Flatulent Airline Passenger Forces Emergency Landing

Posted on November 6, 2014 by DvanL

QUEENS, New York –

A Cincinnati, Ohio bound Delta Airlines flight, originating from New York’s LaGuardia Airport, was forced to make an emergency landing this morning, after a ‘violent episode’ occurred moments after takeoff.

The event was officially classified as ‘environmentally hazardous and life threatening’ by an on-board federal air marshal, who filed the following incident report:

A passenger seated near the rear end of the aircraft experienced an intensely violent episode of flatulence as the plane gained altitude. Oxygen masks were deployed and passengers throughout the cabin began to panic. It was determined that the best course of action would be diversion of [the] flight to the nearest airfield for an emergency landing. JFK International was contacted, clearance obtained, and emergency landing took place at 10:42 a.m.

Passenger Mark Theissen, seated behind the offending passenger, provided details.

“The woman in front of me started bouncing up and down right after we took off. I leaned forward and asked her if she was okay, and she said something about ‘her condition.’ The next thing I knew, there was this foul odor and all the masks came down. She turned back to tell me something but her seat snapped back and slammed me in the head. My eyes started burning and I blacked out.”

“People were jumping over their chairs to escape,” said flight attendant Becky Constantine. “My senior attendant went back to make people calm down, but she got stomped in the face! I hid up in the overhead ’til we hit the ground. Delta-Schmelta, I quit!” she said. “I’m going back to my job at Subway where it’s safe.”

The identity of the passenger was determined after the passenger manifest was released to the press. Former showgirl Cyprienne O’Malley, 70, was fingered as the woman responsible for the unfortunate incident.

Doctors call O’Malley’s disorder Gastric Abdominal Systemic Pancolitis (GASP). “GASP makes an already bad situation worse,” says Dr. Paul Hazelton, of New York’s Lenox Hill Hospital. “A sudden change in air pressure causes rapid release, and the path of least resistance is always the anus. The bunghole is Mother Nature’s little whistle-blower.”

“Many people suffer from this disorder, and to hide it is to deny it. I attend a support group called ‘Silence Is Deadly.’ It’s a place where we can all come together and air out our grievances,” said O’Malley. “This whole thing really blew up in my face. If I could take it all back, I would. Next month I’m going to attend the GASP National Convention in Pottstown, but I’m going to take the train.”

No charges were filed against O’Malley, but the airline is asking that she compensates them for damages, and donates an undisclosed amount toward the injured flight attendant’s hospital bills.

Amtrak officials have been notified of O’Malley’s upcoming travel plans.

Confused Teen Burns Down House After Trying ‘Smoky Eye’ Makeup Effect

Posted on October 30, 2014 by DvanL

BATAVIA, Illinois –

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. 13-year-old Bobbie Vicha finally reached that magical age – the age when her mother told her she could start wearing makeup.

The eve of Bobbie’s 13^th birthday was like Christmas Eve in the Vicha household. “She saved her allowance for months to buy some makeup,” said her mother Barbara, speaking from a downtown Batavia Red Cross emergency shelter.

Brought up to be environmentally responsible, Bobbie researched which cosmetics were animal friendly, and which ones contained harmful chemicals, which she wanted to avoid.

Returning from the nearby Yorktown Center mall, Bobbie sprinted upstairs to begin the transformation process. “We almost got a speeding ticket on the way back from Yorktown,” said Barbara. “She was so excited to get home, and I was so excited for her. We talked about different looks and eye shadows, and she really wanted to do the ‘smoky eye’ look that all the celebrities use.”

What Barbara didn’t know was that Bobbie’s attempt at authenticity would involve actual smoke – from potpourri the teen used to naturally scent her room. Bobbie burned some of the natural plant material and used the ash to create the ‘smoke’ look. “I didn’t know she was going to use any fire or matches,” said her mother.

The excitement apparently clouded Bobbie’s judgment. While studying online makeup tutorials in the opposite corner of her bedroom, a smoldering ember of potpourri apparently ignited the youngster’s frilly curtains.

“When I turned around,” said the sobbing teen, “the whole room was on fire. It happened so fast and all I could do was scream and run downstairs.”

Bobbie alerted her mother that the house was on fire, grabbed her pet cat Chloe and the wireless kitchen phone. “It was a cheap phone,” said Barbara, “and it was out of range when we got to the front yard. The fire spread so quick – the whole house went up just like that!” Fire officials arrived after a neighbor phoned in the emergency.

Medical personnel initially thought Bobbie had been badly burned, as only one eye had been made up to look ‘smoky,’ while the other eye was badly smeared. Bobbie explained to fire officials what had happened, and that no mystery or foul play was involved.

“I appreciate her honesty,” said Barbara “She fessed up, and it was an accident. The home was fully covered by fire insurance. She feels bad enough already.”

When asked if the teen would be allowed to concoct her own makeup in the future, her mother replied, “Screw that – I’m buying her some Maybelline!”

Quack Doctor Arrested in ‘Urine Therapy’ Scam

Posted on October 28, 2014 by DvanL

NEW YORK, New York –

In 1988, Dr. Peter Hobart rented a commercial space on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and transformed it into a drug testing facility.

“His place was always packed,” said local deli worker Luke Jacobs. “Everybody called him Doctor P. He had a million clients, people were pouring in and out of the place like crazy.”

What Jacobs and the rest of the city didn’t know was that the doctor wasn’t a doctor at all – he’s a longtime con-man who apparently has a rather strange fetish.

Hobart asked several clients to take part in a bogus “urine/oxygen” study he was conducting. Volunteers were required to produce and submit urine samples, some as frequently as 3 times a week. After many months, when no study appeared, several of his clients began to suspect the water in the well was bad.

One patient took part in the fake doc’s so-called ‘Trevi Fountain’ project. “He wanted to find out if a person would go to the bathroom more if a song or a movie that had to do with rain, or the ocean was playing in the background, that kind of thing” said Patient X. “He said it was psychological, and I’d be in a medical journal. One day when I was about to give my sample, Dr. P. brought in a tv, and played that famous movie with the blonde lady who runs through the water fountain in Italy – La Dolce Vita – that’s the name of it. Anyway, so I had to do ‘number one’ during the water fountain scene, and Dr. P. took notes. He accidentally dropped his clipboard and I just happened to glance down at it; the page was just full of doodles of penises – some had smiling faces, some were erect, and most of them were peeing. I pretended I didn’t notice, but I felt all sick inside. As soon as I left I called the police. I didn’t even use my real name when I called, I was so embarrassed.”

Dr. P. was arrested last month and charged with falsifying medical records, misrepresentation, medical quackery, and Medicare fraud. A hidden camera was also discovered in a room used by clients to produce samples.

Officials estimate it will take three to four months to retrace the financial trail Hobart left in his wake. “We’ll never be able to locate all the paperwork,” said one accountant from the DA’s office, “and people are too embarrassed to give information. Can’t blame them, I guess. I’d be so pissed off if something like that happened to me.”

Hobart faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted. His lawyer entered a plea for a reduced sentence if Doctor P. helps locate the missing financial records. Sentencing will take place before the end of the year.

Senate Seeks To Pass Law Requiring Castration For All Sex Offenders

Posted on October 27, 2014 by DvanL

WASHINGTON, DC –

Iowa State Senator Joni Ernst is sponsoring a bill aimed at society’s most heinous criminals – sex offenders. Ernst gained notoriety after her US Senate campaign commercial about animal castration went viral. The attention-getting ad contained the line: “I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm. So when I get to Washington, I’ll know how to cut pork.”

“I was ridiculed from a lot of people after that and had to disappear for a while,” said Ernst. “But then I thought long and hard about what matters to me. I kept hearing this voice in my head, and it said ‘go with what you know … go with what you know.’”

Ernst introduced a House Resolution that would require castration of all male sex offenders beginning in 2015. “The system we have going now isn’t working well at all,” she said. “In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. We need stricter laws to protect society.”

Sex offenders are required to list themselves in a state’s sex offender registry. When they relocate, they are required to notify neighbors of their sex offender status. Often, drugs that suppress sex drive are used as a part of a ‘chemical’ castration treatment.

“I’m aware of chemical castration,” said the state senator, “but people often go off their meds. The current system also results in neighborhood unrest, and the offender eventually moves from location to location which is dangerous. Eventually, some of them slip through the cracks, and re-offend. The resolution I’m sponsoring will put an end to all of that.”

“That’s just nuts,” said human rights advocate Paul Zubra. “We say we live in a civilized society, but this is the most uncivilized society can get, not counting the death penalty. I can understand incarceration and monitoring, even living in a sort of halfway house setting because at least there’s therapy involved there. Sex offenders are the worst of society. But, to castrate…Oh man – the penis? It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”

“My method is permanent,” said Sen. Ernst. “One medically supervised procedure and snip-snap, it’s done. We’re not talking about some primitive act with sharp stones or hot pokers and steak knives – we’re talking about scalpels and doctors and nurses and hospitals. It would be great to just let the victimized party hack at the genitals of their attacker with a meat cleaver, but that isn’t what this bill is about.”

Whether or not the resolution passes, Sen. Ernst knows that she will forever be associated with neutering. “That doesn’t bother me,” she said. “Sometimes you just gotta grab life by the balls, and then cut those balls clean off. The important thing here is I’m doing what I know is right. It’s all about getting to the root of the problem, and nipping it in the bud.”

The bill comes up for a vote before the Senate’s Thanksgiving recess.

Milwaukee Parents Arrested For Giving Newborn Baby Racist Name

Posted on October 26, 2014 by DvanL

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin –

Justin and Jan Bunnie, parents of a newborn baby boy were arrested shortly after returning home with their bundle of joy. Why would parents of a newborn be taken into custody at this most important time in their lives? Police Chief Arthur McManus said, “We didn’t ‘arrest’ them exactly; we ‘pre-arrested” them. Like detaining. We were following court orders. The judge said they set the kid up for abuse in the future, so we had to take them in.”

Justin and Jan were first brought to the attention of the courts by doctors and nurses at the hospital where their baby was born. According to court records, the judge decided that they had given their newborn a name which, when coupled with their last name, forms a racial slur for African-Americans. The editors of Empire News respect the intelligence and sensitivity of our readers, and in the interest of privacy and respect to the newborn, will refer to the baby simply by his first initial, ‘J.’

The couple was arrested for what Superior Court Judge Sylvia Hargrave called “future potential abuse from society at large due to irresponsible parenting and judgement leading to lifelong emotional damage.”

In an interview From the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility, Justin Bunnie said, “We didn’t mean nothing racial. We wanted our kid to be someone special and get noticed in the world to succeed in life. Even if what the judge said is true, then my baby would have to defend himself and be strong. You got to be strong to survive in this tough world, so this would make him stronger.”

“I wanted him to be a like a celebrity,” said Baby J—’s mother, Jan. “Like sometimes famous people will have unique names that get attention and all the internet stories, like the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo. Everybody knows their names and they are rich and happy. That’s what we want for our little J—. It’s not fair to put us in jail.

The couple’s public defender, John Offmore spoke about the case. “We’re petitioning to have them released on probation in exchange for a change of baby name. It is unfortunate that a child would go through life being called “J— Bunnie. I’ve told my clients that although it is their choice, it was misguided, and they seem to have taken it seriously.”

Justin Bunnie reluctantly went along with his legal counsel’s idea. “Well, it’s for the good of the baby,” he said. “And we also got to think about our older son, Francis.” Francis goes by the nickname ‘Fuzzy.’ “No one had a problem with that name.”

The couple should be released within the week. An alternate name has not yet been chosen, although Jan Bunnie was provided with a baby name book, courtesy of the State of Wisconsin. “I’m kind of leaning towards ‘Harry,’ but I have to check with my husband first,” she said.

Teenage Boy Dressed as Bigfoot Shot by Texas Hunter, Clings To Life In Hospital

Posted on October 24, 2014 by DvanL

RALEN, Texas –

A tragic story today out of Texas. Avid hunter Henry Hill accidentally shot his 14-year-old neighbor, Joey Gribble, who was testing out his Bigfoot costume he’d created for Halloween.

“Joey is a perfectionist,” said his mother Nancy, while holding vigil at her son’s bedside. “He spent weeks and weeks on that costume. His favorite movie is Harry and the Hendersons, and he watches it at least three times a day. He wanted to go as John Lithgow for Halloween last year, but he couldn’t get the costume exactly right, so I suggested that he just go as Harry himself, the Bigfoot; Now I regret making that suggestion.”

The fascination with Bigfoot, the elusive ape-like creature, has spawned much debate. Largely discounted by the scientific community, its existence is kept alive by folklore and sporadic, if not verifiable, eyewitness sightings. Also known as Sasquatch, the beast continues to provoke interest, most recently evidenced by a television special, Killing Bigfoot, set to debut on the TLC cable network.

“I don’t know anything about those guys who are out to ‘find’ Bigfoot,” said Hill. “My neighbors know that this was a terrible accident. We’re all devastated. I mean secretly, at first I was really excited when he went down, because I thought I had really shot Bigfoot, and I was going to be rich! I don’t know why Joey needed to test the costume out while running through the woods grunting, but that was just the kind of boy he was. Joey is like a son to me, and I’ll tell you what, I’m hurting as much as his family is.”

Family physician Dr. Scarlett Maizie said: “Joey was critically injured in a shooting accident while dressed in a Bigfoot Halloween costume, and what I can tell you now is that he is receiving the best care possible, and we are excited to see that his condition is slightly improving as the hours go by – but he’s not out of the woods yet. Well, literally he’s out of the woods, you know, but metaphorically we don’t know 100% if he’ll make it. His Bigfoot costume is certainly ruined, though. Unless, of course, he wants to go as ‘Zombie Bigfoot’ next Halloween.”

“Everyone knows everyone here,” said Joseph’s father Dale. “It really bugs me that some people think we’re just a bunch of gun-toting, conspiracy-believing crazies, when that’s not the case. Although in retrospect, I wish that Joey had just been into Spider-Man movies or something.”

Dale also added that a number of strangers have offered messages of support. The town’s nearest city, McManorburgh, which for decades has held a fierce football rivalry with Ralen, dedicated its last football game to the family, and the team’s coach delivered a halftime message of support, urging fans to keep the family in their thoughts and prayers.

“Yup,” said neighbor Mike Judge. “That’s what we do here, we stick together. Like glue we do, we stick together like glue.”

ISIS Supporter In Houston Beaten Unconscious By Army Veteran

Posted on October 23, 2014 by DvanL

HOUSTON, Texas –

The Militants of the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) have lately become the most fanatical radical organization in the world. Cult-like recruiting tactics have gone global, with reports of American citizens lending support, and even traveling overseas to pledge their allegiance to the anti-American group.

Yesterday in Houston at Dodson Lake Park, one such supporter who had decided to speak out in favor of the terrorist organization and against America was beaten unconscious by a US Army veteran.

The anti-American speaker, whose name has been withheld until a security check can be fully completed, insisted he was exercising his Constitutional freedom of speech rights when he began approaching strangers at the popular water park/playground and quoting from the pro-ISIS leaflets he was handing out.

Vietnam and Gulf War war veteran Jim McDaniels, 61, was spending the day with his wife and twin granddaughters when he noticed a man who he described as ‘a little jumpy’ walking up to everyone handing out leaflets. “He walked over to us, kind of pushed the thing in our face and said ‘spread the word,’ so I took it,” explained McDaniels. “Then he started to walk away. The paper had all these symbols on it, pictures of ISIS guards and a map of the United States with a big red X on it next to a frowny face. ‘Is this shit for real?’ I asked him. I never swear, mind you. But it was so hateful it got under my skin. That’s why I decided to tell this guy to get lost,” said McDaniels.

The vet walked over to the unidentified speaker and asked him to stop handing out the anti-American material. “I was telling him for his own good – you don’t pick a place like Houston to start talking against the government – you’re gonna get your butt kicked. I just wanted him to get the hell away.”

The protester didn’t take kindly to the advice offered to him by McDaniels. “He got in my face,” said McDaniels, “and started saying it’s his right to say whatever he wants, the US has oppressed people all over the world, blah blah blah and all this other junk. I fought for his right to speak in not one but two wars, and told him so. Once he found out I was a veteran, he started calling me a traitor, and that’s when I lost it. I clocked the guy – one punch and boom down he went. My family stepped in and pulled me away.”

Now the protester is suing McDaniels. “It doesn’t surprise me a bit,” said the veteran. “I knocked the guy out cold. It’s funny, though, because if he’s so anti-America, he certainly isn’t showing it by doing the most American thing there is and taking me to court.”

As for the lawsuit, McDaniels isn’t worried. “Believe it or not, I’m not mad at the guy. I’m sure he’s harmless, but severely misguided, obviously. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve got a lawyer, we’ll figure something out, but I don’t think he’ll be coming around the park again any time soon.”

Bill Clinton Buys Monica Lewinsky’s Famous ‘Stained Dress’ In Online Auction

Posted on October 21, 2014 by DvanL

SAN JOSE, California –

The most infamous blue dress in the world, associated with the most sensational Presidential scandal in recent history, has reared its ugly head once again.

The garment, stained with the DNA provided by former President Bill Clinton, was originally purchased by Lewinsky from the GAP clothing store, and showed up on the online auction site BetMe.net last week. An online bidder known only as ‘William J. Slickton’ of New York, entered the winning bid of $288,050.10.

“Slick Willie” was the nickname given to Bill Clinton, a reference to his deal-making skills while Governor of Arkansas from 1979 to 1981 and from 1983 to 1992.

The question of the day is, could William J. Slickton actually be William Jefferson Clinton, 42^nd President of the United States? Although BetMe.net does not disclose personal member details beyond those provided by the user in his or her profile, what is known so far offers clues as to the identity of the winning bidder:

William Slickton has been a member of the BetMe community for 3 years. Previous winning bids have been for golf equipment, a vintage saxophone case, several crossword puzzle books, and an antique pre-Civil War hand-drawn map of Arkansas. The items link to hobbies, activities, and interests enjoyed by the former President.

Professional Hacker ‘LindaTrippster@safecrack.net’ obtained the unique IP address of William J. Slickton’s computer in order to determine the location where the auction transaction took place. The locale was Chappaqua, New York, site of the Clinton’s home.

Will this disclosure hurt former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s chances to become the 2016 Democratic Presidential Nominee? Empire News asked presidential historian Hedda Parsons to offer insights. “There’s always a risk of damage when bringing up a scandal,” said Parsons. “The question remains, would the former President actually be so bold as to use an online identity so closely related to his own nickname? And why would he want a dress with his DNA all over it in the first place? Everyone knows that in Washington you can’t wear the same outfit twice – let alone re-wear a dress that someone has … well, we all know the mess that was made all over that dress.”

Questions about Clinton’s judgment are indeed valid. Many feel that the choice to initiate a liaison with a 22-year-old intern in the Oval Office demonstrated a severe lapse in judgment, and it lead to Clinton’s impeachment in 1998.

As to who put the dress up for auction in the first place, Monica Lewinsky remains tight-lipped. In a statement provided by her attorney, Ms. Lewinksy said “The dress was used as evidence during Prosecutor Ken Starr’s trial and was no longer in my possession. The events in question occurred during a very dark period in my life. Since then, I have washed my hands of the whole affair and have continued to move forward.”

No comment has been issued by the former President.

Poultry Farmer Accidentally Tarred And Feathered By Road Crew

Posted on October 19, 2014 by DvanL

HUNTINGTON, New York –

Centuries ago, the practice of tarring and feathering was used to publicly humiliate lawbreakers and petty criminals. Hot tar was poured onto the wrongdoer, followed by a generous application of feathers. It was a form of public shaming used to set an example.

Last week in upstate New York, a series of unfortunate incidents led to a modern-day instance of the long-discontinued practice.

Hollis McCloud, 46, has quietly made a successful business for himself, supplying a growing market with fresh, free-range poultry. “We call them ‘run-around’ chickens,” said McCloud. “More and more folks want them. Too many chemicals in the supermarket ones. We call them ‘foul fowl.’ That’s a little chicken joke we say up here all the time,” he explained.

McCloud’s delivery truck was filled to capacity with fresh hens, when he noticed a road repair crew along Cuba Hill Road, his regular route. “I saw they had the cones out, but I figured I’d drive off the road and around. I’ve done it before. All those big asphalt trucks and steam rollers blocked everything. They flagged me down and told me to turn around, but that would have made me waste an hour and a half!”

“He argued with us for a long time,” said construction supervisor Ted Graham. “His truck was driving pretty low to the ground to start with, and the grass was pretty uneven off the road, but he wouldn’t back down, so we finally told him he could try driving around but we wouldn’t be responsible.”

“So I drive around to the grass,” explained McCloud, “and one of my wheels gets stuck in a hole. I’m leaning way, way over to one side so I jump out to push the crates back up straight and that’s when the tie-down snaps and the crates fall off. Some of the chickens got out.”

McCloud chased the clucking runaways through the grass and unfortunately, back up to the freshly tarred road.

“Well my foot gets stuck,” McCloud continued. “The chickens get stuck, I fall down face first and the chickens run up to me all concerned ‘cause they think I’m their mother, I guess. I don’t know. More and more of them follow each other. It was a damn mess.”

The construction crew halted their work and did the best they could to assist the now asphalt and feather-covered chicken man.

“I tried not to laugh,” said Graham, “but it was like a movie. We tried pulling some of the chickens off of him, we got chicken feathers stuck on our gloves, we got some feathers stuck in the road, one of my crew almost got pecked in the eye, but we had to help the guy.”

The crew was able to tow McCloud’s truck back onto the road, as well as help to recover most of the chickens. “I got back on the road but had a lot of explaining to do when I was making my deliveries. I could tell some of my customers were just waiting till I drove off to bust out laughing, so I didn’t make a lot of small talk. I tried to keep my head held high, but that’s hard to do when you’ve got tar and chicken feathers all stuck to your face. I tried to keep some self-esteem, but it wasn’t easy.”

“Next time I see a traffic cone,” said McCloud, “I’m flyin’ in the other direction.”

Man Dies In Haunted House, Mistaken For Prop For Almost 2 Weeks

Posted on October 18, 2014 by DvanL

WAUKEGAN, Illinois –

Halloween in Waukegan, Illinois is anticipated by the entire town, as every October for the past 8 years, the Graham family has unveiled their haunted house to the neighborhood, with the event drawing thousands of visitors throughout the season.

The event became so popular that for the third year in a row, local police had to set up barricades to keep both automobile and pedestrian traffic moving along at an orderly pace, and the Graham’s started pre-selling tickets to the event to keep track of visitors.

“That’s how we noticed something was off,” said Hank Graham, owner of the Wicked Waukegan Haunted House. “The tickets came up one short when we counted out the receipts at the end of the day. That was the first or second night of the attraction, at the beginning of this month.”

The mystery of the incorrect ticket count was solved late last week when a 6-year-old visitor told his parents he was very frightened of the “old, dead stinky man” on the second level. “I heard the little boy say that,” said Hank, “and I thought – ‘Oh great!’ If kids are getting a scare, well, that’s the whole fun of it. Every year we add new props – we have mummies, skeletons, and mannequins, plus the ol’ peeled grapes as eyeballs in a bowl, strobe lights, fog machines – crowd favorites, I guess you’d call them. Unfortunately, it was not one of our props that had scared the boy.”

That same evening, 31-year-old Susan Johnston, screamed in terror as her children, who she was accompanying through the haunt, accidentally bumped into what they thought was a prop dummy, and discovered it to be an actual dead body.

“I told them to be careful as we went through, but my little Grace, I think she touched him and it knocked him over, and his arm literally ripped right off his body! Blood and other bodily fluids got all over Grace’s jacket and in her hair, and my son Ricky got some sort of slime all over his hand. They were both terrified. It smelled so bad when we first walked in, but we thought it was all just part of the attraction. Both of my children vomited right there on the floor.”

According to police, a 71-year-old man, whose identity has not been released pending notification to the family, had leaned up against a corner of the building after climbing the stairs to the second floor, and had apparently passed away. “We don’t yet know whether he had a heart attack or an existing illness that may have caused his death,” said Officer Allison Garfield, who had been on the scene to direct traffic. “It was mayhem after he was discovered, though. People ran from the building screaming, but not in a good, fun way as you’d expect at a place like this.”

“To think that someone could live all alone in this world in a way that no one would notice you gone for multiple weeks, and he made a trip here all by himself to have some fun…We didn’t notice him ourselves – it’s just awful,” Said Lynn Graham. “We have so many props up there I guess I thought Hank put him up there, and he thought I did.”

The local health department shut down the Halloween exhibit, but authorities did not file charges against the Graham family. “It was just an unfortunate accident,” said Officer Garfield. “These are just some wonderful people who open their home every year for people to have some fun, and this just put a shadow over the whole thing.”

The Grahams have closed their attraction for the remainder of the season, but said they do plan to re-open the haunt next year.