Congress Approves Sugar Tax Bill; Cost Of Sugary Drinks And Foods Expected To Triple By 2016

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A bill that would tax granulated sugar and all sugary foods is expected to be signed by President Barack Obama next week, after The House gave final congressional approval on Wednesday to a bill that would tax sugar on a per-gram basis.

“Sugar abuse is linked to several health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and other various diseases. This tax on sugar would go straight into funding all medical research – not just those common ailments – but all medical research,” House speaker John Boehner said.

The sugar tax bill is expected to triple the cost of foods high in unnatural amounts of fructose such as carbonated beverages, candies, frozen novelties, and over 700 other foods and drinks.

“The proposed bill is a good thing. We expect it to cut back on the unnecessary consumption of all junk foods, therefore, gradually making Americans who abuse these foods and drinks healthier,” said Tom Harkin, the democratic senator from Iowa, who also serves as the chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Health Education, Labor & Pensions. “For those who are willing to pay the extra price, they will be helping the cause by funding research for a vast array of medical endeavors.”

While many agree this could be a good thing, it seems most Americans seem to be opposed to the tax. In a poll taken by Empire News, 1,500 citizens throughout the United States were asked the question, “Do you agree or disagree with the proposed “Sugar Tax” bill?” An overwhelming 67% said they disagree with the bill, 23% said they approved, while the remaining 10 % declared they were undecided on or unfamiliar with the matter.

In an interview with North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx, she said the stats that were compiled proved that the American people are unable to make reasonable decisions on their own that would benefit their overall health.

“It is incredibly alarming how American people have complete disregard for their health,” said Foxx. “Look, I love cherry pie, candy bars, and fruity mixed drinks as much as the next person, but I also know that abusing these things is really bad for me. So many things we do are horrible for our bodies. Take drinking, for example. Americans need to try drinking their booze straight more often. I have found that straight bourbon on ice is actually very refreshing, cut out the sugary, fruity crutches when you can. Drink it straight,” she said.

Mary Jane Jenkins of Noblesville, Indiana disagrees with the bill, saying it’s ‘the worst decision’ that the government has made in ages.

“Look, I’m a f—-ing American voter and taxpayer. I should be able to use my food stamp card on anything I want, but with this stupid ‘sugar tax’ there is no way I will be able to buy my kids a box of Snickers bars. They say the price will almost triple. That’s absurd. It was bad enough when New York was in the news over their soda tax a few years ago, but this is crossing a major line. What’s next? Are they gonna tax their damn video games, too? This is our lives. Let us live and die at our own damn pace, fulfilling our own damn desires,” said an infuriated Jenkins.

President Obama, as a vocal supporter of the bill, is expected to sign it into law next Thursday morning.

Obama To Sign Executive Order Changing U.S. Currency From Dollar To Euro

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Abe Abrams

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Obama is not done transforming America just yet, and according to insiders from the White House, his latest planned executive order will change the way every American does business. President Obama reportedly plans on changing the U.S. dollar to the euro, and the big change could come as early as next week – although the current dollar would still be accepted up until January 1st, so as to ‘not interfere with holiday shopping.’

“The euro is the second most traded currency in the world, and the U.S. dollar is number one. I made a promise to our European friends when I got elected to end American capitalism and control. The first step was to stop being the ‘world police’, and switching to the euro is the next step,” said Obama. “Once our switch is complete, it will lead the way to a true World Bank. Individual governments making decisions will be a thing of the past, one bank, one authority, making all the decisions for the world will become the norm. That is my personal goal. Then, once my presidency is over, I hope to be appointed leader of the World Bank I’ve helped to create, so I can finish what I started in building a better world in my vision.”

“Well I haven’t read the order yet, but the President hasn’t made a bad decision since he took office, so this is probably a great idea,” said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. “I’m sure the far right wackos will have a problem with the euro, but they have a problem with everything because they’re all racists. If the House and Senate would just do everything the President wanted without bitching, these executive orders wouldn’t be necessary. I’m personally glad that Barack is not letting the constitution get in his way of creating a better United States of America.”

Deaf, Mute Couple ‘Too Loud’ For Amtrak’s Quiet Car

Posted on August 13, 2014 by DvanL

WASHINGTON, DC –

Amtrak Conductor Charlene Roberts thought she was the victim of an insensitive prank when a commuter on the train’s popular Northeast Corridor route made an unexpected complaint.

Traveling from Washington to New York aboard Amtrak’s high speed Acela Express, attorney Bettina Corning complained to Roberts that the couple seated behind her on the train’s ‘Quiet Car’ were making too much noise. The couple seated behind Corning happened to be both mute and deaf.

“I’m a very busy attorney, and I had a lot of important briefs to compile for very important clients that I have,” explained Corning from her office in Midtown Manhattan.

‘Quiet’ cars on Amtrak trains were introduced over a decade ago at the request of customers wishing to commute without the usual distractions that accompany train travel – cell phone conversations topping the list. Growing popularity has led many regional and commuter rail lines to add quiet cars to their standard routes.

“The quiet car is there for a reason, and I shouldn’t have been inconvenienced,” said Corning. When informed that the couple she had complained about were deaf mutes, she replied, “That’s another issue and doesn’t have anything to do with what Amtrak offers and what I pay for. I lost valuable time and I consider the matter closed.”

“Many deaf people vocalize,” said Dr. Franklin McLogan, of New York’s Health Care Partnership for the Deaf. “It depends on the individual. If deafness has begun in childhood where speech is at an early or evolving stage, some vocalization based on that level of development may take place. These individuals though, also happened to be mute. So it’s really a wonder what kind of noise they could have been making on the Quiet Car that got another passenger so worked up.”

“Personally and professionally,” conductor Roberts recalled, “I thought it was wrong for her to ask me to move the couple, because they weren’t being loud in any way, shape, or form. I always check the volume level of my cars, and remind customers to speak with ‘library voices’ if I feel they are distracting others. Apparently the couple were signing to each other too loudly? I have no idea what Miss Corning’s problem was, except to say that it’s possible she’s just a heinous bitch. That, by the way, is my professional opinion of someone who works with the public on a daily basis, not that of the Amtrak company itself.”

The couple seated in back of Corning, Bill and Susan Welch, commented through an interpreter. “We didn’t know why the lady in front of us was upset. We were surprised when we found out it was because of us. The conductor was very polite and apologized, but she didn’t have to. It wasn’t necessary. We never had any problems traveling before. We’ll continue to ride quietly in the Amtrak Quiet Cars and hopefully other people just ignore us, just as we do them.”

All three customers were issued courtesy travel vouchers to be applied toward future trips.

Obama Drains Martha’s Vineyard Pond To Retrieve Commemorative Golf Ball

Posted on August 13, 2014 by DvanL

OAK BLUFFS, Massachusetts –

Day 5 of President Barack Obama’s annual vacation to the resort island community of Martha’s Vineyard was met with dismay and controversy, when a fresh-water pond was drained so that a commemorative golf ball could be retrieved.

During an early round of play at the exclusive Farm Neck Golf Club located in the town of Oak Bluffs, an unidentified member of the President’s entourage hit a ball into a pond facing the eastern edge of the course. The water hazard is located above a natural aquifer made up of sand and gravel, and serves as an essential ground water filter.

Cal Silva, Environmental Quality Officer for Dukes County remarked, “The natural purifying system provided by the aquifer is indispensable for proper environmental balance, not only for this locale, but also for the entire Island. We learned today that the pond was drained by executive order without our consent. A homeowner whose property abuts the golf course informed me when he noticed that dredging of the pond had started, and quite honestly, I was shocked. The health and well-being of local shellfish and wildlife may very well be severely compromised due to this,” added Silva.

Reaction spread quickly throughout this closely-knit community, made up of year-rounders, summer residents, and day-trippers. Cafe owner Suzanne North expressed a commonly shared opinion.

“This the kind of place where you leave things the way you found them, especially when it comes to nature. It’s unfathomable to me how this was allowed to happen, and all for a golf ball? This is one of the few places left where people can share something special. A lot of my regulars are very upset about it.”

Cafe patron Roland Sanders commented, “They [the President and his family] keep a pretty low profile around here normally, except for when they come in town to one of the restaurants. You wouldn’t hardly know they’re here until the whole Secret Service shows up and whatnot, so that’s pretty exciting because you know he’s close by. But this thing with the pond has made a lot of people a little uncomfortable now. It’s like they took charge all of a sudden and changed the way things work without first thinking about the Vineyard or asking anybody.”

Not everyone in the town was as upset at the situation as Sanders, though. Several avid golfers from the area say they completely understood losing a ball in that water trap.

“I’ve golfed at Farm Neck many, many times,” said resident Henry Bellows. “I’ve lost countless balls to that pond. If I had the power to have it drained to get them back, I would have. Now that it’s happened, though, I am tempted to sneak down there with a bucket and pick up some free balls.”

Quality officer Silva expressed optimism that the natural balance could be restored if enough rainfall replenishes the now drained wetland.

“Nature has a way of taking care of itself. Already there are a number of birds who are feeding at the marshland that was created by this event, so that’s a benefit in a strange way which we’ve not been able to observe before. I can only hope for the best, but my office will be meeting with the President’s staff and I’ve personally requested a meeting with the head of the EPA. She’s a New Englander, so I know she understands the island and how strongly we feel about this.”

According to reports, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Gina McCarthy, a Greater Boston area resident, would soon be traveling to the island, located 4 miles from the Massachusetts coastline. President Obama would not comment on the incident, but a representative from the White House said that the environment has always been important to the President and his family.

“This was a really important golf ball, though,” he added. “One of a kind. In case you are wondering, we were able to retrieve the ball after draining the pond, so it was not a total loss.”

Fake Wal-Mart Greeter Arrested For Soliciting Sex To Customers

Posted on August 12, 2014 by DvanL

NORMAN, Oklahoma –

One Walmart Supercenter in Norman, Oklahoma lists a pharmacy, grocery, garden department, tire & lube facility, and a photo center as part of its store services. A local sting operation revealed another, unauthorized service being offered — prostitution.

Posing as a store greeter, retired school counselor Marvin Reading, 67, of nearby Weatherford, was arrested last week and formally charged with “false representation, tresspassing, public lewdness, pandering, and commercial sex solicitation.”

“I came into the store,” said Dottie Forbes, regular customer at the supercenter, “and this man hands me a card and says ‘Welcome to Walmart.’ It was strange, because I thought Walmart got rid of all the greeters some time ago.”

The multinational retail chain, which has become synonymous with bargain prices, had in fact, ended its store greeter program in 2012.

“The card had his name and number on it,” recalled Forbes. “‘Turn the card over,’ he told me, and when I did, I saw all these things written down with numbers there on the back. I thought it was for the daily store specials and I said ‘thank you’ and didn’t think anything about it, so I put the card down in my bag because I had to get things for my grandson’s birthday. I had lots to do that day and was running late.”

It wasn’t until after the grandmother of 3 returned home, that she took a closer look at the card that Reading had given her. “It had all sorts of words there, things I’d never heard of before and didn’t know what they meant until I went on the Internet to look them up. I became disgusted!” Mrs. Forbes returned to the store and demanded to speak to the manager.

Supercenter manager Travis Andrews met with Forbes. “She was really upset and said she felt disgusted. I don’t blame her because some of the things [Reading] wrote down there were inappropriate for an older person. He had things there like “Cleveland Steamer” and “North Pole” written on the card, with a price list for each thing, and a room number and address to the motel where he was staying. I didn’t know what to do since I didn’t see him at the store, so I called the police,” Andrews recalled.

Plainclothes officer Marie Tilford made the arrest after Reading “greeted” her with another highly personalized card the following day. “I think he must have gotten wind of something, because that first day I showed up he didn’t come in. He was pretty bold, I’ll give him that much, because the next day he came back wearing a blue vest and sunglasses, and that’s when we got him.”

“I was desperate for some extra money,” said Reading. “I couldn’t get by on just my social security because of the economy and that’s the thing I decided to do. It worked once before when I was near a shopping mall in Oak City, so I thought out here would be safer. Not so many police and such, and lots of older ladies who might want some companionship.”

A statement released by Walmart regarding the incident read in part:

“Management was made aware of an event in which an individual unaffiliated with Walmart was arrested for illegal activities which go against the traditional values that Walmart represents. Walmart is fully cooperating with authorities.”

Reading was taken to a local prison where he awaits transfer to Parker County Jail.

11-Year-Old African-American Student Forced To Ride To School In The Back Of The Bus

Posted on August 12, 2014 by mike the inkman

WEST AKRON, Ohio –

The predominantly African-American community of West Akron is rife with discontent tonight after Jamal Johnson, a black student who attends a special summer-school program provided by the Akron school district, was forced to ride at the back of the bus for the entire forty-five minute ride. Shanteal Johnson, mother of Jamal, was understandably angry that her son was seated in the very rear of the bus, despite there being many other seats available.

“This is racism, plain and simple. They put my boy at the back of that bus, and there were all of them other seats available. They can say what they want, and they can spin it however, but this is a direct slap in the face of Rosa Parks, and an assault on African-Americans by the Akron School district,” said Johnson.

In response to the allegations of racism, Akron Public Schools has released an explanatory, yet scathing statement.

“While we do acknowledge that Jamal Johnson was seated at the back of the bus, we contest that the seating arrangements had anything to do with race. Yes, Jamal is African-American. He is also a paraplegic, and our handicapped accessible buses have a wheelchair lift at the rear entrance. The chair is lifted and rolled in through the rear door, where it is secured to the floor with a clamp system. So while he was seated at the back of the bus, the seating was simply due to the mechanical characteristics of the vehicle. Handicapped students of other races and heritages are seated in the same fashion. Any accusation of racism here is idiotic and patently ridiculous.”

The prepared statement was met with derision and incredulity by some Akronites who believe that the ramp story is just a convenient excuse, and Shanteal herself is undecided about whether or not to believe its contents.

“It all seems contrived to me, like maybe they knew when they designed these buses that there would be black handicapped students riding at the back of them someday. Maybe what they say is true, Lord knows I hope that it is; but for some reason, I feel that everyone is laughing at our expense. I guess I’ll take the statement at face value for now, but if I find out this has all been a big joke at the expense of the African-American people, there will be hell to pay.”

Throughout the awkward situation with its finger-pointing and flaring tempers, perhaps eleven year old Jamal has been the one to keep the coolest head.

“I like sitting at the back of the bus,” he said with a smile. “I don’t understand the problem. The back of the bus is where the cool kids sit anyway. It’s easier for me to talk to the other kids back there.”

Librarian Hospitalized After ‘Book Burning’ Incident Destroys Library

Posted on August 12, 2014 by DvanL

ZANESVILLE, Ohio –

Norma Garrison has been in charge of The Muskingum County Public Library in Zanesville, Ohio since 1974. “Education and culture are the most important gifts we can give our young people — within limits,” said Garrison from her hospital bed. The 62-year-old librarian is recovering from severe 3^rd degree burns suffered as the result of a fire authorities say she herself set in the library, trying to burn books she found unsuitable for public viewing.

“I’ve done this for years and nobody ever noticed ‘til now,” explained Garrison. “Used to be just a few I had to get rid of back when, but now with that Kenyan in office, telling us what to do and the way he’s turned the country radical — I can’t keep up.”

When asked who she was specifically referring to by “that Kenyan,” Garrison replied, “Don’t get cute. You know exactly who I’m talking about and I’m not afraid to say it — the President. And did you see where now his wife is forcing us to feed our children what she feeds her own? I don’t have children, but who does she think she is? Maybe it’s just fine for her kids to read that filth Fifty Shades of Grey, but it’s not okay for regular American kids who grow up around here. Someone has to speak for them.”

Fire Chief Robert Sutherland commented, “The entire back end of the building is gone. The alarms were disconnected so that explains why there was so much damage. We’re lucky no one was killed. The nursing home is right next door. I don’t know what Miss Garrison was thinking.”

Reaction from town residents is mixed. “There were rumors that Norma did this type of thing,” said local florist Sarah Donaldson. “We just joked about it ‘cause Norma is just so quiet and reserved.”

Resident Paul Fowler remarked, “Sometimes you would go in and look for a certain book and it wouldn’t be there. Norma would say she never heard of it, or that it was checked out and never brought back, or it got lost. Mind you, I’m not defending what she did, but I understand. She got real withdrawn after McCain lost. She changed. You could see it in her. She really liked that Sarah Palin and always had plenty of her books on display.”

“When I go back to work I guess I’ll have a lot of cleaning up to do,” remarked Garrison, seemingly unaware of the severity and consequences of her actions.

Garrison was charged with malicious damage to public property, and was removed from her position last week. She will be taken into custody after her release from Zanesville’s Genesis-Bethesda Hospital within the next few days.

Insurance investigators estimate damage to the library structure to be in the tens of thousands of dollars, not including the value of over 1,800 volumes of literature destroyed in the fire.

‘Anti-Vaxxers’ Jailed After Child Hospitalized With Whooping Cough

Posted on August 11, 2014 by mike the inkman

BALTIMORE, Maryland –

Anti-vaccination has become the latest trend embraced by the ‘natural parenting’ community. There are thousands of protests, Facebook groups, shared memes, and informative campaigns sweeping the nation. It is a movement spearheaded by parents who don’t trust medicine, and embrace natural living. Rachel and David Posey of Baltimore, Maryland, are one such couple, and this week they were arrested and charged with child endangerment after their child was hospitalized with whooping cough, which has a fifty percent mortality rate in infants.

Jenny McCarthy, one of the strongest proponents of the ‘anti-vaxx’ craze, was very vocal upon hearing about the arrest.

“This is criminal. They are forcing us to poison our children, and now they are arresting us if we have the wisdom to refuse. I may not be a doctor, but I know these vaccines cause all kinds of problems, and they aren’t even one hundred percent effective. Besides, most of these things we vaccinate against aren’t even around anymore. Why vaccinate against a disease that no one even gets?” said McCarthy.

antixvaxx — Adacel, one of several drugs on the market for vaccination against Pertussis, also known as ‘Whooping Cough.’

Anti-Vaxxers across the country are up in arms over the arrest, and are taking to the internet to voice their displeasure. There is even a petition for the Posey’s release on Change.org. Mary Ruiz, spokesperson for the Center for Disease Control and strong proponent for vaccinations, has addressed the mass outrage.

“With the vast amount of knowledge shared among the world’s population, it would be impossible for everyone to be well-versed on every topic. You don’t get on an airliner and decide that you can fly the plane better than the pilot, who has trained for thousands of hours. Why then is it the norm for people from all walks of life to decide that they are more knowledgeable about disease than an immunobiologist?” said Ruiz. “Not to take anything away from the average citizen, but if you received a “D” in physical science class, you are in no position to decide what compounds are unsafe for use in the human body. We had nearly stamped out a number of deadly diseases, and now, many of them are coming back in full force. Ten years ago, we were fighting the last vestiges of these diseases in third world countries. Now we are fighting them here. Children are dying, and we have these anti-vaccination parents to thank for it.”

Anti-Vaxx parents aren’t letting things like facts stand in their way, and a large contingent has taken up visage outside of the Baltimore County Courthouse to express their outrage. One protester summed up the movement quite nicely, saying that the arrest has made ‘legends’ of the Posey family.

“The Posey family are heroes. It is sad that their baby is sick, but what they are doing, fighting for our rights, it’s damn honorable. It will all be worth it in the end. Every struggle comes with a price, but soon, our unvaccinated children will be allowed equal rights under the law,” said Brent Pine, a father of 3 young, unvaccinated children.

The Baltimore County District Attorney has not been amused by the circus surrounding the case.

“These people are criminals. Good intentions aside, we feel that they are directly responsible for this child’s illness, and I assure you, if this baby dies as a result of this illness, the charges will be amended to negligent homicide,” said Baltimore District Attorney Melissa Brooks. “Regulations are in place for a reason, and contrary to some people’s beliefs, you should not be able to put your childs health at risk over an unsubstantiated rumor.”

The US Government allows a certain amount of leeway with regard to parents raising their children in a manner that they deem fit, but even religion sects that consider modern medicine to be unsafe, including members of the Christian group The Church of the First Born, have come under legal fire when neglecting proper medical care for their young children.

Several years ago, a 3-year-old girl died when her family refused to bring in her to the hospital for medical care for a treatable disease. The family attributed the sickness to ‘God’s Will,’ punishment for not attending church frequently enough. The parents let her die. They were later acquitted of charged of child abuse. Experts say that Anti-Vaxxers are slowly moving the way of a religious, or cult-like, behavior.

“These people need to understand that years of medical training and science goes into these vaccinations. We are not injecting people, children or adults, with ‘experimental’ drugs or something, all willy-nilly,” said Dr. George West, pediatric surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital. “Please, for the sake of your children, get them vaccinated. These diseases and illnesses are preventable, and they are dire. Whooping cough will kill your baby. For crying out loud, we’re seeing Measles making a comeback. We obliterated that disease almost 15 years ago. It’s coming back specifically because of these ignorant, uninformed families.”

The Poseys face one count each of child endangerment and neglect, and are scheduled for a hearing on September 2nd. A lawyer for the couple refused comment.

Affordable Care Act Requires Euthanasia For Sick Seniors

Posted on August 11, 2014 by mike the inkman

MIAMI, Florida –

Two years ago, Mildred Honeycutt, a senior and a resident of an assisted living community near Miami, Florida, was ecstatic about her new health coverage under the Affordable Care Act. Deemed ‘too affluent’ for Medicaid, she had found it impossible to get coverage due to her advanced age and several pre-existing medical conditions. Today she is singing a different tune.

“I went to see my doctor, because I’ve been tired all the time and I noticed I was bruising easily. They ran some tests, and it turns out I have leukemia. I asked the doctor what kind of treatment I would need, and he said that normally they would start chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants immediately. I asked him what he meant by ‘normally’, and he told me that those procedures for someone at my age aren’t covered. He said they are considered to be cost-prohibitive, meaning that the amount of time that they could extend my life was not deemed to be ‘worth the cost’.”

It gets worse. The approved treatment for someone in Mildred’s condition at her age is euthanasia. If she opts out of the approved treatment, meaning she will get to die naturally, the plan will not cover things like pain medication.

“It’s like they actually want to kill me. Either I let them do the same thing to me that they do to convicted murderers, or they’ll take my meds away and I’ll be in constant pain until I die naturally.”

An insurance underwriter from Blue Cross and Blue shield was willing to take a look at Mildred’s case on the condition of anonymity.

“It is pretty clear cut. They have all these financial de-escalators in place here, mostly buried in the fine print and shrouded in legalese. But, she is right. Her policy dictates that the only allowable treatment for her condition is euthanasia. If she refuses treatment, it will basically nullify her entire policy. She’ll wind up having to take Asprin for pain caused by her cancer, and she’ll have to pay for that out of pocket”

Mildred was understandably upset by the findings, and is unsure of what she is going to do. Even if she was to file a motion or suit, she would either be dead or too far gone to receive treatment before it ever got before a judge.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I know I’m going to die either way, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in agony. At the same time it seems wrong to just let them kill me like a feral dog. I am going to pray about it. It’s just not right,” said Mildred.

Whatever Mildred’s choice, she has a little over a week to decide. Her next appointment is coming up fast, and one way or another, it will be her last.

Man Arrested, Charged With Sexual Assault For Changing Daughter’s Diaper In Public

Posted on August 11, 2014 by A. Michael Smith

NEWARK, New Jersey –

A Newark man was arrested and charged with sexual assault of a minor for changing his 4-year-old daughter’s dirty diaper in a McDonald’s restaurant. Greg James, 29, was taken into police custody after an altercation with the store’s assistant manager, who found James openly changing his young daughter in the middle of the restaurant’s Play Place, triggered another customer to call 911.

“The two were in a booth in our Play Place area,” said restaurant assistant manager Jim Del. “The restaurant wasn’t very busy at the time, so they were alone in there. I went in to change the trash can liners, and Mr. James was yelling at his daughter for not letting him know she had to use the bathroom. He had her laying on the table, completely naked, and was cleaning her off using napkins and soda from his cup.”

Del reportedly asked James to take the girl into the bathrooms, where they had a changing area for small children.

“He told me to go f— myself, and he’d take care of it,” said Del. “He then yelled at his daughter because she was squirming, telling her to ‘stop f—– moving around’ while he finished changing her.”

Police responded to a call made by another patron of the McDonald’s, who reported seeing the father yelling at the young girl.

“I had just come into the McD’s with my 5-year-old son, and we had gotten our food and were walking into the play area,” said Martha Biggs, the patron who called the police. “And I see this man holding down a young, naked girl, a dirty poop-diaper sitting on the table next to his food, and he’s wiping her with napkins. The poor girl, she was crying. One of the employees was trying to get him to take his daughter into the bathroom, and he wouldn’t. I took my son out of the play area and immediately called the police.”

When officers arrived, James was readying to leave the restaurant, and they confronted him about the incident.

“Mr. James became belligerent, and tried taking a swing at one of the officers at the scene,” said Captain Aaron Silver of the Newark Police Department. “He claimed he had done nothing wrong and that we were ‘illegally detaining’ him. After several minutes, officers were able to forcibly arrest Mr. James and bring him in. His daughter was brought to the station as well and later picked up by her mother.”

James was arrested on one count of resisting arrest, and one count of sexual assault of a minor.

“Although normally one would think of sexual assault as a form of molestation or an actual sexual act, that is not all the falls under that definition when it comes to children,” said Captain Silver. “Because Mr. James had stripped his daughter in public, in full-view of any other patrons who walked in, including the woman who called us to inform of the incident, as well as her very young son, he is being charged with sexual assault, a crime he committed by openly disregarding the safety and privacy of his young daughter.”

James was released on $10,000 bail, and is due in court in September. He is restricted from unsupervised visits with his daughter until a verdict is made.