Reba McEntire To Headline ‘I Love Lucy’ Sitcom Reboot

Posted on August 29, 2014 by DvanL

NASHVILLE, Tennessee –

Country music singer, composer, and actress Reba McEntire has begun production on a remake of the landmark television comedy I Love Lucy. McEntire will portray “Lucy McEntire Ricardo,” country singing star and wife of “househusband” Benecio “Benny” Ricardo, played by Benecio Del Toro.

“This time, it’s gonna have a switch-up!” said McEntire. “The wife’s gonna be the star, and the husband’s gonna try and git in on the act!”

The 30-minute comedy, entitled Reba Loves Lucy, is slated for the “Lucy Slot,” named for the original time slot I Love Lucy occupied – Monday nights at 9 on CBS. Co-starring with McEntire and Del Toro will be Benedict Cumberbatch and Susan Sarandon as the couple’s landlords, Fred and Ethel Mertz. Peter Dinklage will portray the McEntire-Ricardo’s son, ‘Little Benny.’

“I just love that ol’ gal Lucy, with her zany git-ups and all them crazy schemes she’d plum wind up in,” said McEntire, from her home in Nashville. “I think it’s about time we re-did it fer today’s country music fans and fer the youngins!”

Industry insiders are baffled as to why a show so closely identified with comedy legend Lucille Ball would be remade, especially since the original sitcom, broadcast from 1951–1957, has never been off the air. Lucy reruns still maintain an American viewership estimated at 40 million.

“I done a Broadway musical, and I done my own show,” said McEntire, “but I wanted to do somethin’ that I’d git a challenge out of. My friends all say I’m a kooky, zany red-headed gal too, just like that ol’ Lucille Ball, so I called up my manager and said ‘Let’s get this buggy on the road, Slim!'”

Slim Williams, McEntire’s manager, held a series of meetings with television executives who green-lit the project. Williams unsuccessfully requested a meeting with Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz, Jr., Lucy and Desi’s children, before production began.

“Well, that didn’t go so good,” said Williams. “Lucie used some language not fit for a lady, and Desi Jr. hired a couple of tough guys to come on down here and put some hurtin’ on us. I was advised to lay low for a spell,” he said, in hushed tones.

It was later revealed that Arnaz, Jr. was sending a team of high-powered lawyers to try and halt production of the proposed series.

Nevertheless, pre-production began last month, and the first two episodes have been completed.

“The hardest part has been gittin’ all them scrinched up faces right, like Lucy did all the time,” admits McEntire. “I been studyin’ the old show, walkin’ ‘round with all these goofy looks on my face, swingin’ my arms to and fro like a circus monkey – folks round here think I’m havin’ a spell or goin’ crazier than a outhouse rat! But I been practicin’ hard! Lucy never did cut no corners, and dad-gummit, I won’t neither!”

Sean Carey, president of the International I Love Lucy Fan Club had this to say via Facebook:

This is a disgrace. I’m sure that Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz are turning over in their graves, and if I were dead I would be doing the same thing, because honestly I wanted to be dead when I heard about this. I urge everyone to sign a petition I have started called ‘Rebuff The Reba Reboot’ before it’s too late.

I have smashed all my Reba McEntire CDs, which is hard to do since they are made of an advanced plastic material, but I was so mad I smashed them anyway with my bear (sic) hands.

McEntire is aware of the severe backlash the show has created.

“Yeah, I heard tell ‘bout some folks grumblin’ and getting’ their blood all angried up, but I say, give it a chance! Lucy always took a chance, like that one time she set her nose afire, so I’m gonna take a risk too, dagnabbit! And I get to sing!”

“I want to cancel this thing before it even starts,” said fan club president Carey, “so I’m calling the Neilsen ratings people to see if they can help me.”

Carey’s Rebuff The Reba Reboot boycott has gathered nearly 2 million online signatures.

Currently, there are no plans to halt production of Reba Loves Lucy.

Priest Accused of Molestation; Upset He Confused Tomboy For Actual Boy

Posted on August 29, 2014 by DvanL

ATLANTA, Georgia –

The Roman Catholic Church sex abuse scandal added another dark chapter to its history, months after Pope Francis reaffirmed his commitment to expose and root out predatory priests from within the Church.

This latest alleged incident involves Father Francis X. O’Toole, of the Archdiocese of Atlanta. O’Toole was placed under arrest after a guardian of the alleged victim notified authorities that an act of inappropriate touching had taken place.

Hank Sheffield, feature reporter for Atlanta’s WSB-TV, obtained raw footage of O’Toole’s transfer from a police holding cell to an awaiting Atlanta Department of Corrections van. “I yelled over and asked if he had any remorse for the victim or anything he’d like to say to her. He looked surprised and said ‘What? Her? You said her. It was a girl?’ He looked at me like I had two heads!”

Sheffield later obtained an exclusive prison interview with O’Toole, in exchange for the priest’s cooperation with authorities in providing details of other alleged acts of abuse.

“I feel awful,” said O’Toole. “I don’t know how I could have done this. I don’t mean the touching — I’ve been doing that for years. I’m sick in the head, for Christ’s sake! What I mean is I touched a girl – er, allegedly touched I mean. I can’t believe it. I’m out of control. I need to be sent away somewhere, to a place where I can’t even touch myself,” he acknowledged.

“When I told him that a crime against a child is a crime no matter who or what the sex of the victim is,” said Sheffield, “he basically got what I was saying, but he still seemed upset about mistaking the girl for a boy, and not about committing this awful crime on a kid. My crew and I were pretty much sick to our stomachs when the interview was over.”

The personable reporter has been a familiar presence to Atlanta area viewers for the past 2 decades. In more than 25 years, he’s never reported on a story like this.

“When I started out, the most controversial thing I covered was when the Berlin Wall opened up. I hate to sound like that old guy on his front porch, but this world has changed a lot. I had a talk with our news director about whether we should run this segment at all,” said Shefield, “but we decided it was better to expose the crime here, rather than keep it hidden.”

Bankruptcy Filings Soar As Street Dealers Cope With Marijuana Legalization Laws

Posted on August 28, 2014 by DvanL

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Twenty-one states and the District of Columbia have legislation regarding marijuana legalization in active committee. What may be a boon for increased state tax revenue and for sellers of home gardening supplies, is apparently tipping the scales in the other direction for local independent street dealers, many of whom are feeling the pinch.

“All of our new bankruptcy clients now are walking in off the street, wanting to file,” says Lance Powell, financial advisor and bankruptcy attorney. “When we ask what they did for a living, more and more say ‘I was a dealer’ or ‘I sold weed on the corner.’ It’s crazy. It’s good for my business, but it means it’s bad for somebody else’s,” he added.

“Used to be I could just stick my big toe out the window, and customers came ‘round,” said struggling dealer known locally as ‘Freeman the Treeman.’ Now, I can’t get arrested! It’s a damn shame,” he said.

Local bottle and can collector Lee Fan, known for her shopping carts towering with impossibly balanced plastic bags filled with returnable water bottles, soda and beer cans, is also suffering. “Everybody picks up bottles now, not good for me, not good for my income. Dealers can’t sell street marijuana so much, so now they pick up bottles. Free money. Streets are much cleaner, but now I take a big loss,” she said, guiding her now half-empty carriages in a sad trail down the street.

Effects are also felt below city sidewalks and penetrate far down into local subway systems. Rider Mabel Watson, standing beside her Lower Manhattan Seventh Avenue subway entrance, had this to say: “With all these laws getting more and more relaxed, street people have to change jobs. Me, I got glaucoma in my eye, but now I got a voucher to go to the drugstore to get mine instead of all this street mess.”

“So,” continued Watson, “I see my local man, ‘PuffPuff’ down in the train the other day sellin’ candy like the kids do to raise money. Probably the first real job he ever had, but anyway he comes up to me and says, ‘where you been Mabel?’ and I tell him I don’t need him no more. He gets all in my face, tells me ‘Buy some of my candy then! It’s only a dollar, bitch! I mean, ma’am,’ — like that’s gonna make it all right! I bought 2 peanut M&Ms and some DOTS just to get that fool out my face!”

“It’s incredible how many things are affected,” said Powell, as he processed another bankruptcy claim for a new client, nicknamed Mr. Kush. See that guy leaving right now? He used to own this neighborhood. Cars, fancy clothes, everything. Now he comes in here almost broke. Never thought I’d see the day when all this would change so fast. I’m swamped,” said Powell, eyes bloodshot and glassy. “It’s from all this extra work and no sleep, honest,” he added, as he returned to a growing stack of new claim forms.

Fran Drescher-Narrated Audiobook Banned by National Association of the Deaf

Posted on August 26, 2014 by DvanL

HOLLYWOOD, California –

It is not “the best of times” for comedic actress and TV star Fran Drescher, most famous for her role as ‘Fran Fine,’ on CBS’ The Nanny, which ran on CBS from 1993–1999.

The distinctively nasally voiced Drescher decided to self-produce and narrate an audiobook version of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities, after being turned down by major producers and effectively blacklisted by SAG-AFTRA, The Screen Actors Guild‐American Federation of Television and Radio Artists.

“I wanted to branch out,” said 56-year-old Drescher from her Hollywood Hills home. “I’ve done comedy, I’ve done Broadway, I’ve done movies, and so one day I was joking around and I said to my producing partner ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if I narrated a book?’ HAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa. Then I started thinking about it and really decided to do it. Crazy right? HAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa,” she said.

Christopher Wagner, President of the National Association of the Deaf, led the movement for a nationwide ban on the audiobook. “Approximately .4 percent of the United States population is functionally deaf. That’s roughly 1 million people. For God’s sake, isn’t that enough?” Wagner asked.

A petition, largely driven by social media, gathered over 6,000,000 electronic signatures in support of the ban within the first hour of its online launch. “Our mailbox got flooded,” said Wagner, “and our server crashed. I was afraid we’d never get our website up and running again.”

“It made me really sad because it was my favorite book growing up. WAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa,” said Drescher, after hearing about the ban. “People wouldn’t necessarily think of me as a bookworm, but I really am. HAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa,” added Drescher. “I love to read out loud. I can do other voices besides ‘Fran Fine.’ She was a character, not a real person. I have people who’ve lived around me for years who haven’t gone deaf. I can prove it.”

Early on in the project, Drescher contacted Audiobooks International Executive Vice President, Joseph Widden. “I thought I was being punked,” he said. “It sounded like Fran Drescher on the phone, but I have a lot of friends who do voices. That’s what I do. I get to know people who do voices. Then they do audiobooks. I thought it was a joke. I hung up the phone. She called again. I hung up again. This went on for an hour. She finally stopped. The tape came out. She did it herself. Chris Wagner called. He got me on board. That’s what I do. I get on board. I got on board. I made some calls. That’s what I do. I called some people. They owed me favors. That’s what I do. I call things in. I called things in. We got the ban. So here we are.”

“He wouldn’t take my call,” said Drescher. “So I did it myself. Now I got a garage full of CDs. What am I going to do, drive around the country putting up a card table? What can I say? You gotta have a sense of humor about this business. HAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

Drescher says that she may donate the audiobooks to schools in developing countries, where it’s possible they aren’t familiar with her voice.

Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga Announce Music Collaboration, Wedding Plans

Posted on August 25, 2014 by DvanL

NEW YORK, New York –

Legendary crooner Tony Bennett and pop sensation Lady Gaga shocked fans and industry types alike when they announced their engagement during a press conference promoting their upcoming album of jazz duets.

“She makes me feel so young!” gushed Bennett, 87. Gaga, 28, appeared smitten during the press conference and said “Tony has been the biggest surprise in my life so far. And by biggest – well, I think you know what I mean.”

Both artists expressed genuine surprise that their mutual admiration grew into something more profound. The two began collaborating on the new project earlier this year, and are currently taping an upcoming television concert special which will coincide with a fall wedding.

“One afternoon we were sitting in the studio listening to a playback,” remarked Gaga, “and out of the blue, Tony turned to me and asked if I’d like to go for an early bird special at one of his favorite restaurants, or “joints,” as he put it. From then on, things just blossomed.”

“That’s how it was, yes siree, that’s just how it was,” remarked Bennett, smiling and tapping his foot for emphasis. “She’s quite a gal, yes siree, that’s what she is all right, quite a gal. It’s like Bogie and Bacall all over again, and I was friends with both of those two. Yes siree, that’s how it was.”

“That’s what it’s really all about, I mean the things we have in common. I love Bogart and Bacall movies, too,” said Gaga. “That’s just one example of things we share together. There are so many other things too, and it just seems like this amazing thing was written in the stars for both of us.”

“Hey!” interjected Bennett, “We should sing that song on our new album, due out in the fall – Written In The Stars, an old Harold Arlen tune that I enjoy and I hope you’ll enjoy too!” Bennett tapped his foot for emphasis.

I think the old standards are the best,” added Gaga, “but don’t worry — I’m not getting too far away from my current roots that my Little Monsters have come to know me for!”

“I thought you told me you didn’t have any kids!” joked Bennett, sending the room of assembled journalists into hearty laughter.

“That’s another thing,” said Gaga. “His sense of humor is so, so unpredictable!”

When pressed for details about dates and details for the upcoming wedding, Bennett remarked “Hold your horses, kids, this crazy scene is all new to us. Yes siree, that’s what it is all right, crazy scene. All new.”

The couple waved good-bye and walked hand-in-hand to attend an awaiting reception in their honor, hosted by television and recording executives.

Bogus Psychic ‘Knew All Along’ He Would Be Outed, Jailed

Posted on August 24, 2014 by DvanL

WAUSEON, Ohio –

Trent Mattias, self-proclaimed psychic, investment advisor, and spiritual healer, was sentenced to a 7 to 15 year prison term yesterday, after being found guilty of fraud, misrepresentation and multiple counts of tax evasion.

“I knew all along this was going to happen someday,” said Mattias. “It was only a matter of time before what I always knew was going to happen, really happened.”

Mattias’ admission came after an almost 20-year career marked by false identities, several failed business ventures, and a string of highly questionable investment schemes. “Things were going good for while,” said Mattias. “I had a great life and all the things that went with it. I don’t know, but I guess now I know what I should have known. It just couldn’t last as long as I thought I knew it could.”

During an interview from his Fulton County holding cell, Mattias revealed that several of his friends eventually became aware of his illegal activities. “I told them I already knew what they were gonna say and that they were right, but I was so far into it, I couldn’t get out. I knew that. Times like these, you find out the difference between your real friends, and the friends you thought you knew were your real friends.”

One of Mattias’ former clients, who requested anonymity, contacted authorities after the mock psychic swindled him out $16,000. “That was my nest-egg and my whole life savings. It was a terrible thing that happened to me. He’s a real smooth talker,” the victim continued, “and I figured he was on the level. All of a sudden he started coming up with excuses about where all my money was, and all the big cash he always said was just around the corner never showed up for me.”

During the sentencing hearing, Mattias appeared remorseful as he addressed several of his victims who were in attendance. “I just want to say to everybody who came to me for advice, I let you down. Take my advice and always trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If I knew then what I know now, things would be a lot different and we probably wouldn’t be here today. Looking back, I know that now and I apologize.”

As he was led from the courtroom, Mattias remarked, “Like that song goes, “Que sera, sera — whatever will be, will be.”

Mattias’ will be eligible for parole at a future date not yet set by officials.

Classic TV’s ‘Batman’ Costume Destroyed By Moths

Posted on August 23, 2014 by DvanL

FRESNO, California –

According to Neilsen Media Research, some of today’s highest rated programs are broadcast on the top 3 “throwback” networks: Antenna TV, Cozi TV, and MeTV, acronym for Memorable Entertainment Television.

Memorabilia from favorite shows, including props and costumes used or worn by familiar characters can bring thousands of fans to TV nostalgia conventions.

One of the most instantly recognizable outfits is the famous “bat suit,” worn by Adam West, TV’s ‘Batman.’ Based on the famous comic strip, the television series ran from 1966–1968. The “caped crusader” donned the purple top and tights, black cowl, cape and boots during the show’s 120-episode run.

Batman’s clever “bat” devices made him indestructible against Gotham City’s villains and villainesses, but sadly, his famous get-up was not so well protected. The well-known bat suit has fallen victim to perhaps the most evil villain of them all – Mother Nature.

Moth and vermin infestation has tragically destroyed Batman’s famous suit. The heartbreaking discovery was made public just weeks before the 30^th annual Convention of Television Yesteryears, to be held in Frensno, California.

“That was the biggest draw we had by far,” said convention coordinator Mark Delaney. “We were keeping it a big surprise until the last minute. We were going to do a big reveal with special guest stars Adam West and Burt Ward doing the unveiling. We were so excited, we rented the motel suites and everything, but now I just want to crawl in a hole and drop dead,” added Delaney.

A representative from the cold-storage facility protecting the Batman costume, among others, provided the following statement:

Unfortunately, due to a massive power failure affecting the surrounding business district, a compromise in quality was encountered which resulted in damage and loss to some of the inventory housed and protected within our facility. Insurance investigators are conducting an assessment so that clients will be fully compensated for damages and loss.

“They say they can fully compensate us,” said Delaney, “but what’s the value on something that millions of people love and remember? It’s like a part of my childhood and the childhoods of millions of fans all over the world has been burned to ashes and then flushed down the toilet, or in this case destroyed by moths, and then burned to ashes and then flushed down the toilet! How much value can be placed on that?” he asked.

Insurance investigator Yvonne Meredith commented on the progress of the investigation.

“Well, from what I’ve been able to see, it’s pretty bad. When the power went out, the magnetic locks on the climate-controlled vaults failed. All kinds of things were able to get inside there. The Batman costume was chewed through with holes. They must have been super-moths to do that sort of damage, or maybe some other kind of insect or rodent. I saw a hat once worn by Lorne Greene from Bonanza with mice making a nest out of it, and some feral cats had scratched up Robert Conrad’s pants from Wild, Wild West. That’s a real tragedy,” she added, shaking her head.

As for the convention, “The show must go on,” said Delaney, trying to sound cheerful as he tacked bunting onto a display booth. “This one thing shouldn’t ruin the entire event. A lot of people look forward to this convention every year. It’s like a family. I can’t let them down just because I want to crawl in a hole and drop dead. I’m going to keep my chin up for the fans.”

Grocery Store Produce Manager Purposely Bruises Fruits, Vegetables To Get Discount

Posted on August 22, 2014 by DvanL

NAPERVILLE, Illinois –

Security cameras positioned throughout the aisles of a local Jewel-Osco supermarket recently recorded shocking and disturbing acts of abuse.

This kind of news would prove devastating for any business, especially if that business was located in a city ranked by Money Magazine as one of the top 5 places to live in the U.S. — a reputation Naperville, IL proudly boasts.

Although the victims were defenseless, no one is rushing to notify the authorities. The only government officials who might express concern would be employees of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The vulnerable targets here were pinched fruits and bruised vegetables — some scarred for life. Shelf life, that is.

Thomas Michaels, 54, produce manager at the Jewel-Osco supermarket, was fired from the position he held for the past 37 years. “It was my first job when I was still in high school,” said Michaels. “I’ve been there longer than anyone else. I feel so ashamed.”

Michaels had been creating his own discounts by damaging fruits and vegetables that came into his store, then buying them at reduced prices. “I liked to get the organics but I didn’t start off that way. They’re more expensive,” he explained. “The pesticides in normal foods scared me and my customers all say they aren’t good for the planet. I guess in a way I wanted to do my part for the environment. But it was the wrong way. I spoiled everything.”

Michaels’ life of crime began about 8 years ago, according to his estimate. “First I would cut a few potatoes just out of the crate. Then I gave a cantaloupe a poke. I guess things got serious when I started punching avocados around 2008. The first time I put my fist through a honeydew, I felt a rush that went up into my head and then I couldn’t stop. My doctor called it a dopamine rush and I told him I felt like a real dope for doing those things and he laughed, but then he said it was really serious. I could tell he thought it was funny because all of a sudden he said he had to go tell the receptionist something important. Then I heard her laugh.”

Supermarket Manager Corey Kirkland began to notice a pattern. “Tommy was the last person you would ever think of doing anything wrong, but he broke store policy and I had to let him go. He racked up a lot of store discounts. One day he had a bandage wrapped around his knuckles, and I should have put 2 and 2 together — our pineapples were flying off the shelves like crazy that week.”

“I overdid it,” admitted Michaels. “One bag full of stuff isn’t going to seem like too much. That’s when we had paper bags, but we switched to plastic. My organic customers got really mad when that happened, so they started to bring in cloth bags.”

“I really hope I can be rehabilitated, says Michaels. “If I can be, then I want to ask for my job back. I really want to because now I have to do Meals-On-Wheels since they put a restraining order on me.”

Kirkland, when asked whether he would hire Michaels again said, “It’s not up to me, but he’s a nice guy and I’d put in a good word for him. I’d have to check all that legal stuff out with our regional manager anyway.”

Crazy DNA Test Results Reveal Maury Povich Is The Father Of His Adopted Son

Posted on August 21, 2014 by DvanL

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Since 1991, daytime talk show host Maury Povich has shocked hundreds of young men and changed the lives of an equal number of young women by revealing DNA paternity test results on The Maury Povich Show, later renamed Maury.

Povich’s dramatic declaration of You are NOT the father! is typically followed by exuberant dancing and somersaults from recently ruled-out fathers, to humiliated screams of desperate, truth-seeking mothers who run offstage, often followed by cameras recording every anguished scream and tear.

During a show taping last week, the tables were turned on Povich himself, when he volunteered to undergo a DNA test after being issued a challenge from an angry viewer.

In an email laced with obscenities, ‘professional blogger’ Mark Satterfield accused the show of staging its paternity show results. “I emailed them and said I know for a fact that you ass—– fake all those shows just to get the ratings. All there [sic] shows are crap and so then I said listen up you motherf——, I’m going public with what I know. I said I dare you to print this, and then that ass—- Maury Povich emailed me in person to invite me to be on the f—— show.”

“I believe in the integrity of the Maury show, so what better way to put my credibility and professional honor on the line?” asked Povich. “I personally invited Mr. Satterfield to be a part of the studio audience, and I wanted him to read the test results himself. I asked my adopted son if he would volunteer a sample of his DNA, which he agreed to do. “It was a hole-in-one,” remarked Povich, an avid golfer.

The day of the taping arrived. The audience was told why Povich was seated on the guest’s couch rather than in the host’s chair. Taping began. Satterfield was handed the now familiar manila envelope. He opened it and announced to Povich and the audience: “In the case of your adopted son, … Maury, … You … ARE the father!”

The studio audience erupted in wild screams and chants of “Aw, Snap!” “Damn Mo Po!” “What the F—?” “For real?” and “Wait…what?” Several audience members, including Povich’s wife, journalist and former CBS News co-host Connie Chung, remained frozen in their seats — too stunned to react.

“I was like, ‘well this s— has gotta be fake, too,’” said Satterfield. “I know for a fact that your adopted son can’t turn out to be your natural son, because he’s adopted! Heck, I’m adopted, and my adopted father was more of a real father to me than my natural father, that rat b—— who I never even met once!” he explained.

“But then,” continued Satterfield, “I saw the audience screaming and pointing at Maury and jumping up and down, so it hit me me what was going on, so I said ‘Oh, s***! I threw the envelope down and did my own f****** dance.”

Povich ran off the stage covering his mouth and threatening his camera crew. “Do NOT follow me backstage, do you understand? DO NOT follow me with that damn camera!” he demanded.

Several television show hosts were quick to offer reaction to the news, which sent ripples throughout the television hosting community.

“The test result was the most shocking event that I’ve ever witnessed in the history of my entire journey,” commented Oprah Winfrey, from her OWN Studio Headquarters. “My best friend Gayle and I were watching the show, and Steadman too, and the DNA result was even more shocking and unbelievable than what I used to do on my show back in the day! It was shocking! We were shocked! So was Steadman. He was there!”

Judith Sheindlin, outspoken host of the nationally syndicated program Judge Judy remarked, “That’s outrageous! Case dismissed!”

Povich initially said he had no explanation for the 99.99 per cent probability that he and his son were directly related, but later, when interviewed for a segment yet to be aired, Povich admitted that he donated sperm several years ago when he needed quick cash during a ratings slump.

“This revelation has strengthened the relationship between my son and me, which has always been strong,” said Povich. “I’ve said from the moment [Connie and] I saw him, that he’s always felt like my own son, and as it turns out, he is.” When asked if he was aware of any other children he has fathered, Povich chuckled, “Not as far as I know, but maybe we’ll find out a different truth on a future episode.”

Povich announced he would devote the next several shows to determining the identity of the mother.

Calls to Connie Chung were not immediately answered.

Drop In Blood Donations Means Higher Prices For Plasma TVs

Posted on August 21, 2014 by DvanL

PALO ALTO, California –

The American Red Cross issued an urgent nationwide appeal for blood donations as regional supply centers reported lower than average levels of immediately available blood reserves.

Plasma, blood’s liquid component, is essential for transporting red blood cells (erythrocytes), white blood cells (leukocytes), and platelets, which help to stop bleeding during traumatic physical injury.

The nation’s technological sector also requires a continual supply of plasma. Demand has steadily increased since the introduction of the first flat-screen plasma displays in 2006 and, as with any industry faced with a shortage of materials, the result is higher prices passed along to the consumer.

“Consumers are going to take a hit,” said Walter Britton, media analyst and marketing director. “It’s the domino effect – one puzzle piece influences the entire picture. Shoppers are going to end up with a lot of bruised wallets and pocketbooks,” he added.

Trudy Belmont, regional director of the Denver Colorado Red Cross, is confident that the public will favorably respond to the plea for increased donations. “Americans always come through. I have no doubt our regional and national supply levels will return to normal, just as they have in the past. Soon there will be enough blood everywhere,” she added.

Major electronics manufacturers, including LG, Samsung, Pioneer and NEC, have formed a partnership with the American Red Cross to urge the public to participate in nationwide blood drives.

“Give Blood – That’s The Resolution!” is the new rallying cry and national slogan developed by analyst Britton and his creative team. Public service announcements have been produced for wide distribution across several media platforms.

“The sooner we get enough blood,” said Britton, “the faster we can maintain the fair market prices that consumers demand, while providing hospital patients and victims of traumatic injury the life-giving fluid they have come to depend on. Let’s get flowing!” he enthusiastically chanted, pumping his fist in the air.

Formerly, a 2- to 3-day reserve supply of blood products was necessary to meet demands imposed by hospitals, emergency medical centers and electronics manufacturers. The Red Cross now aims to increase that reserve to 5 days.