Oreo To Change Color Of Cookies To Combat Rumors Of Racism

Oreo To Change Color Of Cookies To Combat Rumors Of Racism

CHELSEA, New York –¬†

Oreo, America’s favorite chocolate cookies with the cream center, announced today that they would be changing the color of their cookies after rumors of racist behavior by the company.

“We have received threats against out headquarters and factories, alleging that the cookies we make are representative of two black men sexually assaulting a white woman, based on our chocolate cookies with the white cream,” said Oreo representative Vanessa Jill. “Although we obviously think these rumors are stupid and baseless, we can’t have people threaten our company and employees and not take action. As such, we have decided to change the color of our cookies to show that they are in no way racist or sex related.”

According to Jill, Oreo – which is owned by Nabisco – plans to change the color of their cookies to a lightly-toned magenta, almost a ‘hazy purple,’ a color they say they have researched and determined that no one ethnicity lays claim to.

“We have been dyeing our cookies that dark black since the beginning, and we’ve always been able to change the cream color depending on the flavor of any special edition,” said Jill. “We will now begin dyeing the cookies magenta, in hopes that no one will be offended by our cookies anymore.”

“That is so offensive, like, ohmygod,” said LGBT Alliance member Charlie Day. “I mean, it’s totally clear that Oreo is trying to make a gay reference, putting two hot pink cookies outside of a nice, white filling. Obviously they’re trying to rile up us gays, and it’s working. We will definitely be fighting this choice, and pushing for more neutral colors.”

“Oh give me a Goddamn¬†break,” said Jill. “It’s a cookie. Just eat it, and shut the hell up already.”

Members Of Westboro Baptist Church Say Oreo Cookies Promote Interracial Orgies

Members Of Westboro Baptist Church Say Oreo Cookies Promote Interracial Orgies

 

TOPEKA, Kansas –

Members of the outspoken, infamous, and highly controversial Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, are expected to travel to East Hanover, New Jersey next week to protest outside Nabisco headquarters, where they will condemn the production of Oreo cookies. They say the chocolate cookies with the white cream filling subliminally suggests to consumers to participate in interracial orgies and affairs.

John Dunston, 46, of Topeka and one of thirty-nine active members of the church, says that Nabisco is primarily targeting white females to subliminally take part in sexual activities with multiple African-American men.

“Just look at the cookie. It has a sweet, creamy, soft, white filling, with a hard brown cookie on the bottom and a hard brown cookie on top. This is obviously supporting and suggesting evil acts between a white female and two black males,” Dunston said. “We have had enough of this garbage, and we are going to make a stand to condemn this evil.”

Dunston went on to say all members of Westboro Baptist Church will be traveling to New Jersey sometime next week to participate in a “game changing protest,”

Opponents of the church say they believe interracial sexual activity is not a sin, such as 24-year-old Marquis Thompson. “I mean, you know, if a white girl wants to live out her fantasy with a couple strapping niggas, then so be it. It’s a free country ain’t it? They just mad because they all fat ugly white people, and they stupid as shit. Listen bruh, people gon’ do what people wanna do, this is the home of the free and streets of da free – black, white, yellow, don’t mean shit in the United States of America, believe that,” Thompson said.

 

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