NASA’s Hubble Telescope Discovers Signs of Life In Extremely Distant Galaxy

WASHINGTON, D.C –

Officials at NASA headquarters in Washington, D.C, have confirmed that the powerful Hubble telescope has found what experts believe to be conclusive evidence of life within a distant galaxy which was discovered last month.

NASA spokesperson Carl Wright said that the new findings are a major breakthrough for not only NASA, but for the entire world. “What we have found, with the proof we have discovered, this is possibly the biggest, most important finding in NASA history,” Wright told the Associated Press. “This absolutely puts to rest any doubt that life exists outside of our own galaxy.”

Peering through the giant cosmic magnifying glass, the Hubble Space Telescope spotted the galaxy last month. It is said to be the furthest galaxy ever seen, at more than 65 billion light years away. The galaxy, known as X12-P45, was detected by the Frontier Fields program, an ambitious three-year study that teams Hubble with NASA’s other observatories, the Spitzer Space Telescope and the powerful Chandra X-ray Observatory. These powerful lenses allow astronomers to find distant, dim structures that until now have been too faint to see.

Wright went on to explain in the briefing that the forms of life discovered seem to be those of intelligence. “We aren’t just talking about a few plants or trees of some kind, we are talking about intelligent life forms which have built structures, civilizations, buildings. These structures were built by something, which only leads us to believe they are aliens of some kind, maybe even very human-like beings. It remains to be seen, but this is huge progress for the entire world to find something of such important significance,” Wright stated.

When asked if NASA expects the findings of alleged intelligent life form to panic people on the planet Earth, Wright chuckled, and assured that there is no impending source of danger. “We clearly are the aggressors here, the people of the world have nothing to fear. We can’t do anything without being violent and forceful, so if we know they are there before they know we are here, then all is well. The further ahead we get in science, the bigger the advantage we have. If these turn out to be hostile alien life forms, we will take the bull by the horns. Never under-estimate the power of mankind.” he said.

Private companies, including McDonald’s and Starbucks, say they are willing to fund an expedition to explore the new galaxy and planet, in exchange for being the first Earth establishments allowed to build there.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

It has been confirmed today that a private citizen will be taking a trip to a place no man has gone before – unless, of course, you’re a man that happens to be an astronaut.

A new, privately funded space exploration company called GalaxyTech is sending its first citizen to the moon. The program is using this opportunity as a way to gain a little bit of cash, because as they said ‘a ticket to the moon don’t come cheap.’

“The exciting part of the announcement comes when we let everyone know who the first guinea pig, er, I mean, who the first brave explorer will be,” said company representative Sherman Helms. “The person who will be taking the trip could be argued as one of the most famous athletes in the world – his name is Floyd Mayweather!”

Mayweather announced his trip to the moon earlier this week through his publicist, but initial reports seemed to come through the media as a purported joke.

“I just thought this would be a great chance for the best on Earth to hold the crown as the best on the Moon, too,” said Mayweather. “I’ve done almost everything there is to do on this planet, and I’m ready to see what the moon has to offer. Plus, who knows, maybe they be some type of alien up there that wants to go a couple rounds.”

The space program sending Mayweather to the moon hopes that other celebrities will follow suit. While Floyd my be the first private citizen going to the moon, GalaxyTech say that they sincerely hope that he isn’t the last.