‘Penis Monologues’ Finishes in Buffalo, Coming to Broadway in 2015

Posted on September 19, 2014 by IHacklesworth

BUFFALO, New York –

“The Penis is Coming to Broadway!” declared theater impresario Arthur Furioso, author and one of the actors who appears in the new play ‘The Penis Dialogues,’ now finishing up a successful run at Buffalo’s art-deco 3,076-seat Century Theater located at 511 Main Street. The theater, built in 1921 as a movie theater, has not seen such an outrageous and controversial performance since it was used in the 1970s as a rock music venue for the likes of Cheap Trick, Peter Gabriel and the Kinks.

“The time has come for the Penis!” continued Furioso. “’The Penis Monologues’ will turn Broadway upside down and have it begging for mercy!”

Mort Gage, an actor who will follow the play to New York City, said that coming to Broadway is a dream come true. “This is an important work and I am very proud to be a part of it.” Gage plays ‘Little Johnny’, a bawdy character whose journey begins as a child who accidentally discovers his parents making love and asks them to make puppies, referring to an earlier observation in the neighborhood of two local canines similarly engaged. During his eight minute stay on the stage he ages and eventually becomes a young man, asking his new bride a number of innocent questions culminating in a discussion of household electrical connections.

“Little Johnny is an important character in the play since he embodies the playful nature of the penis and elicits a fond reflection in the audience of their own time of innocence,” said Gage.

’The Penis Monologues’ is similar to the popular ‘Penis Puppets’ show that played worldwide some years ago. Who would have thought back then that a couple of guys from Australia would be an international sensation by flopping their junk around on stage?” said, Furioso, referring to the play ‘Puppetry of the Penis’, created by Simon Morley and puppeteer David “Friendly” Friend in Melbourne in 1998. That play toured the world and is still in existence almost 20 years later. “We are looking forward to making a big splash in New York City,” said Furioso.

Playwright Eve Ensler, creator of the 1994 play ‘The Vagina Monologues’, could not be reached for comment, but one actress who has performed in ‘Vagina,” and who asked not to be named, said she expects the ‘Penis” show to have a flaccid run and limp out of New York at the end of their session.

“The Penis Monologues” will open at NYC’s lavish 42nd Street Theater in April 2015.

‘Gone With The Wind’ Remake To Star Reese Witherspoon as Scarlett, Matthew McConaughey as Rhett

Posted on September 14, 2014 by DvanL

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Harvey Weinstein, co-Chairman of The Weinstein Company, announced today that a remake of the classic southern motion picture epic, Gone With The Wind, will have its worldwide premiere on March 1, 2015.

Reese Witherspoon fills the formidable window curtain hoop skirt once worn by actress Vivien Leigh, and Matthew McConaughey recreates the role forever identified with Hollywood legend Clark Gable.

One of the most influential films of the 20^th century, 1939’s Gone With The Wind has always been considered untouchable in terms of ever being remade.

“It’s a God-awful idea,” said Robert Osborne, film historian and prime-time host of Turner Classic Movies. “Very rarely can you remake a classic in the league of Gone With The Wind and expect it to perform well at the box office. If it does, I’ll be just as surprised as everyone else. With all due respect to the actors, when I first heard about this, I laughed.”

Co-starring with Witherspoon and McConaughey are Swoosie Kurtz as “Melanie Hamilton,” Jude Law as “Ashley Wilkes,” Oprah Winfrey as “Mammy,” Dolly Parton as brothel owner “Belle Watling,” and Chris Rock as “Pork,” one of the many featured slaves on the Tara plantation. Tyler Perry, originally hired to portray “Mammy” in full drag, per his Madea character that stars in several films, withdrew from the project last year due to physical exhaustion.

In a bit of non-traditional casting, Jennifer Tilly portrays the simple-minded “Prissy,” and Queen Latifah adds to her impressive acting resumé with her role as “Aunt Pittypat.”

When asked for her reaction, 98-year-old Olivia de Havilland, the only surviving cast member from the 1939 film said, “You’ve got to be kidding!” Swoosie Kurtz to portray me? – I mean to portray ‘Melanie?’ I just don’t see it — nor shall I!” she huffed.

Bob Weinstein, the other half of The Weinstein Company, expressed optimism about the new project. “Hitchcock remade his own 1934 version of The Man Who Knew Too Much in 1956, and the second movie was vastly better than his original. That’s just one example of ‘doing it right.’” That’s what we do here, we do it right. I guarantee this film will surprise all the nay-sayers and it’s going to be great,” he added.

As always, audiences and critics will ultimately decide the success or failure of what is fast becoming the hot topic of conversation throughout the motion picture industry.

20th Century Fox Announces Plan To Exclusively Produce Sequels, Remakes Starting in 2015

Posted on September 14, 2014 by DvanL

HOLLYWOOD, California –

When The Writers Guild of America went on strike in 2007, television producers were left without writers. Producers came up with a work-around – churning out shows without writers. “Reality Television” was born.

20^th Century Fox is now adapting the same idea to movie production. The studio announced that starting in 2015, they will be focusing exclusively on projects requiring little to no creativity whatsoever.

“It’s just going to be remakes and maybe one sequel a year – if we have the time to quickly assemble one,” announced Tom Rothman, CEO of 20^th Century Fox. “We’ll be able to produce more pictures twice as fast. We had to figure a way to keep up with the incredible hunger for more and more movies. We’re living in an ‘on-demand’ world, so we’ve hired Quentin Tarantino as our new Director of Creative Redevelopment, and we’re just as excited as he is!”

Tarantino joined Rothman for the announcement at the studio’s Century City headquarters, and outlined his plan.

“The public wants new faces! That’s why I do ‘homages!’ That’s French for imitations!” Said Tarantino. “That’s what homages are! They’re scenes we’ve seen already, from films we’ve seen before! I honor those directors, sometimes shot-for-shot! But I cast new faces! I’m on board with this!!”

Not on board with the idea, though, is director Martin Scorsese, one of several directors idolized by Tarantino. “This may well be the end of 20^th Century Fox,” said Scorsese, producer/director of such blockbusters as Goodfellas, The Last Temptation of Christ, and ironically, the 1991 remake of the 1962 film, Cape Fear. “I started out independent,” said Scorsese. “That’s what Fox should be doing instead of this ‘quantity over quality’ business. It sounds like a disaster of titanic proportions. Actually,” added Scorsese, “Titanic was a pretty good remake, … but you get my point.”

Currently, Scorsese is in pre-production for a biopic of the late great ‘saloon’ singer Frank Sinatra. Dylan Farrow, MSNBC daytime news host and son of actress Mia Farrow, reportedly was approached to portray Sinatra, affectionately known as “Old Blue Eyes.” Dylan Farrow is rumored to be the biological son of Sinatra, a subject Scorsese was not willing to comment upon.

“We haven’t started casting yet. There are millions of things to set up before we think about who we cast as ‘Young Blue Eyes,’” he said.

Tarantino detailed his upcoming plan of action:

“I’m looking forward to casting new faces in old movies, or old faces in new movies! Hey – maybe the old faces can homage themselves in the remakes if they’re still around!” Or maybe not! I haven’t decided yet!”

“As soon as we wrap up our current projects,” said Rothman, our new production system will go into effect. I literally cannot wait.”

20th Century Fox says that their plans for 2015 include production on remakes of Glitter and Big Mama’s House, as well as a sequel to the Tom Green film Freddy Got Fingered.

Man With World’s Largest DVD Collection Can’t Find A Thing To Watch

Posted on September 13, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

PHOENIX, Arizona –

“It’s just the most obnoxious thing, really,” said Derek Davis, Guinness World Record holder for most DVDs in a private home library. “I own more movies than anyone on the planet, yet I just can’t find a thing to watch. It’s really frustrating.”

Davis’ love of collecting movies started nearly a decade ago, when he ran across a video store that was going out of business. “I stopped in on a whim, hoping they’d have my favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso, for cheap. Sadly, they didn’t, but that stop began years of collecting. I’d never seen so many movies at such attainable prices!”

Davis says he ended up walking out of the video store with over 200 movies in that one day, and because of the liquidation pricing, he paid only about $7. “It was really dumb luck, you know? Of course, it also has also really put a damper on wanting to spend any ‘real’ money when I buy a movie. That first trip cost me about 3 pennies a flick. Makes it awfully hard to go out and drop $20 on a new movie, you know?”

Over the course of time, though, Davis has certainly picked up a few movies. His collection, which is meticulously organized by genre and then listed alphabetically, compromises many different forms of media, including old-school VHS and Betamax, as well as Laserdiscs, DVDs, and Blu-rays. His collection has been ranked by Guinness as the biggest private collection in the world, at just about 189,000 films. Unfortunately for him, having that many films at his disposal makes it horribly difficult to choose what to watch.

“You know how a regular person maybe has a handful of movies to watch, and still sometimes they can’t decide what to go with? Imagine magnifying that problem by a hundred, or even a thousand,” says Davis. “It’s just horrible. I have people over to watch a movie, but we end up spending the whole night debating what to watch, and never even get to the film. It’s causing problems with my friends. They don’t even want to come over for fear of staying up until the wee hours of the morning just debating between whether to watch Re-Animator or Punch Drunk Love.”

“I used to love going to Derek’s house to watch movies, back when we were in high school,” says best friend Rob Pooler. “Back then, he only owned 3 movies – Back to the Future, Jurassic Park, and BMX Bandits. We didn’t have to spend hours deciding what to watch. We normally would just stay up all night and watch all three. Those were the days.”

Pooler says that now, a visit to Davis’ house is like a walk through the most intimidating video store you’ll ever see.

“Oh yeah. Going in there, it’s like a f—— Blockbuster on crack,” says Pooler. “God, Remember Blockbuster? I’d love to go back to those days. Even they didn’t have this kind of selection. Life was grand back then.”

“If you want to be the biggest and the best,” says Davis, “sometimes you have to pay the price. My price is that I own more films than God himself, yet haven’t watched a movie in 8 months. The massive overwhelming nature of the collection, it’s just too much to sort through. On the other hand, being too lazy to choose a movie to watch has given me something good in return – Now I’m able to catch up on all the seasons of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix!”

Garage Mechanic Charged With Battery

Posted on September 13, 2014 by DvanL

NORTH AURORA, Illinois –

Garrett Nelson should be at work at Bates Auto Body in North Aurora, Illinois, but instead, he’s in a holding cell with bruised knuckles and a sprained ankle.

Aurora Beacon-News’ local crime reporter, Peter Lazenby, discovered the 38-year-old Nelson sitting by himself in the holding cell, and decided to strike up a conversation.

“It was obvious he had gotten into a fight,” said Lazenby. “He was pretty bruised up. I told him I was a reporter and he said he knew my name because he reads my ‘Pete’s Beat’ police blotter column. Our talk turned into an interview, so I ended up doing a human-interest story on him. Turns out this guy really has led an interesting life. Also the fact that a mechanic was charged with battery – I mean the thing practically wrote itself!”

Lazenby shared a section of the conversation with Empire News.

Peter Lazenby: Do you mind if I ask what happened?

Garrett Nelson: I took a swing at a guy who was trying to tell me how to do my job.

PL: Where do you work?

GN: Bates Auto Body on River Road.

PL: How did the fight start?

GN: I promised to have this guy’s car finished by 3:00, but things got backed up since a school bus packed full of singing nuns broke down right in front of the shop. I spent about 2 hours fixing them up, so then the guy comes back and asks me how come his car isn’t ready.

PL: Did you tell him about the singing nuns?

GN: Yeah, but he said it wasn’t his problem. He was this suit-and-tie guy, on his phone the whole time, kinda rude. Then he says he had a cousin who’s a mechanic and I was working too slow.

PL: Why didn’t the guy just go to his cousin?

GN: That’s what I asked him and it kind of ticked him off. I told him we had a waiting room, but he said he’d rather ‘keep an eye on me out here.’ That’s just how he said it: ‘keep an eye on me.’ Well, that really frosted my ass. What did he think was I gonna do? Take a dump in his car or something? So he keeps on staring, and the next thing I know, I’m swinging at him; he’s swinging at me — he calls the police, but guess who gets stuck in here — me!”

Barrett was charged with simple battery and was confident he would be released soon.

“One customer who comes in to my shop all the time with his hybrid, he’s a lawyer, so I called him up,” said Barrett. He brings his car in at least once a month. God, those hybrids are crap on 4 wheels! Anyway, I heard him say something about ‘dropping the charges,’ so I think I’ll be out of here soon. The guy who I took a poke at left about a half hour ago.”

Barrett was released an hour later in a better mood than when he arrived.

“Hey, am I gonna be famous?” he joked, limping out of the police station. “I never thought I’d be reading about me like this! I might turn into a big-time celebrity!”

“Careful what you wish for!” answered Lazenby.

Lazenby’s full article will appear in this Sunday’s Beacon-News as a special feature to ‘Pete’s Beat.’

YouTube Comedy Show in Hot Water Over ‘Baby in Car’ Sketch

Posted on September 7, 2014 by mattwardcomedy

TEMPE, Arizona –

In light of the recent headlines regarding children dying in vehicles, the video sketch comedy troupe that goes by “Windproof Comedy” has recently had their YouTube account suspended over a sketch comedy bit they did about a baby being ‘cooked in a soup pot” within a vehicle that was filmed on a 100 degree day in Tempe, Arizona.

In the sketch, a man and woman would occasionally use a remote to roll down the back window just enough to thrust various vegetables into the soup pot where a realistic baby doll sat submerged in steaming water. Passersby grew concerned and the police were called shortly after a man jogging stopped and attempted to punch the window out of the sketch groups 2007 Subaru Forester. No charges were filed by the police that responded to the scene.

Glenda Rollins, a local woman in the area shopping told authorities, “This baby really looked alive and struggling, I was yelling and screaming at the passing jogger and he stopped and busted up his whole wrist and fist trying to smash the glass. It must have been bulletproof.”

Trevor Blake of Windproof Comedy says he was shocked at the reaction to the sketch filming. “The baby totally didn’t look real. People are ridiculous.” he told us. “When the dude started trying to punch the window out of my Forester I will be honest, I started to freak out a little bit. I just had my window busted out in front of my apartment and it was like $200 to get fixed.”

The group eventually posted a version of the sketch that included the man attempting to bust his window out. YouTube pulled the clip when the weak fisted jogger, Dale Bernhardt, reported it for not having his permission to be filmed. The video spent 16 hours online before it was finally pulled and was viewed nearly 98,000 times by folks in 26 countries according to Blake. “We were really just trying to shed more light on the epidemic of children and animals being left in hot cars that is going on right now.” said Trevor. “We had done the same thing not long ago but instead used a stuffed cat and no one seemed to give a s—.”

When we spoke to the Tempe Police Department Officer that responded to the call he said, “They weren’t breaking any ‘laws’ per se, but that was a pretty dumb, tasteless thing to do. If I had been walking by I probably would have shot the window out.”

Trevor Blake began filming sketches in the summer of 2012 with his friends Matt Becker and Courtney Johnson. Their biggest other YouTube success being a 3 minute sketch about being tasered for trying to high-five Senator Gabrielle Giffords.

Dr. Oz Research Shows Surrounding Yourself With Obese Friends Makes You Appear Thinner

Posted on September 6, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Television star Dr. Mehmet Oz, who also directs the Cardiovascular Institute and Complementary Medicine Program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital located in New York City, announced that extensive medical research on how one can make themselves appear thinner has concluded, and the results are groundbreaking. Their discovery was that hanging out with people who are more overweight than you will actually make you appear thinner.

“It is a joy to reach this conclusion, which will most certainly improve the quality of life and socialization of those who build a new group of friends who are fatter than they are. Being the ‘thin’ guy, or gal, in the crowd will make you the ever-so-popular life of the party. Many Americans are completely satisfied with their large figures and that is perfectly okay because they make the best friends!” Dr. Oz enthusiastically expressed during a daily taping of his popular television daytime life and health talk show, Dr. Oz, on Friday.

The month-long study included sixty single, overweight volunteers, many considered obese, split into six groups. The person with the lowest body fat percentage was then declared the priority test subject. Each group proceeded to go out and participate in random social events during the day and hit the bars at night. All six priority test subjects reported their sex lives had improved dramatically, and felt an overwhelming improvement in self-esteem while socializing with the nine chunkier friends.

“It is a win/win situation,” Oz said. “Obese people get to make lots of friends, while the average beer-bellied bachelor draws all the attention, vastly improving social skills for all involved. There is always one person who stands out in the crowd, you can still be overweight, just make sure your friends are more overweight. Frequent places that attract a lot of overweight people such as buffets and bingo halls, those places are packed to the gills with satisfied, big, loving, wonderful human beings. Use Facebook or Twitter to stay in touch with your skinny friends, just don’t go out with them anymore.”

Some members of the audience left in disgust, saying Dr. Oz is spreading exploitation of overweight people, such as Mary Parker from Dayton, Ohio. “I can’t believe Dr. Oz is telling everybody to hang out with people fatter than them, I am usually the big girl, where am I supposed to search for friends? I’m usually the one at the buffet with a stack of five or six plates,” Parker said.

Others left with a completely different point of view, such as Josh Sweeney from Fairdale, Kentucky. “I’ll tell ya what, if they don’t like it, this is what they need to do, lose some f**king weight. It’s their choice ya know?” Sweeney blatantly stated. “I have lots of fat friends, that’s why I have such a pretty girlfriend. Keep your fat friends close!” Sweeney added.

It seems that the late, great Rodney Dangerfield was a genius after all. Dangerfield once said, “I found that there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people!” His words at the time, though had been interpreted as some joke, fetching no legitimate respect.

New York-Presbyterian Hospital.^[14] His research interests include heart replace

Insurance Policy Canceled for Progressive Insurance Actress ‘Flo’

Posted on September 5, 2014 by DvanL

HOLLYWOOD, California –

“It was a simple oversight,” explains actress and comedian Stephanie Courtney, known to millions as the quirky Progressive Insurance spokesperson ‘Flo.’”

The actress’ insurance policy, covered under SAG-AFTRA, the radio and television artist’s union, lapsed last month. Courtney, looking much older and more fatigued than her character ‘Flo,’ answered questions asked by Hunt Brickbacher of Entertainment Tonight.

“I belong to the actor’s union,” said the actress between yawns. “No, Progressive does not pay my insurance. No, my real name isn’t Flo. No, I don’t own a car. People forget, you know? I just forgot. The dues, I just … (yawn) forgot. Does that cover it?” asked a visibly perturbed Courtney. “Can I go home now?”

“I guess you’ve had to answer a lot of these questions,” asked Brickbacher. “Your fans seem to find the irony kind of hilarious. Progressive’s Facebook page has been flooded with comments.”

“Look, Progressive has me making around 350 commercial spots for tv and radio a year,” Courtney said. That’s like, 30 every month. Oh, dear God, that’s almost one a day! I rehearse one spot while shooting another. I’m exhausted. That wig I wear weighs a ton, and the makeup has made my face looking like a damn sea sponge. I bought some of that Proactiv Acne Solution for my skin, and they asked me if I wanted to be their spokesperson. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t do it. There’s just no time — I don’t have the time — I don’t have time to do anything!”

Trade publication Variety, as well as other gossip sites and blogs recently reported that a “rather odd insurance company spokesperson” had requested a hefty raise in salary, which was turned down. Courtney refused to acknowledge whether the item was about her contract with Progressive, replying only cryptically, “Yeah, that was … no, I don’t — it wasn’t — I … I read about that and my agent said … she (yawn) said … no, it’s not about me and Progressive, I’m very happy with our arrangement so I’d have to comment ‘no say’ – I mean I’d have to say ‘no comment.’ More than likely it was the Geico gecko. He’s a real piece of work, you know?”

Many actors fear that being identified with one role would lead to typecasting — locking them into one role which would prove detrimental to their careers. Courtney was realistic about the subject. “I knew what I was getting into when I signed that contract. Except maybe for the length of time that I would be bound to it and by all the extra extensions that I didn’t know about. I was so happy to sign at first, I didn’t read the fine print. I needed the job. Many actors would kill for this kind of exposure. Kill.”

When asked how many more commercial spots were planned for the ‘Flo’ character, the actress replied, “Oh, Christ on the sticks, I don’t know. I just need some sleep. Where’s my – where did I put my phone? Have you tried our new ‘Snapshot’ option?” Courtney laughed uncontrollably for several moments before sighing heavily.

The actress then leaned forward, put her head down in her lap, and promptly fell asleep. Brickbacher ended the interview by whispering, “So, that’s the story from Flo. Reporting from the Progressive Insurance Theater in Hollywood, California, this is Hunt Brickbacher for ET. Back to you in the studio!”

Actress Betty White, 99, Dyes Peacefully In Her Los Angeles Home

Posted on September 3, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

In a press release from her long-time manager Jeff Witjas, it has been confirmed today that actress Betty White, best known for her roles on TVs The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Golden Girls, and Hot in Cleveland, is not a natural blonde.

“Betty is a solitary kind of person,” said Witjas. “She likes to relax in her home with her animals, and she rarely likes to discuss the fact, at least in public, that she is actually a brunette. She has been dyeing her own hair in her home for decades. Betty has often told me she feels it is relaxing and soothing to dye her own hair, peacefully in her home, where she can laugh and enjoy time with her animals. She’s said on more than one occasion that as a blonde, she has had ‘more fun’ in her roles, and in life.”

“Oh, I started dyeing it ages ago when my color started to fade away to a more whiteish, greyish color,” says White. “I thought to myself, ‘Well Betty, if you can’t have the dark color anymore, might as well try on the blonde for a while,’ and it just kind of stuck. When I played Rose on Girls, the joke about my natural hair color made it into several episodes. I’ve always had a sense of humor about it.”

Early pictures of White with her husband of almost 20 years, Allen Ludden, who died in 1981 of stomach cancer, show White as a sultry brunette with a perfect smile.

whiteludden — Betty White with her late husband Allen Ludden, 1968

“Oh Allen loved my dark hair, but later on, as I started to go grey and my hair lightened, he liked the blonde, too. It would be too much work to go back to that dark hair I used to have. Too much to maintain. Besides, I think a new look like that at my age might frighten my animals. They wouldn’t even recognize me!”

White’s acting roles have slowed down in recent years, but she can most recently been seen (or heard) in 2019’s Toy Story 4, and appeared in several episodes of the series Fireside Chat With Esther.

NEXT >> Unborn Baby Becomes Pregnant While Still Inside The Womb >>

Lay’s Potato Chips To Introduce New ‘Kim & Kanye’ Flavor

Posted on September 2, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

ATLANTA, Georgia –

Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, announced yesterday that a new flavor of potato chip would hit the shelves in time for the holidays. The new flavor, ‘Kim & Kanye’, is the first flavor of Lay’s potato chips to be named after actual people. Nooyi says it was important for the company to stay in touch with modern-day culture.

“It was something we wanted to touch on, we knew we wanted to begin naming flavors after celebrities, but didn’t know which ones. We decided on Kim & Kanye, obviously referring to Kim Kardashian-West and Kanye West, because they are celebrities that all Americans love, and together they have a very unique flavor,” said Nooyi.

Lay’s set the standard for being the first potato chip company to introduce a flavor other than the traditional salted, original flavor, in 1958 when they introduced barbecue flavored potato chips. The company has since led the way in offering more and more variety of flavors in recent years with a campaign called “Do Us A Flavor,” in which contestants invent a flavor themselves. The 2012-2013 contest consisted of sriracha, chicken and waffles, and cheesy garlic bread flavors, with cheesy and garlic bread earning its way into the permenant line up according to sales.

The ‘Kim & Kanye’ flavor is a finalist from the 2014-2015 contest developed by self-proclaimed chef Tanya Brown. When asked what her key ingredients were to this bizarre name of chip, she simply said, “A little bit of this, a little bit of that. A lot like what you could imagine Kim and Kanye tasting like if they were a potato chip.”

Other flavors in the finals, which are currently available for purchase, include bacon mac and cheese, cappuccino, wavy mango salsa, and kettle cooked wasabi ginger. Although the Kim and Kanye chip was submitted during the contest, Lay’s representatives decided that it would be a stand-alone flavor, and they would use it outside of the normal contest regulations.

“They told me the idea of the actual flavor being a bit of a mystery was intriguing to them,” said Brown. “I could not believe they agreed to stick with the name, and they actually told me it was something they had considered doing for quite some time. So they kind of pulled the idea away from the contest. Sad I can’t win, but the chips are still going to market, and that’s awesome.”

Some of those who have had samples of the new flavor say the chips have a unique taste. “It tastes to me like a combination of chocolate and butter pecan ice cream, and is strangely very good!” said John Osbourne of Brooklyn, New York. Others say that the chip is horrendous, and they can’t believe it’s even going to market.

“It tastes like straight up body sweat and lard, with a hint of tangy mint and…I’m not sure. Walnuts, maybe?” said Robin Waverly of Los Angeles. “It’s really hard to pin down. Whatever it’s supposed to be, they were really pretentious tasting, which I suppose what I’d expect Kim or Kanye to taste like. Then again, I rarely think that these contest chips taste like what they’re supposed to. So maybe it’s just me.”

The Kim & Kanye flavored Lay’s potato chips will be available at grocery stores one week before the Thanksgiving holiday says Nooyi.