‘World’s Sexiest’ OBGYN Has 15-Month Long Waiting List For Patients

Posted on February 14, 2015 by ZGHarris

BRIDGEPORT, Connecticut –

When Richard Greer played Dr. Sullivan Travis in the movie “Dr T. and his Women” most of American begrudgingly played along with the premise of a devastatingly handsome OBGYN with intelligence and wit. In Bridgeport, Connecticut, however, that premise has become all too real for one female health specialist.

Richard Mendleson, MD has seen a steady incline in his clientele over the last four years since graduating from medical school. And it is not hard to figure out why when one catches a glimpse of the Doctor either in or out of the office. He is, to put it frankly, a perfect mix of masculine strength and soft features to make a majority of women swoon with his very presence.

The force of the doctor’s good looks has now caused a logistical problem at his practice, where a 456 day waiting list has built up. His secretary, Madeline Whistleton, is often frantically working to keep up with keeping patients in line and waiting.

“I deal with a long list of insane actions,” said Whistleton. “I have women pretending to be other patients. Girls sneaking through the back. I’ve had men come in dressed as their wives just to see the doctor.”

To Mendleson, this is nothing new, and something he has come to expect and accept.

“It is something I have dealt with ever since graduate school during my internships,” said Mendelson. During the conversation, the doctor’s phone continued to ring, while live emails piled up at an alarming rate.

“It can sometimes get in the way of my practice. My top concern is the care of the local women in the area. But I have started to receive so many requests for high-paying offers from women coming in across state lines, you have to try to accommodate as many as possible, without sacrificing the care of those in your county.”

When reached for comment more than half of the patients responded with a flurry of semi-intelligible gushing reviews mixed with guttural groans. The other half refused to comment and asked their identities not be given, as they did not wish their husbands to know that they were seeing Dr. Mendelson.

Bill Cosby Confesses: ‘I Was Abused As A Child By Buckwheat’

Posted on December 29, 2014 by Abe Abrams

HOLLYWOOD, California –

In a shocking confession, Bill Cosby admitted that he was abused by Our Gang childhood actor William ‘Buckwheat’ Thomas. Cosby says he blames his own misconduct on the abuse he himself faced.

“Buckwheat was my idol, I watched Our Gang all the time. I just thought he was so funny,” said Cosby. “When I was 7 I finally got my chance to meet him, when my parents took me to the studio where they filmed a lot of the shows. He was my idol, he was a groundbreaking actor for my generation. I don’t want to go into exact details because it’s upsetting, but I will tell you some of the parts I remember. I think this may explain the demons that plague me still.”

Cosby said that although he has blocked out a lot of the traumatic memories, he feels that now is the time to share what he can recall, in hopes that people will get a better understanding of his own life.

“Buckwheat invited me to go back to his house and play, and my parents let me go. I was so excited! I was young, and Buckwheat told me that he could talk to producers, maybe get me on the show. It was amazing! I didn’t know any better. I remember Buckwheat giving me a glass of Coca-Cola, and I started feeling woozy. Then he was whispering to me as I fell asleep, and he was saying,’ It’s Otay, it’s Otay lil’ Bill.’ A couple hours later I woke up, and my underwear was on backwards. That’s all I remember. I think that explains a lot and you see, I’m a victim too. So can we please just forget about all this ugliness and move on with our lives, now? A life without lawsuits and possible criminal charges?”

“That’s bullshit,” said Buckwheat’s daughter Mary Thomas. “How dare Bill Cosby try to ruin my Father’s memory?! My father was a great man, and Bill is just trying to deflect his rape problems onto my father. He’s obviously a liar, as he’s denied every allegation against him. One person, sure, maybe she’s a fame-seeker. When, like, 40 women come forward…ugh. I know I shouldn’t get upset, my Father was a peaceful man and a forgiving man, I’m sure if he was alive today he would tell me ‘It’s Otay Mary, it’s Otay. Cosby is just a little bitch.'”

Entire Company Faces Sexual Assault Charges After Employee Tries To Kiss Woman Under Mistletoe

Posted on December 22, 2014 by JP

AURORA, Colorado –

Garry Thompson, 27, is facing sexual assault charges after a company Christmas party went quickly downhill.

According to police reports, Thomson, who
had ‘a few drinks’ while celebrating with co-workers from Harrison Construction and Lumber, was encouraged to kiss a female co-worker who had been standing underneath a mistletoe. When Thompson went up to her, he leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek, and was immediately punched in the face and pepper sprayed.

His co-workers, and even boss and owner, Joel Harrison, who all laughed at the incident as it happened, assumed that it would be he end of the ordeal. But now, Thompson, Harrison, and every other male co-worker is facing serious charges, with Thompson himself facing possible rape charges.

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, and have never heard of the tradition of the misletoe, but either way there is no excuse for this type of behavior,” said Marissa Jones, the woman bringing suit against her now-former employer. “[Thompson] came up to me, and he was definitely drunk. I could see it in his eyes that he was totally trying to have sex with me. Before he could put his gross lips on my beautiful, womanly cheek, I punched him in the face, and then pepper sprayed him until he couldn’t stand up. I find it disgusting that men think they can kiss whomever they want during this time of year just because a person happens to be standing under a plant.”

Thompson claimed that the issue is being blown out of portion, and feels he did nothing wrong at all, as it was meant to be a simple gesture of caring and admiration, and that people have been doing it for eons.

“Obviously, I made a mistake in trying to kiss such a femi-nazi bitch,” said Thompson from his jail cell in Aurora. “Can you believe that now she’s trying to say I was a rapist? Plus, she’s suing the company for allowing this ‘sexual harassment’ to happen during a business function, and she’s trying to say that any man who laughed when it happened is an accomplice to rape! RAPE?! There were women laughing, too – I don’t see any of them getting labeled as rapists and hit with huge lawsuits. I swear, that is the last time I try to kiss anyone, ever.”

In light of the situation, Harrison has said that he will give Thompson the holiday off, “with pay,” to try to retain a lawyer.

NBA, WNBA Begin Negotiations To Combine Into One League

Posted on December 14, 2014 by JP

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

A huge announcement was made this morning by Adam Silver, president of the National Basketball Association, and it means things as we know it in the world of sports will definitely be changing. According to Silver, as soon as next year, the NBA and WNBA will be merged into one league, tentatively called the CENBA, or the Co-Ed National Basketball Association.

The combined league idea came about after decades of the WNBA pulling in terrible viewership numbers, and investors in the league say they thought it was time to move away from the all-female basketball teams, and see if the professional ladies could take on the professional men.

As it turns out, the ladies certainly can hold their own. In several private scrimmage matches held during off-days, a few female pros made some NBA stars look like rookies.

“My team is struggling badly, as are all WNBA teams, and this can be a huge change for teams all over the league,” said Tom O’Neil, owner of the WNBA team the Houston Hairylegs. “So many NBA teams have tons of overpaid all-stars on their team, because the NBA has all the money. I see a lot of talent in these WNBA players, and combining leagues, the women can finally make the money they deserve, which is about 60 cents on every dollar that the men make.”

“I formed a committee of owners, and told them the pros of this merger. Several months ago, we came to this decision, and have been waiting for the perfect time to announce it,” said Doug Reemer, owner of WNBA team the Pittsburgh Pussies. “And finally, after a few months, we made the deal with the NBA. With so many new players coming in, a lot of people will be cut, but I’m telling you – these ladies have a lot of balls going up against the men of the NBA. I really, really envy their balls.”

The CENBA is set to be launched by the 2015 basketball season, and insider reports already are talking numbers and money. Most sports professionals say that a merger could bring in almost double the revenue that the NBA brought in during the 2014 season. That would be equivalent to approximately 36 times the revenue brought in by the WNBA over the last 5 seasons.

Victoria’s Secret To Stop Selling Plus-Sized Lingerie

Posted on December 12, 2014 by Abe Abrams

COLUMBUS, Ohio –

While many clothing companies are catering to plus size women with special clothing lines and models, Victoria’s Secret announced today that they would be completely doing away with their plus-sized line and catalog. In a bold move that is sure to create controversy, the company has said that they no longer wish to cater to women who don’t fit ‘their image’ of the human body.

“Victoria’s Secret is all about beauty and grace,” said CEO Lori Greene. “Our clothes and lingerie are about feeling good and being sexy. Personally, I work hard at keeping in shape, and seeing large women and plus-size models in our clothes disgusts me. I can’t even imagine how men must feel. It’s a well-known fact that our annual catalog goes out mostly to men, and is a bigger drawn than even Playboy, except no one has to say they’re only ‘reading the articles’ with our magazine. Victoria’s Secret is all about sex appeal, and if large women want lingerie, there are stores out there that cater to them, like Target and Costco. I don’t feel we should have to lower our standards for fatties.”

“Fat people are super gross,” said Victoria’s Secret model Isabelle Stanford. “If you’re a size two or more, you should really be shopping at Wal-Mart, not Victoria’s Secret. I don’t eat or sleep, and I exercise all day just to be a role model for women everywhere. If you want to look sexy like me and wear Victoria’s Secret lingerie, just work out more, eat less and a little bump here and there doesn’t hurt either.”

“There ain’t nothing sexy about a fat chick in a thong,” said Carmine Classi, a customer in the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. ”My wife puts on one of those expensive Vicki Secret panties, and I can’t even see it under her fat rolls, so what’s the point? I never did mind taking her to the stores though, because I could check out all the hotties working and shopping in there, the ones wearing them thongs and yoga pants, mmm mmm! But now I won’t even be able to do that? Thanks, Victoria’s Secret.”

New Poll Shows 64% Of Men Enjoy Watching Ugly Chicks Getting Punched In The Face

Posted on November 24, 2014 by IamShado2

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

A new online poll has shown that at least 64% of men enjoy watching ugly chicks getting punched in the face repeatedly.

The poll is confirmed by the recent upward trend in popularity of women’s mixed martial arts within organizations such as the UFC and Strikeforce.

Research has shown that the uglier the woman, the more men want to see her get punched in the face. Fighters such as Gina Corano score big ratings when they get their faces punched in, but when you pit her with an even uglier Cris Cyborg, the rating go through the roof, as was seen during their 2009 match-up.

But the question is, why do men love seeing ugly chicks getting punched so much?

Dr. Joseph Goldsmith, a Sports Psychologist at John F. Kennedy University, says that he may have an answer.

“Come on, Seriously? Who WOULDN’T want to see an ugly chick get punched?” said Dr. Goldsmith. “I mean, you don’t have to be a psychologist to figure that out. Men love violence and they also hate looking at ugly things. When you go out to Taco Bell and there’s a fat chick stuffing her face with chalupas, don’t you want to punch her in her chubby little pig face? I know I do.”

Fortune 500 Company Executive Speaks Out Against Sexism in the Workplace

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Bonnie Anderson

LOS ANGELES, California –

A Senior Vice-President at a prominent Fortune 500 Los Angeles firm wrote in an email to the L.A. Times that he is “fed up” with sexism in the workplace. The executive, who asked that his company not be named, and signed the email simply as “Howard,” has some extreme examples for what he feels would be a positive step to eliminating sexism in the workplace.

“It’s gotten downright out of control,” Howard writes in his letter to the Times. “Whenever I express myself in an aggressive way, I’m perceived as an ass—-. But when a woman is aggressive, people say she’s just ‘assertive.’”

“What’s worse,” he continues, “is the ‘glass ceiling’ debacle. As a direct result of Janine over in Corporate Finance beating me out of my promotion to CEO, I can’t afford to install the skylight I’ve always wanted on the fourth floor of my Summer estate. It’s so depressing I can’t bring myself to vacation there. Just this once, I wanted a damn glass ceiling.”

Apparently it isn’t just Howard suffering a financial strain as a result of corporate sexism—it’s also his company. He claims that, “It’s one thing for women to take our jobs, but equal pay too? The amount we are paying our female staff has led to budget cuts resulting in my flying business class instead of first class on business trips, and I’m forced to stay in dismal 4-star accommodations that don’t even have a minibar.”

Howard also points out the undue consideration given his female colleagues when it comes to the use of office space, citing as an example the recent conversion of the office billiards room to a breast-feeding room: “Why can’t we just buy a porta-potty for that? Isn’t how they do it at football games?”

He continues, arguing that sexism is forcing men to settle for traditionally “male” roles such as a blacksmith or a shoeshine boy.

The contents of Howard’s email, however, didn’t contain mere complaints—He also proposed a solution to what he deems this “silent epidemic.”

“Simply put,” he states, “all of these issues can be stopped in their tracks and prevented by placing a ban on ‘Bring Your Daughter to Work Day’ in corporate workplaces. If they don’t know about work, they can’t eventually get into the workplace. Easy-peasy.”

Howard says that he plans to start a Facebook page dedicated to the movement he refers to as MESI (Men for the End of Sexual Injustice).

Women of Duck Dynasty To Appear In Nude Calendar

Posted on June 2, 2014 by A. Michael Smith

CHICAGO — Mrs. Phil Robertson AKA Miss Kay has just announced that Willie’s wife Korie and Jase’s wife Missy have agreed to appear in a 2015 Calendar to be named The Women of Duck Dynasty.

Kay said that Jeptha’s wife Jessica, who is a model, will also be gracing the pages of the calendar.

Miss Kay spoke with Pia Confetti, a reporter with Celebrity Globe Magazine and said that the women are all very excited.

She pointed out that the photos will not be totally nude but they will be about as close to being nude as a flea’s belly button is to its mouth.

Korie Robertson said that she was told that the photo shoot will be shot by the world’s number one photographer Picasso Mandolin.

Missy at first expressed concern that she felt that she would be too bashful to shed her clothes. She confessed to her husband Jase that she did not think she could go through with it.

He then told her what she would be getting paid and she yelled out, “Hot diggity dog, now where the hell is that picture-takin’ man at?”

Jessica was on board from the very beginning. He husband Jeptha told Miss Confetti that Jess has a fantastically sexy-looking body and she is not the least bit shy about showcasing it.

SIDENOTE: Miss Kay Robertson said that a portion of the proceeds from the sale of the calendar will be donated to The Bayou State Mosquito Spraying Agency.