Morbidly Obese Woman Let Her Children Die Of Starvation: ‘There Was Only Enough Food For Me’

Posted on December 31, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

BIGSBY, New Jersey –

A New Jersey woman has been arrested after all 3 of her young children were found dead in her home. The cause of death has been listed as malnutrition. The woman starved all of her kids because she said she could “only afford enough food” for herself.

“Look, ya’ll know I’m on the welfare. I ain’t got enough money coming in to feed my ass, plus all them damn kids. This ain’t no restaurant. I gotsta eat, and they just young kids. They didn’t need much anyway,” said Tawanda Grapes, 30. “This whole thing got me all fucked up, because I ain’t been able to eat in a couple hours now with all these cops asking questions and stuff.”

According to police, Grapes was only feeding her children “whatever was left” after her meals, which normally was not much more than a few drops of ketchup on the hamburger wrapper or the melted ice from a soda cup.

Police are saying it is it the worst case of child abuse that they have ever seen. The children, who were aged 2, 3, and 6, had not eaten in as many as 11 days, says the medical examiner.

Grapes will be charged with voluntary manslaughter. If convicted, she will face the death penalty.

World’s Fattest Man Completes Triathlon In Record-Breaking Time

Posted on February 14, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

The world’s fattest man, George Richards, recently finished first in a triathlon event in Los Angeles, California. Richards, who often does not leave his house, weighs nearly 700lbs, but was encouraged to run the race after he was told there was a free buffet dinner for all the runners once they finished.

“I normally don’t move that fast, but when food is involved, you can’t stop me,” said Richards. “I am always starving, I always want food. When it comes to a free buffet, you can’t stop me from getting there. It did surprise me, though, that I was able to beat all the other well-toned athletes that were running.”

Richards’ total time was 1 hour and 24 minutes, which beat the second place finisher by over 2 hours.

“I think that it was the 23 pounds of pasta I had before the race,” said Richards. “All those carbs, they really propelled me. The sad thing is, the buffet dinner wasn’t even that good.”

New Study Finds Eating Dried Seaweed Can Cure Diabetes

Posted on October 24, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

TOKYO, Japan –

Most of the nation is overweight or obese, and a good majority of Americans suffer from diabetes, but a new food study may help to combat the scourge of high blood sugar.

According to the Toyko Medical Journal, a diet consisting of dried, salted seaweed snacks can help to cure diabetes in patients who suffer from the disease. Dr. Hoy Mokato has been studying the effects of seaweed on diabetics for more than a decade, and has recently published his findings.

“Seaweed is plentiful and inexpensive, and high in iodine and other nutrients good for your diet,” said Mokato. “In a person with diabetes, eating nothing but dried seaweed has the effect of curing their ailment. It is a remarkable step in reversing the effects diabetics can suffer from.”

According to Mokato, a person who suffers from diabetes needs to eat a single serving of dried, salted seaweed every day – approximately 4oz – and nothing else.

“Eat one packet of seaweed, and drink 8 to 10 glasses of water a day,” said Mokato. “If you do this, and you eat and drink nothing else for 5 to 6 months, your body will rid itself of your diabetes. I have seen it happen in 100% of my patients, and it will work for everyone.”

Mokato plans to fully publish his results in the coming months.

Too Fat to Fly? Southwest Airlines Forcing Customers To Check Body Size At Gate

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Angela Baker

CHICAGO, Illinois –

Tired of the person in the next seat having their extra-large love handles spill over into your economy seat? In an attempt to make things more comfortable for everyone, Southwest Airlines has announced they will be installing a ‘Check-Your-Comfort chair at the gate. Similar to the carry-on size check, the new chair will allow customers to see if they will fit in a single seat before they get onto the plane.

The company says that they hope that the seats will help save time and embarrassment for ‘any fatties who can’t afford first class.’ Frequent flyer Gary Weston, a fitness instructor from Tampa, Florida, says he is unsympathetic to obese people looking to fly economy, and thinks the new seats will be a great addition to the flight experience.

“Look fatty, your foopah or your gunt or whatever you want to call it, that shit doesn’t count as a ‘personal item’ unless you can shove it under the seat in front of you, and we know that’s not happening. It’s not the airline’s responsibility to accommodate everyone. Maybe skip a meal and hit the gym, and this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. Sure, the airline can discreetly pass you a seat-belt extender, but if you’re the size of a damn grizzly bear, you’re should be forced to get a second seat. I don’t want to be squished any more than I have to because you didn’t skip the dessert bar at the Sizzler.”

Flight attendant Monica North, who works for a competing airline, says she wishes her airline would get on board with what Southwest is doing. “It’s embarrassing for everybody when someone doesn’t fit. Some leave the plane in tears so fast they forget their luggage in the overhead department. The last woman who couldn’t get the armrest down refused to get off the plane until security threatened to arrest her for delaying the flight. That Check-Your-Ass thingy they’re doing would save a lot of time for us, and probably spare people’s feelings.”

“So many airline passengers are in complete denial of their girth. With almost 90% of the country considered obese, you’d think people would realize that they might not fit in a seat that’s only 17″ wide. Quite often they get insulted when they are told at the gate they may not fit, and then act like they weren’t warned. Well, now you have the opportunity to see for yourself before you board,” said Southwest representative Mariah Easton. “If [a customer] does not fit comfortably in the Check-Your-Comfort seat, they will be forced purchase a seat upgrade or second seat, whichever they prefer.”

The new seat-check option will be made available for all domestic and international flights starting in February.