FOX Broadcasting Company To Launch New Free Adult TV Channel ‘FXXX’

Posted on July 22, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

Fox Broadcasting Company, the driving force behind over-air network FOX, and cable channels FOX HD, FX, and FXX, have announced the first adult TV channel to be broadcast free both as part of a regular cable subscription or streamed online. The new channel, FXXX, will feature hardcore pornographic adult films, as well as short movies and even amateur user-submitted content.

Normally, adult films are broadcast through cable or satellite providers solely as subscription channels, such as the Playboy or Hustler channel, or as on-demand features. FXXX plans to be the first channel to be included, at no extra cost, with every cable content provider in the United States.

“All of the FOX networks, whether they be over-air or pay-cable channels, have always pushed the envelope when it comes to content,” said Dana Walden, Co-Chairman of Fox Broadcasting. “With the launch of FXXX, we can’t push the envelope much further. If FX’s slogan was ‘There Is No Box,’ then FXXX’s slogan is ‘There Are Tons Of Boxes.’ This is going to be hardcore, in-your-face pornography. It will be what the Hustler channel wishes it could be, and it will make the Playboy Channel look like PBS.”

Walden went on to say that the network will also feature online streaming at no additional cost, and that funding for the channel – which will premiere ad-free – will be paid for by specific product placements throughout the films.

“Maybe Harry Longdick wears a Trojan brand condom in one scene, and maybe Tiffani Juggs gets thirsty and reaches for an ice-cold Pepsi in another,” said Walden. “There are plenty of opportunities for product placement in the adult film industry. Hell, we might even be able to get more creative with that Pepsi bottle, now that I’m thinking about it.”

Despite what most people think, there is nothing stopping any channel from showing any content they wish on their cable channels. The FCC, the agency in charge of “policing” the airwaves, does not actually monitor cable or pay channels.

“In fact, we don’t even really monitor over-air channels,” said a representative of the FCC who spoke to us anonymously. “Basically, if someone calls in and complains about something they saw on TV, then we assume that there are at least 1,000 other people who didn’t take the time to call. So if we get, say, 100 calls that Janet Jackson’s breast popped out at the Super Bowl, well then that must be 100,000 people who were offended! That’s how things work at the FCC.”

The FCC doesn’t at all monitor cable channels, but seldom do viewers see any excessive violence, language, or sex aired prior to 10PM.

“The networks like to police themselves. We can show whatever the hell we want, but we don’t want to alienate people,” said Walden. “FXXX will throw that entire concept right out the window, because we’re going to be showing people banging it out all day, every day. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch. If your kids watch it, well – they had to learn about reverse cowgirls and rusty trombones someday, right?”

FXXX will launch on all major providers, including Comcast, DirecTV, Dish Network, and Time Warner Cable starting in October.

It’s Official: Former NBC Drama ‘Dracula’ Will Continue As A Netflix Original

Posted on July 20, 2014 by Bonnie Anderson

PASADENA, California –

Millions of fans angered and bewildered at NBC’s surprising decision to cancel the popular vampire drama Dracula after just one season can breathe a sigh of relief. This morning Netflix announced their decision to pick up the series for at least a second season.

When questioned about what motivated the decision, Netflix Chief Content Officer Ted Sarandos commented, “Why not pick it up? Gripping, sensual, clever, Dracula is Netflix caliber entertainment and people around the world can’t get enough of it. Now, we’re excited to announce that they won’t have to.”

Since the cancellation announcement, millions of fans took to social media and the blogosphere and circulated petitions to voice their disapproval, pleading with NBC to reconsider. But the network giant has remained generally silent.

In response to what he refers to as “snubbing their viewers,” Netflix CEO Reed Hastings said candidly, “If networks want to alienate their viewers, let them. Our #1 priority is to give our members what they want. If they want Dracula, that’s what they’ll get.”

Talks with the show’s producer and lead actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers began before NBC made the announcement, amid rumors that the network lineup would be changed dramatically, resulting in a significant number of cancellations. Given Dracula’s unideal time slot and lack of effort from the network to adequately promote the show, Meyers and his team were not optimistic.

Said Hastings about the deal, “when the announcement was made public, we were flooded with letters from members asking us to pick up the show. From then on it was a done deal. We negotiated terms, completed scheduling and we’re set to start production in October.”

Meyers is thrilled about this major win, saying, “I put my blood, sweat and tears into this project at significant risk to my career, on what I knew to be a story of incredible originality and beauty. I can’t express how excited I am to continue Dracula’s journey.”

The release date has not been announced, however Netflix members can expect all season episodes to be made available in late 2015.

Steve Burke, the CEO of NBC did not immediately respond to requests for comments.

Jim Parsons Quits ‘The Big Bang Theory’ After On-Set Fight

Posted on July 20, 2014 by A. Michael Smith

PASADENA, California –

It looks as though of the most beloved characters on television today, Sheldon Cooper, won’t be returning to The Big Bang Theory for its 8th season, after actor Jim Parsons has walked-off set and quit the show because of an on-set fight with co-star Johnny Galecki.

According to sources on the show, which has been in the process of filming since June, tensions behind the scenes have been extremely high. Last year the show was nearly cancelled after several members of the main cast demanded massive pay raises, forcing producer and creator Chuck Lorre to choose between keeping his show on the air or letting it taper off.

“We had contracted everyone involved for season one, and then it took off, and immediately signed everyone on for 5 more seasons,” said Lorre. “After season 6, which everyone did for the same amount of money, I think the monotony of playing the same stupid characters for so long, for over 150 episodes, was really getting to everyone, Parsons especially. So they all asked for a pay raise. They got it going into season 7, but this time around, for the season we’re filming, the cast, or rather their agents, really wanted more than they deserved.”

CBS, the parent company who releases the show, relented and gave in to the demands of the stars, but it hasn’t been enough to keep a peace on set. Crew members report that there have been many fights over contracts and money behind-the-scenes, namely between stars Parsons and Galecki.

“I don’t really care that [Parsons] is gone. We can do a whole hell of a lot better with someone else, anyway,” said Galecki, who plays Leonard Hofstadter on the show. “Last season ended with [Parsons’ character] Sheldon running away because Leonard was moving out of the apartment. He was supposed to come back, obviously, and we shot a few scenes with him back, but now, the hell with it, they’re just going to write him out permanently.”

Writers and producers have been scrambling to come up with material for the currently-filming season, as well as a way to introduce a new character.

“We don’t know for sure what Jim [Parsons] is planning. We’re working that out right now,” said Lorre. “In the mean time, we do have interest from several actors to join the cast, including Michael Cera and Topher Grace, either of which would be a fantastic addition to the show.”

Parsons himself has yet to comment publicly on his departure. His agent released a statement saying that “certain aspects of [Parsons’] contract were not being met, and that he was within his rights to walk off set.”

CBS Films, the company who produces Big Bang, had no comment on their plans for a cast change, or whether or not they felt that Parsons would return.

President Obama to Star in Hollywood Feature Film

Posted on July 18, 2014 by Bonnie Anderson

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

While his second presidential term is approaching an end, his career in the spotlight is certainly not, as it has been announced by Lionsgate Films that Barack Obama will star in their long-anticipated sequel to Eddie Murphy’s 1988 hit comedy, Coming to America.

The title of the film, slated for a 2018 release, is Coming to Zamunda, in which the character, President Obama as himself, travels to Zamunda, the fictional African home country of Murphy’s Crown Prince Akeem Joffer.

The comedy will take place after first lady Michelle Obama is accidentally killed by a stray bullet on a visit overseas. It will feature a widower Obama traveling to Africa—without the secret service—in the hopes of becoming more independent and finding a new bride who “arouses his mind as well as his loins” among his ancestral people in the infectious disease tents.

“The movie is bound to be just a gas,” wrote Obama’s publicist, “The sheer originality of reversing the hilarious fish-out-of-water story from the first film, combined with the president’s own personal experience as a boy of privilege and education working in the slums of Chicago? It’s a perfect match.”

A statement released by Lionsgate stated that Murphy, alongside Coming to America co-stars Arsenio Hall and James Earl Jones will make cameo appearances, and John Landis will return to direct the sequel.

When asked at a recent press conference if he really believed it would be plausible for a former U.S. president to start a film acting career after leaving office, Obama said, “Yes we CAN.”

Hollywood Shocker: ‘Gilligan’s Island’ Star Turns Out To Be Zodiac Killer

Posted on July 18, 2014 by Bonnie Anderson

HOLLYWOOD, California –

In a scandal that has stunned the world, the late Russell Johnson, known for his role as Professor Roy Hinkley on the popular sitcom Gilligan’s Island, has been identified as the infamous Zodiac Killer. Johnson died of kidney failure this past January.

Notorious in the late 1960s and early 1970s for the grisly murders of at least 6 people and a slew of threatening letters to the San Francisco Chronicle, the serial killer has, until now, never been identified.

According to detectives who have been on the case since it was reopened in March of 2007, “It’s no coincidence that the murders began in 1969, one year following the final episode of Gilligan’s Island. It’s obvious now, that between sporadic TV and film appearances, [Johnson] satisfied his sick obsession for fame by dominating headlines with his murderous activities. The man was literally hiding in plain sight.”

Now, more than 40 years after narrowly escaping his own death at the hands of the Zodiac Killer, 60-year old Bryan Hartnell happened to be in the right place at the right time – the Cook Family Funeral Home in Bainbridge, Washington, at the exact moment Johnson’s remains arrived from the morgue. In the most bizarre coincidence of all, Bryan Hartnell was the embalmer assigned to prepare Johnson for his funeral.

“It chilled me to the core,” said Hartnell. “Right away I knew I’d seen that face somewhere.” He immediately called the police.

Agents notified Johnson’s wife of 32 years, Constance, who said tearfully in a recent statement, “His family would say that he was a little ‘funny’ after the war, but I always thought they meant he had a better sense of humor.”

SWAT teams immediately surrounded his mansion and police tracked down Johnson’s daughter Kim for questioning. Johnson’s body was quickly exhumed for DNA testing. When compared to samples taken from letters allegedly sent by the Zodiac Killer in the late 60s, it was a positive match. According to handwriting expert Lloyd Cunningham, who’s worked on the Zodiac case for decades, the handwriting in the letters and Johnson’s autograph were also a perfect match.

“The nail in the coffin,” said Zodiac expert Robert Greysmith, “was the fact that Johnson’s down-streak finally ended and he was busy at work shooting the miniseries Vanished between 1971 and 1972—precisely when the Zodiac stopped sending letters.”

George Mueller, the Judge presiding over the case found Russell Johnson guilty of the crimes and sentenced him to 100 years in prison without parole. His body will be interred to the Washington State Penitentiary Cemetery to serve his sentence retroactively, and his acting credit will be removed from all future broadcasts of Gilligan’s Island reruns.

Drastic Changes Ahead For ‘The Walking Dead’ In Season 5

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Bonnie Anderson

RABUN COUNTY, Georgia –

As the ratings continue to diminish each season, AMC’s The Walking Dead creator and executive producer Robert Kirkman has made a move that will stun viewers and, hopefully, change the fate of the ailing series.

In a dramatic departure from the hit graphic novel series, the character of sheriff’s Deputy Rick Grimes will no longer be American. Kirmkan has decided that now Grimes will be a former British-national posing as a King’s County, Georgia native under the witness protection program.

While a severe departure from the main storyline of the graphic novels, according to Kirkman the decision was necessary for the survival of the series.

“We were getting way too much feedback from fans that Andrew Lincoln’s Rick Grimes was not charismatic enough to carry the show. What were we going to do, fire the guy who played Egg in This Life? Short of bringing Jon Bernthal back as Shane’s twin brother, this was the only way.”

Kirkman elaborated by saying that he didn’t think that the massive change would really phase most long-time viewers, but that the storyline would have a more ‘universal appeal’ to people who had not watched the show at all yet. They also were struggling to pay for dialect coaches for Lincoln, who is an English actor playing a Southern lawman.

“The bottom line is, trying to maintain an American accent as a British man while squinting a lot and conveying the agony of a man with the whole apocalyptic world on his shoulders is no small task for anyone. So we decided to give Andrew a break so he can really cut loose and bring new life to the character.”

Regarding where the plot is headed, Kirkman remains tight-lipped. However he did hint that Grimes will reveal his true identity to his band of fellow survivors at some point during the season premiere, and will coincide with Daryl’s realization of his latent attraction to “men from across the pond,” about which actor Norman Reedus is ecstatic.

“I get so tired of everyone asking me, ‘who is Daryl going to have a romantic storyline with,“ said Reedus, “Carol? Beth? It’s a huge relief to have that whole mess resolved.”

The official release date, set for later this month has not yet been announced.

Lady Gaga Joins Cast of HBO Hit Series ‘True Detective’ For Season 2

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

LOS ANGELES, California –

Lady Gaga has officially joined the season two cast of the critically acclaimed HBO television series True Detective, according to show creator and writer Nic Pizzolatto.

The first season of the television series was an instant hit for HBO, and featured tremendous acting performances by Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. For the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards, the series is nominated for Outstanding Drama Series. Harrelson and McConaughey (who will not return to the show) are both nominated for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series.

Acting in the series will be a new endeavor for Lady Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta. Gaga says she was influenced by her boyfriend, actor Taylor Kinney, who plays Lt. Kelly Severide on the popular TV show Chicago Fire.

“We are very excited to work with Lady Gaga. She passed a screen test with flying colors and has proven that she is a true performer and clearly this will put her on the map as an acting sensation,” said Pizzolatto in a telephone interview. “She is undergoing rigorous training from some of the most highly respected acting coaches in the industry at New York’s Actors Studio. She will be playing the role of Sarah Kemilosky, one of our newly added three main characters for season two.”

It was recently announced that True Detective season two is expected to include eight episodes, and will take place in California, a change from the Louisiana backdrop of season one.

Lady Gaga has not been reachable for comment since the announcement, but her boyfriend Taylor Kinney is very happy that Gaga will be joining him in the ‘world of acting.’

“She is very excited. It is something we joked about in the past, her getting into acting, but the more I thought about it, the more I tried to convince her to give it a try. I know she has exactly what it takes to make it in the industry, she definitely has the chops for acting. This opportunity will most certainly put her on the map as a legitimate actress.”

Season two of True Detective is scheduled to begin filming late 2014.

Obsessed ‘Finding Bigfoot’ Fan Claims to Have Discovered Creature, Police Find Dead Wife In Sasquatch Costume

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

FAYETTE COUNTY, West Virginia –

A Fayette County man, Reginald Jacobson, called NBC affiliate WVVA on Tuesday evening and left a message saying he had found and hunted down Bigfoot. Reporter Steve Muscabi chuckled when he first heard the message.

“The guy sounded very excited, left his name and number and home address, so we decided to follow-up the message and return his phone call,” said Muscabi. “It was about 4 hours after the initial call when I called back. He was sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely understand him. He kept repeating ‘I have made a terrible mistake, I didn’t mean to do it, I’m so sorry!’ He just kept repeating those words.”

After asking several times for Jacobson to slow down and explain what was happening, Muscabi was finally able to get Jacobson to explain what he’d done.

“Finally, he said ‘It was Betty, I killed Betty, Oh dear Lord, I killed my wife!'” recalls Muscabi. “I quickly scribbled down [Muscabi’s] address, handed it to an intern, and told him to call 9-1-1.”

When West Virginia State police arrived on the scene, they were shocked and confused to find 47-year-old Betty Jacobson shot to death and in a tub filled with cold water. The weirdest part, investigators say, is that she was in a Sasquatch costume.

“What we have is a very disturbing case that is currently being investigated simply as a homicide,” said West Virginia State Police spokesperson Lt. Paul Hart. “I can only say at this point that we are diligently investigating the shooting death of Betty Jacobson, any further information will be released when we are prepared to do so.”

“Whether this was foul play or a tragic accident, it is absolutely terrible.” said WVVA reporter Muscabi. “Being the first person to hear Mr. Jacobson’s message and having even laughed when I heard it, and for it to turn out this way is so disturbing. I hope friends and family get the answers they deserve.”

A neighbor of the Jacobson’s, who asked to not be named, was standing on the edge of his property while police were investigating the bizarre scene, and told reporters that Jacobson had been obsessed with finding Bigfoot.

“I always thought he was crazy, he was truly obsessed. He had pictures from alleged sightings hanging all over his living room wall, his obsession seemed to escalate when the TV reality series Finding Bigfoot began to air. That show seemed to have awakened something in him. It became a lifetime goal for him to be the one to find Bigfoot.”

Finding Bigfoot is a reality television series which premiered in 2011. The show documents four Bigfoot experts in their quest to find the elusive creature throughout the United States and Canada. The show airs on the Animal Planet cable network. No comment has been made by the network or producers of the television show.

TVs ‘Dr. Phil’ Comes Out As Homosexual

Posted on July 16, 2014 by JP

BEVERLY HILLS, California –

A familiar face for daytime television has made an announcement that has set a shock to his millions of loyal viewers. Popular television host Phil McGraw, also known as Dr. Phil, announced early Tuesday morning that he is gay, and that he couldn’t keep the secret in any longer.

Dr.Phil first made his appearance on television on the very popular Oprah Winfrey show, and over time became one of her favorite guests. The appearances on her show eventually led to McGraw landing him his own television show, and the program has been running strong ever since.

McGraw has a way of getting the brutal truth out of people and calling out cowards that hide behind their lies. His forceful attitude and completely stringent, no B.S. attitude has made his program very popular in the ratings for a daytime television show.

For a while Dr.Phil has been quite the celebrity, appearing on different television shows while still racking in viewers on his own program. The hype of his show has cooled off a bit over time, but he still airs his show in syndication throughout the country.

Even with his immense popularity, questions are certainly arising as to why he has chosen to ‘come out’ at this point in his life and career, seemingly announced out of nowhere, throwing a ripple through his home life. McGraw has been married to wife Robin Jameson since 1976.

“I spend most of my days getting the truth from my guests, and all this time I was lying to myself.” said McGraw. “I’ve always known, and I didn’t want to disturb the life of my family and friends. I wasn’t sure how the public would take it after my fame, so I kept it inside to keep things calm. Then one day recently I woke up and looked myself in the mirror, I said ‘You like kissing men, looking at them naked…guess what buddy, you’re a homosexual!'”

McGraw’s wife Robin is reportedly seeking religious guidance for her husband, as well as possibly checking him into a sexual re-orientation clinic.

“We’ll get him back on the straight path, all puns intended.” Said Jameson. “Phil is a loving man, and I stand by him and his decisions, even though they are completely disgusting in the eyes of the Lord. If he can’t help his needs, we’ll just spend all of the millions of dollars he’s made trying to cure him. It’s possible with God.”

McGraw himself continues to work on his program, Dr. Phil, and says he has no desire to change anything about his chosen career.

“It’s just freeing to finally be me, you know?” said McGraw.

It’s Official: ‘Breaking Bad’ Movie To Hit The Big Screen Next Summer

Posted on July 16, 2014 by JP

HOLLYWOOD, California –

One of the highest rated and most popular television shows in history is set to take make a return, but not in the way you may think. It has finally been announced that the hit show Breaking Bad will be jumping to the big screen next summer.

Breaking Bad was the hit AMC TV show about a struggling high school chemistry teacher who turns to a life of crime selling methamphetamines after a diagnosis of inoperable lung cancer.

Rumors sparked left and right after actor Bryan Cranston had made a few comments about how the show ended. Fans online have talked about it happening, and everyone was hoping that it would come to fruition, but the studio and several people involved in the show initially denied the rumors.

“We were told to keep as quiet as possible about it,” said Cranston, who although known for TV shows like Malcolm in the Middle, shot to fame after Breaking Bad became a ratings smash. “The cat is out of the bag, as it were. We started shooting the movie about 2 weeks ago in Albuquerque.”

With news of the film breaking, movie theaters around the country have already begun to pre-sell tickets, the first time in history that a pre-sale has begun before the film has actually been completed. Normally, a theatre will pre-sell a week or two before an anticipated big movie is released. For Breaking Bad, they know they had to start now, almost a year in advance.

“We are talking about one of the biggest shows in the history of TV.” Said Regal Cinemas chairman Mark Landry. “As soon as it became confirmed that the movie had been green-lit, we gave the okay to our theatre managers to begin selling tickets.”

Filming is underway, but unfortunately it is a closed-set, and no other information – including the plot of the movie, timeline, or which characters will appear.

TMZ reporters questioned actor Aaron Paul, who played Jesse on the hit show, as he was leaving a Hollywood restaurant, and when asked about a Breaking Bad movie he seemed confused.

“The is the first I’ve heard of it,” said Paul. “Apparently I’ve got some phone calls to make.”

Production on the the Breaking Bad movie is scheduled to run through the end of October, with the film slated for a Memorial Day 2015 release.