Bill Gates Loses $1 Billion Dollars At Horse Races

Bill Gates Loses $1 Billion Dollars At Horse Race

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – 

Bill Gates is reportedly missing one billion dollars after he lost it at the race tracks. Gates said that he was just there to watch the horses, and the money must have fallen out of his pocket. Sources say that, although he never bets, he can often be seen at the tracks, as he is a big lover of the majestic equines.

“He graces us with his presence all the time,” said track owner Reilly O’Connor. “We let him examine each horse, explain which ones are the favorites, which are the best bets, how the weather conditions will affect them, and all sorts of other insider information. Then he sits down with a drink and placidly watches.”

Top Forbes journalist, Macy Taylor, spoke to us about what impact this has on his status in the financial world.

“Bill essentially lost 1.25% of his net worth. Although that sounds small, when you’re dealing with big numbers, it’s enough to feed a small country for the rest of their lives,” said Taylor. “Still, it is not enough to oust him from his position as the richest man in the world.”

However, close friend and associate to the business magnate, John Henry, says there is cause for concern.

“He’s doing it more and more often,” he told the press. “Last week it was $10 million while watching a poker tournament. The week before it was $100 million visiting the restaurant at a casino. Maybe he shouldn’t be carrying such big amounts around, but what’s really concerning is how absent-minded he’s become.”

When asked about the incident, Gates chuckled nervously and said, “I guess it’s time to get some new pairs of pants. The old ones obviously have big holes in the pockets!”

17-Year-Old Wins $300k Playing Craps At Casino, Looking For Someone To Cash In His Chips

17-Year-Old Wins $300k Playing Craps At Casino, Looking For Someone To Cash In His Chips


LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

A young man from Kansas City, Missouri has found himself in a delightfully difficult situation after he went on a winning spree at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. The problem? He is only 17-years-old, and can’t legally cash the over $300,000 in chips. Now, Brandon Marvin is forced to look for someone who can cash the chips for him.

“I was just supposed to play one roll as a goof,” Brandon explained about his monumental run of luck. “I don’t even know how to play craps. I just started placing chips in on spots and the dealer kept pushing money in my direction.”

The Hard Rock and Hotel would not comment on the issue. They stated they are reviewing the security footage and will deal with the issue as it comes. Brandon, who cannot cash the chips in himself, now has to find a way to get another player to cash them. The concern for anyone familiar with Vegas, is that being caught trying to launder the young players money could result in an unfortunate outcomes.

Says Vincent Chapelloni, head of security at The Hard Rock, of Marvin’s situation, “It is wonderful to see youth finding such fortune. Sadly for him, it was done without the proper guidance to our laws. It would be unfortunate for the young man if he attempted to take what is not legally his. It would be even more unfortunate if he and his associates were found in a ditch next week.”

Marvin is now stuck with a pile of chips and a very tough decision to make.

“It’s not like I was trying to beat the system. I literally had no idea what I was doing. People wouldn’t let me leave the table because I kept rolling sevens and my bets kept landing. I must have tried to leave 10 times. But the players refused to let me go.”

When asked if they would compensate the 17-year-old for turning in the chips, the Hard Rock declined an answer, stating they would still need to wait and see how the situation played out.

Man Wins $1 Million On Lottery Scratch Ticket, Spends It All On More Scratch Tickets

ST. LOUIS, Missouri – Man Wins $1 Million On Lottery Scratch Ticket, Spends It All On More Scratch Tickets

A St. Louis man was lucky enough to attain something almost everyone in the world dreams about when last Wednesday he hit the jackpot on a state-sponsored scratch-off ticket. Robert Henry, age 43, won a whopping one million dollars on a scratch off ticket he purchased at a Puff-N-Stop gas station.

“He is obviously a huge gambler with a serious addiction,” said store clerk Charles DeWitt. “He always has been as far as I can tell, since he comes in two, sometimes three times a day to buy scratchers. He’s been doing it for as long as I’ve owned the store, which is about 11 year or so now. I’m not surprised he won big, but I am surprised it took this long.”

Sadly, things seemed to take an immediate turn for the worse, as Henry, despite winning more money in that one moment than he’d ever had in his life, curiously took all the winnings and used the money to buy more scratch tickets.

“We were pretty stocked on scratch tickets here, and when Robert came in and asked for every scratcher we had, I laughed for a good while,” said Joe Perry, a clerk at a St. Louis Cumberland Farms gas station. “It wasn’t until I realized [Mr. Henry] was serious that I sold him the tickets. All-told, he spent about $50,000 alone just in my shop.”

According to Henry’s now soon to be ex-wife, he bounced around from store to store throughout the entire city, until all his winnings were spent. After buying several hundred thousand tickets, Henry’s winnings ended up being approximately $325.

“That’s why I left the dumb sumbitch,” said Charlene Henry, Robert’s wife of 20 years. “I didn’t even know he’d won the million. He didn’t tell me until afterwards. He collected won, drove to the state lottery offices, collected the winnings, and went right back out. I never saw a penny of that money, and neither did he, the stupid-ass.”

“Well, they say hindsight is 20-20,” said Henry from his room at a local addiction clinic. “Next time maybe I’ll save some of that money instead. But hey, it’s winning that counts, right?”


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