Jimmy Fallon Fired From The ‘Tonight Show’ After Feud With NBC Executives; Will Jay Leno Return?

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

NEW YORK, New York –

In February of 2014, Jimmy Fallon’s debut of the Tonight Show on NBC’s network engaged 11.3 million viewers, making it the most viewed late-night show in years. Less than one year later, CEO of NBC Steve Burke announced today that Fallon’s inability to get along with his crew and the NBC executives has shockingly cost him his job as late night’s most coveted television host.

Earlier today in the announcement that seemed to shock the entire country, Burke explained that what viewers see on their televisions is the polar opposite of the man who Fallon was to the hard-working Tonight Show crew. There have been several rumors of verbal abuse and tantrums by Fallon, none of which anyone outside of the show seemed to believe. However, earlier this week, things apparently boiled over when Fallon was confronted by NBC executives Bob Greenblatt and Mark Lazarus.

“Out of respect to all involved in the ugly dispute, no details of the feud will be released publicly. We at NBC are as shocked as all of our loyal viewers. Ratings were higher than ever, it seemed like a match made in heaven from a viewer prospective, but what you did not see is the unprofessional demeanor which occurred behind the scenes.” Burke said, in an obviously shell-shocked and seemingly deflated manner.

Rumors began to circulate in just the past couple of weeks when it was uttered around the famed GE Building, which houses the new Tonight Show set, that Fallon had become extremely and verbally violent to his writing staff. One personal assistant, who asked to not to be named, told press members that Fallon had, on several occasions, said that she would be much more suited to ‘flip burgers at McDonald’s’ than to work for someone of his stature after she accidentally put mayonnaise on his sandwich instead of Miracle Whip. The story was buried by executives until others started to notice a change in Fallon’s demeanor. The writers’ meeting room, where Fallon met with his show writers every day, had become laden with several holes in the drywall due to Fallon’s explosive temper.

When Burke was asked about what happens next, he seemed as unsure as the stunned reporter that asked him.

“At this point, we have no idea who will replace Jimmy. We are still trying to soak in this terrible outcome. We simply do not have that answer.” Burke said. When asked about the chances Jay Leno returning, Burke simply replied, “I cannot answer that question. I cannot say its a possibility and I cannot say no. We never fathomed such events to transpire.”

His comments seemed to have led reporters to think that there would indeed be a meeting with Leno lined up. One reporter, Tanya Brown of the Hollywood Insider, asked Burke about the chances of Seth Myers stepping in for a sudden promotion.

“Such a promotion to an unproven, yet potentially brilliant late night talk show host, is very unlikely. We liked Seth where he is and intend to keep him there.” Burke said adamantly.

When asked about programming in the meantime, Burke commented that after this Friday, the show would go into rerun cycles. He also stated that NBC and Fallon had agreed to finish out the broadcasts for the week as if nothing at all has happened, and that there would be no on-air announcements or reactions, and that Fallon was bound by contract to not comment or even hint to the situation.

Coca-Cola Recalls 2 Million Bottles With The Name ‘Michael,’ The Reason Why Will Shock You

Posted on July 29, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

ATLANTA, Georgia –

Coca-Cola spokesperson Gabriella Sanchez announced in an impromptu press conference this morning that the iconic cola company is urgently recalling all twenty-ounce size bottles of the drink with the name ‘Michael’ on them due to “compromising of ingredients”. She went on to say that several customers had returned their drinks to stores and/or called the Coca-Cola customer service hotline after noticing their personalized bottles, with the name ‘Michael’ on them, had an odd taste.

“Several calls began to come in on Friday afternoon with customers complaining that their bottles of cola had an odd taste, all of which were part of our ‘Share a Coke With…’ campaign, and had the name Michael on them.” Sanchez announced to the unassuming press. “Naturally, we immediately launched an investigation on the issue and after thorough lab testing we discovered that the ingredients of a particular series of batches were compromised. Our investigation and research found a disgruntled employee, who is not being named due to criminal investigation, had been adding literal top soil – dirt – into her batches. If consumed, these bottles of cola are not necessarily considered dangerous so there is not cause for panic, but of course we do not want our very loyal and longtime Coke lovers ingesting this foul-tasting soda.”

Sources close to the situation, which requested to remain anonymous, leaked the story to a reporter about the case as early as Sunday morning, saying that a female employee, who was claiming sexual harassment by her supervisor, who just happened to be named ‘Michael,’ had ‘spiked large batches of the drink with top soil she had been bringing to work,’ via her purse. She did so after discovering that all batches she was put in charge of would be added to two-million 20-ounce bottles which would be labeled “Share a Coke with…Michael.”

Coca-Cola said that the unidentified employee had filed harassment documentation against the supervisor, whose name is also being withheld due to the ongoing criminal investigation, and told co-workers that her complaint had been ignored. Another Coca-Cola employee, also female, stated anonymously that the women in the Atlanta, Georgia bottling plant ‘are treated like objects on a regular basis.’

“The young woman who had contaminated the drinks, in my opinion, deserves to be fired and face criminal charges, even though she was wrongfully driven to commit the act,” said the employee. “The people, the customers, do not deserve to drink dirt, that was absurd. That being said, we should be thankful it wasn’t something more dangerous she put into the bottles.”

“We encourage all who have the ‘Michael’ bottles to call our customer service hotline immediately. Do not throw the bottles away, you will be asked for the bar code number, your name, address, the store where you purchased the items, and we’ll also ask that you mail us back, at your cost, the remaining soda in the bottle. We will be refunding your purchase price via gift certificate, which can be redeemed anywhere Coca-Cola is sold, as long as that store does not also sell Pepsi. We apologize to all who have been affected by this inconvenience, and we want the world to know that this matter has been fully resolved. Increased security measures are already in place that will prevent any possibility of future attempts of corrupt, bitchy employee tampering.”

Sanchez added, “To those who have already drank the bottles of soda but didn’t notice there was dirt in it, do not worry. It is no worse than breathing dust on a hot, dry, American summer day while drinking a cold, crisp, refreshing Coca-Cola.”

‘Ghost Adventures’ Star Gets Fired, Reveals Disappointing Truth About Paranormal Television Series

Posted on July 28, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

Aaron Goodwin has been fired from the Travel Channel television series Ghost Adventures, according to Travel Channel executive and spokesman Richard Roscolelli. Goodwin was fired from the series following a rant while being interviewed on a popular podcast. During the interview on the Are We Alone show hosted by Joshua Sweeney, Goodwin went on about an eight minute rant about how the Travel Channel took everything that was authentic and truly paranormal about the show and made a mockery of it by making the crew record its own voices in place of actual EVP’s (Electronic Voice Phenomena) when filming did not reveal enough evidence to satisfy producers.

During the two-hour podcast, Goodwin dished out the disappointing facts. It did not stop with the Travel Channel making them record their own EVP’s but he says they actually made them go back and film reactions of the crew so that they would act surprised when hearing things that did not actually occur.

“If we film all night long and came back with uneventful material, they actually make us go back, and act out scenes. It’s sickening really,” said an angry Goodwin. “This started off as a real thing, it is just not consistent and active enough for the big-shots at the network, so they basically have turned us into liars. We have been committing a fraud in my eyes and I’ve just about had enough.”

Co-stars of Goodwin, Zak Bagans and Nick Groff, have been unavailable for comment. Roscolelli says he expects the show to go on without Goodwin despite his efforts to ‘expose the truth.’

“We are not sure why he said what he said but it is all false. We suspect there may be a feud involving one, or both, of his co-stars, and what better way to get at them than attack the show?” Roscolelli said.

Ghost Adventures, which premiered October 17, 2008, just recently concluded its ninth season on July 12th. No plans or announcements have been made on when, or even if, there will be a tenth season. Some believe the show may have been cancelled, hence the statements made by Goodwin.

“Sounds to me like the show isn’t being renewed and its time to tell all for the crew,” said super-fan Hannah Belew. “It’s too bad. The show was fun. I think everyone watching knew it was faked anyway. Even people like me who really believe in ghosts and spirits know you can’t just walk into an old building, turn on some stupid night-vision cameras, and start seeing things. It was just good entertainment.”

Representatives for The Travel Channel were not available for further comment.

Michael Vick Sustains Season-Ending Injury After Being Attacked By Dog

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

NEW YORK, New York –

On March 21st, Michael Vick signed a $5 million, one year contract with the New York Jets. Yesterday the big pay-day was put in jeopardy after a dog running loose in his New Jersey neighborhood, ironically of a pit bull breed, attacked the quarterback and caused extensive muscle damage to his right leg, which doctors say will keep him from playing football in 2014.

A clause in his contract states that if he is unable to perform at all during the 2014 season due to injury outside of football, he stands to lose up to 85% of the $5 million.

“We certainly hope Mike recovers more quickly than expected and is able to play but according to team physicians it looks highly unlikely,” said team publicist Bryan Welch.

Vick served 18 months of a 23 month sentence for operating a dog fighting ring in 2009. The case was very high-profile and received massive media attention due to the fighting, torture, and executions of pit bulls at the hands of Vick. He missed two complete NFL seasons, and was released by the Atlanta Falcons in August of 2009, making him a free agent. Vick eventually signed with the Philadelphia Eagles where he played until last season. Vick signed the one year deal with the New York Jets in March.

Some are calling Vick’s unfortunate incident poetic justice, such as Jets fan Carmine Vinotossi of Brooklyn, New York.

“He got what he deserved. I am a Jets fan, born and raised since I was 1-year-old, and I was sick the day the Jets announced they hired this bum as a quarterback. $5 million for one year? Give me a break,” said Vinotossi. “What were they thinking, these guys? It looks like karma got it all sorted out now. God is, in fact, a Jets fan.”

It is reported that the dog that attacked Vick was, coincidentally, part of a liter of puppies that had come from an animal shelter that housed dogs from Vick’s dog-fighting ring. The owner, who says that his dog, L.T., which is named after New York Giants’ great Lawerence Taylor, is an extremely loving dog, and will play with the neighborhood children. He has never shown the slightest bit of aggression to anyone prior to the attack.

“L.T. is a super sweet dog,” said owner Aaron Silver. “He loves kids, he loves other dogs. We even have a cat that he sleeps next to every night. When he saw [Vick] walking down the street, it was the first time I’d ever seen any anger in him. I think he could sense Vick’s history, and he knew they had bad ties. I think it was L.T.’s way of getting one back for his family.”

Per state law, dogs that are responsible for an attack are automatically put down. According to police reports after the attack, the dog was actually returned to his owner per request of Vick.

“Mike feels like this was his chance to give a second chance to a pit bull, and that God himself caused the attack as a form of payback,” said a friend. “He got a second chance at life, why shouldn’t this dog?”

Muhammad Ali’s Olympic Gold Medal Found In Ohio River

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky –

Once a year, volunteers who live near and along the great Ohio River participate in an event dubbed “The Annual Ohio River Sweep,” which extends the entire length of the massive waterway, from Pittsburgh, PA to Cairo, Illinois. Organizers said when the River Sweep started 25 years ago, finding items like washing machines, cars, and sunken fishing vessels was common.

“We’re not finding any of the large objects anymore, but we are finding what I call lots of ‘convenience items.’ A lot of the pop bottles, a lot of the plastic bags. So there is still a lot of work to be done on the Ohio River,” said River Sweep coordinator Lisa Cochran.

This year the great sweep fell on June 21. It was business as usual for volunteers from state to state, that is, except for one man. Robert Bradbury was born, raised and has lived his entire life in the thriving city of Louisville, Kentucky. Home of boxing great and humanitarian Muhammad Ali. What he found during the Sweep is most definitely one of the more mysterious and infamous pieces of sports hardware in American history.

“I saw something round and fairly large – well, bigger than any coin I know of, sticking out of the mud. I went to retrieve it and I realized it was a medallion of some kind,” Bradbury said. “As a joke, I walked over to my wife Pattie and told her ‘Hey I found Ali’s gold medal that he threw off the Second Street bridge in 1960!’ We both laughed as I tried to get it clean enough to make out what the design was on the thing.”

It was when he started to make out a figure on the medallion that Robert started to wonder what it really was.

“I finally rubbed the thing off enough so that I could see an image on the medallion, it almost looked to me like some ancient Roman God or something, then it clicked, I looked at my wife and said, ‘Oh dear Lord, the 1960 Olympics were in Rome!’ The thing totally looked Roman to me so I started to get excited. She told me to calm down because most medallions have that kind of design on them.”

It turns out that his wife was wrong, and there was a definite reason to get excited.

After about a week of searching for an appraiser, they located an Olympic Medal collector and expert living in Indianapolis, Indiana. So they made the two-and-a-half hour drive to meet Wade Somerville, who has been collecting Olympic Medals for fifteen years. Somerville used a special cleaning solution designed specifically for fragile, valuable precious metals.

“Not five minutes went by before he lit up like a Christmas tree, turned and said to us ‘What you have here, is an authentic 1960 Olympic Gold Medal. This thing is the real deal.'” The three of them were speechless. They all knew the old story.

Ali, then named Cassius Clay, cherished his gold medal from the 1960 Olympics so much that he wore it all the time, even while sleeping. Then one day, sickened by a horrific bout of racism he encountered that evening, the 18-year-old light- heavyweight boxing champion stood on the Second Street Bridge and threw the medal into the Ohio River.

He never revealed the story until a documentary was made about him in 1975, and he explained what happened. For various reasons, however, people seemed to want to believe he was making the story up to get a rise out of his fans and the Olympic committee, just being dramatic as he always was. The incident took place in the fall of 1960. Fast-forward fifty-four years. June 21, 2014, Robert Bradbury pulls an authentic 1960 Olympic Gold Medal from the muddy banks of the Ohio River.

“There is no doubt in my mind that this is the very gold medal Cassius Clay threw off that bridge. It is the most amazing thing I could possibly see with my own eyes!” said Somerville.

“I was like, ‘Oh Lord, now what do we do?'” Bradbury revealed. “We decided the only right thing to do was somehow contact the Ali family, so we went to the Muhammad Ali Center and swiftly handed it over to the curator. They were extremely excited as you could imagine and treated us like royalty.”

About a week went by when the Bradbury’s received a phone call from Chief Curator Sarah Lynn Jeffcoat, she asked the couple to meet them down at the Center as soon as possible. When they finally arrived, they were amazed by what was waiting for them. A check, written by the Ali family for the sum of $200,000.

“We both just burst into tears,” said Bradbury. “It is such an amazing thing to be actually now be a part of this amazing human-being’s story. We are linked with him for eternity, and they could not have been more thankful and appreciative. They have reached out and changed our lives forever, we are so grateful!”

Seth Rogen, James Franco Taken Into Protective Custody Following Threats From North Korea Over New Movie

Posted on July 24, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

FORT MEADE, Maryland –

Actors Seth Rogen and James Franco have been taken into protective custody by the NSA following a second formal letter from North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un was sent to the White House regarding the upcoming Hollywood film The Interview. The action comedy portrays a fictional attempt by the CIA to assassinate Kim Jong-un, and stars Rogen and James Franco as a hapless TV film crew given the task to kill the leader.

North Korea has lodged the letter, which is the second thus far, to formally complain about the film. In the letter, officials from the National Defense Commission stated that the plot insults and undermines the leadership of Kim Jong-un and that they insist the film be prohibited from release by President Obama. Several threats were made in the first and second letters, and even resorted to racial slurs aimed at The President, along with threats of “retaliation” if the movie is released.

It remains unclear the exact reasons Rogen and Franco were taken into custody, but White House Press Secretary John Earnest briefly addressed what was originally thought to only be a rumor as true.

“I can confirm that Seth Rogen and James Franco were taken into custody as a result of the latest threats coming out of North Korea as a safety precaution, that is all that can be said about the matter at this time,” said Earnest. When asked if the movie, which is slated to be released October 10th, would still see the light of day he stated “I cannot comment on the dealings with the film studio at this time. I can say it is a particularly delicate situation, and all measures are being taken to protect all involved and resolve the issue in the appropriate fashion.”

Columbia Pictures, who is set to distribute the film, has not given any further information on the release, only saying that “As of now, The Interview is still set to be released in theaters across the United States October 10th. Obviously things are being worked out, what that entails is unknown at this time,” said Columbia Executive Amy Pascal.

Facebook Announces New Design Changes, Massive Overhaul Coming In October

Posted on July 21, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

MENLO PARK, California –

Facebook users around the world have requested an updated look and more display options for quite some time. Well today, over a billion people were told the news so many have been waiting patiently for – the changes are coming this October. So get prepared to get creative and express yourself, because you will be have plenty of options to do so with the new bells and whistles awaiting those eager fingertips worldwide.

Chairman and CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, excitedly announced earlier today that big changes are in store for Facebook, the social networking giant currently used by 1.28 billion members worldwide.

“Effective October 1, 2014, Facebook users will experience a brand new appearance along with new formats and displays which will allow users to choose by various themes, colors, layouts, and fonts,” said Zuckerberg. “These are features that are users have been requesting for years. Everyone will have the unique ability to arrange their profile pages in a custom setting, one of which is the original layout that included the “wall” concept, which many members insisted was easier to navigate and maintain. You can organize your friends and post them on your pages. You can We want you to have the unrestricted freedom to choose what works best for you and your individual electronic devices.”

Long time users of the site may remember the controversy surrounding the gradual change-over from Facebook Wall design to the current “Timeline” layout. Thousands of complaints flooded Facebook headquarters surrounding the change-up, some account users insisted they simply liked the old way better.

“Music and photography lovers will have the ability to embed photos or their favorite music videos freely upon their profile page,” said Rob Landry, head of design for Facebook. “For the creative, artistic, and photogenic users, in-screen photo editing will be readily available with a vast-array of eccentric and classic special effects, frames, filters, and the essential tools for adjusting and modifying photographs in a timely and efficient, fool-proof manner.”

“We are very excited to offer these options, these changes have been a long time coming and we just wanted to get it right so that the network performs just as smoothly and efficiently as always,” said an upbeat Zuckerberg. “We will be finalizing the new logo as the final step of this incredible and extreme makeover, which will be done in about two weeks. At Facebook we believe in innovation, the freedom of expression, and the most certain individuality of each of our unique Facebook friends, so it only makes sense for us to change things and allow the options to best fit individual needs. With that being said, we can assure, without a doubt that change is good and we believe 1.28 billion users will ultimately, enthusiastically agree on the first day of October. ”

Lady Gaga Joins Cast of HBO Hit Series ‘True Detective’ For Season 2

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

LOS ANGELES, California –

Lady Gaga has officially joined the season two cast of the critically acclaimed HBO television series True Detective, according to show creator and writer Nic Pizzolatto.

The first season of the television series was an instant hit for HBO, and featured tremendous acting performances by Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. For the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards, the series is nominated for Outstanding Drama Series. Harrelson and McConaughey (who will not return to the show) are both nominated for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series.

Acting in the series will be a new endeavor for Lady Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta. Gaga says she was influenced by her boyfriend, actor Taylor Kinney, who plays Lt. Kelly Severide on the popular TV show Chicago Fire.

“We are very excited to work with Lady Gaga. She passed a screen test with flying colors and has proven that she is a true performer and clearly this will put her on the map as an acting sensation,” said Pizzolatto in a telephone interview. “She is undergoing rigorous training from some of the most highly respected acting coaches in the industry at New York’s Actors Studio. She will be playing the role of Sarah Kemilosky, one of our newly added three main characters for season two.”

It was recently announced that True Detective season two is expected to include eight episodes, and will take place in California, a change from the Louisiana backdrop of season one.

Lady Gaga has not been reachable for comment since the announcement, but her boyfriend Taylor Kinney is very happy that Gaga will be joining him in the ‘world of acting.’

“She is very excited. It is something we joked about in the past, her getting into acting, but the more I thought about it, the more I tried to convince her to give it a try. I know she has exactly what it takes to make it in the industry, she definitely has the chops for acting. This opportunity will most certainly put her on the map as a legitimate actress.”

Season two of True Detective is scheduled to begin filming late 2014.

Obsessed ‘Finding Bigfoot’ Fan Claims to Have Discovered Creature, Police Find Dead Wife In Sasquatch Costume

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

FAYETTE COUNTY, West Virginia –

A Fayette County man, Reginald Jacobson, called NBC affiliate WVVA on Tuesday evening and left a message saying he had found and hunted down Bigfoot. Reporter Steve Muscabi chuckled when he first heard the message.

“The guy sounded very excited, left his name and number and home address, so we decided to follow-up the message and return his phone call,” said Muscabi. “It was about 4 hours after the initial call when I called back. He was sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely understand him. He kept repeating ‘I have made a terrible mistake, I didn’t mean to do it, I’m so sorry!’ He just kept repeating those words.”

After asking several times for Jacobson to slow down and explain what was happening, Muscabi was finally able to get Jacobson to explain what he’d done.

“Finally, he said ‘It was Betty, I killed Betty, Oh dear Lord, I killed my wife!'” recalls Muscabi. “I quickly scribbled down [Muscabi’s] address, handed it to an intern, and told him to call 9-1-1.”

When West Virginia State police arrived on the scene, they were shocked and confused to find 47-year-old Betty Jacobson shot to death and in a tub filled with cold water. The weirdest part, investigators say, is that she was in a Sasquatch costume.

“What we have is a very disturbing case that is currently being investigated simply as a homicide,” said West Virginia State Police spokesperson Lt. Paul Hart. “I can only say at this point that we are diligently investigating the shooting death of Betty Jacobson, any further information will be released when we are prepared to do so.”

“Whether this was foul play or a tragic accident, it is absolutely terrible.” said WVVA reporter Muscabi. “Being the first person to hear Mr. Jacobson’s message and having even laughed when I heard it, and for it to turn out this way is so disturbing. I hope friends and family get the answers they deserve.”

A neighbor of the Jacobson’s, who asked to not be named, was standing on the edge of his property while police were investigating the bizarre scene, and told reporters that Jacobson had been obsessed with finding Bigfoot.

“I always thought he was crazy, he was truly obsessed. He had pictures from alleged sightings hanging all over his living room wall, his obsession seemed to escalate when the TV reality series Finding Bigfoot began to air. That show seemed to have awakened something in him. It became a lifetime goal for him to be the one to find Bigfoot.”

Finding Bigfoot is a reality television series which premiered in 2011. The show documents four Bigfoot experts in their quest to find the elusive creature throughout the United States and Canada. The show airs on the Animal Planet cable network. No comment has been made by the network or producers of the television show.

Mixed Martial Arts To Become Banned in United States By 2015

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

James Lee Offerman, chairman of the Association of Boxing Commissions (ABC) announced on Thursday morning that under the urging of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the U.S. Government is expected to pass a bill in 2015 which will make all Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) competition illegal in all 50 states.

“Under urging from the Obama administration and the DHHS, researchers and medical experts have studied diligently the last few years to investigate the dangers of MMA competition. The results complied have proven that the sport is far too dangerous to go forward in the United States. A decision we, the ABC, have ultimately approved.” said Offerman.

There have been four MMA related deaths since 2007, the latest being Booto Guylain, a Congolese fighter who died on March 5, 2014 following complications resulting from a head injury experienced during an MMA bout. It was the death of Tyrone Mimms, who died in South Carolina in 2012 following a MMA match, that prompted the Obama Administration to initially investigate the dangers of the extremely popular sport. After two years of studies and research, studies revealed that the most alarming statistic were to fighters who have suffered permanent brain damage during sparring and matches. The numbers were not released by the Department of Health and Human Services, just that the compilation of results were “beyond alarming.”

“The high-profile of modern MMA promotions such as UFC and Pride has fostered an accelerated development of the sport making it more and more dangerous in a short amount of time,” says sports medicine expert and neurosurgeon Dr. Zumbaka Ulygeno. “I have seen an alarming amount of life changing brain injuries in the past three years due to the sport of mixed martial arts, while it is exciting and is big business in the United States, it needs to be brought to an end.”

Dana White, President of MMA giant organization UFC was reportedly extremely angry about the reports, as well as the secretive nature of the investigation by the White House.

“This is ridiculous. You don’t see them trying to shut down the sport of football, and the last time I checked, even high school kids are killed almost every year playing. We will fight this,” said White. “This is just another attempt by the Obama Administration to rip another piece of freedom from the American public. We won’t stand for it. If we let them take this away from us, what’s next? Boxing? Baseball? Fried chicken? This is disturbing and infuriating to say the least.”

According to Offerman the ban has absolutely nothing to do with politics.

“We are here to protect the American public, and this is exactly what we are trying to do. Anyone blaming the Obama administration needs to look at the big picture,” explained Offerman during a press conference in Las Vegas. “The sport has run its course, the fighters are getting stronger and more dangerous, yet there is no superstar. It seems that the risk involved should no longer worth it to those who oversee the sport, and there is no shame in waving the white flag in surrender.”

“You clearly have not heard the last from MMA supporters, fighters, promoters, and the crazed, uninformed cult that follows our barbaric sport,” said White. “We need to stand up for the right to observe organized, violent sporting events. It’s what makes this country perfect in every way.”