BREAKING NEWS: WWE, Inc. Sold To Donald Trump For Undisclosed Amount; McMahon Turns Down Job Offer As Chief Consultant

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

STAMFORD, Connecticut –

Majority owner, CEO, and Chairman of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) Vince McMahon announced this morning that WWE, Inc. has been sold in full to American business magnate and entrepreneur Donald Trump for an undisclosed amount.

“It is a bittersweet moment for the entire McMahon family, but we have secured a comfortable life for many generations to come for our family,” McMahon told the Associated Press early this morning. “Mr. Trump gave us an offer we simply could not refuse about a month ago, we met with the minority owners and the rest of the family, and everyone unanimously agreed we should take the offer. The logistics were worked out by our very competent legal team, and as of today, Mr. Trump has taken full control of the WWE.”

The announcement is sure to come as a shock to wrestling fans around the globe as the McMahon family has been the cornerstone of the booming wrestling entertainment business from the 1980’s through today. “Mr. Trump had asked me to stay on as chief consultant, I have considered the offer, but after selling the family franchise I do not think it is appropriate for me to operate it, or contribute to operating the WWE, while it is no longer under our ownership. I simply thanked Mr. Trump for the offer and declined. It is the McMahon way – we are all-in or we are not in at all,” McMahon said.

Ownership of the WWE is now listed as The Trump Organization, operating out of the Trump Tower in Manhattan, New York. Trump said in a telephone interview with WABC reporter Jim Shwartz that his son Donald, Jr. and his daughter Ivanka would be the ‘masterminds’ behind the newly purchased entertainment business.

“It was Donald Jr. who really pushed for the deal and after hearing his argument, which was that it was a big business that I didn’t already have my name attached to, it is something I had to get behind. The responsibilities of Chairman and CEO will be mine, Donald Jr. will take on the role of President, and Ivanka will be named Vice President and Ambassador of promotions and marketing. We are very excited to take on control of the WWE, and we will no doubt improve how things are operated. It is a win/win for the fans and a very exciting venture is ahead of us.” Trump told Shwartz.

When asked if fans would find any noticeable changes as the reigns of the WWE are handed over to the Trumps, he made it clear that the impact would be noticed immediately, as he planned on changing nearly every aspect of the company.

“Well first of all, we are going to do away with the ‘soap opera’ aspect of the business. It will become more realistic, making it so that it will eventually be recognized as a legitimate sport, not a joke. Sure there will be plenty of drama, but it will be real. There will be no feuding between wrestlers on camera then going off, having a cold beer together off camera. If that means losing the current stars, who are mostly actors anyway, that is the way it is going to be. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan, and I am even in the WWE Hall of Fame, but that doesn’t mean that changes won’t be made. We gave Mr. McMahon the opportunity to stay on board and he turned his nose up to us, but that is ok, because we will show him how he should have been running his former business. That’s what Trumps do, they take over and make everything better,” said Trump.

“We wish to thank all the fans who made everything possible for decades. From The Gobbledy Gooker to Hulkamania to the time I tore both of my quad muscles sliding into the ring, it’s been a wild ride with the WWE. I’ll never forget it,” said McMahon, tearfully. “Actually, come to think of it, I’ll just keep renewing my subscription to the WWE Network and watch it all over again. Hot damn, that Network was a good idea.”

Michael Jackson Hologram Selected To Perform During Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show

Posted on August 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

GLENDALE, Arizona –

After multiple conflicting reports suggesting that either Katy Perry or Carrie Underwood would be selected as the Super Bowl XLIX halftime performer, it came as quite a shock this morning as it was announced that the halftime performer is not a living person, but a hologram. The Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee decided to spice things up a bit and use the modern technology of today by selecting a holographic image of none other than the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The hologram of Jackson will be the star of the show, which will take place on February 1st at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, home of the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals.

Holography is a modern-day technique that allows three-dimensional images to be projected by way of laser, interference, diffraction, light intensity, and virtual illumination. The final product is an image that seems to magically turn a picture into a living thing, in this case, Michael Jackson. Last May a hologram of Jackson was used at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, Nevada. The hologram and choreography took producers nearly a year of planning and technical work. The Super Bowl Host Committee conjured up the idea, and made it a priority to successfully follow through with, along with the assisting Billboard Music Award production team they plan (and guarantee) to do just that.

According to Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee chairman David Rousseau it was a cutting edge advancement in technology and entertainment that he believes needs to be embraced, offering NFL fans a halftime experience they would likely never forget.

“It was brought up in a meeting, seemingly as a joke by one of our staffers. In fact, it was such a ridiculous notion, that I ended up firing him for even mentioning it. Later that night, though, I went back and watched the Michael Jackson performance from the Billboard Music Awards, and I was amazed. It sent cold chills up my spine,” he said. “I even thought of calling up [the staffer] who suggested it and apologizing for laughing at his idea, but there really wasn’t time. The next morning we began to discuss it as if it were now a realistic idea to have a deceased legend perform. We got in touch with the team who designed the hologram for Billboard, and they were glad to do help.”

Several internet rumors have been spread over the last couple of weeks saying Katy Perry would grace the Super Bowl halftime stage this year, then rumors claiming it would actually be Carrie Underwood, who already has ties with the NFL from performing the Sunday Night Football intro and theme music, which is also broadcast by NBC.

“All nonsense, the rumors. We get that every year,” said Rousseau. “I even heard one about a mega-concert with people like Eminem and Roger Daltry and Marilyn Manson. I have no idea where these stories originate, but they’re always good for a laugh.”

Rousseau told the Associated Press that this would be the biggest halftime show production in history, and that it will put his committee on the map as one of the most successful planning committees in special event history.

“When this thing is over, the first question people will ask is when the Super Bowl is coming back to Arizona. I’m going to pull a Joe Namath and guarantee that right now, so mark it down,” said Rousseau. “There will be various acts which I cannot reveal at this time, to perform with Holo-Jackson, whom in their own right could handle the job themselves, putting the whole thing over the top with a massive bang, and then a grand-finale that I believe will be known in the future as the most exciting moment in live television history. What we have in store for the great football fans of America will have them gloating with American pride for weeks. Of course it will be a good game, but like most Super Bowls the game will be secondary to the halftime show and the commercials. You thought Janet’s t— were a big deal? Just wait!”

The 2015 Pro Bowl will also be played in Glendale one week before the Super Bowl on January 25th as an experiment by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after being suggested the idea by Arizona Cardinals President Michael Bidwell. It is the first time since 1980 the Pro Bowl will not be played in Hawaii.

NASCAR: Tony Stewart To Announce Retirement From Auto Racing After Accident That Kills Competing Driver

Posted on August 14, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina –

NASCAR Insiders Rusty Wallace and Darrell Waltrip have informed the Associated Press that three-time Sprint Cup Champion Tony Stewart will hold a press conference in the coming days, and is expected to announce his retirement from all auto racing activities, as well as announcing the sale of his half of his ownership of Stewart-Haas Racing. The announcement comes after Stewart tragically struck and killed fellow sprint car driver Kevin Ward, Jr.

“This was a tragic accident, one he just can’t get over. I talked with Tony yesterday and he made it clear, he is done with racing. I tried to suggest to him to take time off and think it over for a few months, he told me he has made up his mind and will announce soon. I hope he changes his mind, but it sure sounded like he meant it,” said former NASCAR champion and Hall of Fame member Rusty Wallace.

According to Waltrip, he talked to Stewart for hours the night after the accident and again two days ago, and he says Stewart has been grieving more and more after the initiative shock.

“The man hasn’t slept for days, this has rocked his world harder than anything he has ever had to deal with. He told me he could never effectively get back in a race car and drive. He can barely bring himself to drive his Ford Taurus to the supermarket and back without cringing. I expect an announcement in the next few days, he is just working on what he is going to say to the fans and most importantly the father of the victim, Kevin Ward, Sr.,” Waltrip told NASCAR reporter Nicole Briscoe via telephone interview last night.

Ward, 20, had climbed out of his Sprint car during a dirt race in Canadaigua, N.Y., and he walked toward Stewart’s car during a caution, and while gesturing to him was struck and killed by the car Stewart was driving. Ward was pronounced dead on his way to the hospital.

Several race fans who have watched the horrific video believe that Stewart’s aggressive racing nature caused the death of Ward, including Ward’s father.

“Tony Stewart was the best damn driver by far on the track that night. Why he had to go up as high as he did and hog my son, there’s no reason for it,” Ward Sr. told the Syracuse Post-Standard. “Apparently, he was the only driver on the track who didn’t see [my son.] The one person that knows what happened that night could possibly be facing 10 years in prison. Is he going to say what he’s done?”

Speaking to the Associated Press, Corey Rayburn Yung, a law professor, said that under New York State law, Stewart could very possibly be charged with manslaughter, even if there was no intent to strike Ward.

“The question over whether someone was reckless is a factual one, and one a prosecutor might let a jury decide,” Yung said. “So far, from what I’ve read, Stewart has cooperated with police. That does not mean that once this is all said and done, that they won’t find him at fault one way or the other.”

On whether Stewart will retire from racing, all signs point to yes given the sources. “There will for sure be a press conference in which Tony speaks for himself, I think he sees no other way around this,” said Waltrip. “It will indeed be a sad day for NASCAR.”

Stewart-Haas Racing has not commented on the rumor, and a representative for the team could neither confirm nor deny Stewart’s intentions.

Congress Approves Sugar Tax Bill; Cost Of Sugary Drinks And Foods Expected To Triple By 2016

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A bill that would tax granulated sugar and all sugary foods is expected to be signed by President Barack Obama next week, after The House gave final congressional approval on Wednesday to a bill that would tax sugar on a per-gram basis.

“Sugar abuse is linked to several health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and other various diseases. This tax on sugar would go straight into funding all medical research – not just those common ailments – but all medical research,” House speaker John Boehner said.

The sugar tax bill is expected to triple the cost of foods high in unnatural amounts of fructose such as carbonated beverages, candies, frozen novelties, and over 700 other foods and drinks.

“The proposed bill is a good thing. We expect it to cut back on the unnecessary consumption of all junk foods, therefore, gradually making Americans who abuse these foods and drinks healthier,” said Tom Harkin, the democratic senator from Iowa, who also serves as the chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Health Education, Labor & Pensions. “For those who are willing to pay the extra price, they will be helping the cause by funding research for a vast array of medical endeavors.”

While many agree this could be a good thing, it seems most Americans seem to be opposed to the tax. In a poll taken by Empire News, 1,500 citizens throughout the United States were asked the question, “Do you agree or disagree with the proposed “Sugar Tax” bill?” An overwhelming 67% said they disagree with the bill, 23% said they approved, while the remaining 10 % declared they were undecided on or unfamiliar with the matter.

In an interview with North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx, she said the stats that were compiled proved that the American people are unable to make reasonable decisions on their own that would benefit their overall health.

“It is incredibly alarming how American people have complete disregard for their health,” said Foxx. “Look, I love cherry pie, candy bars, and fruity mixed drinks as much as the next person, but I also know that abusing these things is really bad for me. So many things we do are horrible for our bodies. Take drinking, for example. Americans need to try drinking their booze straight more often. I have found that straight bourbon on ice is actually very refreshing, cut out the sugary, fruity crutches when you can. Drink it straight,” she said.

Mary Jane Jenkins of Noblesville, Indiana disagrees with the bill, saying it’s ‘the worst decision’ that the government has made in ages.

“Look, I’m a f—-ing American voter and taxpayer. I should be able to use my food stamp card on anything I want, but with this stupid ‘sugar tax’ there is no way I will be able to buy my kids a box of Snickers bars. They say the price will almost triple. That’s absurd. It was bad enough when New York was in the news over their soda tax a few years ago, but this is crossing a major line. What’s next? Are they gonna tax their damn video games, too? This is our lives. Let us live and die at our own damn pace, fulfilling our own damn desires,” said an infuriated Jenkins.

President Obama, as a vocal supporter of the bill, is expected to sign it into law next Thursday morning.

Teenage Girl Dies of Hypothermia After Taking Part In ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’

Posted on August 12, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

Seventeen-year-old Latasha Johnson died last night after taking part in the ‘Ice Bucket Challenge,’ according to Boston Police Department spokesperson Cheryl Fiandaca.

“It is with sadness and regret that we have indeed ruled this a very tragic, unimaginable accident,” said Fiandaca. “Ms. Johnson was simply trying to help raise money for ALS along with her friends, but she went into hypothermia after pouring a bucket of ice water over her head, and then not changing out of her wet clothes for several hours. The hypothermia went untreated and unfortunately resulted in her death, autopsy pending.”

Latasha Johnson and her friends, all soon-to-be seniors at Cristo Rey Boston High School, were taking part in the challenge with the intentions of raising money for ALS. One of the friends, eighteen-year-old Naomi Sanchez, told police that they all dumped buckets of ice water over their heads at the same time while another friend recorded video of the incident on her cell phone. Sanchez said that all the girls were laughing at Johnson who had been shivering for more than two hours afterwards and eventually fell asleep, so they just left her there on a chair in the backyard.

It was not until it was discovered that Johnson began to look very pale that the others decided to call 911. Sadly, it was too late, and Johnson had succumbed to hypothermia.

“The Boston Police Department and several medical experts studied several videos captured by the friends diligently. One video was from the actual challenge, when they dumped the water over their heads, and others were taken while the girls laughed at Johnson shivering over the next couple hours,” Fiandaca said. “Some of the videos were posted online but have since been removed, and all cell phones were confiscated for the pending investigation of criminal intent.”

Police are investigating the idea that the other girls teased Johnson into staying in her wet clothes, freezing, while they all were ‘allowed’ to change their clothes. Reports say that videos posted to YouTube by the girls showed they had all changed into dry clothes or new bikinis, while Johnson did not.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has become a viral sensation over the last couple of weeks, started by former Boston College baseball player Pete Frates, who was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also know as ALS, and most commonly Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Frates and his family started the movement via Facebook and Twitter as a creative way to spread ALS awareness throughout social media, often using the hashtag #IceBucketChallenge. It has since gone viral and has spiked ALS donations by over 1000% since July 31st.

“This is a ‘creative’ way to spread ALS awareness via social media and in communities nationwide,” said Barbara Newhouse, President and CEO of The ALS Association just days ago. “We thank Pete Frates and his family for getting so many people involved in spreading the word about ALS.”

After posting their ice bucket videos to social media, participants nominate others to take the plunge and keep the cycle going. If those challenged don’t accept within 24 hours, they’re asked to donate to the ALS Association.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has been accepted by many celebrities such as Ethel Kennedy, who has since challenged President Obama to take part. Matt Lauer did it live on the Today show, and Martha Stewart, New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh, and many others have all taken part in the challenge.

The parents of Latasha Johnson ask the public to not let their daughter die in vain.

“She was just trying to raise money for this incredible cause. She loved people and, unfortunately, loved the dumb things she saw on the internet. She never knew how dangerous this stunt count be. Please, we beg you to donate to the ALS Association on her behalf. Let her good deed have meaning,” said her grief-stricken father, Mohana Johnson.

Government Food Stamp Program To Be Discontinued Effective June 2015

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), formerly known as the Food Stamp program, will come to an end June 15, 2015, according to Department of Agriculture executive Thomas J. Vilsack.

“SNAP benefits cost $76.4 billion in fiscal year 2013. A large portion of which went to abusers of the program. In an attempt to save the program for those who truly need it, we reduced the amount per household paid out in 2014. That did not do us much good, either,” said Vilsack in a brief press conference on Friday morning.

The $76 billion dollars spent on SNAP supplied about 47.6 million Americans assistance, for an average of $133 per month, half of which Vilsack says actually needed it.

“A great portion of those 47 million people who received SNAP benefits have jobs that fly in under the radar, they get paid cash under the table, and obviously do not pay taxes. They are abusing the program,” said Vilsack. “This has painted us into a corner, we knew it was going on, we just didn’t realize the dramatic extent of abuse. We feel absolutely defeated. Now the families who need it and deserve it will go without. That is a tragedy. However the money is gone, the White House will not supply us further assistance. If you want to eat, you’ll have to go to work.”

The announcement has infuriated those who depend on assistance, such as Mary Parker of Washington, D.C., who was nearly brought to tears when asked her opinion. “It’s a damn shame our government can’t step up for us and pay for our food. I got five children that depend on it. I don’t know what I’m gonna do now. I guess I’ll actually have to get a job.”

There are also those who agree with the decision, like Jim Conrad of Jersey City, New Jersey. “It’s about time. People like me work their entire lives, pay taxes, and even when we could have used help, we never asked for help, we learned how to take care of our own, on our own. You got people illegally moving into the country, working under the table, taking over the construction trade, they get paid cash and they get food stamps? It has to stop. It is about damn time we stop letting people, especially foreign and lazy people, abuse the system. Make them fend for themselves!”

President Obama, who worked with the Department of Agriculture in shutting down the program, said that the time has come for Americans to make their own way, and that the current system was obviously too broken to repair.

“It’s unclear how we can help families in need in the future because of those people who abused the current SNAP program,” said President Obama. “Sadly, we can’t do anything further for the actual needy at the moment. We simply asked that people be honest out of American pride, and our people have failed us. It is, to say the least, very disheartening.”

Officials for the Department of Agriculture had no further comment.

Shark Week: Discovery Channel Announces 2014 Will Be The Last; PETA Says ‘It’s About Time’

Posted on August 7, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

SILVER SPRING, Maryland –

President and CEO of Discovery Communications Inc., David M. Zaslav, announced today that the upcoming season of ‘Shark Week’, its 28th, will be the series finale. The once-a-year series started on July 17, 1987, and has developed a very unique cult following. Zaslav, in an early morning press conference said that more and more people, obsessed with the annual week-long event, are going out on their own and trying to make contact with sharks, which has led to more frequent shark attacks.

“We actually feel that we have created this manifestation of desire for human beings to want to go out and swim with sharks, which people are doing more and more, and we feel responsible,” Zaslav stated. “Shark Week has run its course, it has reached the point where people are actually trying to go out and make contact with these incredible, yet extremely dangerous fish, which obviously, they have no business doing.”

The number of provoked shark attacks has greatly increased in the last three years according to the International Shark Attack Committee. “The last few years people have gone out, without professional supervision, and have attempted to swim with the untamed beasts which, on several occasions, has led to what we label as a ‘provoked attack,'” said IPSA chairman Paul Hart.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has applied a gauntlet of pressure to executives at the Discovery Channel over the years to bring an end to the show. Founder Alex Pacheco has publicly stated on several occasions that the Discovery is ‘endangering sharks while making them more defensive and violent.’

“What they are doing is putting not only stupid, uninformed people at risk, but more importantly, they are putting these beautiful creatures in danger at the hands of man. They are totally promoting human interaction with sharks. This has got to stop!” Pacheco said earlier this year at a PETA convention in Mobile, Alabama.

Many PETA members believe that Pacheco is the mastermind behind Discovery waving the white flag of surrender.

“It is time for the world to stop acting macho and start listening to us, we know what we are talking about, everyone else, especially in this country, are ignorant with animals,” Longtime PETA fundraising coordinator Jennifer Bangs said. “It starts with them killing and eating innocent, loving pigs and cows, and now they’re trying to swim with sharks. They’re just going to kill and eat them, too! It is sickening. Discovery needs to be stopped. They glorify the killing of millions of crab in their idiotic show Deadliest Catch, and killing bears and moose in other shows. Finally it seems that Discovery is bowing down to PETA. The downfall of the network has begun.”

Zaslav was asked whether PETA had anything to do with the upcoming season of Shark Week being its last, he said, “Absolutely not. Those people are just on some mission to be against the world and just want to complain. We do not condone the useless harming of fish and animals, so I don’t have any idea why they would even begin to believe they deserve a voice in the matter. The organization is absolutely laughable, they need to be exposed for what the are, but that is a show we will have to be broadcast another day.” Zaslav then laughed along with the press corp, adding, “Seriously, we have plans to document and expose PETA for the joke that they are.”

The twenty-eighth and final installment of ‘Shark Week’ premiers on the Discovery Channel on Sunday, August 10th.

President Obama Launches ‘Gas For Guns’ Exchange Program; Announcement Strikes Controversy

Posted on August 6, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

White House press secretary Josh Earnest announced this morning that President Obama will be launching a campaign similar to gun-buyback events of the past. The program, named ‘Gas For Guns,’ offers gun owners the opportunity to exchange their weapons, with or without legal documentation, for a $500 gas card.

“A date has not been set but it will more than likely take place in early January, just after the holidays, when American families need a little more assistance with living expenses than normal. The event will last two weeks. It will be a really good avenue to help those in need while at the same time getting dangerous weapons off the streets,” said Earnest.

The exchange program, part of a master plan by President Obama to get rid of guns in the U.S., will give gun owners the opportunity to go to local police stations, firehouses, and in some cities “mobile exchange units” to bring in their weapons. Volunteer gun experts will be on-hand to appraise the firearms, although the gas cards will be valued at $500 regardless of make, model, style, or appraised value of the firearm. Even guns without proper documentation can be turned in.

“No questions will be asked, but we ask those that do have legal documentation to please bring it with your firearm. Those that do not will only be asked for their drivers licenses’ or state identification cards, which will then be copied. This process is simply for keeping track of the gift cards that are exchanged. The participant will then be given the $500 gas gift card, regardless of the appraised value, to be used at a local participating gas company. What is important is that we get guns off the streets and help those in need at the same time,” Earnest announced.

Guns which are handed over will be taken to a licensed gun manufacturing facility, which will be paid an undisclosed amount by the government per weapon, and will be disassembled and discarded accordingly under ATF supervision while being fully monitored. Officials have said that many of the weapons, especially those with little to no value or that are in non-working order, will be melted down for their metals.

As gun control is a very controversial issue, announcement of the program has divided opposition even further. Gun advocate and Washington D.C. native Tom Gillispie told reporters after catching wind of the announcement, “This is absolutely ridiculous, they want just anybody to walk , pull out a gun, then trade it in for a $500 gas card? No matter if the gun is worth $50 or not? So a criminal with bad intentions can bring in a gun worth $100, get a $500 gas card, then trade the gas card for $450 cash then go buy an even more dangerous gun? This is the asinine apocalypse. This is exactly why our country is in a downward spiral. We will go further into debt and the bad guys will still have guns in the end, while those needing guns for protection will not. This is absurd. It is times like this I am embarrassed to be an American.”

Tourist Mary Carcepizzi, from Trenton, New Jersey had quite a different take on the matter. “I think it is an excellent idea. That $500 may save a life in the future, and I am absolutely positive that will be the case for several of the guns turned in. They will be destroyed, as all guns should be, and for each one destroyed, that is one less unnecessary weapon we will have to worry about falling into the wrong hands. Obama is making the right call and I stand behind the program 100%.”

The official starting date and a list of participating gas companies and other details will be announced in late December.

Florida Man Successfully Receives Penis Transplant From Horse

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

IZTAPALPA, Mexico –

A man from Melbourne, Florida has received the worlds first-ever successful horse-to-man penis transplant in Iztapalapa, Mexico using the allograft procedure, which is a procedure in which the key components of organs are grown artificially. The news broke this morning as it was published in the Mexican newspaper ‘El Grafico.’

The recipient of the transplant, which took place July 16th, Nicholas Waterbury, wished to remain anonymous at first, but was convinced by Mexican physicians that he would go down in history as the world’s first ever, animal-to-man penile transplant recipient, and that it could bring him great fame. Waterbury then gave El Grafico the approval to use his name in their exclusive front-page article.

The procedure, which took place at El Calavero Medical Center and was successfully completed in just over nine-hours, was completed by Dr. Abelino Santiago, who specializes in organ transplants. Santiago adamantly stated that this was an unprecedented, groundbreaking operation.

“The first human-to-human penis transplant was just in 2006, so this is very significant.” said Santiago.

The worlds first penis transplant that Santiago referenced, which was indeed successful, was completed in September of 2006 in Guangzhou, China by Dr. Jean-Michel Dubernard. The recipient, a 44-year-old male, had lost most of his penis in an accident. The transplanted penis came from a 22-year-old male. Although the transplant was successful, the patient had the procedure reversed due to psychological trauma. According to records, that was the only successful penis transplant ever completed until Waterbury received his new penis. His transplant from a Campolina, a breed of horse common in the Mexican wilderness, and used by ranchers throughout Central America.

Dr. Santiago explained to Waterbury that the odds of the procedure being successful and taking to Waterbury’s body was less than ten-percent. “We had our doubts, we believed that the chances that the transplant would take would be very small – but there was that small chance that we could accomplish a feat which had never been done before.” said Santiago. “We have made history, and Mr. Waterbury is recovering very nicely.” he said.

Waterbury told the press he first considered the transplant after reading about Dr. Santiago successfully completing several animal-to-animal penile transplants. Having been ridiculed all his life for having a below average sized penis, he got in touch with the doctor and asked if it was at all possible to receive a transplanted penis from a horse, and have a fully functional penis.

“He told me the chances were very slim that it would work, but I decided to try to be a part of history while possibly fulfilling complete personal satisfaction.” said Waterbury. “It has been two weeks, everything seems to work properly and when they tested it two days ago, I got my first erection. I am amazed, Dr. Santiago is a wonderful man.” added Waterbury.

Being that the issue for Waterbury was the size, reporters naturally asked about the transplanted penis’ size, “Mr. Waterbury wishes to not disclose that information, but we can tell you that he is a very satisfied man,” said Dr. Santiago.

Waterbury is sure to face a flood of news media upon his arrival back into the United States, which according to Santiago, will be about a month.

“We wish to keep Mr. Waterbury under constant observation for at least the next thirty days, in which we will perform multiple tests on the functionality of the penis. When we are satisfied and certain he will have no issues, we will recommend that he can go home, however for the time being it is absolutely necessary to monitor the healing process.” said Santiago.

Santiago added that some of the inner workings of the penis were modified using synthetic materials, allowing the procedure to be possible. “Without the allograft procedure, in which tissue is grown artificially, we would not have even tried. I contemplated even trying it at all, but after some research and meeting with my associates, we were convinced that it was indeed possible using the lab grown allograft. We are very pleased with the outcome, but we still have to keep an eye on Mr. Waterbury’s healing process, which has gone extremely well.” Santiago said.

Priscilla Presley To Release Nude Photos Of Herself And Elvis In Revised Autobiography

Posted on August 2, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

MEMPHIS, Tennessee –

Early this morning Priscilla Presley, the 69 year-old widow of the one and only Elvis Presley, announced through her publicist, Catherine Rigsby, that she would be re-releasing her autobiography ‘Elvis And Me,’ to include several new chapters and never-before-seen photographs of her and The King.

“Priscilla felt as if she did not fulfill the desires of Elvis Presley fans with the first release of her autobiography ‘Elvis And Me’. After years of consideration, she has decided to re-release the already wonderfully written memoir with added stories and accounts of her life with Elvis.” Rigsby told a room of selected reporters.

In the original ‘Elvis and Me’, released in 1985 and written with ghostwriter Sandra Harmon, she told stories of how Elvis loved taking nude photos of the couple together with a Polaroid camera, many of which were of a pornographic nature. In their press conference this morning, Rigsby also announced that there would, indeed, be several of these “adult oriented” photographs published in the new release of her book.

“Along with a deeper look into their personal lives behind closed doors, [Priscilla] feels that it is the right thing to release these photos to the fans of Elvis Presley,” said Rigsby. “Many of the photographs will be included in a chapter of the book which is named ‘Elvis Didn’t Just Belong To Me, He Belonged To All Women.’ When she got to writing this portion of the book, she felt the only thing to do was to open up to the world and expose all, literally. She is very excited to offer the most loyal fans in the world this amazing opportunity.”

The book, titled ‘Elvis and Me: Exposed’ is slated to hit shelves on December 9th with 5,000 limited edition copies which will include another amazing, sacred gift for Elvis diehards – one free pass to tour the historic Graceland mansion, with VIP access, which includes a very rare opportunity for fans to go up the stairs and into Elvis’s sacred bedroom which has always been off-limits to public tours.

“Presley Enterprises have decided to offer this incredible VIP package for the consumers of the limited edition release of 5,000, which not only includes never before offered VIP access throughout Graceland and Elvis’s bedroom, but these copies of the book will also be bound by a gold-plated hardback cover and individually signed by Priscilla. They will also come with original, 8×10 photos that were signed by Elvis before he died, and uncovered during a recent cleaning of his personal belongings. We know the release of this material is sure to cause some controversy, but the story is finally being told by Priscilla the way she wants the world to hear it, completely uncensored. There will be a book signing tour once the second-edition is released. Release date for the second edition will be one week after the limited edition release date on December 16th.” Rigsby told the press.

Priscilla Presley, who did not attend the press conference, will make several television appearances in the week leading up to the limited-edition release date. There is also talk of the release of an Elvis album, featuring various live performances in 1955 and 1956 which are said to be enhanced to meet optimum listening standards, but official word on the album has not yet been released by Presley’s estate.