Uber Driver Refuses To Pick Up Woman In Labor, Didn’t Want To Help Deliver Baby

Posted on December 31, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana –

An Uber driver in Indianapolis is being sued by a couple who had to deliver their baby on the street after they say the driver would not let them into his car.

“We ordered an Uber as soon as my wife went into labor, and when the driver showed up, late I might add, he wouldn’t take us to the hospital. He didn’t want to get any ‘baby gunk’ on his seats, and said he wouldn’t know what to do if he had to try and deliver the baby,” said John Richards. “My wife gave birth right on the sidewalk instead. Our baby could have caught something from the street filth!”

The driver, Mr. Tony Trims, says that there was “no fucking way” he was letting these people into his car when he saw that the woman was in labor.

“Look, I ain’t saying they’re bad people or nothing, but for sure she was gonna leak on my seats. Part of the Uber policy is that I don’t have to pick up anyone if I don’t want to. I took the job, yeah, but the next guy would have been along in about a minute,” said Trims. “They spent that time bitchin’ at me instead of ordering another Uber. Not my problem.”

The lawsuit has been filed by the Richards family, and they say that their lawyer thinks they have a “hell of” a discrimination case.

Doctor Who Attacked Uber Driver Checks Into Rehab

Posted on January 30, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

MIAMI, Florida –

Anjali Ramkissoon, the Miami doctor who lashed out at an Uber driver in a drunken rage, has reportedly checked herself into rehab. After being placed on administrative leave by her job, Ramkissoon says she has nothing left to do but focus on her recovery.

Ramkissoon begged for the public’s forgiveness, but it was not forthcoming. She admitted, “There’s absolutely no excuse for my actions. I am ashamed. I am so sorry. I’ve hurt so many people with this – my family, my friends… The Uber driver – no one deserves to be treated that way.”

She hopes while she is in rehab the public will forget about her and random strangers will stop urinating on her car. She says she does not intend to stop drinking, either.

“It’s not the alcohol that’s the problem. I’m not going to stop drinking. God no. It’s my food addiction that’s the problem. I love Snickers bars, and I’m just not myself when I’m hungry, so then I get bombed and lash out at people who don’t deserve it. I hope after I’ve successfully completed treatment my job will take me back and Uber will lift the ban on me. This was just the one time, guys! I’m really sorry.”

Uber To Begin Offering ‘Rape Free’ Rides For Customers Who Pay Upcharge

Posted on October 20, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CLEVELAND, Ohio –

After the recent conviction of a former Uber driver who kidnapped and raped a young woman, the “personal taxi” service has announced that they will now be offering a guaranteed “no rape” ride, offering passengers who opt to use their service to get to their destination without the “hassle” of being raped by the driver.

“We know that there are a lot of incidents out there of rape, kidnapping, and other nasty or sexual crimes,” said Uber spokesperson Jeff Glum. “We at Uber do not want any of our customers to get raped, because we know that rape is bad for business. So we have initiated an intense screening process to choose only those drivers who have less than a 1% chance of rape, and started our new “no rape” ride plans.”

According to Glum, the rape-less rides will cost a bit more, but that they will personally guarantee your safety.

“It will be a flat fee of an extra $30 per person, per ride, to enjoy our no-rape rides, but we feel that amount is a pittance to pay in comparison to your own, personal safety,” said Glum. “We want to stop the rapes before they become something more, like deaths. $30 to save your life? You’d be foolish not to take advantage of it.”

Glum says that Uber will begin the rape-free rides on November 1st. The app will be updated to indicate who is nearby that will not rape you.

Uber Slammed For Not Having Attractive Female Drivers

Posted on March 16, 2015 by Josh Marcus

LOS ANGELES, California –

Transport and travel phenomenon Uber has had its fair share of problems. The smartphone app works efficiently and is especially useful, but major issues have ranged from accusations of rape against drivers, to criticisms of the company raising prices in emergencies. Now they face a new volley of complaints, this time for not having enough attractive female drivers.

“We believe that Uber is intentionally bigoted against our community,” said Attractive Females for Equal Opportunities head, Stephanie Andreason. “They’ve certainly got a ‘type’ – usually dumpy males with a little body odor. Accordingly, we’ve initiated an inquest as to whether this phenomenon constitutes discrimination and violates employment ethics.”

Uber’s founder and CEO, Travis Kalanick, has however hit out at Andreason, saying that they’ve continuously tried and failed to attract beautiful women drivers.

“Trust me, Stephanie. If we could get hot chicks to drive our cars, we would. We’d even charge extra for their services. Our male customer base would benefit, and we’ll do anything to assuage them and further our business interactions in that arena.”

LGBTI activists consequently spoke up against Kalanick, calling him homophobic and shortsighted.

“Their male customer base would benefit?” said Hilton Herring. “What about their lesbian clientele? What about the queers? What about transgender persons born male but identify themselves as female? What about gender-non-specific individuals? Obviously Mr Kalanick is out of date with the modern world, and is still living according to Victorian values. We’re going to protest until he apologizes or resigns his post.”

Andreason responded to Kalanick as well, saying that “we have hundreds of models in bikinis waiting to get into a car and drive drunk teenagers around. Don’t pretend there aren’t. We even have one who turned up to an interview topless, and she was dismissed wihtout even getting interviewed. It’s because she has massive boobs, and apparently the Uber employment don’t like that.”

Kalanick was overheard saying to a close associate, “Shit, they read our minds.”

Uber Driver Charges A Passenger $14,000 For A Two Block Ride

Posted on February 9, 2015 by JP

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania –

A women is attempting to sue the driving services company Uber after she claims she was charged way too much for a short drive. Melissa Green, age 26, is furious with the company, and claims she will go bankrupt because of them.

The incident occurred on a rainy day in Philadelphia, when Melissa was walking to work and forgot her umbrella. She noticed on her Uber app that their was a driver on the same block as her, and decided to get a fast ride to work. What happened next she says she never saw coming.

“I just jumped in the car and told the driver I was just a few blocks down. I was soaked, and in a rush to make it to work on time. I had him swipe my card and asked the total, he said it would only be ‘about 14.’ That’s a little higher than normal for a short drive, but as I said, I really needed to get to work quickly,” said Green.

The next day she got a call from her bank, asking if she noticed any unusual activity in her account, and they informed her that she had over drafted by several thousand dollars.

“When they told me this, I thought my identity was stolen – until they told me that the big charge was for Uber – $13,850. The banker even laughed, and said that I must have taken a very long trip. I told them it was mistake, and they told me they would contact the company,” said Green. “They figured maybe the driver punched in the wrong amount, trying to charge $13.85.”

Unfortunately for Green, Uber claims it was no mistake, and that when they contacted the driver, he had assured them that he explained the charge in advance.

“Drivers are allowed to charge whatever they’d like, and at that moment, I felt like charging that uppity-bitch a ton of money,” said the anonymous driver. “She was rude, hopped into my car soaking wet, talked on her phone the whole time in a loud, obnoxious voice, and then had the audacity to not even say thank you. She’s lucky I didn’t charge her more.”

Green is currently taking the company to court in hopes that the issue will be resolved.

“It is ridiculous, if you can’t trust a random person with your money then who can you trust?” said Green. “Needless to say, he’s only getting a 2-star review from me. Despite the charge, he did come really quickly. He also drives a Lexus. Extra star for class, I always say.”