Whoopi Goldberg Says She Had ‘Torrid, Sexual Affair’ With Dinosaur During Filming of 1995 Movie

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HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Whoopi Goldberg, perhaps best known for her work on TVs The View, or from films like Boys on the Side and The Color Purple, made a horrific film in 1995 called Theodore Rex, about a cop who is partnered with a dinosaur. Despite being legally obligated to perform in the film, Goldberg has had nothing good to say about it, at least until now.

In a segment on The View, one of the other members of the panel brought up the film, and for the first time, Whoopi opened up about her time on set.

“We were in mega lawsuits about this movie, and in the end, I was forced to take the job, and I was miserable,” said Goldberg. “It wasn’t until I met Teddy that things really took a turn for the amazing. It was the most in love I’ve ever been, and I’ve never forgotten it.”

To be clear, Whoopi went on to say that it was not the actor in the Theodore Rex rubber suit she fell in love with, but the actual character – the suit itself.

“We went out on a lot of dates, and it was sexy, it was fun,” said Goldberg. “It didn’t matter who was in the suit. I got a lot of different guys to be in the suit over our few months together. But I tell you, nothing compares to going to bed with a tyrannosaurus rex. He may have tiny arms, but damn does he make up for it by having a large…tail.”

 

 

Yoko Ono Says She Had An Affair With Hillary Clinton

LOS ANGELES, California –

Yoko Ono shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run of Hillary Clinton and the possibility that she could become the first woman President of the United States in American history.

The artist and widow of John Lennon, who is in Los Angeles to present a collection of cups and saucers she is exhibiting at the Museum of Modern Art, totally took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times during a series of protests against the Vietnam War in New York in the 1970s but also knew her “intimately”.

The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time and acknowledged her election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America” she added.

Yoko Ono shocked reporters when she admitted to "having a fling" with the former Secretary of State after they met during a protest against the Vietnam War in New York in the early 1970s

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Hillary Clinton has been hit by a series of allegations of being a lesbian in her career which could ruin her bid for the presidency, believe some experts

Yoko Ono when asked about her thoughts about Hillary’s run for the presidency completely took reporters by surprise.

“We met many times during the New York Vietnam War protests in the 1970s, and became very intimate. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in” she explained.

“We had a brief romantic fling when I lived with John in Manhattan and Hillary was studying at Yale, but eventually we lost touch. I am amazed how things are going well for her and wish her the best for her campaign” she told reporters during the press conference.

Experts believe the statement could affect the presidential candidates bid for the presidency but previous allegations of Hillary Clinton’s lesbian past have not seemed to play against the front runner for the 2016 Democratic presidential race yet.

K.D. Lang Claims She Had Affair With Hillary Clinton

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Musician K.D. Lang shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run of Hillary Clinton, and the possibility that she could become the first woman President of the United States in American history.

The singer-songwriter, who is in Los Angeles shooting a role for a TV series, took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times, but also knew her “intimately”.

“We met many times during some protests after the Vietnam war, probably 1979 or 1980. I was only about 19 at the time, but Hill was beautiful, and I became enamored. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in,” she explained.

The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time, and acknowledged her winning the election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America.”

“I’m just glad that she’s out there, doing her thing,” said Lang. “I just wish she’d call once in a while.” 

“Hillary Clinton has been hit by a series of allegations of being a lesbian many, many times in her career, which you would think would ruin her bid for the presidency, but apparently not,” said political pundit Michael Ross. “The more often it comes up, the more people start thinking of her as a real person, instead of some odd-ball robot or a soulless devil, as they usually do.”

Secret Emails Reveal Hillary Only Running To Be Able To Have Affair In Oval Office

Secret Emails Reveal Hillary Only Running To Be Able To Have Affair In Oval Office

WASHINGTON, D.C.  – 

A shocking set of emails were leaked on the internet this morning which seem to indicate a romantic fling between presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, and an anonymous stranger. In the emails, Hillary indicates that she is only running for president so that when she wins, she can “take a pounding” on the resolute desk in the Oval Office, much as her husband, former president Bill Clinton, was said to do while serving in office.

“Ohh…Billy thinks he’s the only one who can get some in the Oval Office? Screw him – I cannot wait to [expletive remove] your huge [expletive removed] with my tight [expletive removed] and my sopping wet [expletive removed],” read the email from Hillary’s private GMail email account. Responses included “mmm” and “Ohh yeah, Hills, tell me all about it, baby.” The anonymous emailer has not been identified. His email address is listed in the leak as 2Big4DatPoon6969@sexmail.com

Clinton’s handlers and campaign team say that the leaks are “completely fabricated” and that if they were real, they probably are “coming from the desk of her husband.”

“Former president Bill Clinton has a fun sense of humor, as well as some…kinks…and often likes to pretend he’s a random guy from the internet, hitting on his own wife,” said Clinton’s spokeswoman Gene Chandler. “We all have our sexual vices, that’s his. It’s really the private business of two consenting adults, and this leak is being researched.”

Bill Clinton, who was reached for comment at his family’s home in Arkansas, said that he doesn’t even know how to use emails, but that after being informed of their content, said that it was “pretty hot.”

Tom Hanks Stars in Forgotten Singer’s Music Video

Tom Hanks Stars in Forgotten Singer’s Music Video

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Beloved actor Tom Hanks’ latest role has been revealed and it’s a weird step sideways. He’s appeared in the music video for the new single of Carly Rae Jepson – a singer who many thought was better left forgotten. If you don’t recognize the name, you might recognize the ear worming chorus of 20-something-or-other hit, Call Me Maybe.

Now that that particular annoying tune is stuck in your head, you might want to head to YouTube, where you can find the unwanted comeback of the irritating nobody. Tom Hanks is one of the few enthusiasts.

“I really love that Carly’s making a comeback,” he told MTV. “She’s one of the great forgotten artist’s of our time. That song, Call Me Baby I think it was, was totes amazing. And the music video in which I think she hooks up with a car wash attendant – what a classic.”

#NeuralyzeUsFromCarlyRae is trending on Twitter, making reference to the device used in the Men In Black movies to cause people to forget specific incidents or knowledge.

“i had jst abt frgtn that fukn bitch. wy did she hafto cumbak” wrote loosewhore21.

“Obscurity – an island in the north where one hit wonders should settle” wrote a somewhat more eloquent TheRealKaiserWilhelm.

Fans of Tom Hanks have expressed their disappointment in bringing Jepson back into our lives. They believe that without his cameo, her music video would have passed under the radar, leaving us immune to her latest ear worm.

“The worst part is, it’s Tom Hanks whose career this reflects most on,” said lifelong fan, Hom Tanks. “If he’d appeared on a Lonely Island track, like all the cool stars do, that would be a step up. But this is hitting rock bottom. The only mitigating factor would be if it turns out he had an affair with her and she blackmailed him. That’s the only way my faith in Tom will ever be fully restored.”

At press time, Hanks had denied any lude affairs, saying, “I simply want to help a young girl – whoever thinks old dudes have sexual agendas with young girls is a pervert.”

Justin Bieber’s Birthday Would Go Unnoticed by You if Not for This Article

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MONTREAL, QUEBEC, Canada –

Justin Bieber’s 21st birthday fell on Sunday the 1st of March, and you would not have known it had you not read this article decrying the cult of celebrity. Why does anyone care about this mediocre singer’s celebrations? we ask, and by doing so have drawn your attention to something about which you neither knew nor cared.

The young troublemaker has been in the spotlight since the tender age of 16 – that’s five years already! – and we constantly question the reason for this, bringing further attention to events and people with no cosmic relevance. You clicked on this article out of interest in something you had not been interested in before, and now you have even more useless trivia to go with your anger at pop culture.

Why are there so many articles about Selena Gomez not being invited to Bieber’s birthday party? This question is especially good if we are aiming to give you gossip about this matter we claim to despise. This was an obvious snub to the star’s ex-girlfriend and is great for our SEO content.

Has the world gone too far in worshiping the likes of Bieber, Gomez, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift? Are you thinking about those four artist now? Good. Because Miley Cyrus especially is one that you shouldn’t be thinking about. Her rumored affair with Nicki Minaj sets a bad example for children, who know about it because we decided to share it.

What about Taylor Swift? The epitome of sweet, harmless pop stars is apparently into S&M, which is bad for her image and that of young girls around the world, particularly because we bring it up in this chock-full article.

In short, the cult of celebrity is getting out of hand. In this 300+ word article we have spoken about four individuals whose lives should mean nothing to us, and have made you think about their sometimes despicable actions, which should mean nothing to you. Shame on our society for following this modern day religion. Think about it, and remember to check in for our future updates.

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