Man Dies Attempting to Stab Straw Into Capri Sun Juice Pouch

LAREDO, Texas – Man Dies Attempting to Stab Straw Into Capri Sun Juice Pouch

Strange news out of Laredo, Texas this morning after the body of 26-year-old Cole York was discovered by neighbors in his apartment building late Monday evening. Police reports say that Cole was killed when he attempted to open a Capri Sun pouch and accidentally stabbed himself in the brachial artery, a major artery located in the upper arm, with the straw.

Police are calling the incident a ‘freak accident,’ and say that it’s the first time they’ve ever seen such carnage from an injury sustained via straw.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, such a small straw, I don’t know how it did so much damage to this poor guy,” said officer Tyler Reed. “I was the first one on the scene, we had a 911 call from his apartment, and when no one answered the door I kicked it in. I went to the kitchen and it looked like a horror movie. The blood had spewed through the straw and was all over the kitchen. The walls were covered.”

Rudolf Wild Ltd., the makers of Capri Sun, have yet to comment on the death or about the safety of their product, but a company spokesperson did say that there was no planned recall of their juice pouches. Police and health officials are asking people to stab their Capri Sun pouch with caution, if they absolutely have no other means to get their intake of juice.

“It is defiantly bizarre. My kids  drink Capri Sun, and it had never occurred to me that I needed to be concerned about juice-related injuries,” said Reed. “They’ve always made it kind of tricky to get the straw in the little dot, but it never crossed my mind that it could be deadly. Now I’ve seen everything.”

 

Indiana Haunted Attraction Fulfills Dying Wish Of Homeless Man, Host Wake Inside Haunt

JEFFERSONVILLE, Indiana – Indiana Haunted Attraction Fulfills Dying Wish Of Homeless Man, Hosts Wake Inside Haunt

Haunted attraction Industrial Terrorplex, located in Jeffersonville, Indiana (directly across the Ohio River from downtown Louisville, Kentucky) will hold a public wake for a homeless man, who died from injuries sustained after being struck by car, as part of their show until Halloween night.

Carl “Kitty Kat” Heywood, 63, a homeless man hospitalized after being struck by an automobile on September 28th,  told his friend, Nik Houpt, who had arrived at Clark Memorial Hospital on October 5th to check on his condition, just hours before his passing, that if he didn’t make it he wanted Houpt and his “other freak friends” to take him to “the haunted house” and  let him “rest and say goodbye.”

Houpt told Empire News in an on-site interview at the nationally known haunt Industrial Terrorplex that he did not know what to make of the request, and just nodded his head and told Heywood that he would be fine and to get some rest. “He was in pretty bad shape and I think he knew. I really didn’t realize what he was asking at the time or how meaningful it was to him ya know?” Houpt explained.

As Houpt exited the Jeffersonville hospital he stopped, turned around, and re-entered the building to leave his telephone number at the information desk with instructions to have someone call him if Mr. Heywood’s condition were to change. “About three hours later the hospital called  and explained to me that ‘Kitty Kat’ had died peacefully in his sleep,” Houpt said. “My heart just kinda dropped at that point and I kept replaying what he had said over and over in my head. I went and told Terry Campbell, the owner and operator of Industrial Terrorplex, what Kitty Kat had said. I don’t think he knew how to respond to that himself.”

Campbell, who has owned and operated the large, award-winning haunted attraction for several years, said that the more he thought about it, the more he realized what needed to be done. “I knew Kitty Kat didn’t have family, and there would be no service or anything, and I kept thinking about how he always went to extremes to make us laugh – telling tall-tales as if they were fact. He didn’t have anything but the clothes on his back, yet he found a way to make others laugh,” Campbell said.

Campbell would then set into action an unimaginable, unprecedented plan to hold a wake inside the over-the-top haunted attraction during hours of production, which customers would most certainly shockingly stumble upon.

“My really good friend Buffy Marie, who has dedicated a lot of time and involvement into the haunt, also happens to be a funeral director and mortician. I asked her if we could pull this thing off, and that money would not be an issue. We got it all figured out, and realized we could preserve him long enough to keep him laid out until Halloween. So we set up a room with a constant controlled temperature and steady humidity levels, rented a casket, bought him a nice suit, and there he lies. He was a troubled man, but possessed a really good soul. It feels good to know we are here for him,” Campbell expressed adamantly.

Thursday, October 9th at 8:00 pm, Industrial Terrorplex will open its doors to the always excited line waiting in adrenaline-laden anxiety to find out to what extreme the outlandish haunt has in store for them this year. It is anticipated that until word gets out of the wake, the gesture will shock customers.

“It is a risky move, but in the haunted house business we take risks every single year, and this time it is definitely worth it. Once customers enter the room, a greeter will give groups a brief history of Kitty Kat and how he loved hanging out around us all year as we re-designed and rebuilt our haunts, and explain what his body is doing there. It is possibly the first ever wake held in a haunted house,” Campbell said.

Industrial Terrorplex is open Thursdays – Sundays from now until Halloween. For hours and other information visit www.industrialterrorplex.com.

Man Dies After Overdosing on Flintstone Vitamins

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas – Man Dies After Overdosing on Flintstone Vitamins

Aaron Silver, 28, a Little Rock, Arkansas local died last month after collapsing while out on a run with his dog. Silver’s family were just beginning to get on with their lives when they were astounded by the news released late Thursday afternoon by the local coroner, when his autopsy report showed that Silver had overdosed on Flintstone Chewable Vitamins.

According to the report, Silver, who was in excellent health, had unfortunately ingested more than 4 times the recommended dosage of the vitamins, and that the high amount taken had actually caused cardiac arrest.

“It sounds crazy, but the reason that Mr. Silver died was because he was trying to be too healthy,” said Richard Moore, the coroner who performed the autopsy. “It just goes to show you that you really need to follow the instructions for any medicine, no matter how non-dangerous you deem it to be.”

“Aaron was the kinda guy who would do something like that,” said his mother, Maureen Silver. “If he had a headache, he’d take twice as many Advil to make sure it went away twice as fast. It was just his nature. No doubt he thought he’d get four times as healthy if he took four times as many vitamins.”

“It is a strange occurrence, but when someone ingests too many vitamins in their body, on top of eating healthy and exercising, your body begins to overload on certain nutrients and they have nowhere to go. When this happens, sometimes it triggers strange things within the body. In the case of Mr. Silver, his heart couldn’t take the strain of so many Fred, Wilma, and Barney chewables,” said Moore.

Bayer Pharmaceuticals, the company that produces Flintstone Vitamins, have yet to make a comment on the death, but a representative for the company said they advise all consumers to closely follow the instructions on the bottle.

 

NASCAR: Tony Stewart To Announce Retirement From Auto Racing After Accident That Kills Competing Driver

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – NASCAR- Tony Stewart To Announce Retirement From Auto Racing After Accident That Kills Competing Driver

NASCAR Insiders Rusty Wallace and Darrell Waltrip have informed the Associated Press that three-time Sprint Cup Champion Tony Stewart will hold a press conference in the coming days, and is expected to announce his retirement from all auto racing activities, as well as announcing the sale of his half of his ownership of Stewart-Haas Racing. The announcement comes after Stewart tragically struck and killed fellow sprint car driver Kevin Ward, Jr.

“This was a tragic accident, one he just can’t get over. I talked with Tony yesterday and he made it clear, he is done with racing. I tried to suggest to him to take time off and think it over for a few months, he told me he has made up his mind and will announce soon. I hope he changes his mind, but it sure sounded like he meant it,” said former NASCAR champion and Hall of Fame member Rusty Wallace.

According to Waltrip, he talked to Stewart for hours the night after the accident and again two days ago, and he says Stewart has been grieving more and more after the initiative shock.

“The man hasn’t slept for days, this has rocked his world harder than anything he has ever had to deal with. He told me he could never effectively get back in a race car and drive. He can barely bring himself to drive his Ford Taurus to the supermarket and back without cringing. I expect an announcement in the next few days, he is just working on what he is going to say to the fans and most importantly the father of the victim, Kevin Ward, Sr.,” Waltrip told NASCAR reporter Nicole Briscoe via telephone interview last night.

Ward, 20, had climbed out of his Sprint car during a dirt race in Canadaigua, N.Y., and he walked toward Stewart’s car during a caution, and while gesturing to him was struck and killed by the car Stewart was driving. Ward was pronounced dead on his way to the hospital.

Several race fans who have watched the horrific video believe that Stewart’s aggressive racing nature caused the death of Ward, including Ward’s father.

“Tony Stewart was the best damn driver by far on the track that night. Why he had to go up as high as he did and hog my son, there’s no reason for it,” Ward Sr. told the Syracuse Post-Standard. “Apparently, he was the only driver on the track who didn’t see [my son.] The one person that knows what happened that night could possibly be facing 10 years in prison. Is he going to say what he’s done?”

Speaking to the Associated Press, Corey Rayburn Yung, a law professor, said that under New York State law, Stewart could very possibly be charged with manslaughter, even if there was no intent to strike Ward. 

“The question over whether someone was reckless is a factual one, and one a prosecutor might let a jury decide,” Yung said. “So far, from what I’ve read, Stewart has cooperated with police. That does not mean that once this is all said and done, that they won’t find him at fault one way or the other.”

On whether Stewart will retire from racing, all signs point to yes given the sources. “There will for sure be a press conference in which Tony speaks for himself, I think he sees no other way around this,” said Waltrip. “It will indeed be a sad day for NASCAR.”

Stewart-Haas Racing has not commented on the rumor, and a representative for the team could neither confirm nor deny Stewart’s intentions.

Teenage Girl Dies of Hypothermia After Taking Part In ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’

BOSTON, Massachusetts – Teenage Girl Dies of Hypothermia After Taking Part In 'Ice Bucket Challenge'

Seventeen-year-old Latasha Johnson died last night after taking part in the ‘Ice Bucket Challenge,’  according to Boston Police Department spokesperson Cheryl Fiandaca.

“It is with sadness and regret that we have indeed ruled this a very tragic, unimaginable accident,” said Fiandaca. “Ms. Johnson was simply trying to help raise money for ALS along with her friends, but she went into hypothermia after pouring a bucket of ice water over her head, and then not changing out of her wet clothes for several hours. The hypothermia went untreated and unfortunately resulted in her death, autopsy pending.”

Latasha Johnson and her friends, all soon-to-be seniors at Cristo Rey Boston High School, were taking part in the challenge with the intentions of raising money for ALS. One of the friends, eighteen-year-old Naomi Sanchez, told police that they all dumped buckets of ice water over their heads at the same time while another friend recorded video of the incident on her cell phone. Sanchez said that all the girls were laughing at Johnson who had been shivering for more than two hours afterwards and eventually fell asleep, so they just left her there on a chair in the backyard.

It was not until it was discovered that Johnson began to look very pale that the others decided to call 911. Sadly, it was too late, and Johnson had succumbed to hypothermia.

“The Boston Police Department and several medical experts studied several videos captured by the friends diligently. One video was from the actual challenge, when they dumped the water over their heads, and others were taken while the girls laughed at Johnson shivering over the next couple hours,” Fiandaca said. “Some of the videos were posted online but have since been removed, and all cell phones were confiscated for the pending investigation of criminal intent.”

Police are investigating the idea that the other girls teased Johnson into staying in her wet clothes, freezing, while they all were ‘allowed’ to change their clothes. Reports say that videos posted to YouTube by the girls showed they had all changed into dry clothes or new bikinis, while Johnson did not.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has become a viral sensation over the last couple of weeks, started by former Boston College baseball player Pete Frates, who was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also know as ALS, and most commonly Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Frates and his family started the movement via Facebook and Twitter as a creative way to spread ALS awareness throughout social media, often using the hashtag #IceBucketChallenge. It has since gone viral and has spiked ALS donations by over 1000% since July 31st.

“This is a ‘creative’ way to spread ALS awareness via social media and in communities nationwide,” said Barbara Newhouse, President and CEO of The ALS Association just days ago.  “We thank Pete Frates and his family for getting so many people involved in spreading the word about ALS.”

After posting their ice bucket videos to social media, participants nominate others to take the plunge and keep the cycle going. If those challenged don’t accept within 24 hours, they’re asked to donate to the ALS Association.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has been accepted by many celebrities such as Ethel Kennedy, who has since challenged President Obama to take part. Matt Lauer did it live on the Today show, and Martha Stewart, New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh, and many others have all taken part in the challenge.

The parents of Latasha Johnson ask the public to not let their daughter die in vain.

“She was just trying to raise money for this incredible cause. She loved people and, unfortunately, loved the dumb things she saw on the internet. She never knew how dangerous this stunt count be. Please, we beg you to donate to the ALS Association on her behalf. Let her good deed have meaning,” said her grief-stricken father, Mohana Johnson.

Affordable Care Act Requires Euthanasia For Sick Seniors

MIAMI, Florida – Affordable Care Act Requires Euthanasia For Sick Seniors

Two years ago, Mildred Honeycutt, a senior and a resident of an assisted living community near Miami, Florida, was ecstatic about her new health coverage under the Affordable Care Act. Deemed ‘too affluent’ for Medicaid, she had found it impossible to get coverage due to her advanced age and several pre-existing medical conditions. Today she is singing a different tune.

“I went to see my doctor, because I’ve been tired all the time and I noticed I was bruising easily. They ran some tests, and it turns out I have leukemia. I asked the doctor what kind of treatment I would need, and he said that normally they would start chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants immediately. I asked him what he meant by ‘normally’, and he told me that those procedures for someone at my age aren’t covered. He said they are considered to be cost-prohibitive, meaning that the amount of time that they could extend my life was not deemed to be ‘worth the cost’.”

It gets worse. The approved treatment for someone in Mildred’s condition at her age is euthanasia. If she opts out of the approved treatment, meaning she will get to die naturally, the plan will not cover things like pain medication.

“It’s like they actually want to kill me. Either I let them do the same thing to me that they do to convicted murderers, or they’ll take my meds away and I’ll be in constant pain until I die naturally.”

An insurance underwriter from Blue Cross and Blue shield was willing to take a look at Mildred’s case on the condition of anonymity.

“It is pretty clear cut. They have all these financial de-escalators in place here, mostly buried in the fine print and shrouded in legalese. But, she is right. Her policy dictates that the only allowable treatment for her condition is euthanasia. If she refuses treatment, it will basically nullify her entire policy. She’ll wind up having to take Asprin for pain caused by her cancer, and she’ll have to pay for that out of pocket”

Mildred was understandably upset by the findings, and is unsure of what she is going to do. Even if she was to file a motion or suit, she would either be dead or too far gone to receive treatment before it ever got before a judge.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I know I’m going to die either way, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in agony. At the same time it seems wrong to just let them kill me like a feral dog. I am going to pray about it. It’s just not right,” said Mildred.

Whatever Mildred’s choice, she has a little over a week to decide. Her next appointment is coming up fast, and one way or another, it will be her last.

Formula 1 Racer Decapitated After Violent Crash Flips Car

HOCKENHEIM, Germany – formula one racer decapitated after crash flips car

Prominent Formula 1 racer Felipe Massa was killed in a crash during the German Grand Prix yesterday when his car became inverted in a horrific crash on the first corner almost immediately after the race began. He was killed instantly during the crash, the extremely poor design of the stock car causing his decapitation.

“It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of Felipe Massa in a crash during the Prix yesterday,” said Formula 1 representative Frederic Duerst. “Mr. Massa was a phenomenal driver who unfortunately perished competing in a sport that he loved, that he lived for. We pass our deepest sympathies on to his family, friends, and the rest of his team at Williams Engineering.”

Massa, who had grown up racing go-karts from the age of 8, became a world-class racer in his late teens, winning the European Grand Prix championship title when he was 19. He quickly worked his way up the ranks of racing, it finally being announced that he would join the Williams team alongside world-famous racer Valtteri Bottas.

The race, which was postponed for only a few hours following Massa’s death so his body could be moved and car towed away, was overshadowed by the horrific event. Teammate Bottas, who finished second in the race, was hoping for a victory.

“Felipe was one of the best drivers I’d ever seen, and he was a wonderful teammate and friend,” said Bottas. “He joined us in November of last year, and had a great future ahead of him in this sport. It’s a sad day for us, and a sad day for racing fans everywhere. That being said, though, I kicked some a– out there, huh? Second place? I’ll take it.”

Fans in the stands were both saddened and excited by the crash.

“Everyone comes to these races to see a good crash,” said Hans Uhl, a fan who follows the Mercedes team. “This crash was one of the most spectacular I’ve ever seen. Yes, a man was killed, but it was so cool to see [the car] flying through the air.”

Williams Engineering has said that they have plans to look over the entire vehicle to ensure it was not mechanical malfunction that caused the crash.

“We think it was just a bad day on the track,” said Williams Engineering spokesman David Black. “Formula 1 racing is a dangerous sport. They race in the worst-designed cars I’ve ever seen. Open tops, little restraints. Oh, and the helmets? My God, what’s the point? I’m surprised people aren’t dying out there every race.”

Massa will be interred at his home in São Paulo, Brazil. He was 33 years old.

Slenderman Research Shows Sightings Throughout History

WASHINGTON, D.C. –  Empire-News-Slenderman-Research-Shows-Sightings-Throughout-History

Slenderman, a noted internet sensation, has lately become the subject of severe scrutiny, due to a rash of killings and attacks where the offender has blamed their actions on the supposedly fictional meme.

In the past few weeks, there have been at least three crimes linked to Slenderman.  In the first attack, two 12 year-old Wisconsin girls allegedly stabbed a friend 19 times, saying they did it “to honor Slenderman.”  In a violent murder involving a man who killed two police officers and another person before ultimately killing himself, it was noted that the killer would often dress up as Slenderman.  Most recently, a Cincinnati mother is convinced that her daughter was influenced by Slenderman to attack her in their home with a knife.

John Gray, director at the National Museum of American History, has reported some astonishing new facts involving the Slenderman.  “There has been so much talk of this character lately, so much mystery surrounding what is supposedly only a new thing, an internet meme, I really wanted to go back and look into it a little further.”

Gray says that after the stories of Slenderman hit the news in recent weeks, it inspired him to go back and re-read some of the stories and articles about people who survived the attacks on the World Trade Center.

“Reading some of the reports from people who got out of the buildings at the time, some told of pretty frightening stuff about a spectral figure, standing with arms open.  They all described him the same way: featureless face, tall and skinny, and wearing all black or an all black suit.”

These astonishing finds persuaded Gray to continue his reasearch.  He went further back in history to see if he could find any retelling of stories that included a similar man of shape and stature.

“I figured I was nuts.  I did my research, and knew that this Slenderman was an internet mock-up of something that was supposed to be scary, and Eric Knudesn only created him in 2009.  So you can imagine how shocked I was to see that similar entities to the Slenderman actually were fairly deep-seeded in the history of our country, as well as the world.”

Gray enlisted friend and noted writer and researcher Dr. Michael Enslin to help him trace back any accounts of Slenderman that could be found.

“I discovered many stories about WWII in which as the bombs were dropping, people were being corralled by a large light skinned man with dull, almost non-existent features, who drew them towards death by opening his arms.” Said Dr. Enslin. “Most of the people killed in the stories were children. I was awestruck.”

There pair found other similar stories linked to World War II, but it also seems to play out the same in other wars throughout history.

“Another story we discovered was about Vietnam, where Americans were firebombing fields and a similar situation happened,” said Gray. “Slenderman, or at least a figure similarly described, was seen almost corralling people to him, offering what seemed like solace in the crazy time.  Of course the solace was a lie; all of the people were killed in the attacks.”

With these two huge connections to Slenderman, Gray and Dr. Enslin decided to take it even further back, to see how deep into history they could find reference to the same specter.

“We dusted off old books, and we went as far back as resources allowed, to the mid 1400’s – when Vlad Dracul III reigned in Wallachia.” Said Dr. Enslin. “We found translated letters that sent shivers down our spine.”

We killed 23,884 Turks, without counting those whom we burned in homes, or the ones whose heads were cut by our soldiers.” The letters read. “We also failed to count the ones taken by The Tall Man, who lured the peasants to us, arms outstretched. He brought us souls, and took many himself.

“It’s a nightmare,” said Gray. “I wish I’d never started this research. If this has been happening this long, then it could go on forever.”

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