Oprah Bashes Donald Trump After He Offers Her Vice President Spot

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If Donald Trump wants to make America great again, he definitely won’t be doing it with Oprah Winfrey. The presumptive Republican presidential nominee has made no secret of Winfrey as a dream running mate, even going so far as to tell ABC’s George Stephanopoulos that if they ran together, they would “win easily.”

Winfrey however, thoroughly quashed any hopes that Donald Trump had that she would join his ticket when she told Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live! that her response to a formal offer would be, “Donald, I’m with her!” Her response came after she endorsed presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton in an interview with ET, telling them that “it’s a seminal moment for women.”

What this says is, there is no ceiling, that ceiling just went boom!” Winfrey said. “It says anything is possible when you can be leader of the free world. I’m with her.”

Winfrey also addressed rumors that she might be headed to the Oval Office in the future, telling Kimmel that she “would never run for office.” She did however, concede that this year’s election reassured her that if she were to run, she would be more than qualified.

For many years, I used to think — until this election year, I thought — ‘Wow, I have no… Why do people say that? I have no qualifications to run.’ I’m feeling pretty qualified. After this year, I’m feeling really qualified.”

Via enVolve

Home Depot Founder Vies to Become Official Sponsor of Mexico-America Wall, Endorses Trump

HomeDepot

Is there some rule out there we don’t know about that states that founders of major DIY retail chains have to get involved in politics eventually? We saw that the people behind Hobby Lobby were all too eager to jump out of their lane (craft supplies) when the moment arose, and now and it is becoming clear that they learned by watching the founder of Home Depot, who just can’t stay out of the political arena (made in part, presumably, withPremium Birrill Fir Studs).

Bernie Marcus wrote a piece for Real Clear Politics to announce that he is supporting Donald Trump. Granted, he is a home improvement store founder, so no one really asked him, but he did it, we have it, and we are moving forward with the new information now. If someone were to ask me, I’d say he’s just doing the same thing people speculated Ben Carson and Chris Christie might have been doingwhen they came out in favor of Trump. In the same way there were rumors that Carson and Christie were simply gunning for a chance at being vice president or getting into Trump’s cabinet, I think Marcus just wants to make sure that if Trump gets the presidency, Home Depot becomes the Official Sponsor of the Mexico-America Wall.

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Anyway, asking yourself what Marcus’ reasoning is? Here are a few snippets.

A plug for the American Dream/Home Depot came first:

But I draw even more from lessons learned when we founded The Home Depot in 1978 rather than from the contentious GOP primary of 2016. I genuinely believe that if we to started The Home Depot today, we would fail because of the hurdles government, especially the current administration, places in front of small business owners.  I never forget The Home Depot’s small business roots – we started as a small business with four stores in Atlanta, Georgia.

Next came a just-because sort of attack on media and academia:

Politicians like Obama and Clinton, aided by the media and academia, have peddled a dangerous sentiment that government can provide for Americans better than the private sector.

That shade on media and academia came amidst glorification of the job creation inherent in the founding of small businesses. Note that Marcus took time to praise his employees who have been able to get wealthy without college degrees, but in one quick statement, took a swipe at everyone who works at a university, lab, library, newspaper, television station, etc. So, are jobs really the main focus here at all?

He concluded by targeting the #NeverTrump Republicans:

As a GOP donor who stood steadfastly behind Jeb Bush– and who has contributed to candidates for a generation – I urge all Republicans to stand up and be counted in support for Donald Trump.

In time, we will surely learn the political inclinations of every founder, mogul, and, in Marcus’ words, “young [man willing] to shag carts from a parking lot because he has faith that he and his family can be great.” Marcus is just one of the first of many this election season.

In conclusion, make repainting your living room for the ninth time because you’re so bored and lonely that it physically hurts and maybe a sea-foam green accent wall will fill the void your ex-girlfriend left great again or something.

VIA Mediaite

Shocking Photos Surface Of Miley Cyrus With Her Clothes On

 

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

After a series of business-as-usual nude photo shoots for magazines such as Plastik, as well as extremely erotic costumes during her performances and tours, a slew of shocking photos have surfaced that are making Miley Cyrus fans take to social media in a vile and violent outrage.

“I cannot believe the photos that she gets away with sometimes, but this new set of pictures that is all over the web is disgusting, and it’s sickening,” said Marc Jacobs, 24. “I am a Miley Cyrus fan from way back, and I’ve stuck with her as a fan through a lot of scandals, but I just don’t think I can deal with these new pictures of her with her clothes on.”

According to her publicist, Marsha Williams, Cyrus’ new pictures were something that were never intended to see the light of day, but were leaked by a freelance photographer.

“Miley has a very unique and very specific kind of persona, and we have worked very hard to develop that,” said Williams. “These photos of her with her clothes on were never meant to be seen. They were taken in a weak moment, and Miley had ordered them destroyed. We are extremely upset that anyone has viewed these completely safe-for-work, totally boring photos. We are currently considering taking legal action against the photographer who leaked the photos.”

According to Williams, a new series of extremely graphic photos of Miley posing nude will more than likely hit the web soon in an effort to erase the “boring photos” from the minds of anyone who has seen them.

 

‘Anonymous’ Hackers Arrested In Sting Opperation

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BOSTON, Massachusetts – 

A US Department of Justice and FBI sting of a group of apartments in downtown Boston yesterday yielded the arrests of a reported 24 members of the hacking group ‘Anonymous,’ who in this case, turned out to be anything but.

“Anonymous hackers have been bombarding Twitter with account information of supposed terrorists – whether they be ISIS or otherwise related – in hopes of having them [the accounts] removed,” said Federal Agent Richard Gill. “In those takedown requests, several members of the group left key information about their location, and we were able to track their whereabouts and make the arrest.”

Although support for Anonymous has been at an all-time high after the group declared war on terrorists who use the internet to coordinate their attacks and pass along information, the FBI and other government agencies still list Anonymous themselves as a terrorist group.

“Hackers penetrate and ravage delicate public and privately owned computer systems, infecting them with viruses, and stealing information for their own ends,” said Gill. “These people, they’re terrorists.”

With an estimated half a million people on the internet claiming to be part of Anonymous or an avid supporter of the group, the arrest of 24 people – aged 19 to 38 – seems small in the grand scheme of things, although Agent Gill says it’s a “great start.”

“Naturally we know that we will never be able to arrest every member of Anonymous, and even if we could, a new generation of tech-enthusiasts would pop up in their place, but we need to put a stop to hacking, as much as possible,” said Gill. “Maybe it’s a war we can’t win, but hey, we’ve been uselessly fighting the war on drugs for decades, so why not the war on hackers, too?”

9/11 Mastermind Escapes From Guantanamo Bay Prison, Country On High Alert

 

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GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba – 

Although many people associate Osama Bin Laden as the “mastermind” behind the 9/11 attacks, another name may be slightly less recognized, although equally as important in the history of the crime: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Mohammed has been commonly referred to as the “principal architect” of the 9/11 attacks on the United States, and was arrested by the US government after confessing to his role at the end of 2003. Sources at Guantanamo are now saying, though, that Mohammed has escaped from prison, and that he is likely headed back to U.S. soil.

“During these times of violent terrorist attacks, which are happening more frequently throughout the world, many citizens of the United States are naturally very worried,” said Department of Justice spokesman Carl Reiner. “With the escape of Khalid Mohammed, they should be extremely worried, as despite his old, feeble, mind and tortured, weakened body from years of abuse in Guantanamo, he is still a terrorist mastermind, and we are all on high alert.”

According to the DOJ, Mohammed has “every intention” of continuing his reign of terror on the United States, as he was a confessed war criminal, responsible for the 9/11 attacks, the World Trade Center bombing, the Richard Reid shoe bombing, and many other crimes against the United States and other countries.

“He was facing the death penalty, and he knew it,” said Reiner. “He was appealing his conviction, but there was no way a group of American citizens, military or otherwise, would ever let him live. He was scared, and he ran. We cannot, at this time, discuss the circumstances surrounding his escape, but we caution that people should be on high alert, and watch out for anyone fitting Mohammed’s description.”

Khalid Mohammed is described as “looks like he’s an old, Muslim terrorist,” despite having been born in Kuwait and not being a Muslim.

“Frankly, we’re aware Americans can’t tell the difference between a real terrorist and the guy who runs their local 7-11, so just be aware, and be vigilant,” said Reiner.

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Ronda Rousey, Floyd Mayweather To Fight In Exhibition Match In 2016

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LAS VEGAS, Nevada – 

A joint announcement between the UFC and the World Boxing Association was made this morning, detailing an event to be held next March that will put Floyd “Money” Mayweather in the ring against Ronda Rousey.

“This is a dream match-up, that many internet sports fans have wanted to see,” said George Glass, a WBA representative, live during the ESPN-aired announcement. “Mayweather is known mostly for beating women, and Rousey is known for fighting like a man, so this is going to be a must-watch pay-per-view.”

The event, which is scheduled to take place in March, 2016, at the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas, is still having its details ironed out by officials. The Mayweather camp naturally wants the fight to be boxing rules, while the Rousey camp thinks it should be more along the lines of UFC rules.

Many fans have argued over the last several months about who would win in a fight between the two champions, and fight promoters say that they are hoping this contest puts an end to the speculation.

“The worst thing that could happen is that the fight is a draw,” said Glass. “I don’t know for sure who I’d place my money on, but the one thing I know, is that I’ll certainly be shelling out the $125.99 to watch the fight on Pay-Per-View.

Mayweather is set to take home a purse of $4 million for the fight. Rousey, being a woman, will naturally only take home $2 million.

 

Kim Davis Accidentally Issues Marriage License To Transgender Couple

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ROWAN COUNTY, Kentucky – 

Kim Davis, the woman who repeatedly refused to issue a marriage license to a gay couple and has since received national media attention, reportedly didn’t have a problem issuing other marriage licenses during the same time period, as it was recently discovered that she signed her name on the license of a transgender couple.

“She didn’t bat an eye when we walked in, and asked for a marriage license,” said Jennifer Jones, formerly Joseph Jones. “We had all of our paperwork in order, we asked, she smiled, signed it, and handed it over. It was that easy.”

“I was surprised, to be honest, that it went so smoothly,” said Jones’ husband, Marshall Rogers, formerly Michelle Rogers. “I mean, we’ve both completely transitioned from one sex to the other, and as far as anyone is concerned, I am a male, and Jennifer is female. But to be truthful, we both look like we are a bit…off. She still has a 5 o’clock shadow. I’ve still got little buds of boobs. At any rate, Ms. Davis didn’t seem to question it, and we received our marriage license with no issue. Sad, really. We kind of only did it to get in on the attention, too, and we had no problems.”

Davis, who despite being married and divorced several times, as well as having children out of wedlock, is apparently devoutly religious, to the point that she would not “sign her own name” to a marriage license of a homosexual couple. Since the massive media attention brought to her, she has been arrested and reportedly removed from her position as county clerk for violating federal laws.

“It’s a sad day, really, when a couple like us can get married and a bigot has no problems signing her name to it, but yet that nice gay couple had to go through everything they did just to have the option to get married,” said Jones. “Apparently, it’s okay to deny some gay men a marriage license, but not some trans folk like us. I guess one of those guys should have just put on a wig, and it all might have been okay.”

 

Missouri Police To Begin Using Drones Equipped With Guns

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JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri – 

Several police forces throughout the state of Missouri started using drones last year to assist them in investigations and searches, but a new wave of drone purchases by the state for law enforcement agencies is making some residents uneasy. Lawmakers in the state have authorized the use of drones with guns by police forces in several counties and cities, including Jefferson City, the state capitol.

“With the large amount of deaths of minorities at the hands of police, we felt this was the best way to counteract the issue,” said police chief Marlon Jones. “This way, the alleged criminal will have no way of knowing if the officer controlling the drone is black, white, Asian – it won’t matter. It also helps to keep the privacy of any officer involved in a shooting, as they will no longer be caught on video by some nosey bystander.”

State representatives say that their main concern is for the safety of police, as well as the safety of the general public.

“Drones are extremely useful, in that they can get places, see more things, search for people – do things that law enforcement just cannot do on foot or in a vehicle,” said state senator Joseph Goldsmith. “I applauded the state for allowing drone use in the first place, and this next step – attaching guns – is clearly the logical way to go. Being able to keep officers out of harm’s way, and still allowing them to shoot some black teen, er – I mean, shoot a criminal – is exactly what we need in this state. I wouldn’t be surprised if every state follows suit.”

The drones can already be seen flying through the skies of several cities and towns throughout Missouri. Other states, including Illinois, California, and New York are also considering laws that would allow police to use drones mounted with guns.

Handgun Charged With Murder Of 3 In Virginia

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MONETA, Virginia – 

In a shocking series of events, a semi-automatic handgun has been charged with the murder of 3 people in Moneta, Virginia, after a widely-broadcast shooting recently took place. Prosecutors are saying that since the alleged shooter was also killed, the only responsible party remaining is the actual gun itself.

“After murdering two people, the gunman used this semi-automatic pistol to then kill himself, leaving nothing behind except for the gun,” said prosecuting attorney Myles Shepherd. “Guns are extremely dangerous, and we feel it is time that they should be held accountable for their crimes.”

Attorneys for the defense team say that the Ruger semi-automatic handgun was acting under the control of someone else, and should therefore not be held accountable for its actions.

“This gun was simply doing what guns were made to do, and that’s fire off rounds shamelessly into the bodies of other people, even if that happens on national TV and in videos posted to social media,” said defense attorney Jeremiah Clifford. “Yes, people were killed. Yes, it was senseless and violent. But is that really the fault of the gun, or the person who was holding it? Everyone knows that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

“People may kill people, sure, but guns kill way more often. We strongly believe that guns are to blame for the crime and hate in this world, and that finally holding the weapon responsible will force peace everywhere,” said Shepherd. “Guns across the globe will be afraid to fire. They will no longer hurt and kill innocent people. They will be held accountable for their actions, and we may finally get some resolution to the problems of violence plaguing our nation.”

A hearing is set for this week in the Moneta County court system. If convicted, the gun could, ironically, face the death penalty.

 

Did Josh Duggar Have A Sexual Relationship With A Male Porn Star?

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  – 

Over the last several months, 19 Kids and Counting star Josh Duggar has become something of a household name, after it was revealed that when he was a teenager, he molested several girls, including his own sisters, causing TLC to completely cancel their show. Just recently it was also discovered that Duggar had been reportedly having affairs for years, holding not one but two separate accounts on the cheating website AshleyMadison, which had its servers hacked and customer base released to the internet some weeks ago.

Last week, a female porn star named Danica Dillon came forward, claiming that Duggar and she had had sex several times, and that Duggar was a violent sexual partner, “tossing her around like a ragdoll.” The internet star said that she hoped her coming forward would bring other people forward who were also having sex with Duggar, and it appears that the truth may be spilling out.

This morning, a male porn star, John Holmes, 38, came forward, claiming that he and Duggar had sex on multiple occasions, and that Duggar “enjoyed it immensely.”

“Seriously, the guy can’t get enough of me. We hooked up probably 3 or 4 times a week when I was shooting my movies in D.C.,” said Holmes. “To be honest, I don’t care that he was molesting his siblings or screwing every woman on the web. Whatever, that’s what I expect from someone born and raised in Arkansas, anyway. But I just can’t sit back and ignore the fact that he hasn’t called me in months, and that’s why I’m coming forward now.”

Duggar has already confessed that he suffers from a massive internet porn addiction, and has supposedly sought treatment for his sexual needs, referring to himself as a “hypocrite.”

“Of course he’s a hypocrite – he’s religious nut. If you’re that religious, you have to be a little bit off your rocker. Just works out that his rocker is screwing around on his wife,” said Holmes. “But seriously, the whole Duggar family is a little off. I mean, hello – condoms anyone? 19 kids? Get the fudge outta here with that shit. Seriously though, Josh, if you’re reading this…call me, baby! I miss that ass!”

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