, the two men were actually carrying homemade explosives in the bags, with plans to destroy the theatre during the show.

“The two men became very agitated when I told them that they couldn’t bring the bags into the theatre, because as I tried explaining, we don’t allow food that isn’t bought at our concession stand into the auditoriums. They didn’t seem to understand what I was saying at all, and I didn’t understand them, either,” explained Scott. “They ended up storming out of the building. It’s actually not that uncommon to have people get mad when you tell them ‘no outside food or drink.'”

Goldsmith says the two men were arrested shortly afterwards, when a police officer noticed the explosives in the backseat of their car during a routine traffic stop. “They ran a red light leaving the movie theatre plaza,” said Goldsmith. “It was all over for them very quickly, despite their intentions.”

“I kind of feel bad for them,” said Scott. “Obviously, these guys were total morons. I can’t believe North Korea is even considered a threat at all if these are the kinds of ‘genius’ minds they’ve got over there. They were the only two people who’d bought tickets to the film all day. I think most people who want to see it will watch from home. Hell, I can see it for free at my work, and I still just illegally downloaded it. It’s almost kind of ironic to try to blow up a movie that’s going to be such a huge bomb on its own.”

The Interview is now showing at select theatres throughout the U.S. The film is also available for purchase On-Demand via YouTube, Google Play, XBox One, or for free through your favorite movie pirating website.

13-Year-Old Boy Arrested In Connection With Sony Hacking Crime

Posted on December 20, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

WATERVILLE, Maine –

What is believed to be the most vicious cyber attack in history, and has been blamed on everyone from North Korea to Russian hackers, is now being directly linked to a 13-year-old boy from small town Waterville, Maine.

Many believed that North Korea and supreme leader Kim Jong-un were responsible for the massive hack against Sony Entertainment because of the Seth Rogen comedy film The Interview, a movie about the successful assassination of Jong-un. Even President Obama issued an official statement, denouncing Sony’s decision to give into threats and pull the film from its Christmas Day opening.

The teenager, whose identity is not yet being released due to his age, but uses the online handle ‘Cereal Killer,’ confessed to the crime in an email sent to federal investigators.

“Basically, he sent in emails confessing to the crime, and blamed it all on the fact that all his friends had gotten Playstation 4 consoles, and he was stuck with the old XBox 360. He felt abandoned, and like he had no friends left in the world,” FBI spokesperson Gerald Carmichael told the Associated Press. “So he wanted to ‘make Sony pay.’ Curiously, Sony Entertainment, as in the films, and Sony’s video game division, are two completely separate entities.”

“It’s just what I could get into, you know?” said the wayward teen in his emails. “I tried to break into the game division computers first. I thought I could maybe steal some unfinished games and release them online. But that one was too hard. Instead, I got into the movie studio computers, and got to watch Annie before it came out. The movie really, really sucked, by the way.”

“The boy is clearly a genius when it comes to electronics and the computer language in this technology age,” said Charmichael. “It reminds me of the movie War Games a little bit, that one from the 80s with Matthew Broderick. Here is this boy savant, who is just amazing at computers. It is really unbelievable that a young child could possess so much dangerous knowledge. Hell, I couldn’t do what he did, and I’ve been studying computers for ages.”

While the crime is being thoroughly investigated, the teen will be kept in the custody of the FBI. Carmichael declined to discuss what charges or any possible punishments the boy is facing.

Independent Theatre Owner Calls Major Chains, Film Studio ‘Pussies,’ Still Wants To Play ‘The Interview’

Posted on December 17, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CONCORD, Massachusetts –

With news breaking late Tuesday evening that most major movie theatre chains – including AMC, Cinemark, Cinemagic, and Regal, among others – would be dropping their bookings for the Seth Rogen comedy The Interview over threats of violence from hackers, Sony Pictures officially announced that they would be pulling the film from theatres all together.

One lone theatre owner in Massachusetts says he’s upset that he’s being denied a movie he’s had pre-booked for weeks.

“I should be able to show whatever Goddamned movie I want to show,” said Cletus Lorde, 79. “I’ve been showing the pictures here for the last 53 years, and my dad was showing ’em for another 40 before that. We’ve always showed what the people want to see, and the local kids have said they want to see that film.”

Lorde says he is carrying on a tradition of showing controversial films started by his father, Francis Lorde, when he showed the pro-Ku Klux Klan film The Birth of a Nation back in 1917.

“Dad fought the town like crazy to be able to play that. The entire city council tried to shut the theatre down, but dad stood his ground and, in the end, he played it. The movie sold out every show for 2 straight months. Controversy brings the dollars. That’s another reason I want to make sure I play this movie. There’s a Regal theatre a few miles away; been stealing my business for the last decade. ‘Bout time I take some back, if I do say so myself.”

Sony Pictures, the distribution company for The Interview originally said they had no plans of completely pulling the film from theatres, and would stand behind any company that didn’t wish to play it, but changed their stance on Wednesday afternoon.

“Those big-wigs at the megaplex chains and the studios, they’re all a bunch of scared little pussies,” said Lorde. “Those big-talking internet assclowns ain’t gonna do nothing to nobody. It’s all hogwash. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if the film company themselves is making this big deal out of it just to drum up business for when they release it on DVD. Damn home video is killing my theatre. Well I tell you what, ol’ Cletus ain’t afraid of no internet people, and I ain’t afraid to show a movie with a little controversy, neither. If they change their minds yet again, my theatre will absolutely play it.”

When asked what he thought about the fact that Sony was essentially giving in to demands of bullies, Lorde said he’s not surprised. “It’s just a giant kick in the balls, both to potential viewers, and to little theatres like me who need that business,” said Lorde. “Looks like the terrorists really have won, because instead of The Interview, a movie people actually wanted to see, I’ll be stuck playing Annie, a movie no one even asked for. I hate Hollywood.”

BREAKING: North Korea Launches Nuclear Missile Towards The United States

Posted on December 5, 2014 by DvanL

PYONGYANG, North Korea –

Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, has launched a series of nuclear missiles towards the United States in retaliation for the release of the new Seth Rogen and James Franco big-budget comedy film The Interview.

The nuclear capabilities of North Korean military forces are in their infancy, and so far no missiles have traveled further than a few kilometers, military experts say. “We’re on high alert in case any missile comes close to entering American territory,” said US Army spokesperson Turk Hudsonberry. “We’ve been able to track the missiles with spy satellites, and so far only two have managed to launch. Of those two, one was a dud, while the other one wiped out a bridge near the Taedong River,” he added.

Although North Korean forces have thus far been unsuccessful in their attempts to inflict damage anywhere near American soil, US military personnel never underestimates the significance of any perceived attack. “We take each and every threat against the United States seriously,” said Hudsonberry, “no matter how weak or inept they may seem.”

In the Rogen and Franco film, the duo play tabloid show stars who land an interview with Kim Jong-un, and are recruited by the CIA to “take him out.”

“I guess he just doesn’t have that big a sense of humor,” said Hollywood insider and North Korean military expert Danny Nang. “Reports circulated last June that Kim Jong-un was extremely upset with the film’s plot, but we never expected military retaliation. We suspect that the Supreme leader is one of the few people in the country with access to a satellite to view worldwide media, which would explain his knowledge that the film existed.”

In August of 2013, photos from a North Korean military parade showed what were purported to be Intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs). “They were the same ICBMs used in the previous year’s parade,” said Nang, “except new numbers were painted over the old ones. Military experts determined they were fakes designed more for show.”

Hudsonberry stressed that all threats against the United States are treated with the highest priority. “Kim Jung-un’s actions should never be underestimated. His government goes to great lengths to display the country’s military might, and what North Korea shows on the outside does not necessarily represent what takes place on the inside. We remain on high alert, and are confident that our anti-missile systems will effectively counter and completely demolish any military attack before it poses any real threat to the US,” he added.

Seth Rogen, James Franco Taken Into Protective Custody Following Threats From North Korea Over New Movie

Posted on July 24, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

FORT MEADE, Maryland –

Actors Seth Rogen and James Franco have been taken into protective custody by the NSA following a second formal letter from North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un was sent to the White House regarding the upcoming Hollywood film The Interview. The action comedy portrays a fictional attempt by the CIA to assassinate Kim Jong-un, and stars Rogen and James Franco as a hapless TV film crew given the task to kill the leader.

North Korea has lodged the letter, which is the second thus far, to formally complain about the film. In the letter, officials from the National Defense Commission stated that the plot insults and undermines the leadership of Kim Jong-un and that they insist the film be prohibited from release by President Obama. Several threats were made in the first and second letters, and even resorted to racial slurs aimed at The President, along with threats of “retaliation” if the movie is released.

It remains unclear the exact reasons Rogen and Franco were taken into custody, but White House Press Secretary John Earnest briefly addressed what was originally thought to only be a rumor as true.

“I can confirm that Seth Rogen and James Franco were taken into custody as a result of the latest threats coming out of North Korea as a safety precaution, that is all that can be said about the matter at this time,” said Earnest. When asked if the movie, which is slated to be released October 10th, would still see the light of day he stated “I cannot comment on the dealings with the film studio at this time. I can say it is a particularly delicate situation, and all measures are being taken to protect all involved and resolve the issue in the appropriate fashion.”

Columbia Pictures, who is set to distribute the film, has not given any further information on the release, only saying that “As of now, The Interview is still set to be released in theaters across the United States October 10th. Obviously things are being worked out, what that entails is unknown at this time,” said Columbia Executive Amy Pascal.

North Korea Plans Missile Attack On U.S. Over Seth Rogen Comedy

Posted on June 26, 2014 by Rab

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Funnyman and film writer Seth Rogen has teamed up again with actor James Franco to make a comedy film that is pretty topical in the present day. The movie, “The Interview,” pits Franco and Rogen as journalists who have one mission: to assassinate Kim Jung Un. Unfortunately, Kim Jong-un is not taking the situation lightly.

“This movie is obviously satire.” Rogen states, laughing hysterically. “But Kim, he wants to literally attack the country if we release it. He wants us dead. The fact that this crazy dude believes that we want to kill him is absolutely hilarious, and just proves how off his rocker this dude is.”

Franco was less surprised by Jong-un’s reaction.

“Yo, this dude runs a country where every man has to have the same haircut as he does.” Said Franco. “He runs a country where there is a housing unit that has over five hundred houses in it, fully powered and livable, and it sits completely empty, just so that from the sky and the nearby roads the city looks nice, not like a third world [expletive]-hole. Who better to be rid of on this planet but this guy? I mean, I’m just an actor, author, director, producer, artist, and model – I am not qualified to do it for real. But in a movie, who better to assassinate a world leader than me and Seth?”

North Korean leaders have seen the trailer for this film, and are not impressed. Representatives for Kim Jong-un are reportedly so angered, they have called the movie “an act of war.” According to government officials, US drones have picked up images of North Korea readying missiles, in anticipation of the studio not permanently shelving the film.

“These weapons of mass destruction could devastate California, you know, if they can reach it this time.” Says secretary of defense Chuck Hagel. “In all seriousness, yes – we’re talking war here. but I can assure all fans of Rogen and Franco’s films that the US government has no plans of forcing Columbia or Sony Pictures to not release this film. It looks quite hilarious actually. We’ll deal with the repercussions later, like we always do.”

Rogen, who was too high to really understand the threat, said he isn’t concerned about real retaliation.

“I mean honestly, how serious is Kim, anyway? Those South Park guys, they made Team America which mocked the hell out of North Korea, and the world didn’t end then, did it?” Rogen said. “At most, they’re just going to ban the movie in North Korea, and who cares? We don’t exactly make bank there anyway.”

The US Defense department has said that there is no reason to worry, and more than likely North Korea is just engaging in a metaphorical “dick-wagging” contest.

“Their missiles are garbage anyway.” Said Hagel. “If they want to start a war over a movie, we’ll wipe them off the map. They might have some pretty big guns, but our guns are bigger. USA! USA!”