Kim Jong Un Admits He Loved ‘The Interview,’ Plans To Show The Film To North Korean People

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PYONGANG, North Korea – Kim Jong Un Admits He Loved 'The Interview,' Plans To Show The Film To North Korean People

Continuing with the controversy surrounding the new release of the movie The Interview, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has said that he was wrong to have publicly debased the film, and that after watching the movie, found it to be “hysterical.”

Sony had initially pulled the movie from theatres after backing down due to terrorist threats, and the world let out a collective angry scream as they wouldn’t get a glimpse at why this movie was considered to be too dangerous to show. Shortly afterwards, though, the company reversed their decision, and allowed the film to be screened at any theatre wishing to show it, as well as releasing it through streaming media services such as YouTube and XBox Media Center.

“Having now been able to actually see the movie, his supreme ruler Kim Jong un has reversed his previous statements about it, and now deems it to be something the world should see, as he believes it makes him look very human,” said a publicist for Jong un. “The movie will even be shown in North Korea, albeit cut to promote our Supreme Leader as the hero and God that he is.”

Kim Jong un claims that the only reason he ever denounced the film was that he was angry that producers had never sent him a copy for review, and he had never even been given the chance to see it. Once the movie was made available publicly, he made time to watch and review the movie.

“Supreme Leader has said that he is glad that someone made him a bootleg copy of the film for him to see,” said the publicist. “Kim Jong un is an avid movie fan, and loves Hollywood cinema. He also wishes to be able to receive further screener copies of movies so as he can begin work on his new movie review website for the North Korean people, ‘SupremeLeaderWatchesMoviesBecauseYouCannot.com'”

 

Eminem Says Coming Out As Gay In ‘The Interview’ Was Not An Act

BARTON HILLS, Michigan – Eminem Says Coming Out Of Closet In 'The Interview' Was Not An Act

Marshall Mathers, also known by his stage name Eminem, one of the most successful rappers of all time, made a cameo in the highly controversial comedy film The Interview, in which he plays himself, announcing during an interview that he is gay. In the movie, James Franco plays the part of Dave Skylark, who has a very successful syndicated television show which gets candid interviews with such superstars as Eminem, Rob Lowe, and eventually North Korea supreme leader Kim Jong-un.

According to Eminem, when asked about the movie and its dialogue, in which he nonchalantly proclaimed to be a gay man, the rapper said that he ad-libbed that whole scene himself, and that although in the film it was played like a joke, it was his way of discussing his true opinion on the matters of sex and celebrities.

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“Personally I don’t think a person’s sexuality is anybody’s business. I’ve rapped about sex, I’ve rapped about being gay. I’ve also written songs about shooting people. Sometimes, it’s fantasy. Other times, maybe it’s not,” Eminem said during a recent interview. “It doesn’t matter. That scene in the movie, it was originally planned as a more subtle gag, something about me being an illuminati ruler or something. I asked if I could just do my own thing with it, and Seth [Rogen, director and star] said ‘go ahead.’ He gave me the green light to come out in the movie. Maybe it was real, maybe it wasn’t. Does it matter? Should it matter?”

The rapper, who has been intensely scrutinized throughout his career for using homophobic slurs, said that he just used derogatory terms to be ironic, and that his sex life is private, and that everyone’s sex life should be as public or as private as they want it to be.

“After putting a lot of thought into it, I came to the ultimate conclusion that there are probably thousands, if not millions of fans of mine that are gay and living a lie. This was my way of supporting them in a way that could make people laugh, and feel good. Maybe it was my way of telling the world something that they’ve always been wondering. Maybe it was my way of telling people to go fuck themselves. Maybe it was just a movie, and people shouldn’t be questioning it in the first place. I’ve always been true to myself, and everyone else should worry about doing the same.”

 

 

Two Arrested In Thwarted Attack On Movie Theatre Playing ‘The Interview’

DULUTH, Minnesota – Two Arrested In Thwarted Attack On Movie Theatre Playing 'The Interview'

Authorities in Duluth, Minnesota have arrested two men in connection with an attempted attack on a movie theatre playing controversial Seth Rogen film The Interview on Christmas day.

The men, whose names have not been released publicly, are thought by police to possibly be terrorists from North Korea, who had plans on detonating explosives during the showing of the film at a small art house movie theatre. According to reports, quick action from a theatre employee ‘saved the day.’

“A theatre usher, whose job it was to tear the tickets of patrons going in to see the films, thwarted what could have been a real disaster,” said Duluth police chief Joe Goldsmith. “His dedication to his job, and to performing his duties, has saved lives today.”

“It wasn’t really that big of a deal,” said Adam Scott, theatre usher. “These two guys came in to see The Interview, and they were carrying bags from the grocery store across the street. We don’t allow outside food into the theatre, so I told them they’d have to go leave it in their car, just like I’ve told hundreds of other people in the 2 years I’ve worked here.”

According to Chief Goldsmith, the two men were actually carrying homemade explosives in the bags, with plans to destroy the theatre during the show.

“The two men became very agitated when I told them that they couldn’t bring the bags into the theatre, because as I tried explaining, we don’t allow food that isn’t bought at our concession stand into the auditoriums. They didn’t seem to understand what I was saying at all, and I didn’t understand them, either,” explained Scott. “They ended up storming out of the building. It’s actually not that uncommon to have people get mad when you tell them ‘no outside food or drink.'”

Goldsmith says the two men were arrested shortly afterwards, when a police officer noticed the explosives in the backseat of their car during a routine traffic stop. “They ran a red light leaving the movie theatre plaza,” said Goldsmith. “It was all over for them very quickly, despite their intentions.”

“I kind of feel bad for them,” said Scott. “Obviously, these guys were total morons. I can’t believe North Korea is even considered a threat at all if these are the kinds of ‘genius’ minds they’ve got over there. They were the only two people who’d bought tickets to the film all day. I think most people who want to see it will watch from home. Hell, I can see it for free at my work, and I still just illegally downloaded it. It’s almost kind of ironic to try to blow up a movie that’s going to be such a huge bomb on its own.”

The Interview is now showing at select theatres throughout the U.S. The film is also available for purchase On-Demand via YouTube, Google Play, XBox One, or for free through your favorite movie pirating website.

BREAKING: North Korea Launches Nuclear Missile Towards The United States

PYONGYANG, North Korea – BREAKING- North Korea Launches Nuclear Missile Towards The United States

Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, has launched a series of nuclear missiles towards the United States in retaliation for the release of the new Seth Rogen and James Franco big-budget comedy film The Interview.

The nuclear capabilities of North Korean military forces are in their infancy, and so far no missiles have traveled further than a few kilometers, military experts say. “We’re on high alert in case any missile comes close to entering American territory,” said US Army spokesperson Turk Hudsonberry. “We’ve been able to track the missiles with spy satellites, and so far only two have managed to launch. Of those two, one was a dud, while the other one wiped out a bridge near the Taedong River,” he added.

Although North Korean forces have thus far been unsuccessful in their attempts to inflict damage anywhere near American soil, US military personnel never underestimates the significance of any perceived attack. “We take each and every threat against the United States seriously,” said Hudsonberry, “no matter how weak or inept they may seem.”

In the Rogen and Franco film, the duo play tabloid show stars who land an interview with Kim Jong-un, and are recruited by the CIA to “take him out.”

“I guess he just doesn’t have that big a sense of humor,” said Hollywood insider and North Korean military expert Danny Nang. “Reports circulated last June that Kim Jong-un was extremely upset with the film’s plot, but we never expected military retaliation.  We suspect that the Supreme leader is one of the few people in the country with access to a satellite to view worldwide media, which would explain his knowledge that the film existed.”

In August of 2013, photos from a North Korean military parade showed what were purported to be Intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs). “They were the same ICBMs used in the previous year’s parade,” said Nang, “except new numbers were painted over the old ones. Military experts determined they were fakes designed more for show.”

Hudsonberry stressed that all threats against the United States are treated with the highest priority. “Kim Jung-un’s actions should never be underestimated. His government goes to great lengths to display the country’s military might, and what North Korea shows on the outside does not necessarily represent what takes place on the inside. We remain on high alert, and are confident that our anti-missile systems will effectively counter and completely demolish any military attack before it poses any real threat to the US,” he added.

Seth Rogen, James Franco Taken Into Protective Custody Following Threats From North Korea Over New Movie

FORT MEADE, Maryland – rogen and franco taken into protective custody

Actors Seth Rogen and James Franco have been taken into protective custody by the NSA following a second formal letter from North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un was sent to the White House regarding the upcoming Hollywood film The Interview.  The action comedy portrays a fictional attempt by the CIA to assassinate Kim Jong-un, and stars Rogen and James Franco as a hapless TV film crew given the task to kill the leader.

North Korea has lodged the letter, which is the second thus far, to formally complain about the film. In the letter, officials from the National Defense Commission stated that the plot insults and undermines the leadership of Kim Jong-un and that they insist the film be prohibited from release by President Obama. Several threats were made in the first and second letters, and even resorted to racial slurs aimed at The President, along with threats of “retaliation” if the movie is released.

It remains unclear the exact reasons Rogen and Franco were taken into custody, but White House Press Secretary John Earnest briefly addressed what was originally thought to only be a rumor as true.

“I can confirm that Seth Rogen and James Franco were taken into custody as a result of the latest threats coming out of North Korea as a safety precaution, that is all that can be said about the matter at this time,” said Earnest. When asked if the movie, which is slated to be released October 10th, would still see the light of day he stated “I cannot comment on the dealings with the film studio at this time. I can say it is a particularly delicate situation, and all measures are being taken to protect all involved and resolve the issue in the appropriate fashion.”

Columbia Pictures, who is set to distribute the film, has not given any further information on the release, only saying that “As of now, The Interview is still set to be released in theaters across the United States October 10th. Obviously things are being worked out, what that entails is unknown at this time,” said Columbia Executive Amy Pascal.

North Korea Plans Missile Attack On U.S. Over Seth Rogen Comedy

HOLLYWOOD, California – Empire-News-North-Korea-Aims-Missiles-At-US-Over-Seth-Rogen-Comedy

Funnyman and film writer Seth Rogen has teamed up again with actor James Franco to make a comedy film that is pretty topical in the present day.  The movie, “The Interview,” pits Franco and Rogen as journalists who have one mission: to assassinate Kim Jung Un. Unfortunately, Kim Jong-un is not taking the situation lightly.

“This movie is obviously satire.” Rogen states, laughing hysterically.  “But Kim, he wants to literally attack the country if we release it. He wants us dead. The fact that this crazy dude believes that we want to kill him is absolutely hilarious, and just proves how off his rocker this dude is.”

Franco was less surprised by Jong-un’s reaction.

“Yo, this dude runs a country where every man has to have the same haircut as he does.” Said Franco. “He runs a country where there is a housing unit that has over five hundred houses in it, fully powered and livable, and it sits completely empty, just so that from the sky and the nearby roads the city looks nice, not like a third world [expletive]-hole.  Who better to be rid of on this planet but this guy?  I mean, I’m just an actor, author, director, producer, artist, and model – I am not qualified to do it for real. But in a movie, who better to assassinate a world leader than me and Seth?”

North Korean leaders have seen the trailer for this film, and are not impressed.  Representatives for Kim Jong-un are reportedly so angered, they have called the movie “an act of war.”  According to government officials, US drones have picked up images of North Korea readying missiles, in anticipation of the studio not permanently shelving the film.

“These weapons of mass destruction could devastate California, you know, if they can reach it this time.”  Says secretary of defense Chuck Hagel.  “In all seriousness, yes – we’re talking war here.  but I can assure all fans of Rogen and Franco’s films that the US government has no plans of forcing Columbia or Sony Pictures to not release this film.  It looks quite hilarious actually. We’ll deal with the repercussions later, like we always do.”

Rogen, who was too high to really understand the threat, said he isn’t concerned about real retaliation.

“I mean honestly, how serious is Kim, anyway? Those South Park guys, they made Team America which mocked the hell out of North Korea, and the world didn’t end then, did it?” Rogen said. “At most, they’re just going to ban the movie in North Korea, and who cares? We don’t exactly make bank there anyway.”

The US Defense department has said that there is no reason to worry, and more than likely North Korea is just engaging in a metaphorical “dick-wagging” contest.

“Their missiles are garbage anyway.” Said Hagel. “If they want to start a war over a movie, we’ll wipe them off the map. They might have some pretty big guns, but our guns are bigger. USA! USA!”

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