Former Subway Pitchman Jared Fogle Raped, Murdered In Prison

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PHOENIX, Arizona – 

According to local police, Jared Fogle, the disgraced former Subway pitchman who was convicted on child pornography and sex charges, was found dead in his prison cell on Thursday afternoon. Prison officials say that it appears that Fogle was raped and sodomized and stabbed with a prison-made shank.

“Mr. Fogle had, until recently, been in protective custody to assure that this exact thing did not happen,” said prison warden Michael Ross. “After he was released into general population on Wednesday evening, we heard rumors that an attack was imminent. Unfortunately, we did not move him back into PC in time. Mr. Fogle was pronounced dead at 3:14PM on Thursday.”

Many of the prison’s gangs have reportedly taken accountability for the act; all of them say that it was their men who did it.

“Oh man, it was my boys in the Aryan gang, dude,” said gang leader Mark Smith. “We might hate a lot of people, but the worst are the child fuckers. They always gonna get what’s coming to them, man. It was ours for the taking, and we took it.”

Other gangs also claim that they are responsible, including the Latinos, bikers, the Jews, and the African-Americans. So far, police say they have no leads as to who is actually responsible, but that they’re not too worried about finding out, either.

Woman Violently Murders Husband After Finding Toilet Seat Left Up

WILKES-BARRE, Pennsylvania – Woman Violently Kills Husband After Finding Toilet Seat Left Up

A woman has been arrested today after police say she brutally murdered her husband in their Wilkes-Barre home late Sunday evening. Jennifer Latorre, age 36, claims that she feels no remorse, and says that her husband “deserved to die” for his mistakes.

According to police reports, Jennifer’s husband, John Latorre, 39, had apparently forgotten to put the toilet seat back down after using the bathroom, even though he was requested to several times by his wife. Jennifer Latorre claims she warned her husband every day for weeks that if he didn’t put the seat down that she would stab him in his “balls, ass, and face.”

The state coroner’s report showed that John Latorre was stabbed over 47 times with a long, sharp object, with several wounds to the face being the ones that killed him. Police believe that he was stabbed with a kitchen knife.

Neighbors reportedly overheard an argument in the Latorre home, which led to what sounded like a violent altercation, and they immediately called police.

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“When we arrived on the scene, there was blood all over the kitchen, living room, and bathroom,” said officer Joe Goldsmith of the Wilkes-Barre Police Department. “It’s almost as if she dragged him from the kitchen into the bathroom to show him his mistake, because when we arrived, the toilet seat had been put down.”

“I stabbed him once for every time he left the seat up,” said Jennifer Latorre. “I see no reason that a man should not be killed if you ask him to do one simple thing after another simple, goddamn thing, and he just can’t be bothered. A man like that is useless.”

Several women’s groups throughout the country have begun showing their support for Jennifer, saying that they will pool their resources to make sure she gets “the best lawyer money can buy.”

“Jennifer Latorre is an inspiration to all married women who deal with cheating husbands, stupid husbands, or just plain assholes,” said Melissa Jean, founder of the Women Come First movement. “Every woman who has to deal with a husband who can’t be bothered to listen to his wife should take note of Jennifer’s action. Your time will come, sisters! Your time will come!”

“She is the most sociopathic person I’ve ever encountered,” said Officer Goldsmith. “She went over the murder and ensuing events with us like we were old friends and she was telling us a boring story. It was the most graphic thing I have heard about or seen since joining the force, and it still chills me to my core. The fact that this happened over a toilet seat, and literally nothing else, is profoundly disturbing. I can tell you what, though – I’ll never leave the seat up in my house again.”

 

 

‘Sexy Felon’ Jeremy Meeks Murdered Within Hours of Release, Police Question Wife As Suspect

STOCKTON, California – empire-news-sexy-felon-found-dead-police-question-wife-as-suspect

Within hours of his release from prison Tuesday morning, internet sensation and ‘sexy felon’ Jeremy Meeks was found dead, according to Stockton Police reports.

Police say that they received a call around 1AM Wednesday morning from an anonymous source who said they thought they saw a body in an alleyway in Stockton. When they arrived on the scene, police found Meeks barely alive, suffering from multiple contusions and stab wounds. Meeks was rushed to a local Stockton hospital, where he was later pronounced dead.

Investigators are saying that Meeks was picked up by his mother after posting bail and leaving the prison on Tuesday, and the two returned to her home, where Meeks’ wife Lashanda was waiting. The couple reportedly had been having issues prior to Meeks’ arrest, and a fight erupted soon after he arrived home. So far, police have no further information on how Meeks’ ended up so severely wounded several blocks from his mother’s house, but they believe that he may have been stabbed and left for dead. An autopsy is scheduled for next week.

Detectives interviewed Meeks’ mother at her home, and wife Lashanda was taken in for continued questioning. Officers allege that either Lashanda or someone she knows or hired may have been responsible for Meeks’ death. Police Chief Tom Morris said investigators found a knife and several pieces of bloody clothing at the scene, but do not have any further information. A DNA test on the evidence could be back as soon as August.

“The investigation is ongoing,” said Morris. “At this time, we are investigating all possible suspects. We would appreciate anyone with any information coming forward and contacting us or their local branch of the FBI.”

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