Inspired by Movie ‘Gravity,’ Obama Plans To Be First President In Outer Space

WASHINGTON, D.C. –  Inspired by Movie 'Gravity,' Obama Plans To Be First President In Outer Space

In an unprecedented White House meeting, President Obama met members of the  press with NASA officials by his side. The President was beaming as he announced plans to become the first President to travel into outer space, planning the trip before his term ends in early 2016.

Obama will reportedly be taking a sabbatical and moving to Houston towards the end of 2015 to go through an extensive eight-week training class on how to become an astronaut. Part of the training will include mock simulations in zero gravity.

“Michelle and I recently caught up with everyone else in the country and finally watched Gravity. George Clooney’s character got me thinking that I should try that. I contacted the good people of NASA, and they welcomed the idea,” stated Obama. “I will be following in the footsteps of President Eisenhower, when in 1958 his voice was heard through a satellite – or when President Kennedy predicted there would be a man on the moon one day.”

Obama says that he is looking forward to his trip, and doesn’t think that the dangers faced by astronauts should be any worry for him.

“To be the first President in outer space is an honor. Of course many Americans believe George W. Bush was the first President in outer space,” joked Obama. “The Sy-Fy channel will be there to document my training. I look forward to trying to eat potato chips while floating.”

Upon hearing the news of Obama’s planned space launch, Russian prime minister, Vladimir Putin, flew into a rage and vowed that he – not President Obama – would be considered the first world leader circling the Earth’s hemispheres. All previous plans at Star City have been scrapped in preparing for Putin to arrive and start his training as a cosmonaut.

New Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell also was hesitant to extol the President on his intergalactic preparation.

“Apparently the President thinks immigration, health care, or the economy will be solved by eating a bag of Doritos in space. What’s next? Hillary [Clinton] eating a Snickers on Mars?”


‘Memory Foam’ Inventor Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s Disease

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 'Memory Foam' Inventor Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s Disease

Professor Gerald Harding, NASA scientist best known as “The Grandfather of Memory Foam,” has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“Professor Harding is the world’s foremost authority on synthetic materials and their application,” said Gerald Harding, Jr., son of the inventor.  “His NASA research in the 1970s improved the lives of many, so it is with sadness that we report to you the current condition of his health.”

The announcement was made so that focus would not be lost on the illness.

Although the foam is currently associated with furniture and mattresses, it was originally developed by Professor Harding to improve cushioning for pilots and astronauts during long-duration flights and missions, and to protect test pilots and aviators from injury.

Professor Harding began exhibiting signs of memory loss and general dementia some time ago.  Gerald, Jr. spoke of his father’s illness.

“He’d go into the kitchen and forget why.  We all do that occasionally, but it got worse as time went on.  He’d come back into the living room, sit down and ask ‘Is this a new chair?  It’s so comfortable!’”

Gerald, Jr. would explain that the professor himself invented the very foam that made the chair so pleasant.

“Sometimes he’d remember, sometimes he wouldn’t.  The chair remembered him more than he remembered the chair.”

“You know,” said Gerald, Jr. “the disease has mellowed him out.  He’s enjoying things now that he never had time to enjoy before”

A tribute dinner is planned.

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