Man With Teeth On Outside Of Face Says ‘At Least I Don’t Have Cavities’

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PEIKING, China – 

Pang Wok has a rare condition that has caused his teeth to grow outwards, through his lips and gums, appearing on the outside of his face. Although doctors say that with plastic surgery and careful extraction they could fix most of Mr. Wok’s issues, he seems completely un-phased by his condition.

“I have always been like this, so no need to change anything now,” said Wok, 52. “I do not have cavities, I can still chew, so there’s not much to complain about. I am who I am and that all that I am.”

Wok says that many doctors from all over the world have offered to correct his tooth issues free of charge, but even then, Wok claims that he’s not interested.

“What’s the point? Everyone I know has seen me, they’ve grown used to it,” said Wok. “If I changed the way I look now, what would my family say? What would my wife say? They know me in this way. I am happy enough, even if I look strange. Besides, all of my patients think it’s hilarious.”

Wok has been a practicing dentist for over 20 years.

Woman Spends Over $200k On Plastic Surgery To Look Like Her Dog

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BRIARVILLE, Georgia – 

A Georgia woman, Samantha Kenner, has reportedly spend nearly a quarter of a million dollars on plastic surgery in an attempt to look like her dog, Ben.

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“Ben and I have been together since I was 14,” said Kenner, now 30. “He’s an old dog, but he’s loyal, and I love him to death. I wanted to look more like him to show my support and appreciation for how loving he’s been.”

Kenner says she first got the idea to have the surgeries after she watched a TV show about a man who had spent his life savings on trying to look like Superman.

“I figured that if he could do that, I could look like a dog,” said Kenner. “It started out small – a tuck here, a snip there, some fur added and other hair removed, but in the end, I think I look beautiful. And now, when Ben sees me after I come home from a long day at work, it’s way less awkward when he humps my leg, because even though I may still be mostly human, I feel way more like his bitch.”

Young Boy Obsessed With Kardashians Has Lip Injections To Look Like His Heroes

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

A 9-year-old boy who is obsessed with the Kardashian family has undergone surgery to have injections placed in his lips so he can more resemble the family who he calls his “heroes.”

“The Kardashians are so pretty, and they’re so liked and they’re on TV,” said Jimmy Moyer, 9. “I love them. I like to watch them get into fights and do silly things. But mostly, I love how pretty their faces are, and their lips. They’re so big!”

Jimmy’s mother, Marie, 30, says that he has been bugging her to get lip injections ever since he saw an ad on TV for plastic surgery.

“He’d run up to me at 6 or 7 years old, yelling ‘Mommy, I want Kardy lips! I want Kardy lips!’ That’s what he said before he could say Kardashian,” said Marie. “He’s been itching for big, blowjob-style lips for years. Finally, I relented.”

It was reportedly a difficult task to find a plastic surgeon willing to inject a child’s lips with collagen, so Marie resorted to a Mexican surgeon who she says “barely spoke a word of English, but was very grateful to take American money.”

Now, she says, Jimmy is happier than he’s ever been.

“Oh man, I love my big lips. All my friends at school think I’m so cool. Everyone wants to kiss me,” said Jimmy. “I let them. For twenty-five cents, I will let anyone kiss me, boys or girls!”

“He’s definitely on the right track to becoming a Kardashian,” said Marie.

Lindsay Lohan Sues Doctor After Botched Plastic Surgery

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Representatives for Lindsay Lohan say that the star is planning a lawsuit against her former plastic surgeon, who reportedly botched her most recent “lip stretching” surgery, causing her face to be a wide open hole.

“Ms. Lohan request that her lips and mouth be slightly stretched, and the doctor presumably thought she wanted her face to be a gaping hole, or at the very least, that was the end result,” said Lohan’s publicist. “We are seeking legal action against her former surgeon, Dr. Larry Clarke, immediately.”

According to Dr. Clarke, though, he isn’t worried.

“Lindsay has had work done by me several times, including her eyes, breasts, and buttocks, and she was always happy with the result,” said Dr. Clarke. “Then she comes to me recently and says, ‘Doc, make my lips up here look like my lips down there,’ and points to her crotch. So, I did my best to make sure her face lips were as wide apart as her vaginal lips. I think it was a job well done.”

Lawyers for Lohan are reportedly being obtained, with a suit expected to be filed next week.

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