LOS ANGELES, California –
Amal Clooney looked upset when her husband, George Clooney, came out to the Money Monster premier.
“Georgie looked nice, but as usual he was out-shined by his wife. She was positively glowing. Of course the dress did not flatter her baby bump at all,” said an onlooker at the premiere. “And she looked like she wanted to puke. I can’t believe Georgie dragged her out.”
George Clooney is reportedly ready for a family, being so old that it’s officially become a “now or never” situation.
Julia Roberts disagrees, saying she would not let George babysit her kids for any length of time. “He’s just a big baby himself,” says Roberts. “Luckily the Clooney family has more than enough money to hire a full time nanny. It’s such a delight to raise children with all the reward and none of the work.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
In an unprecedented White House meeting, President Obama met members of the press with NASA officials by his side. The President was beaming as he announced plans to become the first President to travel into outer space, planning the trip before his term ends in early 2016.
Obama will reportedly be taking a sabbatical and moving to Houston towards the end of 2015 to go through an extensive eight-week training class on how to become an astronaut. Part of the training will include mock simulations in zero gravity.
“Michelle and I recently caught up with everyone else in the country and finally watched Gravity. George Clooney’s character got me thinking that I should try that. I contacted the good people of NASA, and they welcomed the idea,” stated Obama. “I will be following in the footsteps of President Eisenhower, when in 1958 his voice was heard through a satellite – or when President Kennedy predicted there would be a man on the moon one day.”
Obama says that he is looking forward to his trip, and doesn’t think that the dangers faced by astronauts should be any worry for him.
“To be the first President in outer space is an honor. Of course many Americans believe George W. Bush was the first President in outer space,” joked Obama. “The Sy-Fy channel will be there to document my training. I look forward to trying to eat potato chips while floating.”
Upon hearing the news of Obama’s planned space launch, Russian prime minister, Vladimir Putin, flew into a rage and vowed that he – not President Obama – would be considered the first world leader circling the Earth’s hemispheres. All previous plans at Star City have been scrapped in preparing for Putin to arrive and start his training as a cosmonaut.
New Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell also was hesitant to extol the President on his intergalactic preparation.
“Apparently the President thinks immigration, health care, or the economy will be solved by eating a bag of Doritos in space. What’s next? Hillary [Clinton] eating a Snickers on Mars?”