New Dating Website ‘WhitePeopleMeet.Com’ Causing Controversy After Launch Last Week

New Dating Website 'WhitePeopleMeet.Com' Causing Controversy After Launch Last Week

SILICON VALLEY, California – 

A new Silicon Valley start-up is already making waves after a soft launch of their website was completed last week. The new website, whitepeoplemeet.com, is a dating website based around only people who are 100% Caucasian, and automatically filters out anyone who isn’t white based on choices made during account setup, and also using face-matching software when a user uploads their images.

“If our system sees a black face is uploaded by a user, that account will automatically be locked until as such time the user can prove that they are white, or it will be deleted completely if they are, in fact, found to be of another ethnicity,” said site creator and designer, Jeb Michaels. “We want this website to be designed and aimed specifically at the white crowd. It’s not about being racist, it’s just about white people wanting to find other white people to date and sleep with.”

Michaels says that for people who are fussing over his website, they are not understanding the true point of what he is trying to accomplish.

“There are plenty of black-oriented things out there. They’ve got their BET Network. They’ve got BlackPeopleMeet.com – there’s no law that says I can’t do the same things, and focus on the beauty, culture, and heritage of the white person,” said Michaels. “We already have a very strong userbase built up, made up of white folks who want to date other white folks. It’s definitely not odd to be attracted only to someone of the same skin color as you.”

“Personally, I think it’s extremely racist,” said Paul Jemarcus, 28, an African-American from Queens, New York. “It’s not that I want to be on some white-bread dating website or something, but to be fair, I really like those big white-girl asses, and you can’t find a lot of those on blackpeoplemeet.com. Guess it’s just sticking with Tinder for now. I hope this new website get shut down.”

So far, Michaels says that they have signed up more than 25,000 people for their service, and have received only 18,000 hate emails and death threats.

Man Sues Dating Website, Says ‘My Perfect Matches Are Always Black’

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – Man Sues Dating Website, Says 'My Perfect Matches Are Always Black'

A Charlotte man has filed a lawsuit against a popular online dating site, citing his ‘extreme unhappiness’ with the results the website had been giving him. Gil Green, age 33, claims that all of the ‘perfect matches’ recommended to him through the site were African-American.

“I want to find myself a nice white woman and the site couldn’t get that straight,” said Green. “It isn’t fair to me at all that they would assume that I’m into black girls. I put in all my own information, and what I was looking for in a girl, and every time I checked who it matched me with, it was some dark-skinned broad.”

Green is claiming that the website was ‘deliberately sabotaging’ his love life, and that is why he was filing suit.

“I’m just a simple man, and I’m trying to find a wife, or at least a couple good dates, maybe a couple of blowjays, you know? But no mater how many times computer tells me my perfect match is black, I can’t just settle on that,” said Green. “It’s not a racist thing, I’ve met black people before. Some of them are even pretty cool. I just don’t find black women attractive. I’m sure plenty of black women don’t find me attractive. I shouldn’t have to change my standards to find a date on the internet.”

Green’s lawyer, Joe Goldsmith, Esq., who filed the suit in a North Carolina Superior Court, said he thinks that Green has ‘no chance in hell’ of ever winning the case.

“I only took this case for the money, my practice is struggling, and whatever pays the bills, you know?” said Goldsmith. “Mr. Green seems to be really confused about the internet and online dating in general, because the website he is filing suit against is ‘blackpeoplemeet.com’. Obviously his matches are going to be African-American. Frankly, Mr. Green is an idiot, and quite possibly a bigot.”

Representatives of blackpeoplemeet.com have yet to comment on the lawsuit, except to say that they “assume the outcome of the case will be a no-brainer.”

 

 

Tinder Cancels Accounts For People It Considers ‘Too Attractive’

LOS ANGELES, California – Tinder Cancels Accounts For People It Considers 'Too Attractive'

Tinder, the popular ‘hot or not’ dating app, has made the controversial decision to block users it considers too attractive due to a substantial overflow of users. According to founder Gary Tinder, it was a tough decision, but the right one that will save the business in the long run.

“We just couldn’t keep up with the overwhelming number of users. There’s millions of lonely people joining every second . . . especially between the hours of 12am and 4am. While I want to include everyone who is horny, sad, or just trying to do it with a stranger who is less than two minutes away, there have to be limits,” said Tinder. “Our technology cannot handle every person in heat, and it would be really rude to deny the people who are probably not good looking enough to be charming in person.”

Some extremely attractive people figured out something was wrong with the popular app before they officially revealed their secret. Alexis Wartz of Silver Lake noticed the trend early, when she was refused a download on her iPhone. “My friends were just like, ‘OMG you should do Tinder, I met this guy who asks me if I’m up at 3am every single weekend!’ So I tried, and it said the download didn’t work. I was at a Starbucks and the WiFi was so working and I kept trying and it never worked, but it worked for all my friends. It feels kinda good now that I know I’m too sexy to be on it. It’s a compliment and I’ll never stop bragging about it to my friends, who now have proof that I’m the prettiest one in the group.”

Liam Rash of New York City recalled his rejection from across the country. “I had the app for a while, but then one day it just disappeared. I tried to re-download it, and it wouldn’t work. I’m sitting there depressed, thinking ‘I’m one minute away from the hottest, most desperate chicks in all of Murray Hill, and I don’t even have to get out of bed…and I can have my hand down my pants if I want to.’ It sucks that I’m too hot for this thing, because I’m so socially awkward that I can only approach women through an iPhone without having a mental breakdown about how much I miss my mom, who lives upstate.”

“If the user demand continues to grow, we’ll probably just make a Tinder for ‘ugly’ to ‘average’ people, and a separate one for ‘above average’ to ‘hot’ people. But for now it’s our number one priority to make the app available to everyone we can as quickly as possible. We are just asking that everyone, from ugly duckling to beauty queen, just give us some time to get the kinks worked out.”

 

Facebook Admits to Manipulating User Profiles For Absurdist ‘Matchmaking Game’

MENLO PARK, California – Facebook Admits to Manipulating User Profiles For Absurd Matchmaking Game

The terrifying news released last week that Facebook admitted to manipulating the posts of 689,003 users in a mood-changing social experiment came as a shock to people worldwide. Further investigations into the ethicality of their experiments has uncovered new information that suggests Facebook has been using their “guinea-pig” users in a much more problematic way.

This secondary experiment first became apparent when reading the official report released by Facebook, sources noticed occasional references to something called “dating data.” When prompted about the mysterious data, Facebook technology teams confessed to what they had been doing throughout the site.

“Using what we learned from our initial experiment – that modifying the news feeds of a user could in fact modify their mood as a whole – we invested in a smaller project to see if by modifying people’s news feeds and shared information, we could push for romantic relationships between certain users, and deter them between others.” Said an employee of the company, speaking under the guise of anonymity.

“Our aim was to discover how far social networking goes today in regards to formulating intimacy between people.” Said another employee in charge of the dating data. “We edited private messages being sent between users, even sent a few ourselves, and we even used our stupid ‘poke’ option to generate interest between chosen users. If you got ‘poked’ in the last year on the site, that was most definitely us. No one actually pokes anybody.”

“To be honest, the whole thing was just a game to us. We’d choose a couple people in the same city at random, make sure they didn’t know each other at all, and start playing our games. It was all really just for a laugh. Oh, and, of course, to study human interaction, etcetera blah blah.”

This bizarre matchmaking experiment prompts ethicists and futurists to ask several alarming questions about the nature of privacy on the internet and how much we allow technology to control our lives in this day and age

“What we have here is a prime example of when massive corporations such as Facebook, are given too much power over the day-to-day social (and private) lives of everyday people.” Futurist Jim Carroll explained. “Hollywood makes so many movies about far-off futuristic dystopias, but what many don’t realize, and what’s highlighted by Facebook’s invasive studies, is that we are already living in one.”

When asked to comment on their latest scandal, Facebook responded by neither admitting their faults, nor denying that they were manipulating user data.

“We here at Facebook believe in user privacy, sorta, but we also believe in scientific discovery. It is important to understand human emotion and just how easily it can be tweaked by interactive new media such as social networking. We are dealing with new technology here that no one completely understands. Experiments can help us learn.”

Facebook, as a publicly traded company, is legally allowed to do whatever they want with the public and private data that users transmit through their system. The end-user agreement that is digitally “signed” by any user who creates an account, actually gives Facebook the company a lot of rights over them that they probably would never allow.

Analysts have said that in the several years that Facebook has grown to be one of the biggest websites in the world, not a single person who has created an account has taken the time to read the license agreement the site makes you agree to. They went on to say the only way to stop Facebook from manipulating their data is to stop using the website all together.

“Really, the best thing would be to switch to something like MySpace or Google Plus.” Said one analyst. “Your information is going to be extremely private on those websites, because no one uses them in the first place, so no one cares to study the user data of a handful of people.”

 

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