Mars Rover Sends Back Images Of What Appears To Be Man Walking Through Dunes

Posted on November 30, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida –

The Mars rover has reportedly uploaded pictures to the NASA servers from Mars that show a man walking in the distance behind a line of sand dunes. The internet has become abuzz with the photo, which they say is more indisputable proof of life on the planet.

“That is definitely, 100%, a living, walking, sentient being right there,” said internet sleuth and conspiracy theorist Joe Goldsmith. “You can easily tell that this isn’t Photoshopped, because for one, it came directly from NASA, and two, who would want to Photoshop a picture like this trying to prove life on another planet? Is that something people would do? Of course not. I’ve seen plenty of ‘shops in my day, and this is definitely not Photoshopped.”

NASA scientists are still working to uncover the mystery behind the ‘Walking Man,’ as they’re calling it, but so far, they have yet to come up with any solid ideas.

“It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibilty that it could be some sort of being, but it would be odd that this is the first walking, upright, man-like being that we’ve seen since the Rover has been on Mars,” said NASA scientist Dr. Richard Lewis. “I have no idea if this is a man, or Martian, as it were. It’s probably just another case of pareidolia.”

Pareidolia is the condition found in all humans that makes our brains apply known-items to abstract shapes, such as being able to see certain figures in clouds, or faces in random designs.

“We are hoping, very much, that this is some sort of life. That is the whole reason we went to Mars,” said Lewis. “We are trying to move the Rover closer to the area, to begin looking for clues such as footprints or other signs of life, but it is a time-consuming process, to be sure.”

Stephen Hawking Allegedly Seen Walking In Secret Security Footage

Posted on May 29, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts –

World-renowned physicist and one of the smartest men in the world, Stephen Hawking, who has been in a wheelchair for most of his life, suffering from ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, was reportedly spotted recently getting up from his wheelchair and casually walking across the room to a refridgerator, where he grabbed a bottle of beer, chugged it, and then returned to his chair.

“I saw the footage on camera, and I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Cambridge University security officer Phil Rogers. “I’ve known Mr. Hawking for years, and I just didn’t think it was possible. You know, though, I wouldn’t put it past his big brain to have come up with a cure for ALS years ago, but he stays in the chair now because it’s his gimmick. No doubt the ladies love it.”

An Oscar-nominated film was released last year based around the life of Hawking, titled The Theory of Everything. It chronicled his life as a young man, his loves, and his affliction with ALS that left him paralyzed completely. Hawking has been talking via computer for the better part of 3 decades.

“I think it’s possible he could be faking it, but I guess at this point, why would he do that?” said Dr. Grover Sentinel, a professor at Cambridge. “He could do anything he wants. He has one of, it not the most, brilliant mind that there is today. He understands things that no one living ever could. If he can walk, well – you know what, more power to him.”

For the moment, Hawking is remaining quiet about the possible existence of any footage showing him walking or moving on his own. When reached for comment, his publicist said that they would “not discuss such nonsense.”

Woman Posts ‘Ten Hours Walking in Heels’ Video To Internet – The Comments She Gets Are Disgusting

Posted on March 8, 2015 by Justin Birch

CHICAGO, Illinois –

One of the most recent fads on the internet is the “ten hours walking” video – a montage of a person, usually with some particular identifying characteristic, walking down the streets of a city to prove a point. The latest of these is “Ten Hours Walking in Heels,” filmed by possibly the bravest woman on the planet.

Sandra Gaaf said she got the idea one day when she was trying on a pair of high heels at a shoe store, walking up and down the aisle to get a feel for them, when a man walked by and said simply: “those look painful.”

That was the only spark she needed.

“I still can’t believe we live in a world where a woman can’t walk around in bone-deformingly high heels without getting comments about them,” said Gaaf.

The following day she set out wearing the same pair of heels and walked the streets of Chicago. Men and women alike turned their heads and grimaced as she walked by. Out of all the comments and looks, Gaaf says one stood out and stuck with her for the entire day.

“This woman had the nerve to act compassionate and concerned. It’s about three minutes into the video – she says, ‘hey lady, I’ve got a spare pair of sneakers – you look like you could use them!’ Can you believe that? I mean, what was she trying to say with that last part?”

As part of Gaaf’s experiment she bit her lip and kept walking, but couldn’t shake the remark even during our interview.