Parents Die After Not Checking Child’s Halloween Candy For Poison, Eating It Themselves

Posted on October 31, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

GARDINER, Georgia –

A couple who ate some of their child’s Halloween candy without checking first to see if it had been tampered with died after they both ate chocolates that had been injected with rat poison.

Mary and George Richards, both 33, of Gardiner, Georgia, took their 4-year-old son, Michael, out trick or treating on Monday evening, and when they arrived home at around 8PM, they sent Michael to bed.

According to their Facebook page, they were planning on sneaking some of Michael’s candy, and had a status saying that they “hoped he wouldn’t notice.”

“Michael got so much candy tonight, I think George and I are going to take a bunch for ourselves,” read Mary’s status. “Isn’t that what Halloween is all about?”

Police say the two were discovered dead only 45 minutes later, when a neighbor came by to hang out.

“It was gruesome,” said the neighbor. “They were both bloated and foaming at the mouth. I called 911, but it was too late.”

Despite urban legends to the contrary, this is the first case of Halloween candy poisoning in all of recorded history that wasn’t perpetrated by a friend or family member of the victim.

Trump Challenges Hillary To Game of HORSE To See Who Wins Election

Posted on October 29, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Donald Trump has said that, in order to give Hillary a “fair chance” at winning after his “super-yuge” lead in the polls, he would allow Hillary to play him in a game of HORSE to decide the winner of the election.

“I’m quite sure that I will win the election based on votes, and I don’t think it’s even fair to Hillary at this point,” said Trump. “I’m all about fair play. I love women. I respect women, and I respect Hillary. No one has more respect for Hillary than me. And with that respect comes the great admiration that always comes with respect. It with that admiration comes challenge, and with challenge comes sports, and basically, I think we should play a game of HORSE to decide the election, voting be damned.”

Hillary Clinton has not responded directly to the Trump challenge, but staffers on her campaign have said that she has been practicing her layups and 3-point shots in anticipation of a “hell of a game.”

Kanye West Sues Donald Trump For Calling Himself ‘Greatest’ Candidate

Posted on October 29, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

Kanye West has reportedly filed a lawsuit against Donald Trump, because Trump referred to himself as “the greatest” presidential candidate of all time. West says that is infringing on his own “best” ranking.

“Everyone knows that I’m the greatest candidate, and by Donald Trump saying that he is, it tarnished my brand,” said West, who has filed the suit in Las Vegas, where he has multiple homes. “Based on his words, he has cost me money, and for that, he’s gotta pay. He’s gotta realize that you can’t just go around making claims.”

The suit, which West says is worth around $20 million, has been called “frivolous” and “completely fucking stupid” by Trump’s lawyers.

“We have reminded Mr. West that he is not, in fact, a presidential candidate, so it would be impossible for him to be the best,” said a lawyer for Trump. “As it turns out, he doesn’t really care about logic, he’s entirely driven by ego. We’ll look forward to seeing him in court.”

Young Man Killed After Samsung Note 7 Explodes In His Face While Wearing It In Virtual Reality Headset

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

A Boston man has died after he ignored recall warnings from Samsung about their Note 7 cell phones exploding, and put it into his newly purchased Gear VR. The Gear VR is a headset worn around the face that offers a “virtual reality” experience with your own cell phone. It is designed to work with a wide variety of Samsung products.

Max Willis, 20, died after his Note exploded while it was inside his headset, causing his eyes and face to be torn apart.

“Normally, the ‘explosion’ of these devices is very small, but even a very small explosion that close to your face will obviously kill you,” said police chief Robert Thompson. “When we arrived at the scene, Mr. Willis’ face was in several parts all over the floor, and the plastic pieces from his headset and phone were embedded in the wall behind him. It was the most gruesome thing I’ve ever seen.”

Samsung has offered to pay Willis’ parents a clean-up cost for their home, and say they are willing to give each member of the family a phone at half-price from their array of Samsung, certified pre-owned devices.

Man Arrested After Going On Murder Spree, Killing Over 30 Registered Sex Offenders

Posted on October 25, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

OMAHA, Nebraska –

A Nebraska man was arrested after he was caught in the act of strangling someone to death in an alley outside of a Omaha McDonald’s, police say. According to reports, Joel Miller, 42, was arrested for assault and attempted murder, and during questioning admitted that he had killed more than 30 people already, all of them registered sex offenders.

“I’ve been killing pedos and perverts for, damn, close to 15 years now,” said Miller. “Started when I was 26 or so, after a girl I was dating was raped and murdered. I tracked the guy down myself, slit his throat. I realized I had a real knack for it after that, so I kept going.”

Miller says that he wishes he hadn’t gotten caught, because he has a list of at least 3 more local “perverts” that he wanted to “knock off.”

“A friend of mine – we go way back – his daughter was molested by his babysitter’s boyfriend. Everyone knew he did it. The police couldn’t prove it. The girl, she’s only 7, she clammed right up. Barely spoken since, and she won’t admit it. Well, I did the world a favor when I cut his dick off and rammed it down his throat.”

Police say that, despite the “positive” nature of the crimes, Miller will still be more than likely sentenced to death for his crimes.

South Carolina Man Creates ‘Task Force’ To Battle Creepy Clown Epidemic

Posted on September 30, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

PEVELY, South Carolina –

A South Carolina man has taken it upon himself to battle the “creepy clowns” that have been sighted across the country. Pinto Colvig, 38, says that he is “sick and tired” of his town being scared to death by people dressed as menacing clowns.

“It is disgusting and disturbing to torment a town, and our children, in this way,” said Colvig. “It was bad enough when it was just them damn Juggalos running around in their stupid face paint. At least you knew they didn’t mean too much harm. Now, we have people who have put on full clown masks, suits, and they carry around balloons and knives. Someone has to stop them.”

Because it is not against any laws to simply dress as a clown in public, Colvig says that he has gathered a group of like-minded individuals who plan to cruise the streets, looking to “put clowns in their place.”

“There are plenty of other people who are not scared of these clowns, but are scared for the people who live in this town, and in all towns. We will show them a lesson, and if we have to, yes, we’re willing to get physical. I have a lawyer on retainer, and he’s well aware that things could get rough, and we may have to make that call.”

Police have cautioned Colvig that he needs to not engage with any of the clowns, and that if his “task force” wants to act as a sort of neighborhood watch, that is fine – but no violence should occur.

“If anyone sees a clown – or anything or anyone – that they are bothered by, they should call the police,” said Police Chief Mick Forner. “Do not engage, as you do not know who this individual is, or what they are capable of. Simply get into your house and lock your doors, or quickly remove yourself from the area.”

16 Members Of Japanese Whaling Crew Eaten Alive

Posted on September 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

A Japanese whaling crew has fallen victim to a dramatic full on assault by a school of killer whales, killing no less than 16 crew members and injuring 12, has reported the Japanese Government this morning.

The crew of the MV Nisshin Maru (日新丸), Japan’s primary whaling vessel and the world’s only whaler factory ship, was forced to leave the deck temporarily as a gas leak was detected within the ship’s processing factory that resulted in the ship being temporarily disabled all while continuing to carry approximately 1,000 tons of oil.

The resulting panic lead members of the ship to jump off the boat before proper emergency procedures were taken and lifeboats had been set to sea. The swimming crew members were then ferociously attacked by a school of killer whales, that decimated a large number of the crew within moments. “It was horrific” claims Asuka Kumara, a mechanical engineer who witnessed the gruesome scene. “The water was red with blood, there were bodies everywhere” he recalls in tears.

The incident occurred in the Southern Ocean Whale Sanctuary, near the South Eastern Coast of South Africa, a controversial area to be whaling as a recent international court ruling has ordered the country to ends its whale hunt in the Antarctic. The East Asian nation halted its annual Antarctic whaling mission after the U.N.’s International Court of Justice (ICJ) ruled last march the hunt violated an international moratorium on commercial whaling.

“It seems Japan just doesn’t give a damn about international law” explains environmental activist and spokesman for Greenpeace Canada, James Ben Shahali, based in Vancouver. “The waste of life is always a shame, but the whales are not to blame here, they were only doing what they are born to do: kill for food” he adds.

Some Greenpeace supporters have even celebrated the incident as a victory for the fight against whale hunting worldwide

Japan has slaughtered over 6,000 whales since commercial whaling was made illegal by the International Whaling Commission (IWC) moratorium passed in 1986.

(via: World News Daily Report)

Study Shows Exactly How Much Human Meat Is In A McDonald’s Burger

Posted on September 28, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

McDonald’s history is not a good one, and fast food restaurants are already known to have a lot of “mystery” ingredients, but this rumor tops the list. This disturbing audio admission in the youtube video below will make you cringe, as the interview between James Wickstrom and Rabbi Finkelstein discussed the gruesome practices of the type of “meat” used at McDonald’s.

Rabbi Finkelstein says that their tradition of blood sacrifice has been going on for thousands and thousands of years. “We take the children of the enemy, which is the white race, we bring them to the basements of the synagogues where we drain them, similar to kosher butchering. Then we send them off to the meat grinders, where they end up in the McDonald’s hamburgers and sausages.”

He explains that these children are sent to meat grinder facilities and sold off to McDonald’s for a profit. Since most of these meat grinding facilities are by the Mexican border line, many of the employees are illegal immigrants and are willing to keep their mouths closed about this information because they are making a good living to send home to their families. Rabbi Finkelstein has no problem telling the interviewer, “You are eating your children every day”.

SHARE with your friends and COMMENT …. Did it really happen??

(via: Now 8 News)

Boston Cop Shoots, Kills Black Man For Smoking A Joint

Posted on September 27, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

On the heels of recent scandals involving police brutality among the African American community, Malik Edwards, a 36-year old African American man living in the Boston area was shot by police officers following a dispute regarding a marijuana cigarette.

According to witnesses, Edwards was seen sitting on the porch of his girlfriend’s home located in Evanston, Massachusetts, a municipality about 10-miles outside of Boston when the incident occurred. Edwards was accompanied by 2 additional African American males and his 32-year old girlfriend Nia Brown.

According to witness statements, including that of Brown’s, around 9:20 PM, 2 Evanston Police officers approached the individuals visiting on the porch and asked them what they were doing. According to Brown, Edwards, who had been smoking a marijuana cigarette, often referred to as a joint, spoke for the group and told the police officers that they were just visiting and unwinding after a long day of work.

The police officers asked Edwards what was in his hand (referring to the marijuana cigarette), and Edwards replied, “Oh this is just a little something that helps me to unwind after a long day”. The police officers demanded Edwards put out the marijuana cigarette, to which according to witnesses, Edwards was slow to comply.

(read more at The Boston Tribune)

Act of God? Man Dies While Masturbating After Lightning Strikes His Bed

Posted on August 31, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

DALLAS, Texas –

Saturday night ended in a tragedy for 23 year old Alan Escamilla. According to reports Alan Escamilla was struck by lightning while he was masturbating in his bedroom.

According to Dallas MD, Alan Escamilla was masturbating in his bedroom, before a massive bolt of lightning struck him.When police and ambulance arrived on the scene, they found Alan Escamilla, which “looked like burnt coal,” according to Officer Bryan Granados.

Police found Escamilla in a “masturbating position,” with his hand wrapped tightly around his penis. Alan Escamilla Sr. said his sons body was “rock hard, but he was breathing heavily and very much alive.”

“If there was one thing about Alan, it’s that he masturbated all the time. Once he spent four hours in the restroom just masturbating. I had to force him out of my apartment,” says long time friend, Alex Godoy.

Alan Escamilla is expected to fully recover according to Baylor Hospital, although his penis will no longer be useable.