Halloween 2015 Will Be 666th In History

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UNITED STATES – 

This October 31st, trick-or-treaters have something a little more ghoulish and spooky to contend with than just ghosts, witches, and Frozen characters. This year’s Halloween will be the 666th in history, making it extra “hellish” for some.

666, which is widely recognized as the “number of the beast,” or the number representing Satan, is almost as unlucky or uncomfortable for some as the unlucky number 13. Many parents say that they are refusing to take their children out trick-or-treating this year, in fear of the Devil coming to take their children.

“This is an extra special Halloween, and one that I am truly terrified of,” said Jolene Myers, 38. Her sons, Dylan and Michael, both 8, have been begging her to let them go trick-or-treating this year dressed as football players, but Myers, so far, is refusing. “I have no desire to watch my only two boys get swallowed up by the demon Beelzebub. They will still be young enough to go out on the 667th Halloween, and this year, I’ll just buy them a couple bags of candy.”

According to historians who have completely made up the history of the holiday, the first Halloween, then known as Samhain, took place in 1350.

“Kids went out, door to door, asking for some sort of token or treat,” said Halloween historian Jack King. “If they did not receive a treat, then they would burn the house down with the residents inside, ‘tricking’ them into burning in hell. Obviously times have changed greatly, but this year, the 666th, is definitely going to bring on some truly heinous evil. The sprits of those burned alive in their homes will certainly be restless this year.”

Police say that they will be “extra vigilant” this year in watching for young children who will be out alone, and hope that everyone has a safe, albeit scary, holiday.

Woman Claims Ghost Of Abraham Lincoln Wants Her To Kill Justin Bieber, Other Celebs

Woman Claims Ghost Of Abraham Lincoln Wants Her To Kill Justin Bieber, Others

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Louise Ballinger, a 49-year-old single woman who lives in an apartment in the building next door to The Peterson House, best known as the place President Abraham Lincoln was taken on April 15, 1865 and later died in after being shot at Ford’s Theatre just across the street, says that she is haunted every single night by the ghost of Lincoln, and that he tells her to do awful things.

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“I consider myself a medium, and I choose to stay in touch with the deceased, which is why I moved as close as possible to the Peterson House in hopes of making contact with Abraham Lincoln,” Ballinger told Rochelle Pappas, a reporter from the Washington Daily Times. “Low and behold, I made contact with him and he began speaking to me every single night just before I go to sleep. But things took a terrifying turn when he started telling to kill various celebrities.”

It seems that good ole President Lincoln has beef with Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian. “The thing I hear more than anything is ‘Kill Justin Bieber, kill him dead. The Beebs must go.'” Ballinger insisted. “Every now and then, he will name other celebs like Kim Kardashian and Nancy Grace. He really can’t stand Nancy Grace! Then again, who can?” the self proclaimed paranormal translation expert said.

Ballinger’s friends, family, and neighbors all believe she has gone mad, all except her 26-year-old son Patrick.

“People say my mom is crazy, yo but for real check it …I’ve seen old dude creepin’ up the hall in the middle of the night, ya know what I’m sayin? It ain’t no reflection or some whacked out shit like that, ya know what I mean? Shit’s for real, my dawg. Believe that,” he said.

Walmart Sells To Chinese Investment Group For Over $500B

Walmart Sold To Chinese Investment Group For Over $500B

 

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas –

Sam Walton founded Walmart on July 2, 1952 after working for retail giant J.C. Penny for several years. Walton died in 1992 of bone cancer just as his franchise had become one of the biggest in the entire world, however the company would remain in the family the entire time. Today, though, it was announced that the company is being sold to a group of Chinese investors, the Chine Investment Group, better known as CIG.

CIG, led by CEO and president of financial operations, Bao Chang, purchased Walmart from the wealthy Walton family for a world record $535 billion USD. The deal also includes Sam’s Club, Walmart Express, although Walmart International currently, and curiously, remains off the deal.

In an early morning press conference, including both Chang and S. Robson Walton, Chang announced that the store would remain just as it has for several years, with the exception of a name change.

“It is with great honor that we purchase and take over this great franchise establishment, the service to customers worldwide will remain just as dependable,” Chang said. “We will be changing the name of the legendary store to ‘China-Direct’, being that most products sold in the store are, indeed, made in China. This is a great day for the country of China, as well as the shoppers of the United States.”

Today there are over 11,000 Walmart stores located throughout 27 countries, with the number growing every year since the company was founded. Chang insists that the name change will not affect those who shop at the store, though.

“Everyone knows that China makes a great product. If anything, the name change will generate more respect for the company, therefore making it more successful. When people shop, they want to see that little sticker that says ‘Made in China’ and nothing will be sold in our stores which isn’t made in China. We must give the people, especially the American people, the product they truly wish for and deserve.”

Slenderman Research Shows Sightings Throughout History

WASHINGTON, D.C. –  Empire-News-Slenderman-Research-Shows-Sightings-Throughout-History

Slenderman, a noted internet sensation, has lately become the subject of severe scrutiny, due to a rash of killings and attacks where the offender has blamed their actions on the supposedly fictional meme.

In the past few weeks, there have been at least three crimes linked to Slenderman.  In the first attack, two 12 year-old Wisconsin girls allegedly stabbed a friend 19 times, saying they did it “to honor Slenderman.”  In a violent murder involving a man who killed two police officers and another person before ultimately killing himself, it was noted that the killer would often dress up as Slenderman.  Most recently, a Cincinnati mother is convinced that her daughter was influenced by Slenderman to attack her in their home with a knife.

John Gray, director at the National Museum of American History, has reported some astonishing new facts involving the Slenderman.  “There has been so much talk of this character lately, so much mystery surrounding what is supposedly only a new thing, an internet meme, I really wanted to go back and look into it a little further.”

Gray says that after the stories of Slenderman hit the news in recent weeks, it inspired him to go back and re-read some of the stories and articles about people who survived the attacks on the World Trade Center.

“Reading some of the reports from people who got out of the buildings at the time, some told of pretty frightening stuff about a spectral figure, standing with arms open.  They all described him the same way: featureless face, tall and skinny, and wearing all black or an all black suit.”

These astonishing finds persuaded Gray to continue his reasearch.  He went further back in history to see if he could find any retelling of stories that included a similar man of shape and stature.

“I figured I was nuts.  I did my research, and knew that this Slenderman was an internet mock-up of something that was supposed to be scary, and Eric Knudesn only created him in 2009.  So you can imagine how shocked I was to see that similar entities to the Slenderman actually were fairly deep-seeded in the history of our country, as well as the world.”

Gray enlisted friend and noted writer and researcher Dr. Michael Enslin to help him trace back any accounts of Slenderman that could be found.

“I discovered many stories about WWII in which as the bombs were dropping, people were being corralled by a large light skinned man with dull, almost non-existent features, who drew them towards death by opening his arms.” Said Dr. Enslin. “Most of the people killed in the stories were children. I was awestruck.”

There pair found other similar stories linked to World War II, but it also seems to play out the same in other wars throughout history.

“Another story we discovered was about Vietnam, where Americans were firebombing fields and a similar situation happened,” said Gray. “Slenderman, or at least a figure similarly described, was seen almost corralling people to him, offering what seemed like solace in the crazy time.  Of course the solace was a lie; all of the people were killed in the attacks.”

With these two huge connections to Slenderman, Gray and Dr. Enslin decided to take it even further back, to see how deep into history they could find reference to the same specter.

“We dusted off old books, and we went as far back as resources allowed, to the mid 1400’s – when Vlad Dracul III reigned in Wallachia.” Said Dr. Enslin. “We found translated letters that sent shivers down our spine.”

We killed 23,884 Turks, without counting those whom we burned in homes, or the ones whose heads were cut by our soldiers.” The letters read. “We also failed to count the ones taken by The Tall Man, who lured the peasants to us, arms outstretched. He brought us souls, and took many himself.

“It’s a nightmare,” said Gray. “I wish I’d never started this research. If this has been happening this long, then it could go on forever.”

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