ALBERTA, Canada –
It has been leaked by a friend close to the new Royal Couple that the honeymoon is already over and Meghan Markle has filed for divorce after she discovered a “horrible, gut-wrenching surprise” when the couple went to consummate their marriage.
“Meghan never thought about how her new husband would also have fiery red pubes, and when she undid his pants in the honeymoon suite, she nearly collapsed in shock,” said the unnamed friend. “She even vomited in her mouth a bit. Apparently, ginger pubes are as terrifying as everyone has always said.”
Markle married Prince Harry in a wedding ceremony last week that garnered millions of television views, and spawned countless absurd collectible items – from coins to cookies shaped like the couple to bikinis.
“Harry told her that he would shave, and stay shaved forever, but the damage was already done,” said the friend. “I don’t think there’s ever anyone who has come back after seeing ginger pubes. Not all the money, fame, and royalty in the world can save that marriage.”