Internet Meme ‘Fat Emo Kid’ Dies After Choking On Carrot

fat emo


The Fat Emo Kid meme is one of the internet’s oldest, the picture often accompanied by the phrase, “when the world gets you down, eat it.” The boy in the picture, Mike Jones, was 16 when the image was taken and posted to internet forum Reddit, and it reportedly caused him so much grief, he went on a diet and lost over 200 pounds.

“Mike was a great kid, and he was just going through a phase of wearing make-up, throwing up gang signs, eating too much food,” said his mother, Marie. “I think all kids go through that at some point in their life. Anyway, after that picture went viral, it destroyed him, so he did something about it. He lost 211 pounds, and became extremely health conscience. Unfortunately, it was the healthy foods that killed him.”

According to Marie Jones, her son died last week after he choked on a baby carrot that was in a salad he was having for lunch.

“Mikey loved his carrots. He would eat anything, to be sure, but he did it in moderation after that picture made him internet famous,” said Marie. “I’m glad now, though, that Mikey is in heaven, where he can be fat again and eat all the cake and there will be no one to make fun of him. God wouldn’t allow it. Mikey certainly had an appetite for life, God rest his soul.”

Mike Jones would have been 23 on December 5th.

Teen Sues Parents For Grounding Him, Making Him Miss Concert Of Favorite Band

DULUTH, Minnesota – 

A Duluth teen has reportedly brought a $150,000 lawsuit against his parents for grounding him 3 weeks ago, forcing him to miss his favorite band as they made an appearance at a local venue.

Aiden Moore, 17, is suing his parents, Jacob and Rebecca, saying that if he hadn’t been grounded, then he could have gone to see his favorite band, Eyeliner Fiasco, and that all of his friends wouldn’t be bullying him for missing it.

“Everyone in my group, they can’t believe that I didn’t make it to the Fiasco show,” said Aiden. “They’re standing in the halls at school in their skinny jeans, their black make-up, and their hot pink hair, and they’re making fun of me, calling me ‘fag’ and stuff. It’s not right.”

Aiden claims that he was the one in his group of friends that got everyone into Eyeliner Fiasco in the first place, and that his parents have caused “irreparable harm” to his status at school by grounding him, and not allowing him to go to the concert.

“We didn’t let him go because we caught him stealing his little sister’s makeup again, and he was grounded for the weekend,” said Aiden’s mother, Rebecca Moore. “We don’t take grounding lightly in this house, and he knew the rules and broke them. We weren’t just going to ground him, then let him go to the concert anyway.”

The lawsuit was filed on behalf of Aiden by the ACLU, the American Children Loser’s Union, who help morons, losers, and emo kids to sue their parents when their own behavior causes conflict.

New Wave of Emo Teens Paint Rooms in Bright Pink in Order to Defy Convention

New Wave of Emo Teens Paint Rooms in Bright Pink in Order to Defy Convention


For time immemorial, gloomy teenagers have represented their isolation with heavy use of the color black. What the current generation calls “emo kids” have been no exception to the rule. They dye their hair dark black, wear black clothing, and even use copious amounts of black eyeliner and nail polish.

It is exactly the long-running convention of this trend that today’s emo generation is starting to turn against. In research conducted by the Childhood Development Agency (CDA), data has emerged that more and more angry teens are painting their rooms bright pink.

“We … defy… modern society… the man,” mumbled one such child. “Our parents expectations of us don’t matter! We’ll paint our rooms whatever color we want!”

“As long as it’s not black,” interjected another teen. “That’s so conformist. No lonely and creative teen has ever painted their room pink before.”

While the changing trend has been a great boon for colored paint, black paint itself admitted to having a mountain ahead of it to climb.

“When I got into this, my aim was to not conform to other paints’ ideas of beauty,” said black paint. “I would not be like those happy-clappy types who don’t know anything about meaning in life or existentialism. Now the kids think that I’ve sold out. Well, I haven’t, and I won’t give up my perch as the harbinger of sorrow that easily.”

Parents of teens joining the pink paint craze have reacted with pleasant surprise, mostly indicating that the house has brightened and the angst created by the darkness has dissipated.

As of press time, most emo teens have abandoned the idea, considering other options such as brown or golden honeysuckle.

“Our parents know nothing about the depth of feeling in paint colors,” they said. “If they think pink paint is better, it’s because they’re totally deluded by societal norms. We were almost swept in, but now we know the dangers, and will continue fighting the norms of society with paint.”

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